Is Optimism a Choice?
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“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.”
William Arthur Ward
I don’t know much about sailing. Or about William Arthur Ward for that matter. But I do love this quote. And I am very interested in the topic of optimism. What is it exactly? Is it something we are born with? Something we absorb as we navigate our days? Is it something we must choose, embrace, practice at?
I don’t know.
But I do know that these questions matter to me. I do know that I want very much to be optimistic. More than that, I want very much not to be pessimistic. Last week, at T’s Yale graduation, Bill Clinton was the Class Day speaker. And Slick Willy didn’t disappoint. He charmed us all with his trademark mix of wit and wisdom. He implored the graduates – and all of us really – to get real about the big problems we face in this modern world. But one thing stuck with me in particular. Something about pessimism.
Clinton said, “Cynicism and pessimism are cop-outs. Excuses to take a dive. Self-fulfilling prophecies.” And as he said these words, I sat there in my folding chair on good Old Campus, nodding. Nodding fiercely. I do not want to be a pessimist. I do not want to be a cynic.
But are these things up to me? Per Clinton, it seems they are.
Is optimism innate/inherited? Are each of us genetically or physiologically wired in such a way that we are more or less likely to see life’s silver lining? Do we inherit our powers of positivity from our parents? Is it hard, if impossible, to transcend the levels of optimism we witnessed and absorbed growing up?
Is optimism contagious? Are we more likely to see the sunshine in our days when surrounded by others who are optimistic? [Once upon a time, a young (and super-cynical) girl who wore tons of black and whose default face was a bitchy scowl met a young (and shockingly-optimistic) boy who didn't care what he wore and was prone to smile. They met in a bar of all places! And days passed. And months. And years. Seven-ish years later, that same girl has two girls of her own and is much much more optimistic about life. And she wears color!]
Is optimism a choice? Whatever its source, can we choose to add more optimism to our selves and to our stories? Can we make efforts to alter the ways we see things and process them? Can we train ourselves to see sunshine instead of storms? Can we, with devotion and diligence, avoid Clinton’s cop-outs of cynicism and pessimism?
Again, I don’t know. But, hey, at least I’m asking, right?
Today, I would say I’m a realist. One who suffers soggy moments of cynicism and poisonous bouts of pessimism. But one who is committed to optimism. Optimistic about optimism.
Today, I am awake. Alert. Aware of the robust reality of existential wind. Poised for change. Even cruel change. Always adjusting the sails of my own expectations.
Because I must. We all must.
(How can I possibly look at this sunshine-soaked picture of my three creatures in the fountains outside the museum where I celebrated my wedding and be anything but optimistic?)
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- Do you think optimism is a choice?
- Do you agree with President Clinton that pessimism and cynicism are self-fulfilling prophecies and cop-outs?
- Where do you fall on the optimism/pessimism/realism spectrum?
- Are you more or less positive about life and love than you used to be? What has affected your outlook?
- Are you suspicious (like I am) of people who seem optimistic all the time?
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Rumor has it that a certain something helps tremendously in the optimism department. That something? Book sales 
I think it’s possible to be a mix of optimist and pessimist. People often remark to me that I’m a total optimist because I make comments very often like “maybe it’ll all work out” or “it’ll be fine” or I find some silver lining on even a crappy or ridiculous situation. I don’t really try to be optimistic in this way, I just find myself saying these things, and I do believe them.
Yet about myself I can often be a pessimist, or cynical. Not expecting or asking a lot out of life, or of myself. Maybe being a little too accepting of disappointment.
You’ve talked about being a perfectionist — I think that’s a kind of optimist in a way. It supposes the idea of perfection, of getting to the best of yourself. I know perfectionism can be a burden, but I was just thinking the other day that I could use a bit more of that myself.
Did you get to meet Mr. Clinton? Nice guy. I’ve “met” him a few times (seen him around really) because he lives near my parents. Always VERY willing to chat, especially to pontificate about things like this :p
Such an interesting point about perfectionism being a breed of optimism. I wonder if this is true, that in striving for perfection we are in fact manifesting a good degree of positivity that perfection is possible? I think I have always thought the opposite, namely that my perfectionism coupled with its insane and unreachable expectations was a means of setting myself up for disappointment. And that this disappointment – in larger doses – fueled pessimism. Such a fascinating question. Am curious to see what others think…
And did not have the privilege of meeting the Pres. I am envious that you have!
Ha. Yes. Optimism. A struggle, really. Especially when the little stuff always threatens to get you down.
That’s what our !!! is all about, really. Intentional Happiness. Intentional.
I think optimism is perhaps the the result of making the *right* choices. I, for one, am prone to melancholy and since I do suffer from bouts of depression, some days are really difficult in the positivity department. But I have to always make sure that I make better choices (early bed times, good diet, exercise) in order to keep me from slipping into a dark place.
But I would say that before the onset of depression, I was most definitely optimistic–sometimes cynical, but still optimistic a majority of the time.
“Poisonous bouts of pessimism,” yes. I know this, unfortunately too well. It colours my professional life in a very unprofessional way. I think it’s all about a pendulum, and as women we tend to flow naturally between the two. It keeps us on our toes, keeps us thinking carefully. I like these ideas Aidan, I enjoy discussing them and hearing from so many others who think and wonder the same. It helps the pessimist in me feel less alone.
Happiness and Optimism have been widely studied since the birth of positive psychology in 1998. According to the studies, our tendencies toward optimism/pessimism are 50% heredity and 50% learned. So even if you are a born pessimist, you can learn to increase your level of optimism. Try “Happy” by Ian K. Smith if you really want to learn more about the topic. My DH gifted it to me for my birthday (3 days ago) and I’m already half-way through the book. Quick, easy, interesting read.
A sincere thanks for the book recommendation, Cheri. I am always looking for interesting things to read and am intensely interested in the topic of happiness. Now you have me wondering what effect, if any, reading books on optimism has on our own levels of happiness? Indeed, another interesting question to ponder.
Thank you for chiming in here.
While I think temperment has a certain genetic componant, attitude is definitely contagious. The older I get the more I realize certain people’s pessimistic attitudes about Everything have a huge energy-draining effect on me, and I choose to spend less time with them. Conversely, I work with a super-optimistic boss whose positive attitude makes our library this amazing place that everyone comments on and certainly affects those of us working there.
If optimism isn’t genetically wired it is almost certainly learnt through rearing.
*spits in bin*
Seriously.
I think that optimism can be a choice to some degree. But it takes a lot of practice to look for it and to ignore the negative thoughts that threaten to take over. That’s something I struggle with almost everyday. But it does get easier over time.
And yes, I am very suspicious of overly optimistic people. There has to be something in their water.
For me optimism is a mix of hope and faith that need to be tempered with reality. Because blind optimism is not helpful and in fact can be downright irresponsible.
As to whether it’s genetic, I definitely inherited a lot of depressive tendencies from my mother. Although she technically died of cancer, I would say that depression was also part of what killed her. But even though I have those same depressive tendencies (which have needed treatment at different times) there has always been at least a small part of me that was able to have hope and faith. That part was what always led me to seek help, that led me to a happy marriage, that got me to start blogging when my book didn’t sell…
I have tended to think about it as grace. Maybe that’s the third component of optimism.
One more thing about this: my husband and I have often joked that you can tell a lot about your own sense of optimism and pessimism by looking at who you identify with in the Beatles. Are you Paul (It’s getting better all the time) or are you John (It can’t get much worse)?
I never really stopped to think about the difference between optimism and realism. I’d like to think I’m a realistic with a positive attitude. Realism requires action and that is the key right there. I also believe its all about attitude. I can control my own attitude but not someone elses. Pessism and optimism is contagious and I would rather hang around postive people.
I think our upbringings significantly influence our outlooks. However, our level of optimism is entirely within our control, which I find empowering.
That said, I don’t think and approach of “all optimism all the time” is particularly wise. Realism helps us manage our expectations and mitigate disappointment. And cynicism – when applied carefully and sparingly – can be invaluable as a protective mechanism. It’s a healthy combination of all three that I believe yields the best results.
Thanks for this, Gale. I think I agree that a combination of all three – optimism, pessimism, and cynicism – is indeed the way to go, but I am still left wondering whether we can, as individuals, affect the degree to which each plays a role in our minds and lives. Do we select our moments of cynicism or do they select us? Is pessimism something we opt for in certain situations or are we overcome by pessimism when we are not disciplined about seeing the bright side? I don’t pretend to know, but as always, articulating these questions and tracing their contours, is helpful in and of itself.
For me, at least, optimism isn’t so much a “choice” as a “job”…it’s something I need to conciously work on, especially when things aren’t going as perfectly as I had hoped. Hubby is great for reminding me of the bright side; when I tend to look at what’s been lost, he sees what’s been gained. Being new to the farming way of life, it’s still so hard for me to understand that some animals die, some crops don’t grow well in any given year. I have to try really hard not to see only the wilted tomato plants when he is seeing the big, beautiful pumpkins. I have to conciously stop the thread of since this bad thing happened, that bad outcome is likely to follow.
I think your outlook is part hereditary, but is definately influenced by not just your upbringing, but you life story. I was more optimistic before sinificant personal losses happened. Hubby has never gone through those, I don’t know if it makes it easier to see the bright side when you haven’t spent as much time in the shadows of grief/loss. But I do think that surrounding yourself with positive or realistic people does tend to bring out the bright side!
Optimism as a job. Exactly. Sometimes, it does feel like a job to locate the silver lining. But if it is a job, it’s an important one and one I vow to do throughout my days. Because, like you, I think that there is a degree to which optimism is contagious. And now that I am raising two little creatures, it is very important to them that I create a sunny example (at least a lot of the time). Thank you for adding your voice to the mix, Emily.
I believe that choice has a great deal to do with it.
It is possible to train the brain…to actually rewire the brain…to become more optimistic.
I am not an optimistic person by nature. I agree that heredity and environment play large roles. But I’ve learned that by programming my brain and renewing my mind with hope-giving, life-embracing, joy-inspiring words, the initial pessimistic response to a situation is more easily converted to one of optimism and hopefulness.
It does take hard work and consistency. But the change in world-view is well worth the effort.
Otherwise, we could just watch the news all day and get suicidal.
Training the brain, rewiring minds, shifting world-views. These are all fascinating and important concepts in my estimation. I agree that it takes effort on our part, good old school practice, to see things and process them in a certain way. And that this effort is well worth it because otherwise there is too much negativity in this world to absorb let affect us.
Thank you for popping by ILI, Kim! I appreciate your comment and look forward to more in the future
I am naturally a pessimist, but, through 3 years of therapy, I”ve learned to challenge this tendency and see how much of a happier home we have with a mom who is positive.
I grew up raised by a pessiminst, and it wasn’t good to always hear about the “curse” our family had been born under.
Life is better on the sunny side.
Really like this blog, and your entries.
Thank you
ht a hppu twt m
Alexandra – Thank you very much for stopping by and for leaving this comment. Life is indeed better on the sunny side. But my question, one that remains, is how to fashion a life on the sunny side? And how much sun is healthy? Surely, there must be something redeeming about a passing storm every now and then, right? Interesting and inspiring that you have been able to change your outlook over the past three years. I agree that a home wherein both parents are genuinely happy (most of the time!) makes for a much happier household. (As I write this, it seems so obvious, but I think we often forget this.)
Optimism is definitely, at least in part, hereditary:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2009/feb/25/optimism-brightside-gene-mental-health
But I’ve had close friends with terrible depression, and even they have admitted it’s a choice to seek help/drugs/therapy and therefore change their outlooks.
I think that there is a scientific and social component. Scientific referring to how we are genetically programmed that is.
But I think that environment/experience has an awful lot to do with it. It is hard not to be influenced by your surroundings, people, places etc.
The last five years have been filled with some very rough moments. Forty was a very bad year for me for a host of reasons.
But I never questioned that it would get better.Never wondered if there was a light a the end of the tunnel. And the reason is in large part experience.
I could look back upon my life and see how the rough spots always passed. I could see that if I stayed tough it would eventually improve. So I was able to retain my optimism.
But I would add that the “scars” of the past influence some of my perspective and that there have been moments where I had to make a choice to think positively.
I think I’ve always been an optimist by nature, sometimes to a fault (it will only take 20 minutes to get there if we hit all the lights…)
When I saw the cast commentary on “Say Anything” many years ago, I heard John Kusack talking about his decision to play Lloyd Dobbler as a Regan-era kid who had chosen optimism as a radical choice. This notion rung a bell with me in a big way.
Since then, I’ve been more conscious that sometimes optimism is a default (subject to being naive, polly-anna-ish, or head-in-the-sand refusal to see reality). And sometimes, especially in the face of environmental, economic, and personal disasters of various sorts, optimism is indeed a radical choice.
I am a pessimist and a cynic at heart, but I do think that looking at the glass half full is a choice. I can do it when I try. And I do try. I do not want to be that negative “little cloud” hanging over everyone ruining their day.
I also completely agree with you. I am really distrustful of people who are always optimistic. Not having that perspective, I am suspect that it is somehow an act because surely people can’t really be like that?!
hey gorgeous, thanks for the little props at the bottom of your post for optimizing BlogherAtHome and your giveaway!!! Winner will be chosen this Friday, June 4th.
xoxo!!!
Thanks again for your enthusiasm about me and LAY! It means a lot. You know that
I am a realist with optimistic tendencies. I used to be a pessimist, but I realized that I was so focused on the negatives that I couldn’t see what was good and real and *changeable*. That was a huge revelation for me. Not only could I accept that things are what they are, I can find a way to make things better, even if it’s just psychological.
Now, I’m not a cheery, love the world at all times kind of person. I’m just one who tries to see through the emotional baggage and disappointment to the heart of something, and usually there’s something really good there (a lesson, most often).
Yes, isn’t it amazing once we realize that there are lessons, profound lessons, lurking in the tiniest corners of our lives and minds. And that all we have to do is stop, shove the BS aside, and look. Really amazing.
My grandpa, a true sailor said, “when you go a-streamboatin’, you gotta be accommodatin’.” A big part of being happy is letting go of what you cannot control. Sailing requires you go use the wind, as the wind is that day. I think our families show us how to see what is there- sometimes focusing on what isn’t there. But, I think making the most of what we have is a choice.
Kate, thank you for this. I love what your grandpa said and find it to be both charming and compelling. We must make use of the wind (experiential and existential) as it is. There are things we cannot force. But I do think that we can take what we have learned growing up, look at the world, and make choices about how we approach it and process it.
Thank you for chiming in here. I look forward to checking out your blog!
Great post. I think with all things, a happy medium or balance needs to be found. An even mix of optimism and realism works well.
I agree. Balance. Happy medium. Indeed. But I am left wondering how we actually strike this balance or achieve this medium? Can we choose how we feel, the thoughts that envelop us, the optimism or realism that shrouds us at any given moment? I don’t know, but maybe. Can’t hurt to be optimistic about the level of agency we have, right?
Thank you for commenting. I look forward to popping by your bloggy neck of the woods!
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Aidan, Great post as always, I shared your post on my FB page. And I asked what do you think? The response, was that It is both, and I agree. I think that it would have been very hard to grow up optimistic if my family have been poor in spirit and little joy, added too that being poor as a church mouse. I am very thankful that there was great joy in the house as well as money and stuff. All the stuff changes but the joy will always remain.
Always Bumby