One of my best girlfriends, married with two kids, has a best guy friend. They have been friends since college. He is single and the third wheel in their marriage. I guarantee she isn’t attracted to him, and he is her husbands new best friend.

I think yes, in many cases, one person is always attracted. It may even start like that. But sometimes, the more you know someone…you are happy they are dating someone else. You get to share their best qualities and let someone else deal with the rest!

I do believe that there can be a friendship between boys and girls. Even at age 31

Of course, I would always choose marital harmony over these friendships and if my husband ever expressed any doubt I would make changes. But I have never given him any reason not to trust me and in fact at least one of my male friends has become his best ally. Quick to point out when my behaviour is irrational and often siding with my husband in little quibbles.

And sure, there may be some sexual tension. Surely, that is natural considering the attraction that exists in the way I feel about my boy friends to begin with. The thing is, the ability to never cross the line exists in our brains.

I am respectful of people who don’t believe they can have friendships with the opposite sex for this reason. I am frustrated by the number of people who feel it necessary to judge those of us who do, especially those who make comments to my husband like, “you let her spend time with another man? you let her travel with a guy? you let…” Seriously people? Because I am able to control carnal urges and accept friendship in its simplest form? Because my husband trusts me to be able to behave appropriately and respectfully to him and our relationship? Which brings to a whole other post…the word “LET” as if I am a child and not my husband’s partner.

Opps, this went on a lot longer than I intended. Your ability to open up a discussion is nothing short of amazing, Aidan! Thanks.

Husband and I both have a friend of the opposite sex that we are incredibly close to. They were both in our weddings – mine an usher and his a female groom – and we vacation with them and their respective spouses/partners as often as we can.

You trust me or you don’t. The fact that sexual tension might show up isn’t proof that it will or that you will act upon it.

We get different things from different people and I value my female friends. They have been trusted companions. I have traveled with some of them, slept in the same bed and never had any sexual encounters.

There are one or two exceptions, but it has never been a problem and never been a secret. That makes a difference.

At college, I had more boy-friends than girl-friends. Why? I was studying maths and physics, and there weren’t that many girls.

At university, I had a fairly even split.

And now? Still pretty even. A lot of my male friends, I met through my husband, but I will happily call them for coffee. Where they have wives and girlfriends, I make an effort to befriend them too, and try to make sure they know I’m not a threat (I’ve been on the wrong side of jealousy before).

You might be interested in this (short) post, which I wrote last autumn:
http://blog.rachelcotterill.com/2009/09/boys-girls.html