On Getting Older
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Some things we can debate until we are Bulldog blue in the face. But some things are pure fact. One such thing? That with each passing moment, minute, and month, we are getting older.
When we are young, getting older seems only a good thing. A goal. But when we become adults, when we start packing decades under our existential belts, this getting older business is more complicated.
How do I feel about getting older? It depends on the day. Some days, I hate it. The fast march of time. The reminders of lingering mortality. The threatening wrinkles. The robust responsibilities.
But some days, even most days, I’m okay with it. Maybe it’s because I’m settling into a sweet season of my life – boy, babies, blog, book – but I feel that with each day, things are becoming clearer in complexion. I look back at myself ten years ago and I was cute and clueless and fabulously flailing in a sea of question marks. Today, the question marks are still here. And I’m thankful for that. Today, they are friends. Reminders of an abiding depth. Connections to a quirky cosmos.
Gwendolyn Brooks once said, “As you get older, you find that often the wheat, disentangling itself from the chaff, comes out to meet you.”
Per my very favorite metaphor book, separating wheat from the chaff denotes separating the valuable from the useless. With this bit of information in mind, the above quotes really speaks to me. As the years pile up, I feel that I am better able to see – and feel – what matters. As age mounts, I feel that the wheat of meaning – once mixed up with the chaff of excess – sways closer.
I’m not sure I’m making any sense. It’s likely I’m not. But I will publish this odd little musing anyway. Because coherent or no, it is about something big that affects each and every one of us: Time.
Each of us is getting older. Marching on. Away. Through. Toward.
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- How do you feel about the reality of aging?
- Do you think it’s acceptable these days to embrace the physical effects of age, or do you think our culture – as Hollywood evidences – is obsessed with prolonging youth at all costs?
- How do you personally handle the emergence of wrinkles and wisdom?
- For you, is aging about growing or graying or both?
- Do you think things become clearer or more complicated with age?
- Do you think our attitudes about aging are tied up in what we have – and have not – accomplished so far?
- Would you shave years off your age if it also meant shaving off everything that’s happened to you in those years?
I like getting older, looking back at how young and foolish I *ahem* WAS. Not just that, but seeing how the insecure teenage years, the peer pressure, the uncertainty, are now replaced with a slower and more satisfying life. Not sure if that constitutes wheat, but I thought I’d chuck it in there.
Being considerably older than you are, aging is just a part of life. We can participate – a blog post I read earlier this morning on participating in life made me use that word – or not. If we don’t participate, even in aging, we are just spectators in our own lives. Who wants that?
I do think that some of Hollywood and some of our culture are becoming less youth oriented. Not perfect but less.
I recall finding that first gray hair. I was 25 and maybe 9 months, travelling on business and in Atlanta. First, I felt out of place as I was the only married woman at training. Then, I was doubly odd. I had three kids, with the twins having been born five months earlier. I was still using a breast pump. Then, the damn gray hair. What one of the other, maybe a year older than I, women said was I had earned that gray hair. That sort of stuck with me.
I wouldn’t trade my life at this age for youth again. Being younger now is much tougher than it was when I was a teen or early twenties. I wouldn’t want to go through that.
I’m definitely feeling the reality of aging. Physically due to a recent hysterectomy, emotionally due to empty nest syndrome but pleasantly spiritually due to what I have picked up along the way. There have been ups and downs but I wouldn’t trade any of it now for the lessons learned and the wisdom gained. Its priceless.
I started getting gray hairs early. I blamed Mr Hubby but I’m sure its genetic. Anyway I still get my hair colored to keep my sexy going on but I cant always get there in time. So from time to time I walk around sporting a gray stripe.Recently I was at a gathering and a woman I hadn’t met yet approached me to start chatting. In the conversation she revealed to me that the reason she wanted to talk to me was because it was obvious I put others before myself. I asked her what made her think that, and she said because your gray roots are showing so its obvious you take time for others before yourself. That was a nice compliment! I must be aging well!
I regret all the time I have wasted by being distracted or not really paying attention – all the moments that I can’t have back, as much as I desperately wish I could. But at the same time, I am aware, as you say, of certain things growing more comfortable, more familiar, more welcoming. I wish I could focus more on the latter.
I’m 48 but I feel healthier and happier than I have at any time in my life. I definitely get the wheat/chaff thing. What’s important seems so much clearer, and I’m more able to enjoy the process of things, versus itching for the final outcome.
Having said that, adjusting to facial lines and having to eat much less just to not gain weight are not at all pleasant. But I keep reminding myself that in 10 years 48 will seem young to be, so I best enjoy it now…
i’ll be 29 in a few weeks, and quite honestly, i cannot wait until i can say that i’m 30 or even “in my 30s.” the anticipation of embarking on a new decade of me is exciting to think about.
i know, totally weird, right?
aging, as of now, doesn’t bother me, nor is it even something i concern myself with or think about much… and i know, i know, this is probably because i’m only 28.
my husband’s grandparents (his grandfather passed away this fall and is jackson’s namesake) were together for over 70 years. they were the absolute cutest thing to see together. i’ll never forget watching his grandparents at my now brother-in-law’s high school graduation years ago. jack helped his wife of 70 years up and down the bleachers of the stadium in such a gentle, gallant way… i couldn’t help but watch them hold on to each other’s arms and think “gosh, i want that.”
in the 2 years that i’ve been a mother, i’ve giggled at my changing body that has aged and altered as a result of not only housing a child for 9 months, but also with age.
i’m proud of it though, and comfortable in my own skin. i look at the veins that pop on top of my hands as i type this and i’m reminded of the veins that pop on top of my mom’s hands.
it makes me smile.
I’m with you, Nic. I’ve been wishing I could say I’m in my 30s for practically all my 20s. It’s difficult being the youngest person in the office. And besides, I’ve always been an old soul, mentally somewhere in my 40s!
I wouldn’t trade my 20s for anything though, because they have been the turning point of “growing up.” Figuring out who I am, what my strengths and weaknesses are, learning to handle my emotions and keep things in perspective. I feel much more “at peace” with life now.
Approaching 30 has led me to think more carefully about some of my behaviors. I’ve started to wear sunscreen, use anti-aging night cream, and eat better (some days). Small steps…
One of the many many reasons I’m so lucky to have my mother is her view on aging, which I hope to be able to embrace myself when it starts to become an “issue.” At the risk of this comment sounding totally melodramatic and preachy, ever since my mom survived cancer she hasn’t minded birthdays and I haven’t ever heard her complain about her age because, as she puts it, biologically she wasn’t meant to be here anymore, so it’s an extra year she got.
The whole aging business doesn’t bother me too much – after all, age is just a number, right?
However, sometimes I wonder when my brain will catch up with my actual age, because – even though I feel more mature obviously, my brain still thinks I am in my mid-twenties and I just turned 34.
I have been blessed with my mom’s genes, so even in my mid-thirties, I still get carded, which sometimes can be rather inconvenient (not bragging – there is a point here, I swear).
But what I don’t see on my face, I see in my head, as those questions, as you said, become more familiar, and instead of fearing the unknown, I let these questions gently guide me towards it, in a way that is in my control, not hurtling towards its vortex like I did when I was younger.
With age comes serenity and clarity that center me every day, and I will not trade them for better skin or hair.
However, this answer may change with my first grey and wrinkle, so I may have to revisit this when the person that looks back at me in the mirror is someone I don’t recognize.
I am not at all good at getting older. It causes me a tremendous amount of discomfort, and I don’t mean the superficial kind (wrinkles, sagging), but a fear that life is passing me by and I’m missing something. I remember being young and literally believing the world would be my oyster(how’s that for a metaphor), thinking deep inside myself that I could and would do anything. As we get older that naivete dims and we realize that there will be limitations and we won’t do everything. It freaks me out. It’s strange because as I’ve grown older I feel like I understand myself less. Maybe that too has to do with the naivete of youth, a time when we thought we knew so much, but really didn’t.
Getting older doesn’t seem to bother me. On my last birthday I turned 40 and I got hung up on the number a tad bit. But in reality, my life is better than it’s ever been. As for looking as young as possible, I’ll leave that up to healthy living and attitude. No Hollywood-type measures for me.
it does make sense, astoundingly so. Thank you for this lovely essay this morning.
In my early twenties, one of my closest friends asked me if I felt young or old. I couldn’t answer. I was just so unsure. I think, looking back, I felt young in the sense of wisdom, I pretty much had no clue. And I still don’t, really. But that’s what I love about aging too, this ability to get something out of all the experiences of the years. Now I feel young and old at the same time, always. I hope it’s always that way.
I’m 43 and honestly, I feel more at home in my own skin than ever before. This was really evident in the time I worked at a ski resort with mostly 20-somethings. I felt such relief that I was past the point of trying so hard to be ‘cool.’
At this point, I know myself, I know what I want and need and best of all, I have the self-confidence to make sure I get it (at least most of the time!)
I have friends who have seen me at my best and at my worst, and still love me.
I started going gray when I was in college (genetics!) and so it never really felt like a sign of aging to me. Even though I’m pretty salt and peppery, I’m not really interested in coloring it. I’m grateful to live in an area where the ‘natural look’ is perfectly acceptable so I don’t feel any pressure to color my hair.
I don’t like it that I can’t run as fast or as far as I used to or that any injury seems to take longer to heal. But I’m inspired by those who are obviously many years older than me out there running and hiking, especially when they pass me!
I’m with Nikki on not wanting to do my 20s again. It was great when I was there, but there are some hard lessons to learn and I wouldn’t want to do it again!
I’ll be 41 in a few weeks. Turning 40 was surprisingly hard for me. I had never cared about a birthday before,but there were some outside influences that made it far tougher.
Most of the time I don’t feel old and I picture myself as I looked when I was 20. I am often surprised to see myself in the mirror, sounds stupid but it is true.
But I have begun to notice that my reference points are different than others. I had a typewriter through most of college. Vietnam was the war that my parent’s generation fought in or against.
No one had cellphones in high school because they didn’t exist. You might have had a beeper.
What I have noticed is that I am far more conscious of the passage of time. I don’t feel like I have forever to play with anymore so I am focusing on doing the things that I need to do.
Anyway, this is running long so I’ll end it here. Probably worth writing a post about on my blog, maybe later.
I don’t like that my knees hurt (too many years of sports) but I like that I am more centered on the inside. I will be 30 next week and I think a big reason why I am not freaking the F out is because I’ve made changes in my life to go after what I want. I am doing it. I am living a life I want and enjoying it.
Even if my knees sounds like celery breaking in half when I bend them.
I loved your entry this morning. Aging is something on every adult’s mind at some point. We all face the realities, both good and bad, eventually. There’s beauty and wisdom in aging. There’s heartbreak and ugliness there, too.
Aging and me? We’re good. The abundance of products in my medicine cabinet may appear to say otherwise, but I am at peace with this process. My goal is to grow older and wiser without becoming grumpier and stodgier. I want to share what I know and surround myself with people I can continue to learn from for the rest of my days.
And let’s be honest, if I can manage to live a full, productive life while also keeping some of the wrinkles, aches, and pains at bay, that’s all the better!
i’m with you. the clarity that comes with age far outweighs the “so called” decline of exteriors. when i see a wirey white hair on my head, i feel mostly gratitude that it probably came along with a much-needed lesson.