Time. It floats. It fades. It flies. It flits. It flees. And the thing is, the haunting thing is, that we can’t get it back. Once it is gone, it is gone. And I know this is obvious. I know I am not saying anything revolutionary here. I am stating the obvious. That time moves, and past us, and away.

And another thing. Another obvious thing is that time is not unlimited. Minutes pass. Hours turn. Days dry. Months finish. Seasons cycle. Years evaporate. Decades die. Lives end.

And so. It matters immensely how we spend our time. How we utilize the increments of our energy. Because how we spend our time is really how we spend our lives. It matters fundamentally and fiercely whom we spend our time with. Because the characters in our stories are our stories, aren’t they? They are it. It.

On this Friday in mid-June, this eighteenth day of the sixth month of my thirty-first year, I am thinking about these things. These simple and complex things.

Time. Creatures. Limits.

For the past year, and for the past several months in particular, I have worked very very hard. I have not slept well. I have not stopped. I have not logged nearly enough time on the wood floor singing and giggling. My fingers have done far more typing than tickling. And this makes me sad.

Because there are three creatures in my life, one big and two tiny, who need me. And I need them. And when I think about it, really think about it, when I allow myself to be honest with myself, I realize that I have not been there for them. Not in the way I would like to be.

Instead, I have been here. Tethered to this screen, loyal to my sentences and to my stories. I have spent much of my time (too much of it?) here. And good things have come from this. Brilliant things. Friendships and partnerships and ideas. A blog. And a book. And these are exquisite things.

But they aren’t my creatures.

And so. On this morning, I am left here. At the screen that has sustained me and supported me and taken me away. And I sit here now, a bit shaky, my cells tired, at a crossroads. Do I want to be here or do I want to be there? Really, I want both. I do. But sometimes, in the cracks of my days, in the cavernous crack of this particular day, I wonder – and worry – if both is possible.

It is a big question. A bold one. One that deserves me. One that seeks gentle thought and true embrace. I will give this question what it needs. I will let it soak me.

Tomorrow, my three creatures and I leave for vacation. There are plane rides and fishing trips and sand castles in our immediate future. And, up until this very moment, I have been terribly torn. Tugged. I have been confused about what to do. Because there are words to wax. A blog to maintain. And a book to promote. This is a critical time in my career.

But you know what? This is also a critical time in my life. A time when precious plates are shifting within me, when impossible questions are saturating my soul, when things are awash in grit and gray. My girls are young, but growing. Too fast if you ask me. My identity feels frail, fractured, full. Blogger. Author. Wife. Mother. Please note the order in which I list my aspects.

This says it all.

For the next two weeks-plus, I am taking time. Time off. Time away. And this scares me a bit, more than a bit, tremendously, but deep down I know. I know this is what I need. What they need.

My three creatures.

My three reasons.

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I hope you all have a wonderful couple of weeks, a great Father’s Day, and Fourth. Please do not give up on me in my absence. My words and I will be back and soon. And fresher than ever. Thanks to you all for your sweet support and understanding now and always.

*The lucky winner of Allison Winn Scotch’s The One That I Want is Lena!*

Last night, I had the distinct privilege of co-hosting a wonderful event with De Beers. It was Elle Magazine (who prominently features Life After Yes in this month’s issue!) who played matchmaker and set me up to partner with the esteemed diamond company. The evening was absolutely amazing and indeed a sparkling success. I wish that I could tell you everything that happened last night, every stunning detail, but, alas, I will stick to the highlights to give you a taste of the delicious diamond-and-champagne soaked affair.

An intimate group of eighty or so women (many from the fabulous 85 Broads network of which I am part) and a sprinkling of men gathered in the Magic Room on the top of the LVMH Tower in Midtown. We sipped Dom Perignon and viewed an exceptional array of diamond jewelry. When the time came, I stood in front of the coiffed crowd and introduced myself, said a little bit about my book and the importance of diamonds to Quinn’s story, and then I introduced a remarkable man.

Mr. Andrew Coxon. This gentleman has over four decades of experience in the diamond industry and is one of the world’s leading experts in the field. He stood before us all and spilled fascinating secrets about the mystique and science of diamonds. The crowd was captivated by his charming British accent, his priceless anecdotes (carrying a $6 million diamond in his pants pocket through airport security), and his philosophical and practical insights into the world of diamonds.

Mr. Coxon’s lecture was brilliant, but one thing in particular stood out to me. The idea of beauty. He spoke about how beauty so often transcends the 4Cs, certificates, ratings and other criteria, about how it is up to us to determine what is beautiful, how there is something profoundly subjective and instinctual about beauty. Mr. Coxon explained that when it comes to choosing a diamond (and a man? and a career?), it is all about the eye, mind, and heart.

After taking some questions from members of the rapt audience, Mr. Coxon invited us all to come up and check a machine he had on hand to test the beauty of diamonds. He explained that many perfectly-rated diamonds, when placed under this magnifying machine, are seen to be subtly or profoundly flawed.

How many of us went up there to do this Husband Test? Not many. I think we were all scared. Scared to know.

Hamida Belkadi, DeBeers’ CEO, closed the evening with a few words of her own. She told the most wonderful story about meeting her husband. She was in town from France for the weekend visiting her sister. They were at a party in a garden. Hamida said that she spotted a man in the distance, on the far side of the crowd. And she said she knew. In that instant. That this was her man. And sure enough, he is. Hamida said that this is really how we should all choose our diamonds. That we should wait for that magical that’s it feeling to overtake us.

I am well aware that I am rambling a bit here, that there is no ready focus to today’s thread. But that’s okay. That’s life. Really, I just wanted to crack a window into last night’s magic. To be honest, I’m in a bit of disbelief that I was invited to host such a lovely evening. But I am ever thankful that I was.

And today. I am smiling. In my mind dance images of dreamy diamonds. In my mind swirl questions about instinct and love and beauty and brilliance.

Thank you, Elle Magazine, 85 Broads, Hamida, Andrew, and DeBeers for including me in such an exquisite evening. I am honored and humbled beyond measure.

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• Do you agree that there is something enigmatic about beauty that transcends objective criteria?
• Do you believe in love at first sight (when it comes to people and things)?
• Would you have taken the Husband Test or would you prefer not to know about the true nature of your stone?

Two weekends ago, I saw three movies! Please note that I do not like exclamation points, but I feel that one is warranted in the foregoing sentence because, prior to said weekend, I have maybe seen a total of three movies in the past three years. (Cheerio, parenthood!) Well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But I like exaggeration, so onward.

I watched one movie at home, so it doesn’t really count. It also doesn’t count because I stretched out on the couch and fell asleep nine minutes in. I hoped the vampire action in New Moon would keep me alive and kicking. Alas, no. The other two movies were actually in the theater. One was enjoyed with a gaggle of girlfriends and the other, with my main man. And here’s the thing, the odd thing: the two movies couldn’t have been more different and I really liked them both.

Sex and the City 2. Terribly reviewed. Wildly fun. Was this movie stuffed with cutesy quips and predictable plot points and over-the-top fashion and borderline-offensive sexual and political displays? Absolutely. But. Were there scattered moments of sincerity and nuance and was it all-in-all quite entertaining? Indeed. My girlfriends and I left the theater smiling big, reliving the flick’s silly moments, and talking. It was a Friday afternoon and we migrated from the theater to my deck where we sipped wine and continued to talk. About life and love. About sex and the city. In this often too-serious world of ours, this was a delectably frivolous and fabulous way to head into the weekend.

Please Give. The final movie I saw. With Husband. This one was pretty well-reviewed. And considerably depressing. Have you even heard of this movie? I hadn’t. But it was playing in our favorite theater and the time was a good one and it got good reviews. It was a thoughtful and nuanced movie. A bit depressing. Incredibly real. The kind of movie I would want to write. Anyway, I liked this movie for its subtlety, for its apt portrait of humanity and mortality. I left this one not smiling, but thinking and asking. Another cinematic success.

And so. What’s the point here? Just that I saw a trio of movies in a two day span? No. The point is a bit more meaningful and elusive. The point is that it sometimes seems that there are types of art and entertainment that we are supposed to embrace and enjoy and there are types that are forbidden fare. And, in the event that we do happen to savor the more fluffy choices, we are certainly not advised to admit it. Because how does this look? After all, do serious and intelligent people like movies like SATC2?

Yes. They do.

Why this debate today? Two weeks after the fact? Because. Because as I set out on this writing adventure, I think about these things. I think about the stories I want to write and those I’m expected to write. Because I feel a profound tension within me sometimes between the serious and the silly. And I celebrate this tension, this resident complexity in my creative core, but sometimes I feel as if I am supposed to crowd out the silly and pursue serious.

But I don’t want to do this.

Since Life After Yes was published one month ago, several people have read the book and said something to me. Something like: It was a fun book. I could not put it down. It was easy to read, but it also had philosophical heart and true depth and asked real questions. They say this, or some variation of this, and there is a tinge of surprise in their voices. That a book can be both heavy and light, laced with threads silly and serious.

And in response to these bemused readers, I trot out my latest and greatest metaphor. I say:

“I like to think of my book and my blog writing as vitamin gummy bears. They taste good, but they also pack a nutritional punch.”

And people seem to like this. They smile and nod. But do they buy it? I’m not so sure. Maybe candy and vitamin are intrinsically incompatible. Maybe artistic light and creative darkness do not belong together. Maybe silly and serious should stay in separate boxes.

I don’t know, but I don’t think so.

What I do think is that we should allow ourselves to enjoy (and write) the stories we like whether they are all candy or all vitamin or somewhere deliciously in between.

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• How often do you see movies? Have you seen any of the movies that I mentioned here?
  
• Can you watch a movie at home without nodding off?
• Do you feel pressure to like certain kinds of books and films?
• Do you agree that, on some level, entertainment should be an escape and we should permit ourselves to enjoy a range of stories cinematic or scribbled?
• Do you feel pressure in your own writing to stick with more serious themes?

Since LAY’s release (hey, did I mention it is a Target Breakout Book? Yes? Onward then), many people have asked me for advice about the writing and publishing world. And my stance on dispensing wisdom has not changed; I don’t like doing it. I don’t feel equipped to offer guidance or expertise. That said, there are a few things I have learned along the way that I willing to share. That I am eager to share.

One thing?

Ask. Yes, it’s that simple. Ask people for help and information. Questions are meant to be uttered. Once I started writing, I flexed my asking muscle big-time. Fiery friend Danielle LaPorte geniusly refers to this as the askus requestus muscle. Anyway, I learned to ask people things. People who knew far more than I about the literary landscape.

People like bestselling author Allison Winn Scotch.

Allison, a fellow Ivy Leaguer (the secure kind, go figure!) and New Yorker and mother of two, maintains a very successful writing blog appropriately called Ask Allison and has just published her third novel THE ONE THAT I WANT. (Yes, the title of her book is so good that I had to steal it for this blog post. I would also like to steal her commercial success but unfortunately it’s not that simple.) I am fortunate to have had the opportunity to consult and commiserate many times with Allison during the publishing process and you know what? This woman knows her stuff. She is a wonderful mixture of wisdom and approachability.

And, trust me, she can write.

Because Allison has been so helpful to me (she even included LAY on a short list of picks for debut summer reads!) and because I am a big fan of hers, I thought it would be fun to pin her down with a few questions. I asked. She answered. I know that interviews can sometimes be, well, blah, but not this one. Read on. You’ll see…

ADR: Congratulations on the publication of your third novel THE ONE THAT I WANT! Have things been different at all the third time around? If so, how?

AWS: Yes, definitely. I feel much less frantic than I did with my earlier books when I didn’t understand how the process worked. I think putting out a book is almost akin to labor: the first time is terrifying (and painful) because you simply have no idea what to expect. Now, I know to ask for my epidural early and often. So in that sense, I was able to calm myself and be a little tamer with my hyperactivity in the week’s leading up to the release.

ADR: Do you feel more or less career pressure than you did when you released your first book? How do you deal with the pressure?

AWS: Much more. Much, much more. Look, I’m not complaining. Complaining about the weight of expectations place on you after your previous book has sold really well is akin to celebrities complaining about having their picture taken: it’s ridiculous. But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t much graver pressure placed on me this time around, and that sales figures aren’t much more important. When my first book came out, I suppose that I was nervous about how it would be received (i.e. based on the merits of my writing), now I’m much more nervous about matching my previous success.

ADR: Do you ever feel insecure about your writing? Do you agree that insecurities – in life and in literature – can very often be inspirations?

AWS: I wouldn’t say that I feel insecure – I was born with a healthy sense of confidence, and honestly, self-doubt isn’t a big part of my emotional map – but I think that this mostly comes from the sense that now, three books in, I won’t put out a book until I am completely at peace with it. What I mean by that is that, for example, The One That I Want went through seven drafts. If I had put out any other incarnation of the book, yes, I would have been worried about how it would be received. But now, I truly, truly know that I couldn’t have done any better. I am completely satisfied – WITH MYSELF – in what I put out, and if people don’t like it? Well, again, three books in, I’ve long since learned that not everyone is going to like what you put on page. What’s important, at least for me, is that I’ve challenged myself and pushed myself as far as I could possibly go. If I can raise the bar and get over it each time, I’m good.

As far as insecurity being inspiration, I’d say so, as long as you’re willing to put those insecurities aside and do the work that needs to be done to get over them. Fear of not living up to expectations, for example, isn’t a reason not to move forward with something, be it a book, a relationship, whatever. If you’re paralyzed by those insecurities, then you’re sunk. If you’re willing to acknowledge them – take tangible steps toward taming them – then that’s a good thing.

ADR: Has having children enhanced your creativity and focus or detracted from these things?

AWS: I’m not sure if they’ve enhanced my creativity (I’m always exhausted!), but I would say that they’ve significantly deepened my empathy for life and for others, and I don’t think I could have written my two most recent books without that understanding of unconditional, underlying love that you have for your kids. As far as focus, with that, they may have actually helped. I only have so many hours in the day when I have childcare, and I either write then or I don’t get it done. So I’m probably much more disciplined with my time.

ADR: How has social media (blogging, Facebook, Twitter) affected the writing and publishing experience for you?

AWS: It’s made publishing a book much more exciting, to be honest, simply because it’s opened up a two-way dialogue with readers. When my first book came out, I was publishing in a vacuum but now, I hear from readers all the time, and I’m able to write them back, to have real discussions with them, and I love it. Of course, it also takes up a lot of time – tweeting and Facebooking and blogging – but I also see this as a positive. Writers are now more in control of their PR, and I’m always in favor of anything that gives you more control over any aspect of your life.

ADR: If you had to offer one piece of advice to aspiring and rookie writers, what would it be?

AWS: Learn to take your ego out of the equation. Maybe this gets back to my answer on #3, but I firmly believe that you can’t take reactions to your work personally. (Unless, of course, someone is personally disparaging you, in which case, then it’s totally different.) Many years ago, I wrote a manuscript that I thought was truly, truly brilliant. It landed me an agent but didn’t sell to a publisher. I was fortunate enough to have several people – an editor friend, an agent – tell me (bluntly) where I was going wrong. And thank goodness they did! And thank goodness that I listened. I learned SO MUCH. Sooooooo much. If I had steeled myself against their criticism, I can honestly say that I never would have written my next manuscript (at least not written it well), and that’s the one that got my published. I often say that there is no ceiling for the learning curve in this industry, and I think that applies even to seasoned writers. Just this morning, I had an hour-long conversation about the state of my current manuscript and all the ways that it can be improved. I took notes, listened, digested, and am now so excited to get to work.

ADR: What’s up next for you? (After that well-deserved nap of course!)

AWS: Getting back to the revision of my next book, The Memory of Us. It’s out next summer, which feels like a long way off but I know will be here sooner than I realize. Books are like kids, you step back one day and can’t believe how quickly the time has gone!

Thank you, Allison, for your friendship and guidance throughout the wild and wonderful publication process. And for carving out some time during your own post-publication madness to open up to me and my readers.

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• Are you good at flexing your askus requestus muscle?
• How do you handle pressure – personal or professional – when it manifests?
• Do you think that insecurities can be inspirations in writing and in life?
• How has social media affected your life and career?
• If you are a parent, has having kids helped or hampered your professional focus?
• Do you agree with Allison’s advice that it is best to take our egos out of the equation? (I do.) Is it truly possible to do this?
• Do you have any questions you’d like to ask Allison or me? (Come on. Flex that muscle!)

**Please leave a comment (or question!) on this post before 6am EST on Friday, June 18th for a chance to win Allison’s latest novel THE ONE THAT I WANT which can also be purchased online with a few simple clicks.**

I am thrilled to announce that Life After Yes has been selected by Target as a Breakout Book! What does this mean? It means that after a review by a panel of company employees, the mega store has decided to promote my rookie novel by prominently displaying it throughout its stores nationwide.

(Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Last year, The New York Times ran an article about Target and its burgeoning power in the book world. In that piece, Mitoko Rich explained,

In publishing circles Target has long been known as a place that can move many copies of discounted best sellers, as do other mass-merchant retailers like Wal-Mart and Costco. But in the last few years, much in the way it has cultivated its image as a counterintuitive purveyor of Isaac Mizrahi clothes or Michael Graves tea kettles, Target has been building itself into a tastemaker for books.

Through its book club, as well as a program it calls Bookmarked Breakout, both started in 2005, the company has highlighted largely unknown writers, helping their books find their way into shopping carts filled with paper towels, cereal and shampoo.

As a city girl through and through, I admit that my exposure to the magic of Target has been sadly limited. I will say though that all my friends rave about Target and more than a few of them say that they practically live there. I will also say that on those occasions when I have had the opportunity to wander the aisles of Target, I have been genuinely amazed by the quantity and quality of merchandise offered.

Here’s the deal. I plan to visit as many Target locations as I can over the next month or so, but I would be pumped if you guys could send me pictures of LAY on display at your local Target. So, stroll, snap and send. (Pretty please.)

Thank you, Target, for this exciting honor and opportunity!

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• Do you “live at Target” like so many of my friends do?
• Do you like being able to go to one store to buy a variety of goods?
• Do you think that Target and other mega stores will continue to play an increasingly important role in the publishing world?

**Join me tonight at 7pm as I join Book Club Girl on air to discuss Life After Yes. The call-in number is (347) 945-6149. For more details, please click here.**

Check out the following if you have a minute:

Life After Yes book club discussion of chapters 23-33 over at Motherese. As always, Kristen has lined up a great discussion – about honesty, authenticity, and alcohol…

“On Making a Dream Come True” - the lovely Belinda of The Halfway Point interviews me about life and Life After Yes.

My Q&A with Amy of The Never-True Tales – click over to read questions and answers about the birth of LAY and the publishing process in general.