ILI Interview: Author Shari Storm
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I’ve said this before, but one of my very favorite aspects of blogging is the enlightening conversations it has facilitated with other authors and bloggers. One such author/blogger/financial industry exec/mother force? Shari Storm. Shari is the author of the recently-published book Motherhood Is the New MBA and also manages to find time to blog.
Shari was kind enough to answer some of my questions. I trust that you will agree with me that her answers are both insightful and intriguing. Enjoy!
Not only are you the author of the new book, Motherhood Is the New MBA , you have two MBAs – one MBA from Seattle University and your “Motherhood MBA.” How do the two work together to make you a better business person and also a better mother?
Shari: My university degree taught me invaluable lessons about business theory. A mentor of mine from my early 20’s told me to make sure I got a solid education in accounting, statistics and economics. That was great advice for a liberal arts, marketing person, like me.
But what my Motherhood MBA is teaching me is how to think on my feet. One of my favorite quotes is “You don’t know negotiation until you’ve got two kids and one piece of toffee.” It’s so true! Raising children exercises that part of your brain that makes decisions quickly.
Working moms are often faced with feelings of inadequacy–from not giving enough hours at the office to not spending enough time with the kids, not to mention getting any time to themselves or with their partners. And yet, you’ve written that there is such a think as work-life balance. What is the most important thing a working mom can do to be “balanced?”
Shari: I think moms are far too hard on themselves. Society has set unrealistic expectations for our performance at the office and at home. I mean, you look at some of the things we do with our kids now-a-days that our mothers and our grandmothers wouldn’t have dreamt of doing. Our moms were not afraid to let us be bored. They would tell us to go out and play in the yard. Today, we over-schedule and over-organize our lives. And moms bear the brunt of this in exhaustion and feelings of perpetual inadequacy.
I think the most important thing a working mom can do to be balanced is to believe she is balanced. In other words, telling herself she is doing a fine job, even if her kids aren’t in as many activities as other kids and even if she leaves the office earlier than her childless counterparts. Oh, and don’t listen to folks like Jack Welch.
Sometimes it seems as though there are two camps of women–the working moms and the stay-at-home-moms. How is your advice relevant for someone who is not in a traditional 9 to 5 job but still a mother?
Shari: In this economy, stay-at-home-moms are returning to the work place in record numbers (as their husbands get laid off) Conversely many working moms are returning to the stay-at-home role as they’ve been laid off. We are witnessing a great migration of roles. I hope all moms find that the time they spend with their children is never a professional liability. The lessons we learn from raising kids are lessons that make us better career women.
I have noticed that there are some mothers who act like they are CEOs of their families. They schedule classes and playdates like they are board meetings and conference calls. They adhere (or try to adhere) to rigid rules. In my estimation, nurturing a family is profoundly different than nurturing a business. Do you agree?
Shari: I think sometimes people forget that a business is really just a bunch of people. And whether we like the idea or not, people need nurturing to be their best performers.
My whole career, I’ve heard sports analogies when it comes to business and I’ve heard war analogies when it comes to business. I believe there is room for a metaphor that includes a more caring, encouraging framework – like the family.
Having said that, employees, like kids, want an environment that is predictable and safe. They want the people in charge of them to be consistent, fair and honest and they want to clearly understand expectations and consequences.
Personally, I found that having a child made me more creative and ambitious. Perhaps this is so because I suddenly felt compelled to set a strong example for my children? Did you feel this way?
Shari: Ah! I am so glad you asked this question. I love it. YES! I found I was tremendously more creative and that I had a lot more energy for all sorts of things. You must read the phenomenal book by Pulitzer Prize winner Katherine Ellison called The Mommy Brain: How Motherhood Makes Us Smarter. She provides scientific backing to the idea that raising kids makes us braver, more cunning and better able to handle stressful situations.
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Thank you, Shari! Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions and to share your well-honed instincts and insights on important questions about navigating the overlapping worlds of parenthood and career.
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Do you agree with Shari’s basic premise that parenthood sharpens our business or professional skills? Do you agree that we modern parents are often too hard on ourselves? Do you agree that believing we are balanced is an important part of being balanced? Do you believe that balance exists, or do you think it is an ephemeral ideal that will consistently elude us?
I used to work in the business school at Seattle University as an adviser, so it was neat to see what one of the alumnas is doing with her degree! I’m not a parent, but still sounds like an interesting read.
Greetings Aidan (love your name, by the way!)!
Came over from White Hot Truth…
I think your philosophy and blog are brilliant. You have a new follower…
Thank you for sharing Shari with us today. I absolutely believe that because I have been a working mother I am more creative, ambitious, inspired and exhausted. My children are self-sufficient, confident, loved and lousy at housework, just like me. I feel that my time working, playing, volunteering and starting my own jewelry design business has made me a great role model for them. I do not believe in overscheduling or micromanaging my family. I have always said that I would rather my kids remembered that I was never too busy to get down on the ground and watch a caterpillar crawling, lie in the grass and watch the clouds roll by, get my hands dirty with clay than to have the cleanest house on the block. Sure, my kids do activities, but only if they are really interested in it, not if I want them to do it.
Thank you so much for your inspiration today!
Enjoy the day!
Erin
“Our moms were not afraid to let us be bored.”
I think this is such a key part of raising a balanced family. Boredom forces kids to be creative and independent. I believe (based on my adult observations of kids, and on my own recollections from childhood) that there can be much more satisfaction reaped from something you did yourself – creating a craft, making up a game, getting dirty in the back yard, etc. – than from simply executing the steps of a project or activity that someone else has laid out for you. When kids are left to their own devices they may be bored at first, but they will learn to invent, pretend, use their own judgement, and make their own decisions. And those are very self-actualizing things for a child to experience.
Very informative, but as one of those laid-off two MBA moms, there is no question that one’s professional life will suffer as time goes on. Work-life balance remains a troublesome issue in this country. We have no infrastructure, in particular for single parents, to support efforts to be involved and active in our kids’ lives, and still pay the bills.
Nonetheless, this sounds like a wonderful book, with a helpful perspective. Thanks for sharing, Aidan.
I think I would like to read this book! What struck me was the comment that our moms weren’t afraid for us to be bored.
I was just thinking last night how my child seems to be conditioned to think that *something* is always going on: “mom, after school what are we going to do?” “Mom, after dinner, are we gonna read or color or watch a movie or…?”. It is actually neverending, and sometimes I feel like I am doing her a dis-service by not allowing her to just BE, so we are working on that.
Also, I completely agree that having a child has really made me more creative. I have found strengths and interests within myself that I didn’t know existed, prior to my girl being born.
I’ve always been a great believer in “down time” for my children. When we have those moments when the kids go “I’m bored” my answer is..enjoy the boredom. You will one day be an adult and long for a boring day! They are 14 and 11 so they usually just look at me and walk away!
And I agree that since I have children I have never been so creative, ambitious and have found energy I never knew existed.
I enjoyed reading the post today..thanks!
I draw on my experience as a parent often in my career. I am constantly struck by the number of smart, accomplished lawyers who act like poorly behaved toddlers. As a result, I have learned to channel my parenting skill set to deal with my adversaries when they act inappropriately or attempt to make me lose my temper. I take a deep breath, I calmly explain to them that their behavior is not serving any useful purpose and I will wait until they are ready to speak in normal tones. I have more patience to stick with my long term goal and wait them out, something I definitely mastered as a mom.
I believe in balance, think for the most part I have it, though I am currently a bit skewed towards work and I miss not being with my kids every night to tuck them in. However, I am not a believer in “I think therefore I am.” Balance takes work and it takes luck, finding something you love that is compatible with being there for your family. I believe in giving myself a break, though my work schedule is hard on all of us right now, we all understand that things will slow down again and we will have more time together. As long as everyone in the family supports each other in their endeavors, it all works. That’s what we strive to do and I am lucky enough to have with my family.
Do you agree with Shari’s basic premise that parenthood sharpens our business or professional skills?
Yes, if you use your brain to parent and not just your emotions then I would agree.
Do you agree that we modern parents are often too hard on ourselves?
Absolutely! Too much pressure to do it all. We complicate things for ourselves.
Do you agree that believing we are balanced is an important part of being balanced?
Yes. Those things we tell ourselves we tend to believe so tell yourself something good:)
Do you believe that balance exists, or do you think it is an ephemeral ideal that will consistently elude us?
I think it comes and goes according to what is happening in our lives. The ups and downs. But I find that if I can keep my thoughts balanced that helps me move through the day despite the external changes. I have given up on trying to get it all together and that was a good decision. I have tried in the past year to “trim the fat” from my life so I could claim time for something great. One of my favorite saying is “The biggest enemy of great is good.” Maybe moms, working moms, at home moms, all moms have tried to do too many good things, instead of focusing on a couple of great things. I know that when I stay focused I am a much better wife and mother. And I am certain when I return to the work force I will have much more confidence.
The book looks very interesting and what a striking cover! Enjoyed clicking over to your blog and web site. Could I just sigh at the site of an author at a book signing with a stack of her books beside her?
As always, another post that made me think and then ramble on in the comment section.
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Motherhood sharpened every skill I have. I was always surprised that employers questioned a gap in a woman’s resume, for the time spent child rearing. Because those skills are priceless.