Are You Nice?
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Life After Yes, my rookie novel, has been out in the world now for almost two months and I want to give you guys a bit of an update. And, as is becoming par for the course chez ILI, I also want to ask you about something. Something philosophical and something very practical. Here goes.
A few book highlights. Before I left for vacation, I was pushing Baby in her stroller by my local Barnes & Noble. Without realizing it, I slowed to a stop outside the bookstore and stood there with no real agenda looking at the window display. I told myself that I should go inside and see how LAY is doing. Baby was thrilled as she knew this meant a new Dora book (Mommy is a sucker) and I was oddly a bit nervous. We made our way to the New Paperbacks section where LAY had been displayed and it was not there. My heart sank. I was tempted to pout and leave, but no! I moseyed on over to the Information Desk, asked about my literary baby, and what do you know? It was on the Paperback Favorites table! The nice man (I believe his name was Alex) asked if I would sign some books and so I did. And I met the mother of a fellow lawyer who wants to jump ship and write. She bought my book for her girl!
While in Chicago, we visited a local TARGET. I was thrilled to see that the book section was right there by the entrance! When I inched closer, I saw a little label on an empty shelf in the Bestsellers Display that said Life After Yes. So, my book was on the bestsellers shelf and was sold out. Score! You know who else scored? Toddler and Baby. They are now each proud owners of utterly-flammable and not-at-all-hideous polyester Thomas the Train pajamas that they must wear every single night. They also got their very first (metallic pink) soccer ball which is a big deal since they will both one day be collegiate soccer stars like Daddy. (No pressure, kiddos.)
Do you guys know Leah Stewart? Well, she is a wonderful author (her latest is HUSBAND AND WIFE) and she organized almost fifty writers (mostly women, including moi!) to do an epic book giveaway. The contest was a follow up to Allison Winn Scotch‘s earlier brilliant giveaway and the winning book clubs received books for a year! Anyway, I plan to write an entire post on this fabulous community into which I’ve luckily stumbled because I am beyond honored to be included in this amazing and diverse group of authors.
Speaking of book clubs, my good friend from law school who now lives in the Chicago suburbs encouraged her local ladies to read Life After Yes and she arranged the discussion so it would fall on a night when I could attend. (Thanks, D!) Truth be told, I have never been part of a book club, so I didn’t know what to expect, but I was excited! And for good reason. There was something completely fascinating about immersing myself in a discussion of my own story, of the characters I created. My fear, my biggest fear, was that the women there would censor things because of my presence, that they wouldn’t be as critical as they might have been if the author weren’t there.
Well. The women loved the book. Or most of them did at least. Or most of them said they did at least. But. Yes, there is a but. A big one. There was plenty of criticism. Not of my writing or my storytelling ability, thank goodness. But of the main character. Quinn. Now, I know many of you might not have found the time in the last two months to read my book, so let me give you a little color on this leading lady. Quinn is a confused modern soul. She is a bit lost. She makes mistakes. She has not been plucked from a Disney movie. Are you with me? She is flawed and struggling and, ahem, real.
These book club women had a hard time sympathizing with Quinn. They felt like she was indulgent, that she drank too much, that she was a shred promiscuous and untrustworthy. One woman in particular, a lovely mom of two who was our host for the evening, summed it up well. She said something like:
“I just didn’t like Quinn because she was not nice at all.”
Wow. Interestingly, this was kind of hard for me to hear. And, frankly, I got a little defensive and protective of my protagonist. I said something like, No, she is not nice and perfect. She is struggling and having a bit of an identity crisis. And she might not be a nice person, but I think, ultimately, she is a good person. Honestly, I rambled a lot more than this, but I will spare you. The point is that though LAY is fiction, and is not a story about me, I felt personally invested in this discussion and even a bit hurt. Why?
I am not nice. Not a quintessentially nice person. Now, I’m not mean either. I am nice a lot of the time. I am polite and civilized (most of the time). But I’m not sure the first word anyone would use to describe me is “nice.” I would like to think of myself as thoughtful, empathetic, trustworthy, honest, loving, etc, but nice? I’m not so sure. I’m a city girl with an edge or two. There is some cynicism and skepticism pumping through my veins and sentences. Do I cheat on my husband and swear like a sailor? No. I don’t. But I’m still not sure that I’m “nice.”
Okay, Aidan. What ever is the point? Well, I’m not sure, but there is one and I think it’s kind of interesting. What is niceness? Is it something we should all strive for in our lives? Should we expect it of people and of protagonists? Or, maybe, is life more real and interesting when the barometer is core goodness and intention? Maybe no one can be nice all the time? Maybe we should be a pinch suspicious when we encounter someone who is nice all the time? I don’t know. I do know that I am rambling, that I love rambling, and that I feel very privileged to have made a cameo at such an interesting (and eye-opening) discussion of my own work that has left me questioning not only Quinn’s character but my own.
Now, the practical bit. I will keep this quick, but it’s important. I need your advice and expertise. It appears that LAY is faring quite well in the world. People seem to be buying the book and liking it. That said, it is very important (for the health of my first book and my sanity and my writing career) that the book continues to sell and that I continue to spread the word about it. But how? How do I continue to promote my book without it being overkill, simply too much? I am just not willing to throw up my arms and say “whatever happens, happens.” Not yet at least. There has to be a way to continue to let people know about my book and to encourage them to pick up a copy. You guys are smart. So, bring on the ideas!
Whew. That was longer than I expected. Recap: (1) I am not nice; (2) I am seeking a nice way to continue to promote LAY.
- Are you a nice person?
- Are you interested in reading stories about nice people?
- Are you suspicious of people who are always nice in every situation?
- Do you agree that it is possible to be a good person without being a permanently nice person?
- Do you agree that there is an important difference between being “nice” and “not mean”?
- Do you have any genius ideas about how to boost book sales two months into the game?
ah ha! THIS is why kayla was my favorite character… flawed, a bit lost at times, drank too much, promiscuous… real (as you described quinn above) but she was nice. she owned her decisions and there was a bit of sincere maturity that i saw take place in her character that i did not find with quinn. personally, i BELIEVED kayla more so than i did quinn. and a friend of mine who got LAY on kindle and i were discussing this just last week. she had a very similar take and did not like quinn for the reasons mentioned above with the chicago book club.
that being said… since you asked… and i can only imagine you would of course get defensive and go to bat for your protagonist… no, i wouldn’t consider myself a “nice” person.
in fact, i don’t even like the word “nice” because i personally find it to be condescending as “nice” means something different for everyone and gets over-used. i would rather be known by others as being “caring” or “true” or “real” or “loyal” or even “a bitch who tells it like it is” than “nice.” but that’s me.
in terms of book sales (and aidan, this will come as no surprise to you), i’m a “whatever happens happens,” kind of gal. perhaps this will change one day, but considering that i got rejected by an agent last week, i’ve moved on quickly and chalked it up to “meh, ok… next!”
from the sounds of it, you describe your book store outings and checking out your book sales as a very positive experience. it sounds like sales are going really well, in which case, what would be so bad about just riding that good wave for a while?
I have to say I am with you, Nic. I am more a Kayla fan than a Quinn fan. I never could put it in words but I remember saying this at Motherese when we talked about LAY over there.
Nicki, i LOVE kayla… like, LOVE. i was honored enough to receive aidan’s book early and i read it twice in two days… because i love kayla THAT MUCH.
I think I’m a nice person, but some of that comes from my nervousness over confrontation. There is lots of not nice stuff I would like to say sometimes, but I subscribe to the old adage: “If it’s not nice, don’t say it.” But I dont’ think that’s always healthy. I think we need people in our lives who are honest, and not necessarily always nice. People who get us and really tell us the truth. Quinn needed someone like that, someone to call it like it was, not to mince words, to help her find herself by showing her who she was.
I don’t think Quinn was particularly “nice.” (Though I just asked my mom and she disagreed with me!) Sage, on the other hand, was definitively “nice.” So was Avery. But to me, the issue with Quinn wasn’t niceness so much as likeability (e.g., would I want to be friends with Quinn in real life?). You, Aidan, are incredibly likeable. I wanted to be the best of friends with you the instant I met you all those years ago
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I remember reading LAY and thinking it was interesting that your main character was so different from you in that regard. I don’t know that I would want to be friends with Quinn. I certainly didn’t think, “wow I want to be best friends with Quinn!” as an initial gut reaction. BUT I loved reading Quinn. There are plenty of protagonists in books who are not “nice” and that I don’t want to be best friends with but who I love to read. (Anne Boleyn for example (I am in a Phillipa Gregory phase right now
).
As for niceness… I think I am “nice” in that it is my natural inclination to try and make people feel good about themselves if possible, but I like to think that if someone had to write a top ten list of my attributes nice wouldn’t top the list. But I think “sweet” might … though I think there is a difference between nice and sweet. Niceness seems to me to indicate someone who follows the rules, who is pleasant, who tempers their words so as to never offend anyone. Nice is beige. If the opposite of nice is mean then I certainly would rather be nice; but if the opposite of nice is brazen or outspoken or uncensored then I’d prefer to be in the gray area. That is where I think sweet differs from nice. You can be sweet but still outspoken I think. (I think you are sweet but outspoken, for what it is worth!)
I feel like Emma Woodhouse when it comes to the term nice. As she said about Jane Churchill “When pressed, I say she is elegant,” so I tend to use “nice” when there is nothing else to say about a person: “Oh, she’s nice.”
I think our culture has elevated niceness to a virtue, but in reality? It’s empty. If you were to ask a person what he/she really meant by saying someone or something was “nice,” that person might be hard-pressed to find a definition.
When I am working with my girls on developing their characters, I try to stay away from phrases like “be nice.” I try to say things like “be kind,” or “be loving.” I try to incorporate ideas of justice, mercy, truthfulness, selflessness, etc. If a person has all those, niceness just sort of falls into its proper place alongside them. Something to be used when the occasion calls for it, but not a virtue in and of itself.
Afraid I don’t have any practical tips for promoting your book … but I’ll be interested in coming back here to see what other people have to say!
Book clubs are strange beasts. In my experience, they usually devolve into people discussing whether or not they “liked” this or that in the book. This used to bug me, but then I realized that the books where people were most passionate about disgusting their likes and dislikes where always the best books…the most engaging. And this was just how many ready readers interact with a book. So good for you and for LAY!
As for getting the word out? A summer blog tour? A covert subway giveaway where you leave a few books to randomly make their way to people (with a note to pass it on)?
Aidan, I enjoyed your writing style very much – congratulations on your first successful novel. I was also happy to hear that I wasn’t the only person who didn’t like Quinn. I have no problem with characters not being nice, but Quinn didn’t really seem to grow to me. She complained quite a bit, but she never actively changed anything – she was extremley passive. I actually thought that Kayla would have made a better protagonist as she started out in one place and ended up in another, better place. Plus, she was more interesting.
As far as being a “nice” person, I don’t think I am particularly nice. I roll with my emotions whatever they may be, and I try to consider others as much as possible. I think the word “genuine” is a better word to describe me.
How’s this for an idea: Have some of the readers of the blog host these book clubs and have the author, you, there virtually!! Via skype…ichat…whatever…it would be a great way to get the word out. I’m in if you are interested!
I think this is a great idea!
Personality-wise, I have an edge, too. I think I’m generally caring and thoughtful with my friends and family and polite with strangers and colleagues, but I don’t approach the world with a bubbly outlook. I’m a thinker and sometimes a stewer!
As far as promoting your book goes, do you have a book trailer on YouTube? If not, that seems to work for some authors. You could even just do a quick video of you reading a favorite passage. Also, you could add more content to your Amazon Author Page, including a bio and a list of upcoming appearances (you can feed in from booktour.com). Guest posting might work, too (both writing for someone else’s blog and asking other bloggers to guest post for you). And how about hosting a tweet-up to discuss the book?
I think you can, without a doubt, be a good person without always being a nice person. I like to think of myself as a good person, but I know that there are times when I am doing something that is less than nice. I sometimes get frustrated and moody and am not polite to the person at the checkout line or take out my frustrations with something on the person that I have called to get a resolution, but I think in the end I am trustworthy, a good friend, and dependable, which I think are a few of the many qualities that make a good person.
I’m not sure what you could do to get people to continue buying your book. I’ve noticed other authors that I follow doing things like if you buy their book and send your receipt, they’ll send you a copy of a previous book. I realize you don’t have a previous book, but maybe something along the line of a giveaway.
Or maybe you could partner with another author, and if someone buys your book and sends the receipt, they can get the other book for free and vice versa. This would get more books into the hands of more people. And God knows women love to give book recommendations…Not sure, just a thought.
First, I agree with the very first comment posted about Kayla! I loved that she was a tad crazy, said anything and everything that was on her mind (no matter how inappropriate), and totally owned it. I would love to see a book from her point of view!
As far as Quinn goes, I enjoyed her because she WASN’T perfect. Did she always make the right decision? Of course not. Do any of us? I like characters who I can picture living life…real life. I couldn’t identify with everything Quinn thought and did, but it all seemed completely realistic. There could be someone out there exactly like Quinn.
It is tough to write a flawed character whose flaws aren’t all sympathy-inducing. It’s easy (well, as easy as writing any character is) to write a character whose flaw is that she’s insecure about her body, because most readers have felt that way and will be able to sympathize. I think it’s far more difficult to write a character whose flaw is something like infidelity. Not everyone is going to identify with that, and some people are going to hate that character.
I got that kind of feedback on my Savvy character I have posted on my website. When I first sent it to one of my critique groups, I had two women tell me they wouldn’t continue reading the book because they hated Savvy. All you learned in the first chapter was that she was a fairly successful attorney who was fantasizing about a man other than her boyfriend. She hadn’t even acted on the fantasy, and these women decided she had no redeeming qualities, even though she was full of guilt.
Maybe it just comes down to what kind of novels and characters a person likes. I don’t want a predictable character. I also don’t want a perfect character or a character who is completely unrealistic. I might not be able to identify with all of his/her flaws, but I can identify with having flaws.
As far as promoting your book, I really like the tweet up and guest blogging ideas from one of the comments above. One of the authors in my critique group did a “virtual” book tour by guest blogging and being interviewed on a number of other writer’s blogs. Seems like a great way to reach new audiences!
Funny thing about Quinn not being nice – my mother would take that as a compliment. As I think you should when you say that you are not nice. My mother (a woman who is wildly in love with living life on her terms – so fabulous!) strongly believes that the biggest insult would be to describe somebody as nice. Nice is such a plain, boring, uninteresting, uninvolved description of somebody. It is bland and says nothing about the person being described. It is a safe word. It is one of those words that is said to be said because nothing else stands out. So when a book clubber said that she didn’t think Quinn was nice, I think you should take that as the ultimate compliment. You created a character that could not be summed up in a nondescript one-word answer. Bravo! Now, I’m off to buy LAY… I also dislike “nice” characters!
Hmmm, if words like “thoughtful, empathetic, trustworthy, honest, and loving” don’t describe a nice person I’m not sure what does! I don’t think anyone thinks of themselves as a “nice” person, because we live inside our heads and hear all the judgements and all the negative comments. We even hear ourselves say them to the people we think (hope) we can trust with that ugly side of ourselves. But when it comes to what we portray to the outside world, I think that polite and respectful and maybe a little dash of genuine smiling mixed in is probably what gets you considered a nice person.
I’m only a little over 100 pages in to LAY, and I have to admit I was a little taken aback by some comments Quinn has made about the “secretaries” of the firm, as I masquerade as an assistant by day and write by night. Do I think that means she’s not nice? Not necessarily. We all make judgements of people based on what they wear, how they act, their “station” in life if you will. Now if Quinn was treating the secretaries with disrespect, then I would say she is not nice.
And maybe some of her choices would be considered not “nice” things to do to someone (my intuition combined with a few accidental glances of revealing comments tells me she’s not going to be too nice to this Avery). But what is more important in life? To be “nice”, or to be “real”? Looking back on my previous example with the secretaries, it sort of seems like to be “nice” you have to be sort of “fake.”
I could ramble on and on about this forever – BAH all of your posts make me want to do one of my own posts elaborating on my thoughts!
Hello there, I have been lurking and reading your blog for awhile now. I have also read LAY and I find this discussion fascinating. I did not find Quinn “nice” but that was not a problem for me. I did like her, though I found her frustrating at times, mostly by her stubborness and the choices she made. But this is what made her real. And this is what gave you your story. A character has to grow and change. You can’t sustain an entire novel around a character who’s “nice”. I think perhaps the problem might be that your book on the surface appears to be more in the “chick lit” vein (and I love chick lit, so that is not a negative comment) but underneath it’s a more subtle exploration of identity and grief and expectation. In chick lit, you have to “like” your protagonist so you can root for her. In more literary novels, it’s the story and the writing that keeps the reader. I think you’ve done both here, which is rare. I think people expecting the romantic comedy/chick lit heroine would not like Quinn because she does walk the line between being lost and being a bad fiance. I really enjoyed the realness of her. Sometimes we drink too much. Sometimes we question a great thing because we don’t deserve it or really want it. Sometimes we sleep with ex-boyfriends. In the context of losing her dad during 9/11 in such a sudden, unexpected way, I think she was keeping it together rather well. Then again, I am definitely not “nice” and I probably have done all of those things in the past, so maybe I’m not the best judge of character.
As for getting the word out- what about some sort of tie in with your title “Life After Yes”? Not sure how it would work, but everyone has their own stories of what happened after “yes”- not necessarily yes to a proposal, but yes to a dream, yes to life, yes to change, yes to moving on. Maybe team up with a magazine or morning show (yes I know easier said than done) and run a contest asking people to write you about their own “life after yes”. Not sure what they could win, but it gives great publicity to your book. This would take some serious marketing/PR talent, but I am assuming you might know some people.
So I looked up “nice” and it is defined as follows:
Nice /naɪs/ Show Spelled[nahys]
–adjective, nic·er, nic·est.
1. pleasing; agreeable; delightful: a nice visit.
2. amiably pleasant; kind: They are always nice to strangers.
3. characterized by, showing, or requiring great accuracy, precision, skill, tact, care, or delicacy: nice workmanship; a nice shot; a nice handling of a crisis
Based on these definitions, I would say that I can be pleasing, agreeable, delightful and am tactful and skillful in many areas of my life. I would also say the same goes for you, after all, it was you who launched this blog, and reached out to me, one of your first commenters, and of course your writing here and in LAY, speaks for itself. So why do we object to nice? Maybe because it connotes simple, superficial sweetness, the anithesis of how we think of ourselves. It doesn’t mean we aren’t good people, but uncomplicated, surface pleasantness doesn’t seem like apt characterizations. And as far as Quinn goes, it seems to me, it isn’t that she is unpleasant, disagreeable or without her charms, it’s that the way she comports herself isn’t the way she always should. And that isn’t a bad thing at all, especially for a fictional character, it certainly makes the pages turn faster.
One thing that did strike me from your recounting of the book club, is that we are far more forgiving of flawed male characters than we are of women. In TV, think of Tony Soprano or Don Draper, both of whom, are pretty awful men, not “nice” by any definition, but they are much loved for precisely those flaws. Female characters, like their real life counterparts, don’t inspire the same devotion.
Uh oh. I liked Quinn because, well, I RELATED to her — at least, my early 20s self did. I am happy to report that I have grown up, matured, and grown a bunch of accountability since then. I am also happy to report that I don’t regret my less nice 20s one little bit, because they brought me to where I am today and because hello, I am glad I got alllll of that out then when I had nobody depending on me!
This is funny because I was just discussing my own blog with a coworker and how people have come to me for friendship advice recently, and I said to her “It’s weird because I don’t even like people!” That’s not really true, of course, but it’s true that a friendship search is harder for me because I have a hard time meeting new people. I always think if I were nicer it’d be easier. But I agree with the commenter above who said “nice” has almost come to be condescending adjective. No one wants to be just “nice.” We want to have more depth.
I think Rachel says it well here.
Nice is such a bland word. I think I prefer an adjective with some more color to it. What does the word nice say about someone? I am not sure exactly. A friend of mine once said that people label certain people as nice because they don’t have anything else to say about them. I am not certain I completely agree with this point, but the word nice just reminds me of picking vanilla ice cream when there are tons of other flavors to choose from.
I do not think of myself as nice. Nice has always given me the impression of a doormat – someone who gets walked all over easily and never minds that fact. I do think I am compassionate, trustworthy, loving, and many of those other words you brought up. Just not nice.
I think the idea of local book clubs with you doing an “appearance” via Skype or iChat or some such process is fantastic.
Maybe you need to bring the girls upstate for a quick visit. In addition to a Barnes and Noble, there are several small, independent book stores around me. I could be your chauffeur.
your mention of a doormat is SPOT ON, nicki. SPOT. ON.
I do consider myself to be a “nice” person, but no one is nice all the time. And just because you have a little bit of a bite to you or can sometimes be abbrasive, that doesn’t mean, to me, that you aren’t “nice”. When I first met my husband’s extended family, they truly scared me! They were loud, opinionated and brash. Once I put that aside and really listened to them and got to know them, I realized they were very nice people. I truly believe that anyone who acts sugar-sweet nice all the time is hiding something. It just doesn’t happen. I wouldn’t want to read a character like that, either, because they wouldn’t have any substance. As far as promoting your book, I love to see authors out there, discussing their books and the writing process, etc. I personally don’t get sick of it and it only makes the author stand out in my mind when I am standing in front of the book section at Target
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Oh and PS – was PSYCHED to find out Quinn’s best friend is the sass-mouthed KAYLA. Of course, you spelled it wrong, but that’s of no consequence to anyone but me.
if i’m repeating someone elses ideas, please forgive me…just very busy today and couldn’t read all the comments. I always notice the ads on the righthand side of my facebook “home” page. i have written down a couple book suggestions that have been there before with every intention of buying the book. so maybe your ad could reach millions of fb’ers that way!
as far as wondering if there is such a thing as overkill, i say “no way!” “those who mind, don’t matter. those who matter, don’t mind.” i’m finding this quote helpful in so, very many situations, but in yours imparticular. you have a very loyal following here on your blog, who i have found to be more than willing to listen, contemplate, and share with you over and over and over again. people, whom haven’t yet heard of LAY, might not get that chance if you don’t keep promoting it. don’t think too much about it…personally, i love when there is a ton of hype and buzz about a book i am reading or wanting to read…it makes me feel like i’m a part of something bigger than myself. have a good one 
Are you a nice person? I can be a nice person, but for the most part I don’t think anyone is nice. In other words, everyone has a dark and a light side.
Are you interested in reading stories about nice people? I much rather read REAL novels about normal people like Life After Yes. I enjoyed it very much.
Are you suspicious of people who are always nice in every situation? Yes, I am of course. My mom would tell us stories about how my dad was super nice to hear before they got married, and now they are divorced. I know this is just one scenario, but I think it’s better for the individual to show their true colors in the beginning than wait until it is too late.
Do you agree that it is possible to be a good person without being a permanently nice person? Yes, it is truely possible. Everyone makes mistakes, no one’s perfect. I don’t want to sound cliche, but I much rather have a friendship that requires effort to hold together.
Do you agree that there is an important difference between being “nice” and “not mean”? Yes, definately, there is a big difference. I really like the quote in line in the book that reads something like this, “It is much better to be called a not bad person than a good person.”
Do you have any genius ideas about how to boost book sales two months into the game? To be honest, I loved your book Aidan and I am looking forward to reading more books from you! Thank you!
I try really hard to be nice, but of course, I am not perfect. I also agree that the word “nice” has kind of lost its meaning because it is overused, and kind of a catch-all for a general positive characteristic, that would be better described by a more precise adjective. I absolutely believe that it’s possible to be a good person without being nice, but this are just so much more pleasant when people are nice. And, again, I feel the word is too general to really convey what I am trying to say.
And in general, I do like reading about “nice” characters. Not perfect ones, of course, but ones that try to do the right thing. I enjoy books with protagonists and characters who are not “nice”, but I find it really refreshing when they are.
Personally, I loved LAY and liked Quinn, but I was really disappointed in the decisions that she made (one big one in particular–don’t want to give it away for those who haven’t read). Really disappointed. And I liked her much less after that and for the rest of the book. She made mistakes, like we all do, but I felt like she didn’t really try to make them (or this one in particular) right. It left lingering questions that bugged me after I finished (still do I suppose). But overall, it was a great read I did like Quinn overall.
My favorite character was Avery. Maybe she wasn’t as complex, but I really liked her disposition. I liked Kayla too–and I loved Sage. I think a flawed, realistic character is always going to be viewed as “not nice” by some, and a “nice” character will seem too perfect and flat to others.
As for promoting your book–I think a virtual book tour sounds fantastic. It’s probably a lot of work for you though. But as the author of a book blog-I think it would be great and I’d love to host one. I plan to write about LAY in the next week or so.
Nice is overrated. Not saying that it is better to be mean, but people throw terms around like nice without any thought as to what it means.
I hear it all the time with the kids, be nice. What the hell is that supposed to mean anyway.
I loved Quinn. yes, love. I loved her because I related to her. because there are many things about her that I am not, but there are many things about her that I most certainly am. I loved her because she was beautiful & human & flawed. and mostly, I loved her because she asked herself questions that most people don’t dare to ask. so to me, she was the brave heroine. brave for asking questions, for wanting more.
re: being nice, people always say that I’m the nicest person they know, and no matter how many times I hear that, it always surprises me. I guess I’m pretty kind & considerate, and despite living in NY for a few years, have yet to pick up that city edge. so yeah, I’d say that I’m nice. but I also think that some of the best people, the ones who truly have a good heart, sometimes don’t appear to be very “nice” at first glance.
I was once told I was too nice to be in Ad Sales. Now I’m not, in ad sales or too nice. It beat it out of me. Besides too nice is really not interesting.
I liked Quinn. How can anyone not like a main character and get to the end of the book? If I don’t like the character, I don’t finish and I finished Life After Yes, tears streaming down my face.
As for keeping the buzz on…I say blog tour… in fact I have an idea…stay tuned…
A brief comment on being nice – apologies if this point has already been made – haven’t had time to read thru all the comments yet … allowing “being nice” to be synonymous with “kindness” or at least closely related – I am reminded of a character Jack Lemmon played (can’t remember the movie sorry) anywayz his character was making a point to a younger colleague ……. and he said “… it would be wrong to confuse kindess with weakness …” I was struck by this comment during a time when I was smitten with my own sarcastic wit … it made/makes me feel tough, clever, street smart etc. However I have since had a chance to pause … reconsider the whole nice&kind thing …. still considering
Some people tell me that I’m too nice. Nice is relative and as bland as plain vanilla. We are not always predicatable but us nice people choose our battles and never match wits with the unarmed.
this is so awesome! i could not articulate the emotions that this conversation was stirring in me, but you did! thanks for sharing. you made my day.
People have always said that I’m “nice.” I’ve never known what to make of that. What does it even really mean, you know? If I’m kind, I’m cool with that. If I’m fluffy nice, I’m not cool with that. I always hope that I come across as genuinely “nice,” if I’m going to be considered nice.
That’s the thing about Quinn-she’s genuine, whether being nice or a total mess, it’s just real…take it or leave it. I thought that was refreshing.
I’m so happy for you and your book’s success! I don’t really have advice for how to continue to promote it…I believe it will continue to promote itself, and I’m sure you’ll find tasteful ways to continue to spread the word.
Even I am suspicious of nice people. Minnesota’s full of nice people. And the mean ones, well, they stand out right away. But the nicey-nice ones, well, they stand our right away, too.
There is such a thing as too nice. And it can drive even nice Minnesotans crazy. I think the over-the-top nice people are masking something and not being real. I much prefer people, fictional characters included, who feel real emotions.
No shame in a 3D character, like Quinn!
I also don’t think an engaging protagonist has to be “nice”. However, and this is just for me, I do like to see growth. I like to see movement from a character. I like to see change. That doesn’t mean a not nice character has to become a saint. An unhappy person has to become happy. A bad relationship has to become good. But what’s the point of reading about someone who is exactly the same in the beginning as in the end with no insight, evolution or introspection? Mistakes can, and should, be made. I don’t think anyone is asking for perfection.
As far as self-promotion goes, do not give up, but be careful. This is a timely topic as the New York Times recently wrote a good article about promotions and author videos (trailers) and if they actually help. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/11/fashion/11AuthorVideos.html?ref=books
And Author Jennifer Weiner discussed her self promotion issues after her editor asked her to tweet and Facebook more about it. She also linked to the hilarious (and true) article in NY Mag by Doree Shafrir ‘Twitter Made Me Hate You’ about people she once looked up to and admired turning her off with their twitter promotions/banter/yoga updates.
Jennifer Weiner’s post:http://jenniferweiner.blogspot.com/2010/07/so-here-we-are-three-days-out-from-july.html
NY Mag article:http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2010/07/twitter_made_me_hate_you.html
I do find that excessive pleading and self promotion can be a turnoff. Then again, I block those incessant updates on Facebook from people who have to tell me play by plays of what they just ate for lunch, or how their kid just pooped. It’s a fine line. I like the idea above about virtual book clubs. That way you can talk about the discussion, tweet about the date and link to other people’s blogs that are members of that book club who may write about it. All that is getting the word out without the more straightforward “BUY LAY” post. It’s subtle but effective marketing that doesn’t turn people off as much. Buying ad space on other popular blogs is good, too. Who knows how much it costs for a Facebook ad or an ad on Dooce, but it does the talking for you, and that’s worth it to me.
You’re doing a lot right already; otherwise, I (random reader out there in the big, wide world) wouldn’t have found your blog or your book. I found your blog through a link from Allison Winn Scotch’s blog. Also, I’ll do what I can by recommending LAY to my own book club. After reading about it on your blog, I can’t wait to read it!
As for being nice, well, not everybody is. The most important thing for a character to be is REAL, like you said. The main character in my own novel-in-progress *is* nice, but she’s also melancholy and moody and refuses (for a long time) to do anything about her own unhappiness. Not everybody will like her or even relate to her, but I’m hoping they’ll at least see her as a real person (you know what I mean) and sympathize with her and cheer for her.
Your blog is great, by the way.
I would say niceness is considering others’ feelings when speaking or acting. To paraphrase and add to Curt Anthon’s comment above, I view niceness as the veneer of kindness, the difference being that kindness requires a sacrifice of oneself. You can find either without either, but I think often there’s a correlation.
Naturally I’ll confess that I haven’t read LAY (nice acronym, though). I found your blog through The Happiness Project. And if you send me five copies of your book, I’ll read one and leave the other four on public transportation, in doctors’ offices, at City Hall, wherever, and I’ll even leave a five dollar bill between the pages, sticking out ever so slightly for incentive.
Hi Aidan! I haven’t read LAY yet. In fact I just ordered it off of Amazon yesterday and was thinking of recommending it to my book club. Some people have suggested that you offer to make some brief Skype appearances at book club meetings in order to keep the momentum of your rookie novel, and I wholeheartedly second that idea!
And um nice, is not so important as many other characteristics. In the end I would rather be remembered for almost anything else than niceness which somehow seems trite and insincere. Thanks for yet another thought provoking post.
First, I’m a little surprised that so many people dislike the term nice. When I describe someone as nice, I mean she’s kind and pleasant. If that’s all there is to the person, then she’s not a very interesting person, but that still doesn’t make it a bad thing to be nice.
Second, I loved LAY, and read it in about 15 hours (including a break for sleep). I liked Quinn a lot (not sure she’s nice – she seemed pleasant, not necessarily kind), and I identify with her to some extent. I don’t identify with her infidelity, but her infidelity didn’t bother me – what bothered me was that she didn’t regret her infidelity, or learn anything from it (except, as someone else [maybe on amazon?] put it, “monogamy is hard”), or recognize her hypocrisy in getting angry at Sage immediately afterwards. There was a huge lack of self-knowledge there, and I tend to expect more from people (even fictional people) that I like and care about. So it didn’t bother me that Quinn was flawed – her flaws made her more real – it bothered me that she didn’t deal with that one, big flaw in any meaningful way.