I Will Be Happier in Twelve Weeks!
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- 09
Well, we’ll see. But I am experimenting with something new: optimism. And I figured the title of this post was a good start. And the exclamation point? A good sign! A good sign indeed! Wait, I might be happier already! This course is magic.
Course? Yes. As of Monday, all three of us Rowley girls are enrolled in some kind of school. Per the sappy quasi-novel I wrote on Monday, Toddler is an official preschooler. And Baby is now in three, yes three classes (I’m a pinch psycho). I mean she is eleven months and all babies this age should be in music, art, and gymnastics classes, right? Oh, and on the waiting list for that famous East Side enrichment class, right? Yes, this is the portrait of normal. Yes.
But the point here, my friends, is that I am back in school too! No, I don’t get to don cute little outfits and stroll hallways and slam lockers and cruise campus greens. My school is online. But it is school. And what am I studying? The Science of Happiness. Actually, the course is called Foundations of Positive Psychology and it’s a course that became wildly popular at Harvard and is now offered by the esteemed Tal Ben-Sharar at UPenn. (Many thanks to fellow blogger Samosas For One for pointing the way to this class!)
Anyway, we all know that (1) I am an incurable academic romantic; and (2) Struggling on a daily basis to define happiness (I write about it over and over and I read about it constantly); and (3) Optimism is a major theme of my next novel. So this class had my name written all over it.
And yet. I read through the course description, on how it focuses on positive emotions and “the good” and frankly, my cynical bells started chiming. To me, a jaded, oft pessimistic, city kid, this course just seemed like another self-help-esque motivational load of crap. I have nothing principled against the Self-Help movement, but I am suspicious of the silver bullet, quick fix prescriptive messages it tends to send. This is not me. I am not an Answer Girl. I am a Question Girl.
But then I dug a little deeper. I did my research and learned that Positive Psychology is in fact rooted in traditional psychology and in essence a reaction to its two historical paradigms (Humanism and Psychoanalysis). I learned that Positive Psychology focuses on, and examines, what is right with people, what contributes to optimal flourishing and happiness as opposed to the conventional focus on limitation and illness.
Anyway. I read and read and started nodding. I decided to go for it. And I am thrilled I did. In the first lecture, Professor Ben-Sharar told us why he does what he does. He explained that he was a computer science major at Harvard, that he was doing well socially and academically and athletically, that he had all of those quintessential external markers of success, but that he was not happy. At this realization, he decided that he needed to study why.
What is happiness? And can it be taught?
Anyway, I have been a student of his class for only a couple of days now. But I have already learned so much. And despite my deep doubts, despite my initial thought that the mere notion of a “science of happiness” is preposterous, I’m pumped. There is something to this. There is something to the idea of stripping away all of the excess that we accumulate over years of life and figuring out what is already there, what is basic, what is good.
Hey, if optimism can be learned, I am happy to be a student again. And you, my friends, are lucky. I will pass along bits and pieces of what I learn. And maybe, just maybe, by following my transformation (optimism, yay!) you will transform a bit too. Can’t hurt to hope, huh?
To prompt discussion, the Professor asked us a question. He asked us what we thought the best generators of happiness are. As a follow-up, he asked whether after just one lecture, our beliefs about happiness had evolved at all. This is what I wrote:
The best generators of happiness:
good conversation
being slapped with a new idea
seeing the poetry in the everyday
watching a stranger smile
connecting the scattered dots
being honest
being loved
loving
laughter
admitting defeat
admitting success
admitting struggle
bulldozing the facade
looking past the resume
nibbling on baby toes
asking questions and letting them echo
How have my thoughts changed? Not sure yet. But I am at once encouraged and inspired that there is this purported “science of happiness.” I love the idea that we aren’t relegated to that existential plot of earth on which we currently stand, that we can, with work, hard work, chip away at the excess stone of limitation and uncover our proverbial David.
My deep concern, one that I hope fades, is that focusing so intently on happiness will make it even more elusive. I have always felt that happiness is something that we stumble upon in leading what we deem to be good lives, in loving, and shrouding others with our love, in nurturing passions and ideas. My personal worry is that “studying” happiness will make it flee. I hope to be wrong.
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So, what do you think of this idea of there being a science of happiness? Are you skeptical like I first was? For you, what are the best generators of happiness?
Aidan – Really interesting stuff. Esp. the concerns about focusing on happiness making it more elusive. I definitely understand that fear. In a similar vein, today I am the featured guest blogger on my sister’s blog, Life in Pencil (www.lifeinpencil.com) and my post loosely ties into some of the questions you raise. Good luck with the course. I’ll be interested to see what your perspective is in 12 weeks! (Exclamation point!)
i’ll stay skeptical… but wish you the best.
I am not a religious, spiritual or new age-y kind of person but I like the idea of a science of hapiness. To me, living a happy life is the ultimate holy grail. I like the idea that there is something beyond all the traditional markers for success that makes people happy. It often strikes me that we are all so obsessed with getting ahead, from getting our kids into the best preschool to being a size zero to being the Alpha-whatever in our professions. Yet, there are many, many people who have stellar resumes from birth to present and yet still are miserable. Still, we persevere in search of “the best” for ourselves and our families. I admit I want my kids to go to great schools, and become successful professionals and I want more than I have right now. At the same time that I am constantly striving, I also know I have plenty and if my kids are happy adults, it really doesn’t matter if they become neurosurgeons or work at Duane Reade. But I am also not cool enough to be zen about this and let them watch tv in lieu of homework for example. Why do I/we do this “striving” even if we know it doesn’t mean happiness? I’m sure insecurity is a big part of it. I would love to take a class and figure this out but I’m too busy striving — at work, with the kids etc. I’m hoping if I stay a loyal ILI reader you’ll give me the free, convenient answer at the end of the course
! Good luck and enjoy!
I checked out the link; it seems like a lot of money for something that may or may not help you to become happier. To me, happiness can come from introspection. Constructive introspection, thinking about your goals, what you wanted as a kid (before external influences started affecting what you wanted), and whether your “markers of success” are really doing for you or not. I’m skeptical that universal principles can make everybody happy, we’re all very very different.
Gale – Just checked out the link. Wonderful post! Everyone go read it! http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/?p=794 I will certainly keep you and other ILI readers posted on what I learn over the next few months.
nic – welcome, fellow skeptic! Who knows, right?
D – You ask an interesting and important question. Why the incessant striving, the desperate reaching for those external markers of success if we know they don’t guarantee well-being?I don’t know. I too like the idea of there being a science of happiness although I’d be lying if I said my skepticism wasn’t still looming low over me. On some level, there being a science of happiness seems like there being a science of love. We will see. And, yes, I will pass along highlights of the course to all of you who stop by.
Kat – It is expensive. And I agree that there is something inherently off about in essence paying for happiness. I am curious enough about the subject, about the role of happiness (whatever it is) in my own life, and it is a topic I feel compelled to write about, so it seems worth it. But we will see. I agree that the price tag makes this “science” inaccessible to so many, so in the event that there are truly insightful lessons to learn (and there have been a few already), I plan to pass them along here. I echo your doubt that there are universal principles that apply to all of us, but I am going to be open-minded. You never know.
Great post…it’s so easy to lose optimism when bad news seems constant, or stress takes over. I love your list.
Also, I work mostly with college students, and we’re constantly approaching their development with positive psychology–i.e. getting students to focus on their strengths, and how to enhance them…rather than a constant focus on deficits. Another little step towards helping them on that path to happiness…now if only I could do the same for myself! Those who can’t do…teach, I suppose.
And thanks for your comment on my lovely sister Gale’s post today, and for the addition to your blogroll. We’re honored!
Well, I guess I better weigh in, too
When I studied counseling psychology in graduate school (with Anne), a big part of our studies was this emerging field of positive psychology…and I loved it. I’ve always resonated with the idea of building upon people’s strengths rather than breaking down their weaknesses. When I worked as a counselor, I typically found that approach to be more effective with clients. Very cool that you get to be a student in this neat field! Have you heard of “Stumbling on Happiness” by Daniel Gilbert? It’s a great read.
Well, I guess I better weigh in, too
When I studied counseling psychology in graduate school (with Anne), a big part of our studies was this emerging field of positive psychology…and I loved it. I’ve always resonated with the idea of building upon people’s strengths rather than breaking down their weaknesses. When I worked as a counselor, I typically found that approach to be more effective with clients. Very cool that you get to be a student in this neat field! Have you heard of “Stumbling on Happiness” by Daniel Gilbert? It’s a great read.