Skinnier or Smarter?
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This is a silly question. This is a serious question.
Take a moment. Look at yourself objectively. Impossible, I know. But try. Step away and squint. Size yourself up. Physically. Emotionally. Intellectually. At this point in your life, are you beautiful? Are you self-aware? Are you smart?
Now. Tell me something. If you could enhance your body or your brain – be skinner or smarter – which would you choose? (Please note that I am using the terms skinniness and smartness as proxies for body and mind because I like alliteration.) If you could wave that proverbial magic wand and have Gisele’s gazelle-like physique or Nietzsche’s robust noggin, what would it be?
There is no right answer. I know you think you should up your smarts given the choice, that this is somehow the appropriate response to this ridiculous inquiry, but I’m not so sure. Like it or not, appearances count for a whole lot in our world. Just this week I learned that blondes earn on more than their brunette counterparts. (Go Team Blonde! Wait, am I a true blonde? Hmmm.)
To realize that this question has a bit more depth than it first appears, consider the following question. Think about your kids. Whether you have them or not. Now think about them thirty years from now. Would you rather your progeny be brilliant but terribly unattractive and unhealthy? Or would you prefer that your child be gorgeous with not much going on upstairs? I know. I know. This is an awful question. Life does not work in this either-or manner. But which would you rather?
Okay, back to today. And you. If you could up the ante physically or intellectually, what would it be? And why?
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Do you think our culture values brains or beauty more? How often do you think that exquisite brains and exquisite physical beauty commingle in the same person? Do you think that at a certain point beauty detracts from brains and vice versa?
Everyone struggles and...
I’m sure this will sound incredibly conceited — and probably for good reason — but I consider myself pretty smart and pretty attractive! (And so modest, too! Haha)
And you’re absolutely right: appearances count for quite a bit in our world, regardless of how we may individually feel about it. I think culture probably values beauty more, though I wouldn’t say that intelligence is looked down upon or anything like that. Not at all!
I’ll go ahead and say that if I could wave a magic wand and be instantly smarter or skinnier, I’d choose skinnier — for the extra boost in confidence. Women who are both cunningly intelligent and gorgeous could potentially take over the world. But I guess this opens up another issue… does skinnier = happier? Can you be both beautiful and heavy? Overweight but still beautiful and smart?
Oh, the options… and my aching head!
haha!
Thought-provoking post!
You asked this question on twitter yesterday. Jokingly, I answered, “If I were any smarter I’d scare myself. Skinnier.” That sounds really arrogant, but was not a serious answer. Honestly, I try not to look at things the way our culture does. Do people value beauty? Absolutely. People are far more inclined to believe an attractive person, but it doesn’t take long to uncover whether or not they are genuine in my opinion.
I only have control over myself and find my mind and I have a great thing going. I love to think, read, write, and all these things keep my brain busy and stimulated.
As for my children (I have three) I’ve tried to reaffirm pieces of their character over physical values. Instead of, “Oh, you look so pretty,” I’d say, “That was very kind of you.” They should find validation in their character and mind not their looks. In thirty years I simply want them happy. Now, I’ve got to go run and tell my four year old daughter to stop shaking her booty. Bye
Welcome to ILI! Joking or no, I loved your original response on Twitter and it was your punchy humor there that got me over to your wonderful blog. I hope others here check it out too – http://harleymay.com/. I love how you say that your mind and you have a great thing going. I feel the same way. And I find your musings on this brains and beauty dilemma in the context of parenthood insightful. We must be careful about the words we use when raising our little ones.
Thank you for popping by!
Oh this is so not fair. First of all, I would never want my kids to be unhealthy so that would make the decision right there. You can still have a wonderful life if you’re not the sharpest crayon in the box.
Can I stay as smart as I am now and choose skinny? Or do I have to be dumb and skinny, cuz then I’d choose smart.
Oh Aidan, what a tangled web. I know I should be all politically correct and say “Why, smart of course, no contest.”
But I’m not that dishonest…
Argghgh! As you say, I know what the answer should be. But having recently gained some post-wedding weight, I don’t honestly know what my answer is. In reality, I am lucky–I am not brilliant, but intelligent enough, I think, to engage in stimulating conversation and have something thoughtful to add. I am not super-svelte, but my legs are healthy enough to support me at a steady pace on the treadmill for 45 minutes a few times a week. If I were SO MUCH of one, or NOTHING of the other, this would be an easier question. Of course, I generally want it all in life, so I want to say both. I want to be able to discuss health care and current events with MUCH more confidence and a larger arsenal of info at in my nogging to contribute. I want to fit back into my skinny jeans.
I would say smarter, even though I feel I am intelligent, I think that everyone is given a certain amount of “smarts” at birth. So while I think there are many ways to educate yourself to become more intelligent, I do feel there is a set limit to everyone’s intelligence. Whether it be your ability to retain information, think outside of the box, etc. I would pinch a baby if I could make sense of math…
Skinny is self attainable. Anyone can do it, it just takes motivation. I went from a size 20 to a 6, and yes it was hard, but impossible? no, it just takes you being your own magic wand!
I love the honesty in the comments! I’m joining the skinny bandwagon — maybe it’s because as a stay at home mom, if my IQ stays where it is, my baby likely wont notice, but if I lost 10 lbs (can I add them to my chest? in my hypothetical world, the answer is YES), I’d be a lot happier.
Pause. Rereading what I just wrote, I’m not even sure if that’s true! Just a few months ago, I was more than 10 lbs thinner and sporting MUCH bigger boobs (*think metabolism disorder plus breast feeding*) and don’t think I was any happier than I am now. What does this mean for me. Hmmmm.
Body. I’d definitely want a better body, and I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t really have to think about it. Bigger boobs, smaller hips, cuter feet. It’s sick that I’m writing this, isn’t it?!
I find it interesting, but not surprising, to know that attractive people do better in this world. But hopefully our society’s definition of “attractive” changes over time to reflect health (healthy curves, natural skin tone instead of tanned, wrinkles and all).
This is really a tough one. I sure wouldn’t mind losing a couple pounds, but I consider myself pretty ‘cute’ and I do think it works to my advantage. I do think it’s easier to get through life as an attractive ditz to a homely genius. I think at this point in my life, I would choose intelligence in order to move up professionally and be taken more seriously.
But now you’ve got me wondering if the money it would take to turn into a believable blonde would be well offset by the increase in pay!
I would want to be whichever one stops me from obsessing about the other! Both hold (false?) promises of happiness and are very tempting to view as the road to success/feeling good. If I am in a certain crowd, I want them to see me as smart—around others, I opt for put together, good looking, etc. I guess that it means I need to become more comfortable in my own skin/brain.
Very interesting – and sage – point re: false promises. I think that so many of us, too many of us, fall prey to the thinking that if we only lost ten pounds or accomplished X we would finally be Happy. I do think there is something more than compelling about the prospect of stopping our obsessive striving for perfection in both arenas. If only we could all just settle into ourselves, who we are, and stop fixating on the “more” and the “better.”
This is a tough question to answer, because I’d probably choose neither. The PC answer would appear to be smarter, but, ultimately, selecting either beauty or brains involves admitting you’re deficient, a path my pride is hesitant to take.
For me, beauty and brains are intermingled, and they are getting more so as I age. I have known beautiful people who I’d consider ugly because they’re ignorant or judgmental. I’ve know seemingly unattractive people who are beautiful because of their compassion and intelligence.
Perhaps I’ve copped out because I haven’t answered the question, but thanks for the opportunity to comment.
Welcome to ILI! So interesting that you are hesitant to admit deficiencies because I find that I am constantly diagnosing deficiencies in myself and my life and trying to fix them. You make an important point about the fact that brains and beauty cannot necessarily be readily separated, how they in fact inform each other and profoundly. And I happen to love cop-outs, so no apologies necessary!
Thanks for popping by
I’m going to be one of those annoying people who ask for more wishes when they’re granted three and say I want more of both.
Pretty please?
I am beautiful and smart and overweight — just to answer your first commenter’s question. Yes, it’s both possible and extremely common.
I don’t think I’d take either pill. I enjoy the process of learning and absorbing new information, so insta-smart doesn’t seem very fulfilling. What’s the use in containing loads of information if you don’t have the tactile memory of how and why it’s important?
Similarly, I wouldn’t want to wake up tomorrow skinny. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy society’s praise and acceptance for my body size, but would it remain attainable or would I have to go through the process of gaining weight all over again? I’d rather reach a health, maintainable weight through my own hard work and effort.
Also, if I were smarter and more beautiful, my head might just not fit through the door. I’m just sayin.
I’ve always been labeled as “smart” and was never intellectually incapable of anything I set my mind to. (Graduate level statistics doesn’t count, I could have, just had no motivation!) I never though of myself as the “pretty” one, no matter what group of girls I ran with, but I was ok with that.
These days, I go to bed nightly with hubby whispering in my ear how beautiful and sexy I am. That I could model if I wanted. Each day, I help him with the answers to the paper’s crossword puzzle when it stumps him, and he tells me that I’m a genius. It really makes me feel like maybe, just maybe, I could be both. I’m incredibly lucky, and content with both my smarts and looks.
All that being said, I wouldn’t mind losing a few pounds…not that I need to see size 3 ever again, but I’d feel a bit healthier without my belly. But, as has already been pointed out by numerous other posters, I don’t need a magic wand for that. Just less cheesecake.
Oh this is a fun one! I too love the honesty in the comments.
I choose smart although I consider myself to be smart and have been told by others that they consider me to be so as well. The reason I choose smart is because I have run into some unfortunate things in pursuit of my career that make me not want to be any more attractive or skinny. I am skinny, and I am pretty. And men treat me like an idiot, or assume that I am an admin because I couldn’t possibly be smart enough to be their lawyer. I feel like I have to play the “man” game and let all the obnoxious comments roll off my back in order to ensure my work flow does not stop. Is it right, of course not, but is it the way the game is played? Hell yeah it is. And I want to win the game, so I am playing.
So while being attractive is nice, and helps in my personal life, I find it a detriment in my professional life. I think it is easier for good looking men to be successful than good looking women, although I think it is easier for good looking women to be successful than less attractive women.
I would love to be taken immediately seriously when someone sees me in a meeting for the first time and would love for clients to stop referring to me as “that cute girl” (I’m almost 30 by the way). I would love for the male client to not request my male co-worker to be in a meeting and repeat what I said word-for-word and have him agree with my male co-worker but fight me on it. I think that if I had ridiculous brains that could bowl anyone over, it would help immensely to get me over that pretty girls can’t be smart hump faster and more effectively.
While, I’m only in my late-teens (thus, haven’t really seen or experienced “the real world”), I think I’d go with beauty. We did a gender studies unit in my AP Lit class, and we discussed (for 3 long weeks) about how society expects women to be beautiful and her success (as a woman) depends on her beauty (we even analyzed Snow White to go more in-depth). While the whole unit sort of depressed me (because I found out that the ideal woman used to be someone who is 1) pretty, 2) passive, and 3) doesn’t think), I feel like some of the things I’ve learned are true. Beauty can make up for an “average” (I’m not sure what I mean by this term) IQ.
However, I do think personality plays a huge role. When I become friends with people I think I look at the person before how pretty or smart they are (although…okay, so I’m kinda lying. Because I think prettier people do tend to at least *seem* nicer). At the end of the day, I don’t having one or the other will make you or break you. Balance is key.
I’ve thought this through. My gut reaction (terrible pun intended) was that I want Giselle’s body to call my own. Moments (and plenty of “should” shame) later, I changed my mind. Gimme mega-brain! It only took a few neuron pulses for me to flip-flop again, back to where I started, back to where I’ll stay. Bodily Hotness. Mine. Now. Please?
Here’s my thinking (justification?):
What would a mega-brain do to my life? I may find the company of my loved ones to be too dull if I were suddenly their undisputed intellectual superior. Maybe mega-brain would alter the dynamic in my marriage … to one very witty and intelligent man. Would I still find him so clever? Maybe. But these relationships are too important for me to screw around with by eating from the knowledge tree.
Now a Giselle body on the other hand … This would not present any problem in my marriage. Quite the opposite probably, though I’d prefer not to think about how thrilled Hubby would be if I experienced this kind of corporeal transformation. And I’m sure it wouldn’t drastically affect my true friendships if I were a knock-out. I’m not the kind of person to obnoxiously flaunt my hot bod…ok, maybe just a little, but only until the newness wore off. And no husband/boyfriend stealing, I promise! (see above re: value I place on my own marriage) In fact, it probably would improve my social relationships as I occasionally (ok, often) avoid social plans if I feel like I don’t look right in my clothes, especially if said plans require a bathing suit. If I were rocking Giselle’s physique, I would confidently stride into any cocktail party, country club pool or mom’s group playdate. Surely getting out and spending time with friends is good for friendships!
So, if you’ve got that magic wand handy, I’ve made my choice. And I’ll be waiting!!!
PS I’m choosing to ignore your hypothetical about my baby girl (7 mos). She is clearly going to be a genius super-model, so why bother with it?! smirk.
Let me say first, that I think we shouldn’t conflate health with skinniness or beauty. Our society equates fat=unhealthy and skinny=unhealthy and that’s just not accurate, and creates a lot of problems. Furthermore, there are some studies that indicate that people in the “overweight” BMI (which, by the way, is a problematic measure in itself) actually have longer lifespans than those in the “underweight” category, and even possibly longer than those in the “healthy weight” category.
I personally would choose skinny right now though. This is partially because I already know I’m pretty smart, and aside from possibly a greater understanding of statistics, more intelligence isn’t going to add anything to my life. However, I have at times been much skinnier, but grad school has caused me to pack on the pounds in the past couple years, and it’s very frustrating.
Nonetheless, I should add that, despite being a bit chunkier than I want to be, I am much happier right now than the times in my life when I was much skinnier… My skinniest times have actually corresponded with my unhappiest times… So I don’t think skinny=happy.
Finally, I should add, it IS possibly to be VERY smart and beautiful. However, it seems that if you’re very attractive, people sometimes assume that you CAN’T be that smart, and treat you like you must be a dumb beauty (not speaking of myself here, but a very beautiful, intelligent friend).
If I have kids someday, I hope that they recognize their own unique intelligence and beauty, and would encourage them to recognize both, even if it’s not “intelligence” or “beauty” in the way we traditionally recognize.
Welcome to this neck of the bloggy woods! You make an important and necessary point about not conflating skinniness and health. Admittedly, I should have been more cautious in my choice of words here. In effect, I wanted to pose the question of whether we would choose to up our attractiveness or our intellect. But it does say something that I chose “skinny” as the proxy for beauty, doesn’t it? Patently, I, like so many of us, see thin as beautiful and that is potentially problematic. Perhaps this is too much information, but I often find that when I am anxious about something in my life, I often start focusing on my body, on my weight. I think this is because it is a mechanism of control. This is a tangent, I know.
Very interesting point re: being both beautiful and smart. It is indeed possible to be both, but perhaps not maximally insofar as society assumes we cannot truly be both…
I am in awe of the truly brilliant people I work with and am constantly amazed by them. But sadly, I think I might choose skinnier. Not because I couldn’t stand to be smarter, but I am pretty good at what I do and I think looking better might help more in my day to day life. It is not that I am overweight or unattractive, but I choose skinnier because that would make me happier with the way I look. (Maybe I were about to take the SAT or the LSAT, I’d choose smarter but those ships have long sailed
!) I do think it’s the whole combination, of being smart, hard working, respectful of others, and attractive that spells success, being overly blessed in one area and woefully deficient in the other doesn’t strike me as something I would ever choose.
First of all – of course I wouldn’t want my children to be unhealthy, but “ugly” and not-skinny isn’t unhealthy, is it? So unfair question.
Secondly, I’m pretty damn satisfied with my smarts and you asked if I would choose skinnier or smarter (which I interpret as “than what you are”) – so I’d go for skinnier. Never heard of anyone being happier because they got either smarter or skinnier, and I’ve never tried the latter, so it would be an interesting experiment.
Malin – Welcome to the ILI comment box! Admittedly, I was a bit clumsy in my choice of words here. It is important that we do not conflate health and beauty or health and skinniness. That said, being wildly obese is certainly not healthy. But I agree that is not at all the point of this post really.
Now you have me wondering whether people actually experience enhanced happiness by losing weight or gaining smarts. I imagine that both can indeed add to well-being, right? It seems logical that someone who has taken an insightful class, or honed mental muscles, might feel happier and more positive about life? Equally, it seems that someone who has shaped up physically might experience a boost in confidence and outlook?
Thanks much for popping by ILI!
Wow, tough one. But I’d go for skinnier. I think I over-think things enough already but I could definitely use a little help in the skinny department. However, if I’m going to pick skinny — it has to be skinny while still eating absolutely whatever I want! Now THAT would make me happy!
So interesting because I would worry about the over-thinking thing too. I already analyze everything to the point of madness, so I fear that if I chose smarter than it would get unwieldy. Then again, maybe really brilliant people know how to not over-think things? Hmmm…
Oh, and skinny + eat WHATEVER = Happiness. For sure
In the immortal words of Fernando… It’s better to loook good than to feel good, andyou loook marvverlous…and you know who you are. Just saying.
Always Bumby
This might be a cop out, but I think I would choose smarter simply because I have far fewer insecurities about my looks/weight than I do about how I handle myself in intellectual situations. To feel very secure in my own intelligence I think would be empowering indeed. Had you asked me this before children and marriage I would have felt very differently.
PS If I am very, very, intelligent, perhaps then I would be bright enough to know what NOT to eat and could gain the benefit of losing a few pounds at the same time.
Oh, Aidan. You challenge me and crack me up at the same time
I need a cocktail to find out exactly where I stand on the feeling/thinking internal battle I’m having right this moment…
I am exceedingly, handsome, clever and quite humble. If you don’t believe me, ask my mom.
I suspect that this is a bigger issue for women than men, but I’ll weigh in on it.
I had the body at 20. Six pack abs that girls loved, muscles that rippled and a metabolism that let me eat 50k calories a day without ill effect.
Had a good head on my shoulders and was consistently among the top of my class, so I had some brains to go with it.
Now at a few weeks shy of 41 I am softer in places and the muscles don’t quite ripple the way that they used to. Some do haven’t gone completely to seed, but age/responsibility has caught up.
My initial impetus is that it would be nice to have that 20 year old body back, but the brains pick at me. I am not stupid, not by a long shot, but I can do more. I find myself feeling like I am smart enough to almost grasp a bunch of things.
I don’t want to grasp anymore, I want to consume and digest that knowledge. Give the me the brains and I’ll figure out how to get the brawn.
I’m going with skinnier because even though I would choose smart over skinny, I am ok with my noggin. Giselle I am not and will never be without the magic wand you mentioned. And if I’m getting the magic wand, I’ll take Giselle’s body but not sure I want to trade faces
A very interesting slew of comments here. While I am a big fan of Gretchen Rubin’s “arrival fallacy” when it comes to weight loss. I cannot lie. I counsel clients all day long and while weight loss or being leaner in no way makes an unhappy person happy…it may just make them a little happier.
I’ll take door #3. Healthier.
Without that, the rest matters a lot less. (But throw in some hot stilettos, and that makes everything better.
)
On Twitter I asked if this was a trick question. For me, it’s bring on the skinny! This post-40 weight gain BS is, well, BS. I’ve been smart my whole life (actually have a Nobel Prize winner for Physics in my family!), so I feel pretty well covered in that arena. Sorry to quote a MasterCard commercial but, losing 5-10 lbs and keeping it off? Priceless.
I’m over-educated and I’ve worn a size 0 for most of my life. Some people have told me I’m too smart for my own good. When I’m in really good physical shape women tell me I’m too thin. Men are impressed by critical thinking skills and problem solving abiity whether I can run a mile or not. I’m more comfortable when people comment my brains rather than my weight, because intelligence is something you work at but your physical attributes (weight included) are a matter of genetics.
As an ivy league PhDer with only somewhat attractive looks, I’ll take the looks please! After all, this is a bonus addition, you’re not asking me to become a dunce to get this. But I would rather have a bit more of the social lubricant that comes from attractiveness than insane-genius-level IQ, which would just make me feel obligated to spend my life doing something Really, Really Important (rather than the burden I already feel that I’d better do something Pretty Important.)
As for my kids, give them the brains please! I do enjoy my brains very much, I’m sure they’d like them too. Plus, they’ll be my kids. They’ll always be good looking to me. It’s just the way we’re wired.
Of course, the best thing of all would be for them to have personalities that are kind to others and to themselves. I guess I’d rather take one of those too than any more brains or looks, if it’s on the table.
I was going to say smarter, but then I got pizza all over my laptop.
I’d totally go skinnier. My brain is huge but my stomach is bigger.
skinnier. but not actually skinnier – just prettier. i want to say smarter but the truth is, if someone really offered me the choice of being head turningly beautiful or mind bogglingly smart (like how i just used non-words to express the fact that i’m content with my intellect? nice job, self), I’d pick the former. after asking for both, of course.
I’m happy with how smart I am. How many times exactly can a girl be told “she thinks too much.” Enough already. And yet, I’m half a complete ditz, which I wouldn’t want to lose, even to be a super genius.
I’m a very good weight for my height so any wishing for skinniness means that I’m wishing to be underweight. And, yeah, I could see me being that crazy. I’m definitely crazy enough to want to have a 10 pound wedge between where I am now, where gaining 5 pounds would be a big, fat, gargantuan hip problem, and knowing that I’d be thin even if I did.
I chose younger. I want to look younger. Not botox younger. Like for reals younger.
Hmm. Good question. My first thought was I want to be skinnier. I like it when I feel like I look good. I’ve lost a good amount of weight recently and I honestly liked the attention I got. When I think about your question more though…. I think I’d like to be a little bit smarter. I’m not a dummy mind you, but my husband and two sons are pretty gifted in the brains department. Our typical dinner conversation is a discussion on how close to the Black Hole can you get before you are sucked in? (Really…who cares?). They lose me half the time. I would like to be smarter so that I can ponder these things. Hmmm. Good question!
First, about the blond’s make more money part — that really could have a lot more to do with racism than looks.
As for the question at hand, if I had been born looking like Heidi Klum and as smart as Bill Gates, I’d be a worse person to other people than I am today. My imperfections and struggles make me compassionate and keep me from becoming too judgmental — two traits I’d prefer to have over more skinniness and more smarts (even if they don’t make me filthy rich and married to Seal:-).
…but, if I could be born a saint as well as Bill Gates in Heidi Klum’s (healthy) body? I’ll take heaven any day!
I’m way, way behind on my bloggy rounds and am rather late to the comment party, but I love the discussion here and wanted to keep it going: if I could keep my current physical specs, I’d go for more brains.
To answer simply, I’d choose to be prettier (though in my case it wouldn’t be to be skinnier). I don’t think that actual intelligence matters as much as how you use it. If you’re curious about the world, have drive and a bunch of other personality traits to make you a success. You can be curious, a constant learner, interested and therefore interesting, with a higher IQ or with a lower IQ.