Sunday Science
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If you know me or this blog at all, you know that Sunday is not my day. For whatever reason, my anxiety spikes on Sundays. Now, I do not hate anxiety. It is part of my basic language, my ABC’s. I think it is part of what it means to be human. Like Mr. Kierkegaard, I believe that “anxiety is the dizziness of freedom” and like T.S. Eliot I believe that “anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity.” Freedom and creativity? These are not terrible things. We all want these things. It’s just that feeling anxious – even if it is a symptom of liberty and intimately connected to ingenuity – is not always fun. I might not be Soren or T.S., but I can come up with a fancy quote too. Here it is.
“Feeling anxious sucks.”
I will give you a moment to let my utterly eloquent words sink in. Okay, time’s up. Please know that I don’t particularly like the word ‘suck.’ To me, it is not a nice word. To me, it is an example of faux profanity. It’s a word I do not say in front of my girls. It’s a word I don’t say often. But here I am saying it. Why? Because feeling anxious sucks. It does.
Instead of succumbing to the waves of anxiety that buffeted me today, I took action. I conducted research. Research? Yes. Super scientific research online. I asked a number of anonymous strangers over at YouBeMom the following question:
We are all anxious, but we deal with anxiety in different ways. How do you cope?
- Exercise, exercise, exercise [Ditto plus alcohol and prayer (not always in that order)]
- Therapy, and Halo [Halo? Xbox. It feels good to blow things up. Oh! LOL! I thought it was some new antidepressant or something
] - I really go nuts if I don’t work out
- 7-8 dance classes per week
- Therapy, occasional valium, Robert Pattinson
- I call on my intellect [Does it ever answer? Naturally
What are you anxious about?] - Lexapro
- Zoloft and wine [Ditto but with a side of Valium]
- Escapism
As I am sure you guessed (you ILI readers are smarties), the replies are listed above. In brackets, I indicated follow-up conversations. It turns out that, yes, there are others who experience anxiety (and are online chit-chatting about it on a Sunday afternoon). It also turns out that people cope with anxiety in many different ways, from exercising to playing video games to praying to taking prescription drugs. Personally, I have been known to deal with anxiety in myriad ways, some healthier than others – from hitting the elliptical machine to diving into a good novel to pouring Pinot to looking at pictures of my girls to writing.
One of the anonymous strangers who unknowingly participated in my exceedingly empirical poll above asked what I was anxious about. A fair question. Is it a bad sign that it would be far easier for me to list the things about which I am not anxious at the moment? (Nothing.) Maybe. But telling you that I am anxious about everything under the sun (while true) would be a little bit of a cop-out. So, anonymous stranger, here you go. Here’s an abridged list of all of the things I am worrying about at this lovely moment in time, in no particular order: cow’s milk allergies, Toddler tears, book deadlines, finances, kitchen countertops, future children, swine flu, calories in candy corn, unreturned emails, unbought airline tickets, the long-term effects of Splenda and cell phones and blogging.
There you have it. Just a taste. Yummy. Thankfully, writing this blog post, taking a few minutes to be honest with you and me, regaling you with my neuroses du jour has made me feel a little less anxious, a little less dizzy. It’s a start!
What are you anxious about on this very first day of November? How do you cope with anxiety when it crops up in your life?
I can’t help you with all of your anxieties. But I have suggestions for a few of them:
Kitchen countertops – get granite in a pattern that doesn’t hide dirt, otherwise you’ll never know when they’re clean or dirty.
Calories in candy corn – Net calorie intake = 0. Calories are offset by benefits to you soul derived from candy corn consumption.
Swine Flu – Keep pestering your kids’ ped’s office until the vaccine comes in.
Future Children – Keep working on Husband. He’ll cave on Baby #4 sooner or later.
Unreturned e-mails – No sweat. Anyone who knows you well enough to be e-mailing you knows your life is crazy and to cut you some slack.
Unbought airline tickets – Expedia.com
As for me, we got 10 inches of rain in October and now we have a leak in our basement floor. This means that we will almost certainly have to move out the furniture, pull up the carpet, jackhammer into the floor, and replace 75-year-old iron floor pipes. This will also almost certainly cost umpty-thousand dollars. I cope with it by thinking of the future relief I will have in not cringing every time it rains…
This is an easy question to which, I am not the least bit anxious about responding. I am sitting here, in my office in my 4th hour away from my children on a Sunday preparing for my case that statrs 2 weeks from tomorrow. I am anxious about screwing it up in the following ways (1)forgetting to do something big or small, (2) not anticipating my adversary’s strategies and how to defeat them, (3) being too tired to care about the first two. I am also anxious that am going to be relying on “auto-mother” the next 3 months while I do this case (which means my husband, nanny and mother will chiefly be responsible to make sure the kids’ permission slips are signed, they haven’t descended into drug addiction etc). I adore my nanny and love my mom and husband deeply and respect them immensely. I am also a control freak and I suppose I am anxious about losing control but I must relinquish some if I am to get through this successfully.
!
I haven’t even thought about swine flu (beyond getting the kids vaccinated next week) or our finances or the usual stuff. I think I am anxious that I forgot about that stuff too
I look forward to getting back to my regularly scheduled anxieties! Okay, getting back to the drudge so I can see my kids for dinner. Thanks for the thought provoking break, oddly I feel better albeit hyper-aware of how anxious I am!
D – it sounds like you could really use some candy corn!
Lol! Thanks Gale! I really could, though I am more of a chocolate person
!
Only anxious about having been away from the computer for 3 days which means that’s pages of editing that didn’t get done. There’s always tomorrow right? That doesn’t really help. But the anxiety-inducing 3 days were spent with my boys and living in the moment so that part does help:)
Oh and then I start thinking that if I’m only anxious about one thing I have obviously overlooked something I should be anxious about, now I’m feeling anxious.
See you can’t win so cope! Which I do with prayer, perspective and sweet iced tea. Wish I could say exercise but that would be lying.
I don’t even know where to start my response to this one. Anxiety and I are close chums now. Currently I am worrying about the day long chemo. appointment for my 2 year old tomorrow. And then the appointments that follow every day for 2 weeks.
Anxiety has become a huge issue for me as of late, I have started unconsciously picking my face and scalp….ew, gross I know. I have not done this since I was a preteen. To cope I take medicine when I need it, or exercise, or just get myself out of the house and away from everything and everyone.
I view anxiety to be like a temporary sickness that one must patiently allow itself to ride out into healthiness. It should clearly be embraced, as you say, though the sickness and being sick does “suck.” But in its end, hopefully the patient will be rewarded with new found wisdom and courage. On this subject Rilke would also say on the subject that “if an anxiety, like light and cloud-shadows, moves over your hands and over everything you do… You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand and will not let you fall.”