Profanity Insanity
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Once upon a time, there was a young girl. A smart girl. Savvy in her own way. She wandered the halls of her world with a proud and predictable mixture of confidence and naivete. She had strong and snappy reactions to things. To people. To events. To disappointments. She peppered her sentences and thoughts, otherwise marginally eloquent, with words she was raised never to utter. For her, consciously or no, profanity was a calculated crutch. A land to go when things were not fair or favorable. For her, these words had a certain essence of power, of irreverence, of rebellion. In whispering these words, in screaming them sometimes, she felt a little more alive and a little less alone. In cursing the cosmos, she felt a slippery modicum of control.
But something happened to this girl. She grew up. And under the firm grasp of Time, she changed. Her evolution was profound, if not apparent to her. Her eyes opened to new things. Her mind processed the world in a different pattern. Where she once saw blacks and whites and mighty flames, she now saw more subtle hues, a benign blur of endearing embers that were there to warm, not burn. She felt new things, pure things. Like love. She hungered for new fare. For hand-holding over running, for praise over scorn, for harmony over discord. She didn’t notice it, but her language shifted with her. Her words changed shape. They became less barbed.
And then there came a time, a natural time, to add to this world. To create and recreate. To the inscrutable world, she contributed her own splash of color. And a baby was born. And in a quiet instant, her tongue was transformed. Her words grew a bit softer, more subtle. Her sentences grew more complex, studded with jewels of reality and longing and love. She knew she was different and yet she didn’t know. And then. Another baby. More color. Another aspect. Another angle. The world was a good place and a precarious place and her place. In her mind, she played with words, mixing and mincing them. But they were different words. Sometimes clumsy. But now always clean.
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Do you swear? If so, why? Out of habit or choice or anger or something else? Do you swear less than you used to? Do you think that happy people swear less often or do you think that there is no ready link between profanity and well-being? Do you think finding love or loving life or having kids are natural antidotes to profanity?
I had hoped having a baby would limit my swearing, but it didn’t. Then my new year’s resolution was to quit using profanity, but by 8:15 AM, I had said several words that aren’t too pretty.
I think it’s just habit, because I consider myself pretty darn happy!
That is exactly what I was going to write, great minds think alike
. I was raised in a swearing household and then worked in a swearing environment for years, I just can’t undo it. It has been a New Year’s resolution 3 times now, I finally gave up! Oh well, too f’n bad 
.
I have sworn like a truck driver for a VERY long time. But I’m more mindful about it now. It doesn’t come up as much in normal, everday conversations. Now that I think about it, it’s only when I’m trying to express extreme irritation at something. Like when I’m driving – anywhere.
Or when I’m trying to insert a little shock value into a blog post.
But that’s still progress right?
Lately I’ve actually become quite enamored of old school phrases like “Jeez Louise” and “Cheese and Rice.” Now that everyone swears, I’m losing interest and reverting. I like to be different, even if that means dorky.
Are you picturing me in a cardigan with a chain around my neck to keep track of my glasses?
i was born to cuss… out of anger and out of joy.
I TRY not to cuss in front of my kids. TRY. Not always successful.
Much to my mother’s dismay, I have a very colorful vocabulary. Even when I write
Kids are the main REASON for profanity. (Seriously, chewing gum on the beagle AGAIN?) WTF?
It gives my daughter a little moral superiority. She never swears, so it makes her feel righteous when she’s throwing dishes to point out that I ‘said a bad word’.
Like you, my language has softened over time. That was due, in part, to becoming a mother, but also to the way my words shape me. I find that my views and feelings about things are influenced by my language. And as I’ve worked to minimize the number of swear words that pass my lips, I’ve become more relaxed, more tolerant, and more even-tempered.
That said, there are moments when nothing fits the bill quite like a swear word. And I’m not opposed to indulging from time to time.
I swear. I try not to, but sometimes I can’t help myself. I swear mostly out of anger, but also a little bit out of habit. A habit that I developed in high school when I thought it was cool to swear because all the cooler kids were doing it. Perhaps how I ended up smoking pot and drinking too, but that’s neither here nor there.
Where was I? Oh yes, swearing. There are times when I try very hard not to swear and am usually successful – they are (1) in the company of people I have just recently met; (2) at work in front of people who I don’t know very well; (3) in front of children; and (4) in front of my parents. Extreme anger can trump the best of intentions however.
I also find that as I get older, I have mellowed. This includes the fuse on my temper getting much longer and losing my desire to “scream” during “fights.”
I am not sure swearing is as much correlated to happiness as it is to personality. I think some people are born swearers and some are not.
My favourite post of yours yet. Delightfully written, rolled off the tongue in my head like a dainty little steam engine…
I wish I didn’t swear as much as do. Not that I swear much, but little outbursts come out when I’m frustrated, like when trying to wrap food in cling-film…
Actually, my little daughter shows similar personality traits, not that we let her near cling-film, but you know what I mean.
i grew up never cussing. strict christian home and schools…i just never did it. after i got married and left home i started to a little more. and now i do it more often BUT rarely outloud…but usually always written. i don’t really like it though for me. it doesn’t suit me, you know? but when i’m angry…i do it because i feel better when i do lol
Its funny but whenever my sister gets irritated or angry around her kids, she swears in a different language so they won’t understand. She does use tame words though.
Hmm, fascinating post and comments will have me sounding like “goody two-shoes” but I don’t swear and never have. Guess my feeling is “what’s the point?”
I believe in full use of the English language. And the French language. But try to take my surroundings into context. I don’t like to offend. On the other hand, some expressions are absolutely suitable. And fun. And appropriate. Full use of language, appropriately.
This will sound bad but I generally don’t even notice if I’m cursing! I think I must automatically curtail it in “polite” company or situations though because sometimes people are surprised to hear me just talking with friends, a little saltier.
I don’t think I especially use cursing when I’m angry or unhappy or trying to “shock,” it just sort of comes out in everyday conversation. I did date someone once who didn’t like for girls to curse — that always seemed weird and sort of an archaic distinction to make to me!
My Mom told me those words were reserved for angry times. So I only use them for moments of anger (not at someone usually), or when I want my husband to know that I really mean something…because for some reason that’s the only way he gets it.
I know a couple of people that use it as everyday language and I don’t enjoy it. Especially when they use it on people…it makes them sound uneducated, and there really are so many other word choices.
haha! doesn’t everyone go through a phase in their life where they curse?
boy did i. but i got over it, when i started not feeling like a lady any more. so i don’t–at least not out loud. i use the f-word all the time inside my head, but never actually say it any more. sometimes there are just those moments when the only word that really feels right is something dirty, lol.
I swear really just for emphasis and effect. I’m usually uncomfortable swearing but really, at the right time, in the right moment, at the right person, it WORKS for me.
My daughter picks up on everything and repeats everything so I’m extra careful around her. The one thing I know I say is “oh jesus”. The first time it came out of her mouth, I wanted to scold her but I had a hard time because I knew she took it straight from me. I told her “oh geez” is better. She thinks Geez is Jesus’s nickname now.
I swear. It is just something I do. Worse than that, f*** tends to be a word I use a lot. I blame it on the Irish men I use to work for who use it in a different context than we Americans do.
An interesting thought to ponder. When I was teaching I swore much more than I do now. I have no idea why. I also blame the fact that I enjoy movies and television of the mature variety where the f word is used quite a bit. It was so bad that my husband and then 6 yr. old daughter had a jar that I had to put a quarter into every time I let one loose. After about 5 bucks (I’m pretty cheap) I was cured. That and the fact that I read somewhere those who swear are lacking in creativity. That hit a nerve.
In real life I curse like you wouldn’t believe. I do however have the modicum to hold my tongue around others. At home it’s a free for all. In some ways I find it liberating having grown up in a strict Pentecostal upbringing (hard to believe I know).
My daughter was always the parent in scolding me about bad words. Thankfully she never took up that habit from me.
When it comes to my writing…I’m so tempered it’s unbelievable. I’ll strive to explain an emotion in detail and not give into the curse. I remember Paul reading something I wrote and saying, “You know sometimes there is a place where a well meaning f bomb works.”
So I learned the subtle art of a curse word here and there in my writing. I think no matter how schooled you are, there are times nothing elicits the pain, anguish, or anger more so than a curse. (Hugs)Indigo
I try to swear only when the kids aren’t around. But it’s hard… sometimes you need to use a few choice words when the situation calls
In my experience, nothing can make even a well-meaning parent go back to swearing as quickly as a big-mouthed teenager. The good news is that, in my case at least, that was only during the really, really, bad days of my son’s 13th year. He’s becoming more human all the time.
I’ve always told my kids that swear words are the refuge of people who don’t know how to express themselves appropriately in English. If they don’t want to spend their lives slamming off of jobs saying “F this” etc., well, they’re going to have to give their thoughts better expression in words.
That being said, the hypocrite mom, well out of danger of ending up a stupid, hothead, underemployed bum, gets to swear a little, but just around adults.
I don’t swear…out loud. I do have my moments. You know those moments, when some idiot cuts you off and you have a car full of kids? Yes, those are the moments when my thoughts become a cesspool full of cuss words.
Yet, I have no trouble keeping my spoken words clean. I am trying to become more eloquent. The English language has so many beautiful adjectives, it is a matter of finding the perfect one to describe your situation.
“For hand-holding over running, for praise over scorn, for harmony over discord.”
I love seeing your transformation put into words.
I don’t use foul language. Never got into the habit. My parents didn’t allow us to say even “butt” and never “oh my God”. “Crap” was barely tolerated. They thought young ladies shouldn’t use foul language and they didn’t either. Some things stick. (I do say “butt” now, but not to my kids.)
Having kids around helps. And I do think happy people are less likely to cuss. If someone’s language is littered with trash talk, it makes me wonder what’s behind it?
I would have gotten an earth shattering spanking if I had ever sworn in front of my parents as a kid that plus living in a super conservative Christian community where only the really bad kids swore means that I pretty much only swear within the confines of my own head usually in surprise or at traffic.
Allysa – Welcome to ILI! Apologies for the delay of this reply. I think it is fascinating to think how our upbringings affect our habits and whether these habits translate seamlessly into adulthood. I think the concept of internal swearing is actually quite compelling. (Confession: I have been swearing within the confines of my own head a lot in the past few days!) Again, thank you for your comment. I hope you come back and often! (And I already see that you have in the past few days. Yay!)
I do, with relish. If you’ll allow me to hop on my high horse long enough to refute a couple of the prudish justifications other commenters made from theirs, this has nothing to do with my ability to express myself in either of the languages I speak fluently, my formal education is at a level reached by less than 1% of the American population, and I swear quite creatively, thank you. It can be turned on and off, and is about my sense of humor and frankness rather than anger, unhappiness, or a desire to be shocking or subversive. I’m much less likely to use these words in an argument than in a normal conversation, and it is extremely rare for me to turn them on another person. *dismounts*
That would’ve been so much more fun with a few curse words thrown in.
I grew up in a household where my parents never used profanity, but I definitely had my share of “rebellious” cursing in my teenage years and early twenties. Maybe it’s finding love, maybe it’s maturity, maybe it’s realizing that there is just no need to bring unnecessary ugliness into my life–because that is how profanity sounds to me now–incredibly harsh. I don’t know how it happened, it certainly wasn’t a conscious effort, but now I can’t even remember the last time I swore. And I’m glad I’ve gotten into the habit before kids come along.