Baby Before Bar
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Today Sister C sits for the first day of the New York Bar Exam. And I am nauseous. Not nauseous because I am worried she won’t pass. I think she will. Nauseous because I remember that exam all too well. Nauseous because those were two of the most torturous days of my youngish life.
And she hasn’t passed yet, but I am already so proud. I am proud because C has been studying hard, pulling late nights, and she has a young baby. Baby Bulldog is just six months old and C has been logging endless hours learning the bland intricacies of New York law (blech) when she could have been tickling tiny toes. I am proud because I know this hasn’t been easy.
So, yes. She got pregnant in law school. And gave birth a few months after graduation. Many would say that she should have graduated and taken the bar exam with her peers this past July. Many would say that she should have gotten the career rolling before popping out a delectably cute son. Many would say she did things out of order. That it should have been Bar before Baby and not the reverse.
But I disagree.
And not just because she is my sister and I love her to tiny pieces. I disagree on more objective, principled grounds. I think this society of ours is far too obsessed with its schedule of shoulds. Who says it is always better to firm up a career before starting a family? Who says we shouldn’t sometimes do things at the same time? Who says it is always better to wait?
Many people would say that Sister C should have waited. But you know what? She had the courage not to. When Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer two weeks before Sister C’s wedding, things changed. Our Donnelley world shifted. I think, I know, Sister C realized like I did that life has cruel limits, that days are unpredictably numbered. I think, I know, she realized that family is it. And so, she went for it. She battled morning sickness while studying at school. She donned a polyester cap and gown in her final trimester. She spent several weeks at a law firm before welcoming her little guy.
And today. Today, she will kiss her little boy goodbye and go sit at a desk somewhere in this fine city and fill in tiny bubbles and take a big step toward a big future that is blindingly bright, but unknown. And when the long day is over, she will go home. To her man. To her baby. To her family.
And then tomorrow, she will do it again. And then it will be over, mercifully over, and I will take her out. And we will celebrate. We will go to the right kind of bar and sip a tall glass of wine. We will talk about babies. About family. About futures. We will talk about life. How, like the bar exam, it is multiple choice. But how in life, there is more than one right answer.
We will clink glasses and smile.
Two lawyers. One past. One future.
Two sisters. Always.
Two moms. Forever.
And I will say then what I write now. That I am deeply proud of her. For being exquisitely brave. For doing things in her own way. In her own order. For blazing her own trail. For having a baby, an impossibly sweet baby, before taking that exam.
For not waiting.
_______________________________
Leave a comment and wish Sister C good luck! Do you agree that there is no such thing as out of order when it comes to life? That there is no objective schedule of achievement we should heed? Do you think that having a child before cultivating a career is brave or foolish? What are you waiting for?
ILI Daily Charms
* Do we lose ourselves in marriage? Stephanie Klein seems to think so. Click over to read her raw and searching post on the fate of self in the sea of commitment.
* Are pictures enough? Becca from Drama for Mama serves up a timely reminder that blogging isn’t such an empty endeavor and easy catharsis after all. Maybe there is a profound purpose in memorializing moments that might otherwise fade.
* Do therapists mess up their kids? Yes, according to Bruce over at Privilege of Parenting. But Bruce assures us that, “we ALL mess up our kids in our own unique ways.” Cheerio!
I’m proud of her too. Having a child first can seem nonsensical and illogical but that’s the way we’ve done it too and when you have tiny little toes to tickle it ALL makes perfect sense.
Hope to hear good news soon!
It all does make more sense when kids are in the picture. At least I feel this way. I noticed a huge surge in my creativity and professional clarity once I became a mom. I think it is a myth that parenthood necessarily hinders ambition and career.
She has my entire vault of support. I entered law school at age 40 with two teenagers in tow. Talk about out of order. I didn’t make it. But I will. Someday.
Someday is right. I wonder who determines what the order is? Is it us? Is it society? But aren’t we society? I am curious to know whether, over time, doing things in a variety of orders will become more acceptable and celebrated or whether there is truly an entrenched “natural ordering” to things that it is not within the purview of our control to shape?
Good luck, Sister C!
There is no order. I had a career after having children. I am now building a different career.
The important thing is knowing family first!
Family first indeed. That is, if you want a family. I have encountered a good number of people recently who do not want to start a family. As a young mom who is knee-deep in all things baby, this baffles me slightly. But I am realizing we all have very different dreams.
Good luck Sister C!!! I don’t even want to think about having to take another bar exam. UGH.
I do agree that each individual person has their own order and therefore, there is no one “right” order for everyone. I know that society and peers and parents and even stranger may like to tell us that there is a right way to do things, but in the absence of living someone else’s life, I can’t imagine why they would think they know how to better live my (or Sister C’s) life better than me (or her).
I also think objective schedule of achievements are getting a little ridiculous these days. And again, who is to say what my achievements should be or what achievements will make me happy other than me? I was having this discussion with a friend last night — we were discussing my job. Said friend’s father, sister and uncle are all lawyers. Sister just got offered a biglaw job which she declined. He said she was crazy, I said I’m glad she didn’t take it. He said I have a great job. I asked why. He said because he knows how much money I make. I said that was a ridiculous way to judge whether someone’s job is great. Does the money make it great when you are inherently miserable? Absolutely not. At least not in my opinion. And I was a little put off that he was trying to suggest that since society generally judges a high paying job with achievement and success and all of those things, that I automatically should want nothing else. GRRRRR.
Okay, back to regularly scheduled programming. I don’t know whether having a child before a career is brave or foolish. I think for different people it would be a different answer. But I also don’t think that I am in the position to judge anyone based on their family decisions. So if that is the right decision for Sister C, and I doubt she would have made it if it wasn’t, I think it’s neither brave nor foolish, it just is right for her.
I too think it is a bit ridiculous that the barometer of having a “good job” is still so often the paycheck. Practicality aside (loans, mortgages, etc), money does not happiness make. From my short stint at a big law firm, I might even argue the opposite. Part of me thinks that when we start doing things (getting married, getting certain degrees, having kids) on schedules fashioned by other people, that is when true misery manifests. These things are hard enough on their own and that much harder when we do not truly *want* them at the time we are doing them.
Thrilled to have a fellow legal eagle chiming in
SENDING MUCH MUCH LUCK TO YOUR SISTER!!!!!
and for the record, i think the word “should” needs to be banned for all eternity.
xoxo to you and yours, sweet aidan.
Very much agree on banning “should” from the dictionary, particularly the parental edition!
Good luck to C, I too get nauseaus thinking of filling in those bubbles and the only bar I know is “the right kind.” I don’t think there’s every a perfect time or right time for many things, certainly babies. I also think that having a baby or child will offer C an advantage in this situtation. While others will go home and stress and over-think things, C will have a baby to look at and put everything in perspective. It is only a test and all of you sisters have already passed the hardest, cruelest test there is with family and your priorities in check.
You are right. Just got off the phone with C. She sounds cheery actually and hung up quickly to play with her little guy. She’s got perspective in abundance.
Wow big day, good luck!
I have been meaning to write a similar post! Only because my mom never bothered to congratulate me w/ this pregnancy because apparently she is worried about finances with us. Clearly a good reason to not congratulate your own daughter..right? Anyway, we have done it all backwards we had the family before the career. My hubs is premed now, so its only a matter of time before we are more financially stable.
I just don’t like when anyone thinks there is a certain way things should be done, and that we should all adhere to their way.
ok thanks for the vent. Have a lovely day
You should write about this. It’s a really important issue and conversation. There is never a right time to start a family or have another kid, but it is always an amazing thing to do – worthy of congrats from all. There is no such thing as backwards as far as I am concerned. Vent here anytime
Stopping by from SITS… Kudos to both you and your sister!
I sat for my Nursing State Boards 3 weeks after giving birth. Breastfeeding, post-partum depression and a serious case of nerves- not about the exams, but about leaving my 3 week old and her 4 year old sister with their Dad for 2 days!
I aced the exams and the girls survived life with Daddy… sometimes jumping into life with both feet is the only way to do it!
Thank you for sharing this happy story. It is truly amazing what we can get through when we must. We are resilient and determined creatures when we want to be! Thanks for stopping by ILI!
Much, much luck and hope being sent her way today!
And I’m with @mybottles up: “should” banned from all language! Maybe as a practicing attorney, she could get to work on that for us!
Two sisters. Always.
Two moms. Forever.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Those same words (though not written exactly this way) have come out of mine and my sister’s mouth many times. SO grateful for that relationship, experiences we share, knowing that is powerful.
The sister/fellow mother relationship is truly profound and I am just beginning to appreciate its depths and layers. There is nothing better than having a best friend who has shared your childhood who is raising little creatures alongside you. I look forward to many years of stumbling and fumbling and celebrating with all of my sisters.
Good luck to your sister C! My husband took the NY bar almost 4 years ago. Is she in the Javit center? Good for her for doing what’s right for her and taking the test in February. I remember how hard my husband studied and I am sure she wasn’t mentally able to do that pre July. I wish her luck!
C attested in a comment below that she would not have had the mental (or urinary!) capacity to take that terrible test in July
first, congrats to sister c. quite an accomplishment for anyone, at any stage of life.
second, this post rings very true for me. i was actually on bed rest with my second bambino when i finally graduated from college. i took a tiny (ha ha) break to live life, make (big) mistakes, meet my soulmate, and have bambino one before getting around to finishing school. i did it my own way, and, not counting the biggies (hubs & kids), it is my greatest accomplishment to date. and, ooooh, looking back, i wouldn’t change a thing.
Life is indeed about making mistakes, big and small, learning from them and switching it up. I think the order of things is only something that makes sense in retrospect and that often we have to plow forward on instinct.
If we waited for “the time to be right,” the entire population of humanity would die out within a couple of generations. I think, for the majority of us, by the time we’re “at the right place” financially, career-wise, what have you, it’d be too late for most of us. Or we’d never get up the nerve to do it. Family life is something you really just have to jump into and pray it works out. Amazingly, it usually does.
Case in point: I *did* wait to get pregnant until my husband until my husband had a set graduation date (he just finished his masters), but here we are six months later, with 3 weeks until I’m due, and he’s still job hunting. Right now we just cross our fingers and hope something happens. If not, we’ll still get by just fine (I think . . . I hope).
So long as Sister C is happy with how her life is going, no one has any right to tell her she’s doing things “out of order.” I think she’s made a great choice. Congratualtions to her, and good luck!
There is never a right time. But the amazing thing is that most times are not wrong either. Fingers are crossed chez Rowley
I know that feeling all too well. I handled pregnancy, baby, and another pregnancy during my last two years of school. But, you know my feelings about THAT already! : )
There is no perfect time line for any person. We each have our own goals and our own plans. What works for one may not work for the next. That is what makes this world go round!! (I’m sure you get lots of raised eyebrows for your desire to have 4 kids! Is the word “should” involved in those eyebrows?)
Good luck, Sister C!! I don’t know if you are religious or not. If you are, know that I will be praying for you. It will be hard, but to have a baby and a law degree + license? Oh so worth it.
Amber – you continue to be an inspiration! And, yes, those are indeed “should eyebrows” and I will ignore them. But I can’t quite ignore Husband’s wishes, can I?
Yes, who says we have to do things a certain way? I abhor ‘shoulds’ as well.
People thought I was nuts to have my second baby while I was working full-time and getting my MBA and maybe they were right. But I didn’t want to put my real life on hold so that I could spend 3 1/2 years in grad school. I have always felt that the unpleasantries of life should be balanced with things that cause the greatest joy even if it makes life that much more crazy and busy and complex.
At the same time, the feeling of having to study or write papers when every fiber of my body longed to be “tickling tiny toes” was not easy. I feel for Sister C and am wishing her much luck today! There is a bright light at the end of this tunnell!
Seems as if there is a consensus (within this comment box at least) that ‘should’ be banned from life. What is real life? What is not real? I agree that life is about contrast, about ups and downs, periods of struggles and periods of snuggles. As you will see below in her comment, C does indeed see that bright light beckoning at the end of that big, bad proverbial tunnel.
(Start your blog!)
Good luck to Sister C! And congrats on making the choices that were right for her, rather than those foisted on us by society. Have a great time with your celebratory bubbly tomorrow night!
You are right. Choices should be arrived at organically and not foisted upon us by external forces. If only, right?
Best of Luck to your sister! I don’t envy her, having done it myself. She is so lucky to have such a supportive sister.
I don’t think there is necessarily a better way to do things. On Law Blog, a Davis Polk partner said that lawyers should consider having babies as early as possible in their careers. If your sister can manage pregnancy, law school, baby then bar exam, she can manage anything.
I do think there is something smart about having kids on the early side and the diving into the dark waters of career. Maybe I am biased though? I think there is something compelling about making sure you go for the things that matter most to you in an ultimate sense (family, for some) as long as it is practically feasible and then indulging in dreams that seem less consuming.
Wishing your sister all the best. Transitions are always scary/exciting/fun/nervewracking – all wrapped up in one neat package. But the support from family and friends makes it a gift.
Yes, support is key. C called me after the exam today and thanked me for this post. I never really thought of these words as support, but I guess they are
Good luck to Sister C!
And, yes, we’re all on our own time frames. It’s no body’s business but our own how or when we do what we do. My honey and I worked hard on making it in the music business in our 20′s. He started med school at 32 – we had two small children and a mortgage. Many of his colleagues were 10 years younger and lived at home supported by their parents. Some people probably thought we were crazy, but who cares? I’m well into my 40′s, just starting to make my writing dreams come true. It’s my time line, no one else’s. As it should be for us all.
I just adore your career history. I have no doubt that you will become a very successful author with good stories to tell!
Good luck, Sister C!!
Thank you, Kitch!
(Still thinking about that hummus that isn’t hummus!)
Good luck to Sister C, and have fun clebrating. I don’t think there is a right or wrong order to life. We’re all different and must find our own pattern in life.
Yes, and the patterns are infinite. Why do we obsess so with finding the correct pattern when so many are compelling?
There is no “right” or “wrong” way… everybody has to decide for themselves what’s the best order of doing things.
Good luck to sister C!
I wonder if right/wrong is always a false dichotomy or just in some instances like this one? Yes, it is up to us to hone in on the right order which is a very difficult (and unending) task in my estimation.
I am sending Sister C lots of good thoughts. And I think it is a good omen that is is raining today – perfect test taking weather.
Letting go of the shoulds is what my life has been all about these last couple of years. I am not completely free of them, I don’t see how one could ever be, but wow do I feel lighter!
Though I was cursing the sogginess all day, I agree that the furious rain was a good omen. Ah, letting go of shoulds. Impossible work indeed.
Good luck, C!
I think we’ve all got to decide our own order. I got married at a young age, so I don’t feel the urge to have babies now. I’m trying to cultivate a career in the meantime. What I’ve realized is that in order to have babies truly be a happy time (for me)– we need to get ourselves in shape financially to eliminate that stress. Hopefully in 3 years I’ll be mentally and financially ready.
I did read your response on my other post and I don’t think wild times will stop due to an addition!
I think you have the right approach. (Not that there is one right approach!) I think that cultivating the best approach entails taking stock of practical considerations that for better or worse have a profound bearing on our ultimate well-being. I think you guys are being smart! And that you should enjoy these early years sans screechers
Yay for the Donnelley sisters! Good luck to your sister today, and kudos to her husband for undoubtedly supporting her through this.
We must be on the same wavelength today, Aidan. My morning post is about planning for life but accepting the unexpected. Sometimes you simply have to throw your carefully-laid plans out the window. So much of life is unplanned, but we are wired to prepare, prepare, prepare.
When my sister-in-law discovered she was pregnant, she had just taken the bar. She felt so tired and under the weather in her last month of studying, but didn’t realize the real cause. We were all surprised at her pregnancy, and worried because the timing wasn’t what they planned. But a handsome, healthy baby was born just 2 months before my mother-in-law passed away. She got to meet her grandson L, to share the experience of being a new mother with her daughter, to see the next generation of the family take root. It was all as if it were meant to be.
So ours is a very similar story to your family’s. Sometimes life has other plans for us – they are heartbreaking and miraculous at the same time.
Similar stories indeed. Both heartbreaking and stunning in their fibers of reality. We must always expect the unexpected and then try our best to accept it. Must go check out your post!
So proud of my sister-in-law too and she has lots of family praying for her today! We love her so much and know she is doing a great juggling being a mommy/lawyer! Great Post A!!
Hey, Sarah! Hope you guys are all well! I agree that she is a master juggler
I’ll be thinking about sister C today and knowing she’ll ace that awful exam. Good for her for doing things in her own time. Come on she has a beautiful baby boy!
She sounds like she is a trend setter in her own right and will have no trouble with priorities! Good for her. Go sister C
Yes, that little boy is what matters. So do other things of course. But somehow the cheeks and the eyes and the youth and the innocence drown out the other things.
Life is short, and I’m such a fan of doing what matters most to us first. And honestly, I don’t care how much I might love my job/career, my family is going to matter the very most.
Congrats to sister C on making it this far, and best of luck to her!
Incidentally, hubs is sitting for Step 3 of the USMLE today & tomorrow. For years, we thought we’d wait to have kids until he was done with med school & residency. Until something happened to remind us that we weren’t promised tomorrow. So this morning, before he left, he kissed his 5 yr old & 3 yr old goodbye, and they wished him good luck. No matter what happens with the test, we’ve got what matters, ya know?
Good luck to your husband!
Life is short. These three words are huge for me. This tiny sentence repeats through my head on a daily basis. This blog would not exist if not for these words. Nor would my book. Sometimes realization – even of tough truths – is what keeps us from standing still.
Thank you for visiting my blog – I’m so glad you did b/c I love your’s too! I too will be back!
This is such a lovely post! I can relate all too well b/c I dropped out of a PhD program at USC to have a baby and get married – many people I know disapproved to say the least. But I believe that there’s more to life than doing things “the right way” – whatever that means. I loved academia, but becoming a mom has been far more rewarding than research, conferences, and dissertations (all of which I thought were the most important things in the world at one point).
Best of luck to your sister on her exam – and more power to her for doing things her own way. I think that rocks!
Love the name of your blog. Love. Isn’t parenthood its own academia, its own school? Certainly, there are lessons every day and the homework is unceasing. I just don’t want to know my grade
What a lovely post for your sister. Best of luck to her. Why do people think there are rules to these sort of things? She should continue to do what makes her happy and what she thinks is right for her and her family!
Do we think there are rules or are there actually rules? Are these strictures figments of our collective imagination or do they exist out there in the ether of the society that so often strangles us with its undue expectations?
Wow! What an accomplishment! I wish her the best of luck!
I just finished my Master’s as a single mom with two little kids in tow. I hadn’t planned on going back to school with them so little, but sometimes life throws you a curve ball. But one of the things I have learned or maybe just decided is that I work in order to live. My job allows me to have the life I want to live with my kids and my family. I am lucky enough to have a career that fulfills me and I enjoy, however it is not my life. Maybe when we are young, idealistic and without children it is harder to see how much they change your outlook on life, your ideals, your dreams, your desires…My parents would always utter phrases like, “When you’re a parent you’ll understand xyz…” Now, I understand!
I don’t think she is crazy for having children before her career takes off. In fact, I think it will give her career direction. And learning to navigate mommy guilt comes whether you have a part time job, a career or are a stay at home mom.
Life is full of curve balls and the sooner we realize this, the better off we are. I could not agree more that parenthood shrouds life with a direction that wasn’t there before.
I think it’s amazing what she’s doing. She chose the more difficult “order” but definitely not the wrong order! I wish her all the luck. After 30 some odd years of practicing law in NY, my dad left his firm to start his own business and had to take the Ct Bar at 60 years old. He studied and sweated alongside the twenty-something year olds and sat in a desk amid the same group. I have never been so proud of him… and it’s strange to be so proud of a dad! Yes, he stuck out just like your sister’s belly might have stuck out but it was right for him as it was her.
Have a nice celebration tomorrow night! She’ll certainly deserve it!
And THANK YOU for the link… I’m honored.
Love this bit about your father. Just goes to show there is no right way. And love the belly imagery. Maybe the good life is sometimes about sticking out rather than blending in?
The link? Well-deserved. It’s that simple
Good luck sister C! I think there will never be a “perfect” time to children. Of course, we had 4 children before my husband finished medical school. But I wouldn’t change it for a minute, even if it was a *little* stressful at times. The best things are worth sacrificing for!
I continue to be envious of your bevy of kids! Can you please have a talk with Husband?
Perfection? A big, bad myth.
I am crossing my fingers for your sister, not because she needs it, but because she deserves a little extra thought for this. I think it’s brave to do things out of order. I think it’s brave to figure out what’s right for you, even when it’s not right for everyone else! Cheers and good luck to Sister C!!
Thank you, Sarah. I do think it is all about bravery. Being brave enough to walk more dimly-lit paths towards destinations unknown. It is far safer to go from A to B to C and so on, but it is often more rewarding to mix it up.
You’re so right about what you said. Normally I’d also be one of those people who would be thinking about what “should” have been done in this situation. After reading this though, I absolutely agree with you.
Ah, I have converted a member of the should species! I deserve an award
Thank you for commenting!
Thanks A, and to all of you for your good wishes! One day down, one to go. I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and it feels very, very good – but not as good as coming home to give Baby Bulldog dinner and a bath, something I have not done in two weeks (thanks Husband!). I must say, I realized today that I got my order right. Had Baby Bulldog been due one month later I would have done this in July, 8 months pregnant. Considering I did not take one bathroom break today and was still racing to finish, that would not have gone well!
Oh, C. My pseudo-twin and best friend and superior clone… I love you and am so proud. Of your choices, your questions, your intelligence, your gumption, and your beautiful boy. There are bright things ahead and I can’t wait to watch them shine.
Now sleep and plow through tomorrow so we can get on to the business of clinking glasses.
Love you to pieces,
A
Sorry to be late to the comment party, but glad to see sister C checking in after having survived the first day.
I am completely baffled by the standard order in which we are supposed to pursue our careers and families, especially given the paltry family leave most companies offer, not to mention the small level of societal support many parents receive. I think C was wise in the order she picked: she made the choice that made sense for her – and I think that’s all any of us can do.
I am baffled too. But consistently proud of my sister’s confident choices in the face of orders that seem so sturdy and suffocating. Always come to the comment party. It is not a party without a little Motherese
Congratulations to your sister, and good luck to her as well
I’m all for doing things out of order if it makes sense to you. All the cliches hold strong, it’s your life – only you can live it.
There is only one owner of a life. So true. So let’s own it, right? (And I love cliches. Undervalued commodities in my estimation.)
I love your Sister C so. I love her wisdom and her courage and her loyalty and her wicked sense of humor. And I love this post! GOOD LUCK, C!!!!!
Oh, how I wish I could be with you tomorrow night, drinking that very tall glass of wine…
Isn’t she the best? Hey, why don’t you park Lil Mil at home with the happy hubby and catch a flight here to clink glasses? Huh? If only, right? We would let you come out with us even if you were decked in your trademark jeans and uggs and spit-up-soaked henley
There will come a day soon – VERY SOON! – when I will do that very thing. But I promise to leave the uggs and henley at home (it is my grand but perhaps unrealistic hope that they will be retired by then).
Sometimes life chooses us. When it does, we can answer with a “should” or with our feet.
My mom once told me, “You can have it all. Just not all at once.”
Sage advice from a woman who raised five kids. I’ve taken every life event out of order, not by choice, but because that’s how it goes… each day, I remind myself of what my mom told me.
It makes the prioritizing a whole lot simpler, as I juggle parenthood, working full time, running a business and climbing random mountains for fun.
“You can have it all. Just not all at once.” This is genius. And right on. But it is still so hard, isn’t it? How do we know what to focus on when? I don’t know. But I actually love the idea that life chooses us, that it is not entirely up to us. I find this somewhat liberating. Did I know that we are both one of five? I am not sure, but it’s a fun piece of trivia
(You are busy. You make my life look like a spa day!)
Good luck C!!! You’ll do amazing! I am pulling for you
!
Thanks, Jess! Do you remember it as well as I do? Didn’t you go for a margarita between days one and two?
Good for her! Life is meant to be lived! May we all live our lives the way we are meant to! Can’t wait to hear more about her adventures…wish her luck from me!
clink clink
~melody~
You are always asking great questions! I wish I had more time… Good luck to your sister! I know exactly what she is going through. I also had a baby during law school. He was born when I had 3 semesters left. I actually thought it was great, because I was able to stay home with him during the day and take evening classes while my husband was home with him. It did make studying for the bar difficult though–most of my classmates didn’t have to worry about a toddler at home….I think there isn’t one best way for everyone to do things. We each have to navigate life as we see best and dealing with the circumstances that we find ourselves in–and a lot of times, things and events that don’t seem to make sense at the time turn out to be things you could never imagine life without.
Aw, good luck Sister C! Lovely post Aidan!
I remember the 2 long days of sitting for my NCLEX exam to get my RN many eons ago. Torturous and everything depended on it.
My ex started grad school for his MBA when I was pregnant with my 22 year old son. Everyone said he’d never do it; that it would be too hard with the baby and I’d want him to quit. But he got the diploma 3 mos before I had baby #2.
Choices, exactly.