Lunch with Cyndi Lauper
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I forgot to tell you about my lunch with Cyndi Lauper. It was great. It was very casual and comfortable. Cyndi didn’t wear a stitch of makeup. Her white hair was still workout wet and pulled back into a tiny ponytail. The food was fantastic. I had the burger. With blue cheese. (No, detail mavens, the burger above does not have blue. I looked, but couldn’t find a picture with oozing blue. Please know I tried.)
At our lunch, Cyndi and I didn’t talk much.
We didn’t talk much because we were at different tables. Whatever. My lunch was still technically with Cyndi. Look up “with” in the dictionary. It doesn’t say “at the same table,” does it? No. So, technically I am not lying. Nor am I exaggerating the truth, capitalizing on our culture’s celebrity obsession, so you read my blog post. I would never do that.
Okay. Time for the non-sarcaustic truth (I must remind myself that sarcasm is caustic). Weeks ago, I had lunch with Mom and Sister C and Baby Bulldog at a neighborhood favorite The West Branch. And I did have the burger. Yes, with blue cheese. And the lovely Cyndi was mere feet from us, chatting with a woman in a suit whom I assume was her agent. So there. I’m not a total liar and celebrity stalker. At this lunch, Mom made a big announcement. Sister T, my baby sister, now a senior at Yale, is Phi Beta Kappa. No, people, that’s not a sorority. It’s an academic honor of the highest order. One that I did not get.
Sob.
When Mom announced this news between bites of her club sandwich, I looked at Sister C. I studied her face for the envy I was sure would appear. But it didn’t. And then I realized something.
“Wait,” I said to C. “You were Phi Beta Kappa too, right?”
She bounced her cute baby and nodded. “Yes,” she said humbly. “But I didn’t get it until second semester.”
I nodded and sipped my water silently, marveling at levels of genius among my sisters and the celebrity in my midst. And I decided that I was far more starstruck by my little sisters than I was by the singer one table away. It was a no-brainer.
And then I realized something. Something major. For the first time in a long time, maybe ever, I did not feel competitive with my sisters. When I heard of T’s accomplishment, I was authentically and purely proud. Nothing more. This is big. In my family, my amazing family, competition is a given, a constant. We love each other, yes. But we compare ourselves to one another. Or at least I do. And I am sure I will continue to do this. Loving competition is part of being close.
But for once, I didn’t feel it. That fierce flash of envy, that stabbing insecurity. No, I just felt proud. Very proud.
Rock on, T.
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Do you have siblings? Were you competitive with them growing up? Are you still competitive with them on some level? Do you think competition is something we outgrow? Or do we evolve to compete over different things?
Clearly, Ivy and competition is part of your life, and part of your family. I’d be interested in you input on my recent musings about kids, competition, and college. Certainly, the ivies are a rarified environment, and for that matter, any of the top 40 or 50 schools in the nation are as well.
Your kids are a ways off from college prep, but I’d be surprised if you arn’t already thinking the right pre-schools (especially in NYC), and so on.
Thoughts on competition, competitiveness, sibling rivalry, and the realities of the collegiate landscape in the 21st century great recession?
(Pop by my post today to read more.) BLW
Oh, how I can relate. My little sister. The one with the PhD. The one who was also Phi Beta Kappa. The one who graduated college with a 4.0 GPA (and that was on a +/- system, meaning that she never even got an A-, only A or A+). Yes, there were absolutely times when I was jealous of her academic accomplishments. (I was always an A/B student.)
But, the great thing about being her sister (instead of being a mere acquaintance or casual friend) is that I was privy to the reality behind the report cards. And that reality is this: She was always proud of her accomplishments (and rightly so). But they weren’t the be-all, end-all of her happiness. There were also boy troubles, car wrecks, and friendship fallouts. Good books, summers abroad, and fun nights with friends. She isn’t one-dimensional and while I may have envied her academic abilities, there is much more to her than term papers and final exams. And there’s more to me as well.
First of all, how cool to see Cyndi Lauper!!!
Secondly, yeah, my sister will admit to this day that she was always ragingly jealous of me. And I, of her, but in minute ways that she wouldn’t notice.
We’re closer today but still not the best of friends. We’re very different and life keeps us from each other. And though we’ve both grown into amazing, strong, successful women, I still detect the defense when I playfully pick on her. Underneath all of her beauty and success, there is still insecurity. Maybe she’s successful to overcompensate for it.
(Ok, wow, that could be a whole other blog post.)
Thank you so much A. I love you!
I have two sisters and I am surprised to say that I wasn’t competitive with them growing up. But I was the first born and always thought I was the best and knew it all and was in charge. Maybe I didn’t sense the competition?
We 3 aren’t competitive AT ALL now. My sisters are my biggest fans and I feel the same about them. Thankfully I’ve grown out of (most of) my bossy ways and we have a great relationship. Sisters rock!
Great about Sister T!!! No envy necessary. YOU are a star in everyone’s eyes.
If those hamburgers at West Branch make you so thin, I am heading over there this afternoon after my Weight Watchers meeting.
Well told! And yes, I had sister envy – but it’s gone now. With my sister, on the other hand, she still has it for me, which I find odd. It rears it’s ugly head every once in a blue moon. But when she and I were younger? We both swam. It was my passion. She had the talent. And we were both good – but she, alas, was better than I and she was 16 months younger. I’m not talking best in your summer league good, I’m talking making it to Nationals good. But she was break records good. I actually had a parent of a fellow swimmer say to me, “How does it feel to have your baby sister beat you?”