Happier Hours!
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There are twenty-four hours in each day. There are 168 hours in each week. There are 8736 hours in each year. There are, on average, 672,672 hours in each lifetime.
So what?
The so what here matters. Our days, our weeks, our years, our lives, are made up of hours. And how we spend these hours, these sixty-minute chunks of time, is important. How we spend these hours – and with whom - informs how happy we are.
So, yes. Here is my decidedly unscientific hypothesis: There is a direct correlation between hours and happiness.
Now, if you have spent more than five minutes chez ILI reading my musings, you know that I don’t believe in Happiness, in the Platonic, capital H species of well-being. Once upon a time, I penned a post called You Are Not Happy. And I stand by my assertion. You might be happy. But you are not Happy. All of this is to say that however satisfied we are with ourselves and our lives, however passionate we feel about our families and our careers, we can all stand to be happier.
Do you disagree?
Didn’t think so.
And so. It occurred to me that a simple way to be happier is to have happier hours, more minutes and moments where we do things that make us smile and celebrate and savor existence. Okay, fine. But what do we do? How do we do this?
We talk. We question. We imagine. We dream.
We have conversations with other people – interesting and interested people – about things that matter to us. All of us.
I have said this before, but for me happiness is conversation. Talking about ideas, weaving words, examining the canvas of life alongside others… These are the things that rev me up, that slacken my angst, that make me feel alive and engaged.
And so. A while back, I had a little idea. It started as so many ideas do. As a tiny seed. And the wild winds of a busy life threatened to blow this seed away. But the seed was sturdy and stubborn and took root. In the soil of my dreams and of my days. And from it, something grew. Something great. Something I am finally ready to tell you about!
HAPPIER HOURS!
Next week, forty or so women will gather in my home for the very first Happier Hour. We will come together to sip words and wine. This will be the first in a series of monthly events that will loosely resemble salons of days past. In case the only breed of salon you are familiar with contains blow dryers and gossipy women, read the following Wikipedia words:
A salon is a gathering of intellectual, social, political, and cultural elites under the roof of an inspiring hostess or host, partly to amuse one another and partly to refine their taste and increase their knowledge through conversation. These gatherings often consciously following Horace’s definition of the aims of poetry, “either to please or to educate” (”aut delectare aut prodesse est”).
Forget the ‘elites’ bit. This is an inclusive endeavor. And whether or not I am an inspiring hostess remains to be seen. Next week’s group and future groups will be made up of a wonderfully diverse array of women. As of today, there will be at least one of each of the following “groups” in attendance on Tuesday: mothers, lawyers, teachers, bloggers, entrepreneurs, television execs, nutritionists, newspaper reporters, screenwriters, agents, writers, non-profit directors, models, social media mavens, bankers, brokers, and publicists. But most importantly? There will be people. Living and breathing people with eyes to look into and hands to shake.
This makes me happy.
This makes me happy because as much as I adore this online world (oh and I do), I’ve been craving conversation, long and lush and unwieldy conversation, conversation that cannot be edited, with flesh and blood people. This makes me happy because I think that when we become adults and marvelously mired in ceaseless personal, professional, and personal obligations, it becomes hard, so hard, to meet new people. There are only so many hours in the day.
Next week’s soiree, like all future Happier Hour soirees, will have a topic, a focus, a thread. Next week’s topic? Happiness. And I figured, go big or go home. If I was dreaming, I might as well dream. And so. I sat down and brainstormed speakers. Who would be the perfect guest of honor, someone who could come and speak and start a dialogue about happiness? I didn’t have to think for too long. There was an obvious choice.
Gretchen Rubin. Blogger extraordinaire and author of #1 NYT Bestseller The Happiness Project, a book some of you might know I loved. I have met Gretchen a few times and she is lovely. Gretchen was kind enough to write a wonderful blurb for LIFE AFTER YES. So I reached out. I asked. And she said yes!
And so. I am pumped. Beyond pumped. I could not have taken this from dream to reality without the wisdom and support of three colleagues: My delightful publicist Sarah Burningham of Little Bird; and Kelly Hoey and Eunice Rho of the incomparable 85 Broads. Without these women, these friends, I would still be flailing in a sea of abstraction, and stalled at the itty-bitty seed stage. (Thank you, guys. I can’t wait for the inaugural glass-clinking a week from today.)
I announce this today not just to keep you abreast (that word always makes me giggle) of what’s going on in my life, but because I want each and every one of you to be involved in this. I want your ideas. I want your questions. I want your suggestions. And I want to keep you in the loop, to tell you about the conversations that carry on here, in my physical world. I do not say ‘real world’ because that label is not the right one. My physical world and my blog world are both real, very real, to me.
Speaking of my blog world… Because I am not the type of person who can stop, I am already thinking ahead. Of a virtual version of Happier Hours, a way to congregate women (and men too!) around this country (and world! hey, why not?) to discuss big ideas (think: Happiness, Devotion, Commitment, Privilege, Parenthood, Balance, Forgiveness…). I have no idea what this digital diva will look like, but I know she will be pretty. She is still in the seed stage, but if history is any indication, she will grow. And beautifully. Stay tuned.
This? This is about dreaming aloud and together. This is about thinking big and boldly. This is about hurling practicality and prudence out the window. This is about fabulous and foolish daring.
This is about having good conversations.
This is about the happiness of our hours. This is about the happiness of our lives.
Oh, and wine.
(Yay!)
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- Do you agree that there is an intimate connection between hours (how we spend them, and with whom) and overall life happiness?
- Do you agree that it is much harder to meet new people once we get older and settled into patterns and rhythms of adulthood and responsibility?
- Do you have any specific thoughts on happiness or questions you would like me to ask Gretchen or the group?
- Do you agree that we can all stand to be happier? To have happier hours?
- Would you attend an event like this for the words or the wine? To be enlightened or amused?
- Do those of you who spend many hours online (blogging or reading blogs) have a hankering for a real world equivalent of the exchanges that go on here? How many of you will be here for BlogHer this summer?
- Would you be interested in hearing about, or taking part in, my future online incarnation of Happier Hours? If so, leave a comment indicating your interest and I will add you to a list of “virtual charter members” for this digital effort!
My first reaction? Gosh, I SO wish I could come. Outside of that I am so excited for you, to read more about what comes of it and to discover how you plan to take this online. A while back I wrote a post about the strength of my convictions and how when I was a younger woman I felt so much more confidence in my beliefs and would speak about issues with abandon. In the post I talked about how I felt locked in a cacoon of motherhood and real life and was struck by how I had lost that core part of myself. I’m working to find it once again. I find it slowly unfolding as I discover what I want to do with my blog, and through other parts of my life, but even more so as I read and comments on the posts of my favourite writers. Your idea for a Happier Hour is exactly what would fuel that passion, to discuss, learn and share. I hope it’s everything you want it to be!
I think so many of us feel this. That something – be it parenthood or adulthood or an exacting career – has cacooned (a word?) us somewhat. That there are thoughts and ideas and hopes and dreams bobbing around inside us and there are limited avenues for releasing them.
Blogging, for me, and I presume for you and so many ILI loyals, has helped me here. I cannot emphasize how meaningful the connections and conversations here in the blogosphere have been for me. But I think there can be, and should be, a physical world version of these exchanges. And so. We will see how it goes. And we will see how the online incarnation shapes up. I am excited and more so because people like you are interested in these ideas and these pursuits.
I can’t wait! Yay! I love this idea and think you are an inspiring hostess indeed.
The combination of big thoughts and and lighthearted joy and clinking wine glasses sounds pretty close to the perfect evening.
xo
Can’t wait to see you on Tuesday! We will clink glasses. And chat happiness. And everything else. Cheers to thinking big and allowing ourselves conversation-soaked evenings!
I wholeheartedly agree with Lindsey. It’s sounds like the perfect combination of things! Good luck! How exciting! I hope it goes well (though I’m sure that it will).
I crave conversation, too. Crave it. Dream about it. Long for a day I can sit and talk with the many women I’ve come to know through blogging, and find new friends outside of blogging. So much about who we are does not come across very well in the blogging world. And because of that, there are judgments that shouldn’t always be made, I fear. And for this reason, I crave conversation even more.
So…have fun!
What a thing to talk about…happiness. How grand.
Isn’t it interesting that we grow up and settle into busy and good lives and come to crave conversation like cookies? I’m interested in what you say about identity not translating very well via blogging. I think this is true in some respect, and largely because we have so much control, too much maybe, over what words we post and how we present ourselves. It is interesting to ponder the discrepancies – perceived and actual – between our blog personae and our physical selves.
What a wonderful idea! We really could all stand to be happier. Thank you for spreading some around
Thanks, Alisha. I do think we all owe it to ourselves to think about happiness, what it means and doesn’t mean for us, and how to inject a little bit more of it into our hours and our days.
How does one get an invite? Only teasing.
While I limit my online time reading and commenting on blogs to one hour, I long for these conversations to continue on in the physical world. I wish I had a diverse group of intellectual women, mothers, working mothers, divorcees, etc… to dicuss topics outside my ordinary work day. Stimulating conversation that prompts me to think beyond my daily life and to ask questions that make others pause and think. I particularly believe that mothers have so much more to share with each other about parenting than which diapers to use. I would love to be a member of your virtual Happier Hours salon.
PS – Even though I really enjoy wine, conversation would be the big draw for me.
So thrilled you are interested in participating in my virtual Happier Hours (when they take shape!) I do think we should try to nurture these exchanges, these connections, in the physical world alongside the virtual world. The tricky part is how. I am hoping this proves an effective way to achieve this. I am also curious how the conversations will compare – those that manifest online and off – because I have a hunch they will be different. I can’t wait to see how and to explore the juxtaposition here. Are people bolder when they are behind a screen? Are people more or less likely to display emotion online or in the world? Are we more or less inclined to share more vulnerable bits of ourselves in one context or the other? We will see…
As I don’t actually drink, it would be the conversation that drew me, which, in my opinion, would be both enlightening and amusing.
Now, I didn’t start reading your blog until after the “You are not Happy” post, so this is the first I’ve seen it. I’ve got to say, I don’t necessarily know how much I agree with it. Maybe I don’t grasp the Platonic understanding of Happiness, but it seems to me that the point of this life is to constantly be striving toward perfection (in various aspects of our lives), not to ever actually achieve it–to find joy in the journey, not the destination. If we did ever find “Perfect Happiness,” what more would there be to strive for? Would that not be a disappointment, and therefore a flaw in our happiness? Maybe I’m not questioning that we have the ability to become happier, but more whether it is necessary or evven right to point it out. It seems like doing that is just setting us up to dwell on the negative, and therefore make it more difficult to progress down that continuum of happiness.
Likewise, I don’t necessarily think that our respective levels of happiness can be broken down into just how we spend our hours. I think there’s got to be more to it than merely the parts, though I do think that the whos and the wheres and the hows of individual hours can help add to or subtract from our general level of happiness, at least in a given day or week, but not necessarily over a lifetime. So, to clarify, I *do* think there’s a connection between hours and happiness, I just don’t think it’s as intimate a connection as I infer you do from the beginning of the post.
And none of that means that I don’t think this is an incredibly wonderful idea, and I would love to be a part of it! Can’t wait to hear about how it goes!
Must respond to this thoughtful comment! First of all, these gatherings are really not at all about the wine. In the invitation I sent out to participants, I noted that a glass of wine might be for some of us a nice way to cap a long day here and there, but that conversation and connection are what truly make us happier… I see the wine as a footnote to this much bigger story
And as for the connection between happiness and hours, I do think there is a connection between these two things – and an important, albeit nebulous, one. It’s not so much a math equation – that the more “happy hours” we have the happier our lives are. Rather, it is that how we spend our time *affects* our well-being – again, in intangible and ephemeral ways. My gut is that the more relationships we have, the more dreams we nurture, the more conversations we get lost in, the more happiness we feel in our days. I guess I just feel, and deeply, that in this go-go-go world of modern life, we all owe it to ourselves to spend a bit of time doing things that make us smile. (This can mean many, many things.)
It is an interesting question whether focusing on “being happier” is liberating or depressing. I tend to think it is liberating to think that there are many tiny things we can do to enhance our well-being. This seems hopeful to me insofar as it posits that we have some modicum of control over the quality of our lives.
If this is any indication at all, these happier hour discussions will be fantastic! Thrilled that you are interested in participating!
I so want details of your real life salon – and wish I lived closer than three hours drive away.
I would definitely be interested in an online Happiness Hour.
Thrilled you are interested! You know – three hours is not too far away… I might have to snag you for a physical world Happier Hour
It sounds like it will be an incredible evening. The “Happier Hour” idea is an amazing one and something I wish I could do in my own home. Unfortunately, I don’t know as many amazing women in real life as as I do here in the blogosphere. So, yes, please sign me up as a “virtual charter member”!
I bet you know many amazing women, but I do agree that there are so many phenomenal women here in the blog world! Very excited that you are interested in participating in my mystery project! (Meaning it is still much of a mystery to me!)
Love it Aidan! And if you decide to open it up to local blog friends, I’m in!
I definitely think happiness comes in the quantity of moments that make us happy. Happy moments add up to so much more than happy days in my opinion. I remember the moments, not the days. And YES it’s the conversations that help us remember and relive the moments that made us happy. The more opportunities we have to TALK about what makes and made us happy, the more we are prone to even notice the moments. My blog has done that for me. Helped me to recognize and grasp onto the moments.
I could not agree more that blogging – to the extent that it involved disciplined recording of happy moments – makes us incrementally happier. Conversely though, does writing about darker things, less happy aspects of existence, make us incrementally less happy? I don’t know, but it’s worth thinking about.
What a terrific idea! And please count me in for the virtual salon!
As for happy vs. Happy, I struggle with this. I can grasp, academically, the premise that absolute and perfect Happiness is theoretical and not something that can ever be achieved within the confines of our imperfect world. And I can grasp, academically and pragmatically, that we should evaluate our lives for ways in which we might becoming happier. But my struggle arises with an undercurrent of “happier” which subtly implies that we can never then be “happy enough.”
I think there is a fine line to walk between “I am working proactively to make myself happier in these finite ways,” and the dangerous and precipitous fall down to the game of “I’ll be happy when…” Identifying key opportunities to increase happiness is one thing. Letting those opportunities inhibit you from being happy in the here and now is something else altogether.
I look forward to your updates on the innaugural salon. And I would certainly be interested in Ms. Rubin’s perspective on my conundrum above.
You make some important and nuanced points. I do think we are dealing with a slippery slope, that too intent a focus on self-improvement and happiness, might ultimately make us miserable. How do we strike this balance between healthy striving and self-acceptance? I don’t pretend to know. I hope to have the opportunity to ask Gretchen these great questions!
What a great post! I’m new to your blog, Aidan but am loving it! I am a lawyer by day and just started drafting a YA novel during my “free time”.
Another blog which I am loyal to, http://www.live-happier.com/, posted on the topic of
happiness being a state of mind and how we feel on the inside. Thinking about happiness in terms of hours, that each hour we can make ourselves happier or do just one little thing that may bring a smile to our face, makes it seem very attainable. I’ve been guilty of thinking that I will be happier when an event occurs, when I get married, when I have a baby. As a result, I don’t think I’m embracing the “happier hours” of my life and time is passing me by. Reading your blog and also Lindsey’s blog (A Design So Vast) have illuminated that even when we reach that “next” stage in life there are still challenges to our happiness! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. I’ve been reading your archives and thoroughly enjoying your musings!
Good luck with the event next week. I can’t wait to participate online!!
Amy–just wanted to say I am so glad to read your comments about my blog! Thanks for the link love
Good luck with the novel–that is what it is all about filling our lives with as many passionate activities as possible!
Welcome to ILI, Amy! Thank you for pointing the way to Live Happier. I can’t wait to spend some time there. And congrats on working on your first novel. I remember those days well and it is a very exciting (and overwhelming) time.
You make a really important point which I had not consciously thought about. Thinking about increasing the happy moments and hours in our lives does seem like an “attainable” goal and there is something compelling about this. I think so many of us are exactly as you describe yourself… we think that happiness will consume us once we reach culturally-heralded milestones (marriage, family, promotions, etc) and we spend so much of our lives waiting for these events that often don’t change our levels of well-being so drastically.
So thrilled you found me. And Lindsey! Hope very much that you keep popping by this neck of the woods.
I wish I could be there! Definitely count me in for the virtual party. I love this idea. Maybe (just maybe!) I’ll try to do the same thing here in the suburbs of Philly. I deeply miss interacting with other women. I am so in my own little bubble these days. I’ve always said, “the quality of your life is directly correlated to the quality of the people in your life.” And yet, I am alone much of the time.
You go girl – can’t wait to hear about it!
So thrilled you are eager to participate. As for life in the bubble, I hear you. For better or worse, writing is such a solitary endeavor. We spend so much time at our desks, or on our computers, or lost in our own fictional worlds. It is so appealing (and necessary!) to pop that bubble from time to time and interact with others. I would be thrilled if you organized a Happier Hour group in your area. (This is one of my ideas… to have Happier Hour embassadors all over the country! Hey, I’m a dreamer!)
I, of course, love this idea. I SO agree with how hard it has become to make friends. In fact, that it is the focus of my entire blog
http://mwfseekingbff.com/about/
For me, it’s the post-college, pre-baby phase that just doesn’t naturally lend itself to meeting new people.
I just read The Happiness Project myself and think about it all the time. Like this morning, when I was stuck in traffic, and couldn’t stop thinking about all the things I could be doing with that hour that could make me happier — perhaps most effective would have been to stop thinking about how unhappy I was.
I would do anything to be a part of one of these salons, as even though I think it sounds great, I know so many people who, when I suggest such a thing, say “too busy.” If you want to take it national, perhaps I could charter the Chicago chapter!
Alas, we are on the same wavelength. I adore your blog and its compelling premise and am thrilled that you are up to participate in my online salons. And you are thinking like Debra above. Perhaps I have me my Chicago Happier Hour embassador??
(And, in my opinion, we are never “too busy” to be happier.)
Yes. Chicago ambassador indeed. Sign me up — I think the types of women who would sign up for this are just the type I’m looking for.
And tell Gretchen if she needs a Chicago Children’s Literature Group ambassador, I’ve got my copy of Harry Potter ready!
This sounds lovely. I would definitely be interested in participating virtually in the future!
So thrilled you are interested in joining in the as-yet-unformed online version of Happier Hours! Stay tuned
A “salon” sounds like a great idea. Sure to make many “happier!”
Thanks, BLW. I look forward to having your wise words carry in the halls of these future “salons.”
What fun! I too am in need of girl time with great conversation. It indeed does make me happier.
Yes, nothing wrong with a little girl time and good conversation!
Interesting, interesting, interesting! I do have a couple of question for you.
1. Why only women? There is an obvious answer to this, but I am just curious to your rationale.
2. How do you insure that people listen and don’t just talk to hear themselves talk?
3. How do you prevent it from becoming ‘just another networking thing?’
4.How do you make it inclusive and not ‘exclusive?’
The marketer in me loves the idea. Modern day Salons. It would make a wonderful magazine article. You’ve got something here, but I caution you that it has the potential to be as elite as the original ’salons.’
Take a look at some of the ‘rules’ that Julia Cameron writes about in her book, The Artist’s Way. I think they might be helpful to think about before your first Salon.
Thanks for the thoughtful questions! I will tackle them one by one.
1. This first gathering is only women because my apartment can only hold so many people and this was an easy way to limit numbers. That said, I also like the idea of getting women together to talk, open up and permit themselves to be vulnerable, without being distracted by, or made uncomfortable by, men. There will be one man here. Husband.
2. I can’t ensure that people will listen. I can’t control how much people talk or for what reason, but I am optimistic that the conversation will be genuine and digested by the people here. We will have to wait and see!
3. I acknowledge that people will attend for a variety of reasons. To have fun. To escape monotony. To network. To make new friends. To flex mental muscle.
4. These events will be exclusive in the sense that people will be invited. They cannot be free-for-alls. That said, I hope to spend these evenings in the company of truly diverse people – different ages, levels of education, socio-economic situations, political views, religions, etc.
At this point, it is hard to see how this first event will go and how future ones will evolve. I am curious and excited to see how everything unfolds and I look forward to sharing my experience with all of you!
Love it! I’m delighted you’ve nurtured this seed of an idea, Aidan, and I’m sure you’ll see it continue to grow.
Thanks, Eva! I can’t wait to keep you all in the loop about Tuesday and future gatherings!
I think this is a fantastic Aidan. I would be thrilled to participate in a virtual happier hour!
Oops, I meant fantastic IDEA Aidan. Clearly, I have not had enough caffeine today.
So pleased that you are interested in participating (and that I am not the only one who needs her caffeine!)
Love, love, love your idea! It seems to me that in my busy mom life, we just pass others by without really ever becoming connected. Little chats here and there but never much else. However, I always feel hesitant to attempt any type of get together as the usual response is “I’m too busy.” How many times can I invite people for a playdate or cookie exchange or a book club? Will love to hear your ideas on how to get a happier hours group started!
Welcome to the ILI comment box, Janelle! Yes, there are scattered exchanges, bits and pieces of conversations, but sometimes it doesn’t add up to true connection. And it is so hard to initiate these gatherings and discussions when everyone is so busy and stretched. I can’t wait to let you know how it goes!
Back to the enlightenment we go! I think that’s a brilliant idea and would love to participate in the online happy hour. Sometimes all a person really craves is another being to fiercely and passionately converse with.
Yes, indeed. Many of us crave fierce and passionate conversations. At least I do. (And it seems that many others do too!) Thrilled that you are interested in joining my digital efforts.
One thing: there is no such thing as perfect happiness
I disagree wholeheartedly and unequivocally. Happiness is a subjective state of being and I have had many moments that I can describe as perfect happiness.
It would be inaccurate, wrong and foolish of me to say that I enjoy perfect happiness all the time because I don’t. But I have experienced it enough to recognize it when it comes.
Sometimes we over think life. We get caught up in the minutiae and lose track of ourselves, at least I do. But I always find my way back to that relaxed state I like to occupy.
Perfect Happiness is a vacation home that I am granted access to, yep, that is how I see it.
Love the vacation home metaphor. And I couldn’t agree more. I too think we experience moments of perfect happiness, but they are fleeting. They are not remotely permanent. My point (shaky at best) is that a constant state of perfect happiness is impossible, but that we can strive for more moments – and hours – of happiness. And, ultimately, these moments – when added to the stew of life – make us *happier*.
Thanks for challenging me. I like a good challenge. Roar.
I love this idea and I love this post! I would love to be part of your virtual happier hours when you start it.
I have a question for the amazing Gretchen: How do you work towards being truly happy for others when so often no matter how hard we try, or at least I try, my gut instinct is to be competitive with others? I’m not saying I am not happy for others but sometimes I don’t feel it 100% deep down. Does this stem from something further like being truly happy with who you are as a person before you can be truly happy for others? Sometimes I feel like everyone else makes it look so easy and maybe it is just me that is struggling, but if you think it’s relevant I’d love to get your take or Gretchen’s take or the new Salon group’s take as well! Hope you have a fun time!
Welcome to ILI, AG! So happy that you want to participate! You raise an important question, namely how we can truly enjoy happiness, or happier hours, when we feel envy or competitiveness with others. And I don’t have an answer. But when I read this comment earlier today, it struck me and I realized that this is a topic – envy – that should be talked about more openly by more of us because it is a fact of human existence. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post! Thanks for the inspiration
Salon…how very European. I keep thinking Edith Wharton, Henry James. I love the idea. We do “women’s nights” out here on occasion. I have a friend who’s been thinking of trying to inspire more purposeful conversation at these, not too different from what you are saying. But you have a killer speaker!! I want to know everything!!
And I now consider myself inspired to try a Vineyard version of this, crediting you of course!
Go Aidan!!
I would love for you to start up a Vineyard version! I would be more than honored if you were my island embassador
Would you be interested in hearing about, or taking part in, my future online incarnation of Happier Hours? If so, leave a comment indicating your interest and I will add you to a list of “virtual charter members” for this digital effort!
in a word, YES.
Yes! So happy to see this word from you in this cozy comment box!
Raising my glass to happier hours! Can’t wait for the recap, am jealous I live thousands of miles away, but think I’ll reserve that book at the library so I can be happier with you, or at least vicariously.
Yes, get the book. It is really great. And as soon as I figure this all out, we will raise our glasses and virtually toast and melt those miles
Discussing happiness with other women while drinking wine? I wish I were invited!
This past summer, I read, The Paradox of Choice, which has changed my perspective on “needing stuff”. Now I just have to remember to be happy when I get the next rejection or my manuscript isn’t coming together as I’d like or I didn’t get that job interview.
You’re right – we need to spend our hours doing something worthwhile. Beating ourselves up is not worthwhile.
Welcome to ILI, Theresa! That book sounds like something I would love. The title alone has me buzzing. I wrote a post long ago called Affluenza about how stuff doesn’t make us happy, but other people do. So I think Happier Hours – live and virtual – are indeed a step in the right direction…
Don’t have enough time to comment on the substantive questions, but I also wish I could be there and, of course, would like to participate in the virtual version. I will try to come back later and answer the “real” questions!!
These virtual soirees wouldn’t be the same without you, Niki!
Such a great idea Aidan. Please keep us posted on this fab idea to bring people together and experience enlightenment of one thing or another.
Wish I could be a fly on the wall for this!
I will indeed keep you and fellow ILI readers posted on the growth of my virtual seed. And there is nothing wrong with a little enlightenment here and there, huh?
I LOVE this idea! I would love to attend a virtual event! But there is something more lovely about the face-to-face, wine clinking, female bonding, happier discussing fabulousness! I too have struggled along time with the idea of happiness and the eternal frustration that I couldn’t achieve it. Since I have been on the quest to live-happier, life has become more magical, more rich, more tactile, basically happier. Thanks for the inspiration! Absolutely love your blog.
Welcome to ILI! I am so thrilled Amy above pointed the way to your blog and I can’t wait to spend some time sifting through your words. Based on your blog title alone, you are the perfect party guest for future cyber-salons! So thrilled you found your way here!
You know you can count me in! And I can’t wait to celebrate happiness and friendship and conversation with you this summer.
By the way, I just read a wonderful piece by Leslie at Five to Nine about her modern-day salon experience: http://fivetonine.wordpress.com/2010/03/11/talking-to-strangers/
Can’t wait for the summer either! That might just be the perfect time to launch the virtual version of this endeavor
Off to check out Leslie’s piece and then conk out. I have a wild and woolly Wednesday with the girls tomorrow and I need my beauty sleep 
Whoa. I am OD’ing on smiley faces. Oh well. I’m tired. Tired enough to be responding to my own comments
I’m so jealous! I went out for a “happier hour” last night with a group of 15 or so women (some friends, some strangers who are now friends) and it was glorious. There were lots of margaritas and tequila and not so much intellectual conversation, but it was so refreshing and meaningful and necessary.
Yes, these nights are so important even when they are more tequila-soaked than conversation-soaked. I don’t know what it is – whether it is expectations foisted upon us by self or society – but too many of us feel guilty about getting out and enjoying ourselves like this and I think that’s a shame. Indeed, we are happier, more rounded people when we do this from time to time.
Oh how I love good conversation… I feel that real conversation– where people are not just agreeing with each other to maintain civility, has become a precious commodity. Very grateful to you for sparking more of this necessary delight. I’m excited! Yes to all of your questions.
I adore Gretchen’s book too, and find her systematic approach to happiness very helpful. I want to know more about her connection with St. Therese. 17 biographies? She kind of glosses over it in the book. It feels like maybe it was edited out, maybe it was considered tangential, but it fascinates me. Is the quest for happiness really the quest for meaning?
Yes, real conversation, actual dialogue that transcends the mere volley back and forth of pleasantries, is so rare these days. Or at least it seems that way to me. Maybe some of you out there are having these conversation?? I am certainly having more of them online than off and that alone gives me pause. What is it about the virtual world that lends itself to conversation. Or the question may be – what about *us* makes it more likely that we will engage in true discussions online? Maybe we are scared about about judgment in our physical worlds?
I too want to know more about St. Therese. What I got from the book is that she represents endless giving and goodness, and also that she was not known or celebrated during her lifetime, but became quite revered posthumously. Perhaps the message is that we should engage in our own lives even if they seem small and not so meaningful because they ultimately are? We will have to ask Gretchen!
Yes, I’m interested in Gretchen’s personal relationship with her chosen spiritual master. I think I would like to read that book.
that came out more woo than I meant it– but 17 biographies are a lot… I want to know more about her insights into the life of the saint.
Aidan, I just love the Happier Hours theory! And the physical as well as virtual application — so fun, creative, inclusive and ambitious in the best way possible. Count me in for the virtual charter list.
So thrilled you are game, Belinda!
Hi Aidan,
What a great idea. In a world where connection can be so fleeting, it’s amazing how there are so many like-minded people in this corner of the Internet we happen to occupy. I’m beyond grateful to have discovered you and all my other writer friends and would be thrilled to be in a virtual salon. (I’m not going to ask if there would be one in Arizona since I haven’t noticed anyone from Arizona except me…)
I can’t wait to hear about your first in-person salon!
Ditto. This little corner of the Internet is nothing short of amazing and I am so pleased to have found you and so many others hanging out here. Whether or not there are a ton of Arizonians online, I am sure you know many women there who would be interested in periodic gatherings to talk about big things? I am beginning to think that this craving – for conversation, for connection, for more – is universal!
I’m on board for the virtual salon! A very cool idea. Good luck with your first one…and congrats on the very impressive first guest!
Hi Aiden,
I don’t write a blog, or ever even comment, actually. But I do read them and I adore yours. I thought of you today when I read this article on npr.
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2010/03/wanna_get_happy_talk_about_wha.html
Cheers!
Aidan, I love your idea for Happier Hours! Count me all of the way in!
I agree with you that the way we spend our hours, and the people with whom we spend them, are so directly connected to our happiness. I never thought I would get to this point in life, but lately I find myself wondering what “happy” really is. That, I hate to admit, makes me wonder how far off from my idea of happiness I truly am.
Exchanging ideas with thinking, present people is a phenomenal experience. Can we ever get enough? I’m thinking we can’t. And, so, I love the idea of the talk and the company and, but of course, the wine. Love it!