Comments on: You Are Not Happy

By: Happier Hours! | ivy league insecurities

Happier Hours! | ivy league insecurities — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 10:02:02 +0000

[...] in the Platonic, capital H species of well-being. Once upon a time, I penned a post called You Are Not Happy. And I stand by my assertion. You might be happy. But you are not Happy. All of this is to say that [...]

By: When I Grow Up – The Blog » Blog Archive » Link Love: Sept 2009

When I Grow Up – The Blog » Blog Archive » Link Love: Sept 2009 — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 14:31:40 +0000

[...] You Are Not Happy on Ivy League Insecurities [...]

By: Beth

Beth — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 16:08:56 +0000

Hmmm that’s something to chew on. I completely agree we are all chasing a pie in the sky that does not exist. I also feel our generation has gotten out of hand with our sense of entitlement. Happiness being one of those things people feel entitled to. You have to work on being happy, its not just going to knock on your door, and invite itself in. Well written, and thank you for the wonderful comment you left me.

By: Ronna Detrick

Ronna Detrick — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 23:33:11 +0000

Thanks for inviting us to peel back the veneer, name what’s true, and then live, live, live – truly, authentically, calling things as they are, and allowing ourselves to feel (and acknowledge) what we feel. My theory: when we can do that…even if it’s painful, messy, excruciating stuff…we’re closer to “happiness” than ever before (though I don’t think that’s really the goal).

Your post makes me happy. No veneer. Just truth.

By: Jess

Jess — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 22:14:52 +0000

I think one can be really “Happy.” Of course, it depends how you define it. To me, Happiness is not absolute nirvana, but instead a feeling of fulfillment, satisfaction and joy that permeates the day. Every second of my day is not spent in ecstatic bliss, true, but I honestly do feel “Happy” (gods, please don’t smite me). To me, thinking too long about whether I am Happy can only make things worse, tearing down positive feelings as opposed to enjoying each moment as it comes and moving on. Which means that my “Happy” day is probably the same as your “happier” day, but I just don’t dwell on it or turn it over in my mind. Not saying it is better or worse, just different I guess. And DBP, I still think Happiness is the presence of joy in various forms, as opposed to the absence of pain (because bland without joy doesn’t equal Happy for me), but then I just maintain my position from years past too. In either definition, whether it is zero pain or total perfect bliss, I think striving for an absolute is the problem. To me, Happiness does not equal being perfectly “Happy” all the time, it is more relaxed than that. Maybe I am just lazily Happy, but that works for me .

By: Tosh

Tosh — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 21:00:16 +0000

I remembered that I had some homemade, gluten free, chocolate cake in the freezer. Yum.

A happiness spectrum, I like that. I really like that.

By: Kat

Kat — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 20:48:03 +0000

Is it that we aren’t happy, or is it that it’s an unrealistic expectation to think you’ll be actively joyous every or most moments in your life, no matter how content and fulfilled you are?

By: Niki

Niki — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 20:08:15 +0000

You are absolutely correct, I am not happy, I’m not sure I’ve ever really thought I was truly and completely happy. But then again I am generally a depressed pessimist, so it’s not surprising! I’m just not sure what I’m going to do about making myself happier yet.

By: MyHormonesMadeMeDoIt

MyHormonesMadeMeDoIt — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 19:48:56 +0000

And here I was on the way to work thinking I am so happy, but you know, now I am thinking I was happier because I got up and worked out and happier still because I stopped and got a Pumpkin Spice latte, which made me happier still because I love when it is time for that flavor.

Thanks for the perspective, something to really think about.

By: DPS

DPS — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 19:47:16 +0000

Okay, so it’s been approximately nine years since we last had this conversation…but now having a little more life under my belt, I still maintain my position.

To me, happiness is still the absence of pain, and therefore at the moment I am happy (other than the tinge of a headache from working too much today). The point is that it is attainable because you’re trying to get to a point of zero or a lack of something….rather than getting a something of which you can never have enough. I think I get the same sense of liberation and freedom, from this realization as you do from your realization that you’re not happy. But here’s the thing…if you start thinking about the things that make you happier, then you’re always going to want more of them, and you’ll get sad when those things (like an amazing conversation, or a perfect vacation, an inspiring run or delicious meal) end, or go away…and when you’re worried about these things ending, or going away, or how to get more of them, you’re not really enjoying them anymore, and you’re not happy.

Oh dear….I think I may have explained that better last time under the influence of some pinot on a thursday night! But I still love having this conversation with you.