Moms Gone Wild
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[Sorry to disappoint, but this is not a post about Tiger. But there will be one. Because I just don't get the uproar (pun intended and exceedingly clever). He was a wild man, a very bad boy. And he delivered a public apology that was or wasn't genuine. He and his wife have stuff to talk about. But me? I'm over it. Except apparently not. Oh.]
Enough about Tiger. Let’s talk about me.
I have a mild allergy to adulthood.
Actually, I am not sure it is so mild. Responsibilities? Chores? Calendars? Taxes? Bills? Budgets? Wrinkles? Schedules? Stocks? These things give me existential hives.
And yet. I tolerate adulthood because I must. Because though I whine like a toddler and pout like a baby, I am an adult. Because at thirty-one, I am a big girl. Because there is no going back. I have no choice.
Why the allergy? I’m not entirely sure. It’s complicated. And these answers are cop-outs, but they are mine and I hold them dear. I think there are many reasons why I am having a hard time with this growing up business. One of them?
Wildness.
We adults – and particularly we perfect parents – are not encouraged to be wild. No. We are implored to be prudent and responsible and organized. We are supposed to make lists and plans and beds. We are expected to live within boundaries. We are supposed to color inside the lines. We are supposed to be civilized, to use our inside-voices at all times. We are supposed to be healthy and get sleep and drink lots of water.
We are expected to be good girls and boys.
But here’s the thing. Sometimes, I don’t want to be a good girl. Sometimes I want to go out and drink wine and dance and be young again. Sometimes I want to stay up past my bedtime and swim in deafening music. Sometimes, I want to scribble and shout and celebrate. Sometimes, I want to break rules.
Sometimes, I want to be wild.
It was a wild weekend.
And I’m tired. So tired. But I can’t stop smiling. Literally. Can’t stop. And this is not like me.
Friday night? Not so wild. Husband and I ate takeout on the coffee table and watched a DVRed episode of The Bachelor. But Saturday night? It was nuts. For me at least. I got dressed up. I looked hot. (Roar.) I wore heels. I sipped champagne with good friends. I laughed ceaselessly. I ate dinner at a swanky restaurant downtown at 10:30pm! There were celeb spottings! (Tracy Morgan, Rachel Zoe) We ordered the $75 truffle macaroni & cheese! At 1am, I climbed a fire escape to a club where I savored more champagne and Red Bull until after 3am!
It was wild. Now it is worth mentioning that there are various species of wild. My wild? Not at all like Tiger’s. There was no prowling, no misbehaving. I only talked to one man the whole night and he was our waiter. It was a girls’ night. On the grand scale of Wild Life, it was pretty tame. But for me, for this harried and happy mom, it was indeed wild.
And I came home and tumbled into bed next to my snoozing man. And four hours later, I was up. And a mom again. For the first half of the day, I was a shell of a person. My sentences had holes. But I stuffed them with little girl snuggles. I held court on the couch “supervising” and “delegating.” But I was so happy. I can’t explain it. I didn’t even remember it was Sunday.
And then. Last night. Husband and I met a handful of other couples to take over Wollman Rink in Central Park. We had the ice to ourselves. We skated into the night against a backdrop of city lights. Actually, I skated for about five minutes before retiring to the heated tent to sip hot chocolate. Another late night. A little less wild. But absolutely wonderful.
And this morning? I am so beyond shredded with exhaustion. Moving slowly. But quaking with awareness. That life is good. That I am where I should be. That this adulthood thing? It’s actually not half bad. I sit here at Starbucks near Toddler’s Preschool, sipping bitter coffee. Still smiling.
As I write this, I realize that it is okay to go back, to regress, to get wild once in a while. If only to remember. If only to realize that this place, this here and now, this tame territory, is quite lovely.
Thoreau said, “We need the tonic of wildness, to wade sometimes in marshes where the bittern and the meadow-hen lurk, and hear the booming of the snipe; to smell the whispering sedge where only some wilder and more solitary fowl builds her nest, and the mink crawls with its belly close to the ground.”
So. I sit here. A person. A parent. An adult. A wild thing.
And today I make some vows. To allow myself to leave the nest from time to time. To permit myself to wade in the marshes, to lurk in tangled places, to surrender to the booming, to smell that sedge, to crawl with my belly close to the ground.
Today I pledge to protect my own wild life.
(Roar.)
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Tell me about the last wild night you enjoyed. Tell me about your wildest night ever. Do you think we parents and people are encouraged to lose our wildness? Do you think it is important to protect our wild life even as we tread the territory of adulthood? Speaking of adulthood, are you allergic too? Do you think Tiger’s “issues” boil down to wildness or entitlement?
**Are we writers the worst (or perhaps best) gossips of all? Check out this great post over at Diary of a Virgin Novelist.
oohhh, this post is inspiring!!! i am so in need of a night out. whether it’s been the snowpocalypse that has kept everyone in, or being sick for over a friggin week… cabin fever has only fueled the flame for my desire to GET OUT.
glad to hear you had a fahbulous weekend!
Plan that night out. Find a way. Kiss your boys goodbye and reunite with your wild side. It is still there. (Is it always or do we lose our inchoate wildness if we don’t coax it out from time to time?)
Roar.
Wow, what a crazy weekend, Aidan! We’re able to live vicariously through your great descriptions.
My husband and I are such homebodies. We love cuddling on the couch with take-out pizza, catching up on our week’s DVR shows. We always get our money’s worth from Netflix.
As homebodies, we whine and complain a little when we have a social engagement. “Honey, do we really have to go to this birthday party? Can’t we skip Pub Quiz this month? Wouldn’t it be great to pretend we’re sick and stay home?” But – but! – once we actually leave the house and get out, we have so much fun! This is a lesson right here: leaving the house is the hardest part. Just get out the door and live it up.
Thanks for this reminder that adulthood is about being wild and staying out late sometimes.
I must admit that before heading out for my walk on the wild side on Saturday night, I was about to fall asleep and didn’t really want to go. Literally, the moment I stepped outside and felt that cold night air on my cheeks, something changed. I felt free. Alive. I felt the wildness coming back. Oh and it did
Oh, how I share this sentiment. About a month ago my mother-in-law was in town (read: overnight babysitter!) so my husband and I went out with friends until about 3:30. The next morning I cursed myself for tagging along to the final bar of the night, but it was still great to be out. I think most of us have these needs. Even if your version of wild isn’t quite so late, we all need to shake things up periodically.
‘Shake’ is indeed the perfect word. Because as adults, as parents, we are so settled. We settle into our own habits and rhythms, our own schedules and desires. Sometimes, we need to shake things up to realize that there is still spontaneity and contingency and life outside our wonderful little bubbles. And then we wake up and nurse ourselves back to alertness and the awareness that we absolutely cherish our tame worlds.
The ability to be responsible while exhausted…that’s why we’re only allowed to be wild on rare occasions as adults….glad you had a spectacular fun time being wild!
Agreed. Responsibility and exhaustion rarely go hand in hand. But it is so good – and important – to protect our wild life, to live it up from time to time. Interestingly, I also think this is an important thing for our kids to see – that fun lasts past childhood, that we can be civilized creatures and good people while also indulging in revelry from time to time.
Ooh, this is fun! My last wild night was a night a few years back filled with many cranberry vodkas and bull riding (hi, jawm!). The fact that this night happened the week before I got pregnant suggests that wild nights and motherhood are mutually exclusive in my world!
Okay, that’s it. We are making a date to go bull riding this June when JAWM comes to town. Hire a sitter now
Sounds perfect. This time we ALL need to ride those bulls! The babysitter has been hired!!
I wish I could be so happy when I get a little wild from time to time. I typically regret the lack of sleep, the mild hangover, all the things I need to do the next day. When reality hits it usually takes all the sweetness out of times like these and I hate that and I wish I didn’t let it.
The first time I went out with some friends after baby #2 was born I remember feeling very old and out of place. I was only 29 years old and looked even younger, and I drove there, all decked out and wearing my tight pre-pregnancy jeans. But with my Sedan filled with child seats and adorned with elementary school magnets I felt so odd.
What’s strange is that I usually feel the way you describe – a bit silly, regretful, and sluggish – the day after revelry. Something was different this weekend. I think I had a moment of clarity that it is okay – good even – to indulge in these nights from time to time. That it will make me a happier person and parent. Oh, and the bag that I brought with me on my escapades? Full of tiny toys and baby barrettes. I think there was even a diaper in there. So, yes, I get it!
Good for you. Let the wild rumpus start!
My last wild night? Easy.
http://serialswooper.blogspot.com/2009/12/miss-otis-regrets.html
Love that post. Cheers to struggles and snuggles. To fears and beers. Wild rumpus indeed!
I am a complete homebody, always have been, but I get your post: sometimes we need to get out and enjoy ourselves. I am with Eva, the hardest part sometimes is getting out of the door… because you’re tired, you’re thinking of the responsibilities of tomorrow… but once you let go and be a little wild again, it makes all the difference!
I am definitely allergic to adulthood, for sure.
I am a homebody too. Most of the time. But sometimes I feel the need to get out, to plop myself in different worlds, to indulge my wildness that adulthood and responsibility threatens to take. Good to know that I am not the only one with the allergy
Oh how I miss NYC! Your tweet was intriguing – glad to get the whole story (really, I wanted to know which celebs!) Last hangover was in May, after a night of prebabymaking tequila shots with my law school girls with the express purpose that I feel so bad the next morning that I wouldn’t miss drinking for ten months…
I guess it really was a pretty typical and fabulous NYC night out. Funny though because 364/365 nights a year, I do things that I could really be doing anywhere. Love the bit about pre-pregnancy tequila shots. Hope the new little guy is doing well and that you are getting some rest. Any wild nights out since he arrived?
Gosh, you ARE wild. A wild child. Last wild night? With the boys at a gig in Camden last summer. First and last for a long time!
Is it bad that I cannot tell if you are being sarcastic? Because I am so not a wild child. (But I like the idea that someone thinks I am.)
I was so proud of my mommy friend who came out with me on Friday night for THREE beers. She confessed that before she left the house, she had actually fallen asleep in her son’s bed as she was putting him down. I whooped and gave her a big hug because I was so proud of her. She went from asleep with a warm, squishy toddler to drinking in a raucous tavern in Brooklyn in under 45 minutes.
I don’t want children yet but I think that I worry about losing my independence, about losing my wild side. I like me. And I feel, in a way, that I am really being me for the first time since college – now that I have chucked the management consulting and embraced writing and freelancing. Your post is great because it reminds me that I will still be me after I become a mom.
P.S. Thanks for the shout-out!
P.P.S. Mmmmm, truffle mac n cheese.
I think worries about bleeding independence are normal (what is normal?) and, frankly, they don’t stop once kids arrive on the scene. I feel these worries all the time because independence is something that is always threatened. It’s interesting because Toddler has embarked upon Project Independence. She wants to do everything all by herself. And this is wonderful to watch. But it makes me wonder whether we swing back in the other direction at some point. These days, I like to have people to help me, and to lean on. I don’t always want to do things all by myself.
The mac and cheese was good, but not earth-shattering. The funny thing was that the waiter kept shaving bits of truffle onto my lap
(Oh – and you will like this – my good friend who has two little girls decided to eat a fish eye for good luck. Motherhood does not necessarily snatch our wildness!)
I would have asked him to shave the truffle into my mouth!
Last time I had a night out was my 30th bday. While I love those nights out with friends the problem lies in having to wake up hungover and groggy the next day, to tend to little people.
I want a weekend out! With out kids….a girl can dream. I still don’t think I could hang till 3 am, no matter how much red bull I drank…your a rock star!
Oh and I am over Tiger too!
I am hardly a rock star, but it is kind of fun to be called one
Yes, it is very tricky to tend to little creatures when the brain is not operating properly. But it can be done. Just not too often. No rocking out for you these days!
“We are suppose to color inside the lines.” That is the story of my life. That is why I’m the responsible daughter. Parents should go wild from time-to-time to let the pressure off. I think I’m about 20 years over-due.
I say scribble outside the lines. Just once
What’s the worse that can happen?
I’m with you on the adult thing. And I’ve had more practice. Well, more years that is. I hate the mindlessness of adulthood–it leaves less time for being childlike. Or wild as you call it.
So, you are 31! I lived in Manhattan when I was 31 and I think most weekends were pretty wild. I didn’t get married until I was 32.
I worked at The Travel Channel for a year before I started producing for MTV Networks. At the time The Travel Channel was owned by Carl Icon, who owned TWA. A group of four women became close friends and because we now flew for free we would find ourselves on a Fri. evening at JFK gazing at the flight board. We were headed anywhere first class was available. The most wild weekend we had was the one we spent in Rome…And it had nothing to do with men. It was just four women having a great time. Shopping and eating and drinking!
I expect to hear many more posts from you about wild nights. Do it before your back hurts and you get hot flashes–I still do it, I just feel a little more difficult to rebound.
I didn’t really think about it, but you are right that what I call wildness is in many ways just being youthful, playing, smiling, soaking up the minutes and the moments like we once did. Love the details about your past life. So fabulous. I will continue to document my wildness and my utter tameness
I’m headed to Sin City on Wednesday with my husband for 3 quick days; I hope to have a couple of wild nights!
It’s not fun to be responsible ALL the time, is it? Sounds like a great weekend!
Ooh, Vegas. Vegas is so dirty. (But kind of in a good way.) I hope you regale us with stories on your blog.
I am wild everyday! I dance, I sing, and I drink…soda! See! : )
I was never a wild teenager or college student. But, I do feel the need to go out. Husband surprised me with a couple of baby-sitters the night before Valentine’s Day. We went to a delicious Thai restaurant and afterward, for a lovely drive. It was nice and had it’s wild moments. We both agreed we needed that time together.
I think you would laugh at my “wildest night.” It probably would not seem all that wild.
I think wildness means different things for each of us. I think the important thing is for all of us to protect our own breed of freedom, our own species of wildness.
My first post-baby girls’ night out is happening this weekend … I suspect it won’t be as wild as my tamest pre-baby girls’ night. But I’m okay with that. My roar may be on vibrate right now, but it’ll be back soon enough.
Your roar is on vibrate? Love that. Have some much-deserved fun this weekend. It will make you appreciate that little baby girl even more. Promise.
We really need to make some ‘wild’ friends. I’ve had plenty of wild times in highschool and college, but not many in the past 2 years we’ve been married. I think I’ll put ‘Night on the town’ on the list of things to do before babies. Great post!
Yes, go get yourself some wild friends and live it up before kids arrive on the scene. But I hope this post makes you realize that life does not end when little creatures populate our worlds.
Oh my! I am pathetically boring compared to you. Even in my single days I wasn’t wild. I think I have some catching up to do!
Oh, I am pretty boring myself. Every now and then I pretend otherwise though!
I love how you put it: mildy allergic to adulthood. I think all the best and most fun people are!
Your girls night sounds fabulous!
The one nice thing about being wild when the kids are young is that they don’t get it. Once they’re adolescents and teens, they’re all over you about what you shouldn’t be doing. My kids are old enough now that they’re coming out the other side of that, and accepting “grown-ups” can and should have their wild sides. I guess because they’re seeing they don’t want to give theirs up. So get in the habit now while they’re young. And stay in it!!
I can’t imagine my girls commenting on my wildness. Oddly, I look forward to these conversations, to explaining to them that playfulness and good times transcend childhood. And even though they are very young, we practice wildness in the form of a dance party every night before bath
I love this post! I so agree. Well I’m still young and child- and husband-less enough to not have any real reasons not to be wild, but it still takes a lot of reminding myself, because we’re all so trained to be “good” when we’re kids, and sometimes it sticks even after we can make our own decisions. Most of my wildest (and most foolish and fantastic) nights generally included walking home in 4 inch heels at 5 am.
…And here’s to many more
Glad you had such a great weekend Aidan!
Foolish and fantastic do often go hand in hand. Love the bit about four inch heels and 5am. Now that is living! I do think we are trained to be good girls (and boys) and that is fine, but we also need to be careful not to lose our taste for a bit of innocuous rebellion here and there.
Wild nights are definitely few and far between here – I think my last one was in September! It was a good time though and I’ve always been the homebody type, so I don’t need too many each year. I was the same pre-kids!
I do think I need a little more socialization (coffee dates would be an improvement over being alone at home too much!) but not necessarily wildness.
I don’t need too many of these nights either. But I do need them now and again. I just find it kind of depressing to think that we adults must embrace prudence and good sense at all times. I think we should be allowed to be silly and improvident from time to time. And there are many species of wildness. Maybe a coffee date could even be wild if the espresso is super strong and studly and the conversation is spicy
Thanks for popping by ILI!
I used to travel on business more frequently. When I was out of the office it wasn’t unusual to hang out with colleagues and close places down.
I once spent 9 days in Vegas for a trade show. Too many stories to share now, but it was fun.
During the past few years as more friends have been turning 40 we have had some more interesting moments. But it is hard sometimes dealing with the kids and the day after.
I don’t think that I’ll ever really be old.
I don’t think I will ever really be old either. Just more seasoned and wise
I want to hear about Vegas!
As soon as the statute of limitations expires.
That wildness is SO important. To remember that you are who you are, even with responsibilities and adulthood. We hold a part of who we were in each stage of our life, and our duty is to occasionally honor each and every one of them
Sounds like a fabulous weekend!
I think you are onto something here – tapping into our resident wildness is in many ways tantamount to remembering who we are, who we have been all along. I do think these times are a way of honoring a side of ourselves that often gets lost in the shuffle of a responsible life.
OK, I’m exhausted just reading about your wild (roar) night! Love it! Love me some NYC, too! Speaking of…my wild weekend with a girlfriend was in NYC years ago and we also ran into Tracy Morgan! I have photo proof. I also have photo proof of something that I won’t talk about…I even asked my girlfriend to remove said photo from her Facebook photo album. heh heh It’s good to be wild from time to time….I just know that if being wild involves staying out past 3am, I’ll be paying for it for at least 4 days.
Thanks so much for stopping by…so glad you did. Love it here!
~melody~
Too funny about Tracy Morgan. The really odd thing is that I saw him two weeks ago as well. He was on my tiny plane home from Chicago. And he was really goofy and dancing around the waiting area in his massive gold TM medallion. Maybe he has some clones floating around! Now I am very curious about this mystery deleted photo… Can we have a tiny hint?
heh heh — just a fun girls night out that involved letting our hair down and relaxing. Really, nothing that interesting…just not something I’d want my mom to see! ha. I got a picture with Tracy, too, but he wasn’t involved in said photo.
~melody~
I overdid it as an unsupervised barhopping teenager and then up to age 21. Those experiences pretty much killed any subsequent desire I’ve ever had to be wild. Some of my sisters and I? A bunch of wild alleycats roaming the desert of Phoenix. Not good, really.
But New York, movie stars, expensive restaurants? Okay, one more try!
Wild alleycats? Love it. One more try! Come visit
Hell yes. Gimme a little dose of wild. I try to fit MY version of wild in more than most moms I know. And it keeps my soul alive.
Love. This.
Yes, it’s all about protecting that endangered wild life, about keeping that stifled soul steaming!
I think it’s great that you had a wild night out, heels and all! Everyone needs some “me” time, even mothers and wives, and how better to spend it than having fun with friends?
And isn’t Rebecca at Diary of a Virgin Novelist wonderful?
Ha. The heels? Honestly, probably the wildest part of my night. Now I love looking good and I am a fan of fashion, but ever since becoming pregnant with my first, I have been a flats girl… So when I pull out the stilettos, you know it’s going to be a night. Roar!
Nice! Let the wild rumpus begin, indeed.
We do the best for our kids when we’re happy with ourselves. And there’s no need to give up “me” to be “Mom”. Glad to hear you had a good time. (slightly jealous, over here.)