Do Vegans Hate Babies?
- 05
- 11
- 10
I had the most maddening experience yesterday. Okay, not the most. But it was plenty maddening.
Here’s the setup: Sister C and I recently enrolled our little ones in the same music class (my Baby and her Baby Bulldog). We figured it was a stellar idea. We’d convene for a late afternoon date on a rainbow carpet where our little ones could run about dancing, shaking germy maracas, and live it up. And then the best part? We could grab a quick bite for the babes/glass o’ wine for the moms at the yummy vegan restaurant right next door right after!
(Yes, it is yummy and vegan.)
Anyway. Yesterday was the first day of said class. And at the last minute, I called Sister C to tell her that Baby was a little under the weather after her uncharacteristic three hour nap. Her 101 temp confirmed the fact that she should not be frolicking with her baby cousin or other anonymous NYC tots. Fine. But I told Sister C that I would still meet her for Part B of our genius plan; at the vegan restaurant.
So. We met up. Got ourselves a table in the back of the mostly-empty restaurant. Sister C placed her hunky (and walking at nine months!) Baby Bulldog into a high chair, scattered some organic cheddar bunnies on his sticky-placemat-deal. We ordered some baby-friendly fare and two glasses of wine. Perfection.
But then. About ten minutes into our quasi-meal, Baby Bulldog got a bit antsy. (Because this is what babies do.) He even let out a little protesting squeal. (Again par for the course in babyland.)
At this point, a fellow patron of the restaurant, a much older man, screamed out, “Helllooooo! Helllloooo! My ears! My ears! Helloooo! Helloooo! My ears! My ears!”
In all honesty, this man made far more of a ruckus than my little nephew. Far more. And the odd thing is that this man wouldn’t let up. He shot daggers at me and rolled his eyes. And I looked at him and very politely said, in a hushed tone, “Sir, he is a baby.”
And then he rolled his eyes at me and said, “And this is a restaurant.”
And then I said, “Sir, it’s 5pm.”
The deal is that both of us were 100% right. Baby Bulldog is a baby. It was a restaurant. It was also 5pm.
The man did not let it go and it became clear that we were being evicted. From this family-friendly restaurant that shares a wall with a place called Kidville. From this place that offers discounts to diners with Kidville memberships. From this little light-flooded eatery on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, a world that might as well be renamed Strollerville. And so. Sister C and I asked for the check and for our food to be packed up and we slipped out. Leaving this old vegan man behind.
(It’s worth noting that I am not a bad mom because I left my feverish tyke. Husband was home from his travels and Baby was actually quite happy given her temp. Also worth admitting that I have no idea whether this anonymous curmudgeon is a vegan. And I also have no clue about his medical history. He could have issues with his ears. It’s possible. My hunch? He was just a meanie.)
Truth be told, it was not a big deal. These things happen all the time. I know this. And yet, I was angry. Shouldn’t we all be able to dine out with our tiny creatures at early hours in scarcely-populated restaurants? Shouldn’t everyone – no matter what age or dietary leaning – who walks into a restaurant in broad daylight in a neighborhood overrun by babies and dogs assume the risk of hearing a baby cry for a moment or two? Am I hugely biased because I am a mother of two young girls? Will I feel different about this fifty years from now?
I don’t know. I really don’t. I do know though that this very thing has happened to me with my own kids in this very same restaurant. But it was with a different guy. A much younger guy. It was many months ago and when, during our meal, Baby’s babble gave way to a cry, this guy pierced me with his glare and then put on big soundproof headphones in a huff. To me, it was a bizarre and dramatic response to normal baby behavior. And that was during lunch!
Anyway. It doesn’t really matter. There are no universal conclusions to be drawn here. But I am beginning to wonder whether certain people – (vegans? men who frequent vegan restaurants?) – hate babies?
__________________________
- What do you think?
- Am I so entrenched in my identity as a parent that I cannot see a certain angle of this story?
- Have you ever had a similar experience when dining out?
- Have you ever been on the man’s side of things? Have you ever told a parent to quiet his/her kids or leave?
- Do you think particular people (say, those who do not eat dairy or other animal products) are missing a baby-loving chip?
My book hits stores in ONE WEEK, so I must add the below image. Thanks to many of you, Life After Yes is now up to #68,768 in the Amazon rankings. With a few clicky-clicks on your part, maybe it will be at #50,000 by the end of the day? And at #84 by next week? Hey, it’s hardly illegal for a (nervous and nauseous) girl to dream, right? 
Oh this is a sensitive issue. I am not a kid person, but I also understand that many people are and they should be allowed to enjoy some time outside of their houses with their children. But, do I cringe when I hear a baby squeal in a restaurant or an airplane, etc., at any time of day? Yes. Have I ever stared a parent down or made a family feel as though they need to leave a public place or eatery, etc., HELL NO. Because that’s rude. A few squeals are fine, I get it, it’s what babies do. But when the baby starts to scream consistently, AND the parent does not excuse him or herself with said baby? That is when I might start to get a little irritated. We should all be able to enjoy ourselves at restaurants, etc., parents and non-parents alike. I think it is up to all parties to act in a way that is respectful to each other. A few squeals? No big deal. Screaming for minutes? Please know when to excuse yourself. I would expect the same from patrons who were with someone who was visibly intoxicated and causing a scene.
And I think I am missing the baby loving chip. LOL That sounds horrible, but it’s just not my bag. I smile politely when children do things that are widely regarded as cute, but it has never made me want a baby. I am happy to play with someone’s kids for a short period of time, but I could never do it for longer than a little while. but, does that mean I don’t think that parents should be able to take their children out to eat? Of course not.
You might feel differently in a few years and slightly jarred when you hear a baby cry, but you will *not* act like those two men. You will be polite and smile in sympathy at the mom or dad who also wishes her/his baby was quieter but understands that life isn’t perfect and it’s so much more enjoyable when we’re nice and supportive of each other. You being at that restaurant, next to a kid-friendly place, at any time, was completely acceptable. If a restaurant offers special discounts for families and accommadates them in any way, kids are fair game there. The New York Times had an article about kid-friendly, upscale restaurants this weekend and, unfortunately, the readers did not like it, if the comments are a fair barometer. I stand by my opinion that if a restaurant welcomes children with special accommodations (friendly staff, high chairs, offers to make meals off the menu for little ones), the parents should feel comfortable bringing them along. If that’s not the case, parents should respect the restaurant’s wishes and find a more suitable place.
I know. I know. You didn’t mean to be funny but I am laughing. Along with being one of those mothers who breastfed in public – discreetly, I promise – I am one who would tell the old vegan guy his screeching was irritating my baby and could he stop.
My parish had a priest who thought children should be silent during his homily and the entire mass. I use to get so annoyed at this idea. How do we teach children, even Baby Bulldog, what appropriate behavior is in church or in a restaurant if we never expose the children to this environment?
I think parents have every RIGHT to take their kids to restaurants. But, I also think they have a RESPONSIBILITY to remove themselves and their child when said child gets too disruptive.
Airplanes (I mean, what can you do?) are one thing. It stinks when your baby is annoying others but oh well. It is what it is. You (and they) are stuck together and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. You try to comfort baby as best you can but sometimes you just have to throw up your hands and say “truly sorry, fellow passengers. now get over it.”
Restaurants, retail stores, movie theaters? Run, Forrest, run. It’s only fair.
You’ve had quite the experiences with high-maintenance men in restaurants (Alice’s Tea House, as well). I don’t know if I would have left. But you were the bigger person. It’s hard to be the bigger person. Sometimes it downright sucks.
Yes, you were the bigger person Aidan (and sister C). I would have been tempted to give him a piece of my mind. After all, he could have left if it was such a problem.
AND, how are babies (and young children) supposed to learn how to act in restaurants and public places if they aren’t allowed in these places? You only learn by doing.
Love your title, Aidan. Made me laugh out loud!
It seems like you’re pretty aware and careful, in terms of choosing areas and times when it’s appropriate to bring young children to restaurants (not everyone is that courteous).
But I think there will always be people who don’t want to be around a crying baby, even if it’s at a Starbucks or a supermarket. It’s not the most pleasant thing to hear, and if you’re not used to it even more so. It’s easy to become insensitive about it when you don’t have kids of your own.
So are we supposed to stay home until our children are 18? I understand that it’s not appropriate to bring babies to fancy restaurants or Broadway shows, but come on.
I often think about pets when I hear people make these kind of remarks. I have lots of childless relatives with dogs that I can’t stand. They seem to think they should be able to bring their animals wherever they want without regard for whether they are destructive, dirty, or allergy-inducing. And then they make sarcastic comments when my kids run around or make a little noise.
I would never stay in a public place with a screaming child because it would bother everyone. But that’s not what you’re describing here. My view is that we’re all people and have a right to go about our lives. If you’re a childless adult who doesn’t want to be around kids, I think you should be the one who has to stay home, not me. Remember: you were a child once too.
I LOVE your last sentence! Says it all.
I agree with what everyone has always said. When it comes down to it, these people were rude – plain and simple. We are all trying to share this earth (especially in NYC) and figuring out how to do it in civilized manner is par for the course.
You are so much nicer than me. Not only would I have stayed, I would have made his early dinner horrible. Not sure what it would’ve proved, but it would’ve made me feel good and that’s what counts.
I think I do a pretty good job of keeping my kids out of inappropriate situations. We usually only eat out with them during designated kids’ nights and remove them from public situations when they start spinning out of control.
This means I am qualified to say: You were in the right and the man was a complete asshole.
I think there are few things that are more irritating than a screeching child. I may feel differently when I have children of my own, but the sound can certainly ruin a meal out. Especially if the parent lets it go on without taking the child out to calm down. I will glare at my husband when it happens, but I do not look at the parents or say anything to them. I think this man does not have a proper filter and wrongly accosted the two of you.
Unbelievable. I think there will just be rude crabby people every where we go no matter what. And it’s manifesting as baby-intolerance in this instance, but these same people are probably rude to baby-less people on the subway, at the grocery store, etc. I think it’s just about rude people. Ha-rumph.
And SO EXCITED for you about your book coming out so soon! Congrats again. Can’t wait to read it.
-elizabeth
I’m sorry, but I’m astounded here! I don’t know if it’s the grey skies and falling rain, but this topic and these responses are somewhat bothering me. Don’t get me wrong, I can feel the love and support for you, Aidan, but where’s the rage against these losers who must feel the world revolves around them? Are we so politically correct these days that rage is never appropriate? Well, I don’t feel that way. It’s not just that I’m the mother of four, sometimes upset, children, that I’m opposed to being overly fair to the crumudgens, it’s the principle here that’s turned upside down. Really? We should expect a 9 month old child to be more reasonable than an adult? Shouldn’t adults, who have had ample time to hone their coping skills, be the ones expected to compromise alittle? Can you really tell me, with the expectation that I’ll listen, that a child should be given a mere “few squeals” before we give them the boot from our presense? Well, I’m not listening to that silently. I disagree with it completely. It takes a child a few minutes just to stop crying, let alone the few more minutes it takes for them to realize someone wants to help them. Don’t they deserve that? There, apparently, are adults who still have gone through life w/out realizing these concepts! Adults who live in glass cribs, shouldn’t throw tantrums!
I’ll respond, since I definitely used the terminology “few squeals.”
I don’t disagree that adults should also not be permitted to throw temper tantrums, but I am entirely entitled to my opinion that listening to unhappy baby noises while I’m eating is unpleasant for me. Will I, personally, ever ask someone to leave? No. Do I think it was incredibly rude of this man to act this way? Yes. But I am entitled to my own feelings and my feelings are that yes, after a few squeals I am annoyed and would rather be without. I would be just as annoyed with someone intoxicated and being loud. I can control my emotions, and I do so, but please don’t accuse those of us who dislike being subjected to crying as living in glass cribs!!
I just don’t think it’s fair to compare an infant with an intoxicated person. their not drunks, their in diapers.
My thoughts exactly, tara! Thank you! The situation was absolutely ridiculous and his behavior unacceptable. Yes, squealing is annoying. Yes, parents should do something about. And Sister C did. Sheesh! I pity a person who’s coping skills are right there with a 9-month-old.
It’s hard when people don’t understand and while screeching babies don’t contribute to a pleasant dining experience, I realized that those who’re most critical are usually those who don’t come into contact with kids very often, if at all, whether by choice due to their own innate dislike for kids or they just don’t know anyone with them. Because of that, they have no idea that this screeching is in the baby’s nature and cannot be controlled.
We brunched with newlyweds once and my 9-month-old was screeching happily, and while we knew it was part of her developmental stage and even then apologized, I still saw the couple’s quick glimpse at each other, as if to say “OMG, why won’t she stop?”. I guess they will know the answer to that question eventually when they are ready for a family of their own.
I must weigh in, as it is my very own Baby Bulldog who has sparked such heated debate! I am (and very much feel like) a new mother and I think I am very attuned to how my child affects others around him when we are in public places. I don’t eat out with him much for this reason, and when I do, I prefer busy and bustling places because then the errant squeal – happy or angry – won’t disturb others as much. But I had no qualms about going to this restaurant, for all of the reasons Aidan gave, and I don’t feel at all badly if Baby Bulldog interrupted this curmudgeon’s tempeh dinner. I think we handled it appropriately and if the place had been a little more packed, I would have been inclined to wait it out and stay a bit longer. But thinking about this reminded me, as many have pointed out, that babies are not the only ones who can disrupt a pleasant dining experience. A few years ago I took my husband to Bouley – as in seriously fancy French food, hushed tones, etc. – where we were seated next to a man who cursed, in deafening decibels, throughout the whole meal. Completely out of character, we complained to the waiter, who said he could not do anything about it. While we tried to ignore him, this man pretty much ruined what should have been a peaceful and romantic birthday (anniversary? can’t remember) dinner. I wonder if he might be the type who would freak out at hearing a baby cry in public (even at a family-friendly restaurant)?
Which finally leads me to my question – are women inherently more forgiving of babies behaving badly (or normally) than men? This weekend my mom and I were talking about the new movie, “Babies,” and she mentioned that she had read three rave reviews, and one that panned it. The main point of the bad review, apparently, is that a baby’s cry is proven as one of the most annoying and upsetting noises out there, and thus a movie in which babies are the only actors is equally and inherently annoying. Unthinkingly, my first question was who this reviewer was – a man or a woman. Guess what? It was a man. Is this a coincidence? This woman/mom can’t wait to see a movie that stars babies across the globe, even if the soundtrack is full of wailing.
Disclaimer – I am not saying all men are intolerant of babies! Many – my husband very much included – are extremely patient and even proud of all of noises that their babies make. But I just wonder what the breakdown of tolerant women to tolerant men might be. Or maybe it just comes down to being a parent of young children or having older children/none at all …
I’m glad you chimed in, Sister “C”!
I can see where you are going with this point, but I must mention that complaints about our children have mostly come from female diners.
While I’m in agreement with most of the comments, ie, kids make noise and have a time and place to make that noise, I see another reason this particular incident may have happened. From the sounds of the reaction, the man may have had something like Asperger’s syndrome, which is on the Autistic spectrum, meaning unusual sensitivity to noise and an incapability to react within social norms. I wasn’t there, this is just a hypothisis, but lots of times other people react for reasons beyond superficial understanding, and it’s best to keep that in mind before breaking out into some kind of rage. Then again, maybe he was just a jerk who would have deserved a good telling off, but we’ll never know, unless you get to know him on a more personal level.
I’m childless and dogless and enjoy both when they are well behaved in public
The main problem seems to be bystanders who expect perfection, and parents who won’t enforce and boundaries in public. Neither are acceptable. That being said, every kid has a right to go out to eat! They don’t always remember public rules, so it’s our job as adults to teach them. Last Friday, hubby & I stopped for a quickie dinner and a family was eating near us with 2 boys, one grade school aged, the other a bit younger. They were very good, until the one commented very loudly that his brother had just farted! The embarrassed parents were quick to remind the boys about words and volume, and I embarrased my hubby by laughing so hard…
It’s not the vegan-ness–I used to be vegan for five years, and I love babies. Granted, that’s a sample size of one, but many of us originally became vegan because of compassion for cute, helpless creatures that we wanted to protect (and I’m sure many would argue that it is their cognitive and emotional capabilities, which is true, but I’m sure the cuteness helps too). I’m thinking this is more just a grumpy old man that doesn’t like babies.
I think it’s kinda of like how I feel about pedestrians–I hate them when I’m driving, but when I’m walking, I want drivers to be more considerate if I’m stupid and jaywalk when I shouldn’t. Similarly, if you don’t have kids, you expect peace and quiet in restaurants and airplanes and stuff like that–but if you have a kid (or are becoming increasingly baby-obsessed, like myself), you think that everyone else should be understanding that a baby is a baby, and they make noise, but they can’t help it, and they are awfully cute… so everyone should just shrug and put up with the noise.
HEATHER HATES VEGANS!!!
Kidding, of course.
Rude. (him, not baby)
I just don’t get it, either. Humans are loud, especially small ones. Get over it. People are just overly entitled sometimes. Sad. But true.
I used to get annoyed when I heard babies acting up in stores or restaurants. I used to think – god, why can’t parents control their kids (if they were above toddler age) OR if they are a BABY – DONT TAKE THEM OUT. You cause distraction, annoying noise/cries, and disrupt people’s environments.
Then..my sister had a baby and I used to blame her and ask, why do you need to go out if you have a fussy baby or a baby you can’t seem to control. Then, I realized it wasn’t her fault. She still needed to get out and babies ARE babies. Mothers have a tough time with their babies in and outside the house. I could be a little more tolerant if I have to hear it once in awhile at a restaurant.
Now when I hear a baby act up…I generally don’t get as angry and I just feel a tad sorry for the Mother. Knowing that she knows it’s embarrassing, disruptive, and that it looks like she can’t control her kid. I also know how tiring it is to BE a mother so I am more patient or tolerant. I think it’s just perspective…and patience with some understanding
are women inherently more forgiving of babies behaving badly (or normally) than men?
I don’t think so. I had a few experiences when my children were younger in which people shot glances and or said things to me.
The one that sticks out the most was a woman who berated us on a plane.
As a father I am more tolerant of children than many, but that is in direct proportion to the efforts of the parents in that situation. As long as the parents are active in managing it I am unlikely to care.
It is when they ignore the cries or bad behavior and expect the rest of us to just deal with it that I get irritated.
On a related note- I find cellphone conversations at restaurants to be exceptionally irritating. Far too many people feel the need to yell in their phones.
I am just not interested in their conversations and I don’t have to be. Cell phones are portable. They don’t cry because their teeth hurt or misbehave for any reason.
This is interesting, and I understand comments made on both sides of the argument here. In some ways, it’s a “Guess you had to be there” call – each scenario, each restaurant, each baby, each curmudgen is slightly different!
But the NY Times had a post about eating out in NYC with your children this past Sunday:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/09/nyregion/09toddlers.html
And an updated poll on the issue is being taken on Serious Eats:
http://newyork.seriouseats.com/2010/05/kids-in-high-end-restaurants-yay-or-nay-polls.html
I love Blossom and kudos to you and C. for making it your regular, weekly dinner spot. It happens to be a very quiet place not at all “bustling”. While there is still no excuse for this man’s behavior…I have to admit I may be a lot like him. On Mother’s Day I went for a manicure and was seated next to 2 adorable little girls (not your girls Aidan I hope). Anyway, what did this “mother” do? I asked to be moved!!! After a weekend full of little league and hockey and Othello I didn’t want to be near kids (mine or others). So perhaps the fellow customer you mentioned wasn’t cranky because of his veganism or Aspergers or maleness…maybe he was a Dad trying to steal a few tempeh-filled minutes away from his kids.
I feel like Moms get used to the sound of their kids making noise, be it crying, babbling, screaming, etc. That’s what kids do, so, as a Mom, you wind up tuning it out to a certain extent. However, other people haven’t tuned it out, even a little, so a baby’s cry is very jarring and annoying (as it’s biologically meant to be). My Mom used to always take us outside if we started crying, and I think that’s the way to handle it.
That being said, that guy was rude, and I think it’s a few “bad apples” of parents who totally ignore their children’s bad behavior that make people hyper-sensitive to any noise made by a child. For example, I was just at a steakhouse, and there were parents who had one baby crying incessantly, and 2 kids running around the restaurant, almost causing the busboy to spill hot soup on another table. That’s clearly not what you were doing, but I think, unfortunately, that behavior is the rule, rather than the exception.
Isn’t it amazing the posts that garner the biggest responses? I saw the title and thought, ooh fun and light post, and the ensuing conversation has been fascinating. I think that moms/parents are generally more used to the sound of babies crying so they don’t notice as much. This is not me saying I mind baby cries or squeals, it’s just something I notice. More when I am with the baby than when I am just a patron. For example, I went to a restaurant recently with my 10-month-old nephew, and every time he let out a yelp I got nervous and looked around to see if someone was glaring at us (they weren’t) and if my sis-in-law was going to do something about his noises (she didn’t). I don’t even think she heard. It made me laugh that I was the only person nervous in the situation–nervous that we would upset other people, nervous that other people would glare at my cutie nephew. Generally–except in cases of curmudgeons–it seems people have learned to coexist.
When a baby is being really loud, I agree with Jack. If the parents are doing something that says “yes I hear that he is crying and I can tell it’s probably annoying to you but I cant get him to stop” then I don’t mind. I feel bad for them. When the parents are sitting acting as if it’s not a thing at all that their baby is screaming in a restaurant (NOT that this is what happened in your case Aidan, obviously) and that other people don’t matter, then I find myself annoyed. It’s really just a matter, on both sides I think, of showing that you are aware that you share this space with other humans — be they babies, curmudgeons, or moms.
As a parent of two babies that dine out with us every Friday night, the man’s behavior was kind of rude but really made me laugh. My brother has Aspergers and would have had no problem with loudly pointing out that a baby is being noisy. This is also the kid who has been known to tell other people when they look awful–even teachers. He has no sense of how to be socially aware. And, as another reader pointed out, this man could have something just like that.
On the other hand, he could have just been a grumpy old man.
As the parent of 3 pretty grown children I have to say that I think the people that are bothered by squealing babies are bothered by many other things as well. Unless it’s really off the wall, other people’s babies don’t bother me when I’m out; I just feel for the parents. Especially on planes when people act like they’re the worst thing in the world and why can’t they just be checked with luggage. I remember pushing a stroller in a mall 20 years ago. A woman ahead of me stopped short and I got the back of her foot. Not hard, but enough for her to turn around and shoot me the nastiest look, even tho I apologized profusely. I later wrote a poem about how society would just like to lock out those strollers and the babies in them (and parents pushing them) from all aspects of society. Sounds like not much has changed since then.
Great discussion Aidan!
First of all, congratulations!!! Now I can go around and brag about how I know a published author. Yeah! Have fun at your first book reading and signing. I cannot even imagine how excited you must be right now.
Now onto the unbelievable story you told here. I understand that there is no foul language here, so I will simply yell really really loudly: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am with Amber: I vote for grumpy old man.
When my kids were little, if their crying couldn’t be stopped inside a nice restaurant (i.e. table cloth and real silverware) I would step outside with them. Other than that, normal noises are just part of life. Do restaurants remove annoying people who talk, laugh, chew too loudly? Women who fake-laugh too much? Giggle too much?
As for air travel: my kids started flying as young as 3-month-old. I have learned to glare back and said rather loudly, “Yeah. I would muffle him too but the air marshal may not like that.” Now when I hear a baby crying non-stop, I put on my headset and feel bad for the poor mother (or father). If possible, I will go to them and say, “Your baby is probably not as loud as you think. Oftentimes the parent is the one that hear the crying the loudest. As for the other passengers, the white noise made by the plane engines probably drone out 90% of the noise. And if somebody gives you a dirty look, just stare them back!”
Just adding to the consensus…he was a freak of a grump.
I adore babies. I don’t want to be trapped in a small space with a crying baby. As long as parents try their parental tricks (nothing pisses me off more than parents who ignore their kids, crying or otherwise), and step outside a genuinely disconsolate baby, I welcome all sounds in a restaurant. I am a vegan and a parent and I do not approve that man’s message.
Aidan, it’s very weird that this happened to you twice at that same restaurant. I think there’s probably something about the atmosphere of the place that’s telling the patrons that there will be order and no disruptions, and tranquility. Is it Zen-like?
My husband and I have always been BIG restaurant-goers and when we had our son (the tantrum-thrower) that was it. We spent every meal with one of us outside and one inside eating alone. But it had to be after he hit a certain point of no return, after our quiet hisses did no good. Then? Out he went!
Now when we look at parents with little babies screeching it’s more with a sense of nostalgia because we remember being panicked over that screech. Not to judge. Never to judge!
I’m a little surprised that personal preference (like babies or don’t like ‘em) is so important in this discussion. Babies and children are part of society. They are part of our families and our lives. I don’t think that anyone has the right to expect their restaurants or airplanes or supermarkets to be kid-free or to expect non-kid behaviour (as in periods of prolonged quiet) from kids, at any time of the day or night.
The more families with young children are isolated into designated and separate spaces, and the more guilty or embarrassed they feel for what is completely normal kid behaviour, the more the kid-haters feel entitled to kid-free public spaces.
It is such a shame that both kids and adults are missing out on a more respectful co-existence.
Here is an excellent post on this same topic:
http://bitchphd.blogspot.com/2010/05/so-ok.html
If I had been you (and a quicker thinker than I really am) I’d have said, “And you’re a grown man…I would have thought you would have learned by now that it’s not appropriate to cry out at a restaurant.”
I have rarely (thankfully) had trouble like this. For some wonderful and unknown reason my children are much better behaved in restaurants than at home. I know that when I plan on lunch or early dinner or somewhere or a matinee movie I expect kids (and the accompanying loudness). I will get more annoyed if it is an expensive place, later than 8, or late night PG-13 movie. Because then I think there is more of an expectation for adult behavior. So I am more lenient when I take my kids to the former and more strict about noise level and movement when we do the latter.
If someone has a problem at a diner by a kid place in the middle of the day, I usually ignore them as it is their problem, not mine.
Your post made me laugh, and the comments as well. As a mom in a suburb of Dallas, I can’t remember a time I ate out without hearing a child screech, cry, laugh a little too loud, etc. Babies are babies, noises come free of charge. That being said, when I do get out for the occasional kids-free dining, I’m sure to make it a table on the other side of the restuarant – not because I’m bothered, but because I get enough of all that fun at home (two boys, 4 and 7).
When I see new moms out with crying little ones, my instinct is to hug them and offer a been-there-done-that story. I figure it might be the first time she’s showered, put on make up and/or gotten out of the house in a while.
That being said, in your circumstance, I would have gotten up and left as well. I’m a people pleaser, plus I have a soft spot for grumpy old men. But, I’d be sure to casually mention the experience to any mom at Kidville – I’m passive aggressive like that.
(over from a Tweet about your first book – congratulations! Can’t wait to see where this publishing adventure takes you.)