Comments on: Not Wanting Kids = A Different Language

By: Ellen

Ellen — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 05:38:14 +0000

More and more Americans will decide against having children. Soon, it won’t be such a taboo subject.

By: Ellen

Ellen — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 05:36:55 +0000

I can think of something sadder: someone as shallow, idiotic, and judgmental as you.

By: Emily

Emily — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 20:42:17 +0000

I’m the oldest of 6 kids. I think I started changing diapers when I was …8?? younger??? I love my siblings. I love my little niece. But I don’t want kids. I’ve known this since high school and now on the brink of 30, I’ve never waivered, even though now I’m all grown up. Married. Happy. Childless.

So many times, I’ve gotten the “you’ll change your mind” speech from women who were either older than me or new parents themselves. It’s hard to be told someone else knows your deepest desires better than you know them yourself. So I’ve stopped answering this one as honestly as I used to. My husband and I have a divirse, organic, family farm, so when the question is raised I just tell the asker all about my kid goats, or lambs, or piglets, etc. You are right…”I don’t want kids, ever” is a statement in a forign language to many.

By: Annie

Annie — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 03:51:11 +0000

I have been looking for a discussion like this for some time, as I feel uncomfortable bringing up a topic like this with people I know who I worry will judge me.

I am 30, married, and always assumed that I would have children because it is what is expected and what I thought I wanted. However, the older I get and the more friends I have with children, the less I want them.

The problem? My husband and I married under the assumption that we would have a family one day. Now, he is much more interested in starting a family than I am. I don’t feel like it is fair for me to change the game plan this late in the game. It is not fair to him; it seems like I have tricked him or been dishonest, but it’s simply that my feelings have changed.

Every day, I wonder if I should go along with starting a family to preserve our marriage and the agreement we made. There seem to be no good choices.

By: papuzka

papuzka — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 00:34:32 +0000

I’m female and 57-years-old, never married. While it would have been nice to have someone to spend my life with, I have never had an interest in having children. There aren’t any negative feelings in me about children, or mothers, but I just don’t have maternal instincts.

I do care a great deal about helping other people, so my nurturing instincts are present. I just don’t have baby genes.

By: Celeste

Celeste — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 00:14:04 +0000

Dora, that is such a narrow (and dare I say bitter?) point of view. It’s shocking.

I suppose there will always be people who think like you. Such is life.

By: Dora

Dora — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 01:59:00 +0000

I am judgmental about women who don’t want children. I see them as selfish children themselves. And I feel sorry for them because I can’t really imaging how empty their lives must be. Especially when they get old. Nothing sadder than an old childless woman with cats.

By: Nikki

Nikki — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:18:56 +0000

I read through every single comment. I’m constantly on the search for an opinion that will make things clear for me. I always thought I wanted children, and my Husband doesn’t seem to care either way at the moment. But life goals have changed my views. Not to mention my fear of the state of the world and not messing said child up. At this point I’m just thrilled to have a choice (despite pressure from future grandparents)! Thank you for your insightful post.

By: Amy

Amy — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 21:10:33 +0000

I am childfree, but my answer re: why I don’t want kids is different from your friend’s. “She told me more about all of the things she wants to do, and the places she wants to visit, and the breed of freedom she wants to protect.”

I see those things as the positive side effects I get to enjoy b/c I decided not to have kids. I don’t want kids b/c I don’t really enjoy being around children, and I don’t feel any desire to have them. Yes, since I’m not having kids I get to visit different places and sleep late, etc., but I can’t imagine how someone who really wanted kids would decide against it so she could travel more.

By: mick

mick — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 19:39:57 +0000

I’m cruising the archives, new to this fascinating site and I just had to add in:

Been there and done all that being 40 and childless. I must be keeping up well because most people keep assuming I’m safe-childbearing age and are surprised when I give my age in a “you’ll change your mind” conversation. But what usually stops them is this:

I heard a long time ago that a way to judge how good a parent you will be is to get a cat and houseplant….and if anyone has seen (and usually someone in the crowd has) my mangy cats and scraggly houseplants, they would understand why the universe had not given me the desire for children. Usually the in-the-know person drops an appropriate comment and we all change the subject in a gale of laughter.

I’d rather raise no crop (or a different crop–I’m better at other things) than a poor crop. Young stepkids during the summers and one bottle fed kitten (if a feeding every 4 hours for three weeks nearly killed me, what would an infant human do?) ended that inner discussion a long time ago. Nope, not me; glad ya’ll are perpetuating the species because it wouldn’t forward the species any for me to handle the job.

Cheers!