How to Deal?
- 07
- 28
- 10
Last night’s Happier Hour with Dani Shapiro? Pure magic. The setting (Pure Yoga West) was serene and stunning. The wine (St. Francis Wild Oak – 100% hand-crafted from hand-picked fruit) was delicious, the food (Peacefood Cafe) was vegan and scrumptious. And the speaker, Dani herself? Downright exquisite.
Honestly, I didn’t know how last night would go. I didn’t know how a bevy of Manhattan women would handle the fact that they would have to slip off their shoes and recline on yoga bolsters. I vastly underestimated my comrades. People were happy to plod around barefoot and to take a seat on the floor. The atmosphere was peaceful, almost profound. Candles flickered, conversation hummed. Happiness snaked through an assortment of smiles. There were many smiles.
When the program began, Dani and I sat side-by-side in chairs. I introduced Dani, read a brilliant passage from Devotion, and then, per Dani’s wise suggestion, we proceeded in a casual conversational style. What ensued was an organic and unplanned exchange about identity and religion and life. Dani speaks as beautifully as she writes. Her voice, soft but strong, carried soothingly. Her words, well-chosen and effortlessly arranged, cast a welcome spell on us all.
The conversation was rich with story and question, with personal details and universal threads. It was as if in listening to one woman’s story, we were all glimpsing our own. I wish you could have been there because it is hard to describe. But here I try. Toward the end of the evening, Dani asked if she could borrow for a moment my dogeared copy of her book. Of course, I said handing it over. And Dani flipped to a page in her own story and began reading. The passage was about a “diminutive woman, perhaps in her early seventies, with short gray hair and an impish, dare I say Buddha-like, face.” A woman named Sylvia Boorstein.
“The whole world is a lesson in what’s true,” [Sylvia] said. “Everyone is struggling. Life is difficult for everybody. Once you’re in, there’s no way out. You have to go forward. And we all die in the end. So how to deal with it?”
The words sliced through everything: through my racing mind, my rapid pulse, my general state of agitation. That was it, wasn’t it? In a few simple sentences she had addressed the essence of what I felt. She knew about the roller coaster, the slow ascent, the rapid downward plunge. I was here. I had reached my life. I had built it by decision and by accident– and there would be no other. So how to deal with it?
Devotion, page 35
Last night, these words, Dani’s words, sliced through everything: through my scattered mind, my fractured focus, my general state of overwhelm (I am moving in two days and am a bit of a mess). That was it, wasn’t it? In a few simple sentences, Dani, with the help of a sage woman named Sylvia, had addressed the essence of what I felt (perhaps what we all felt, whether we are willing to admit this or not).
I am here. Struggling in the way everyone struggles. I have reached my life, a life that is good and laced with difficulty. I have built this life by decision and by accident. And there will be no other. So how to deal with it?
And? You are there. Struggling in the way everyone struggles. You have reached your life. You too have built this life by decision and accident. It is yours. So how to deal with it?
So how do deal with it? I don’t pretend to know the answer. But the question is one that echos in my mind this morning, this good Wednesday morning. Maybe we deal by opening our eyes, and minds, and hearts. Maybe we deal by stumbling and seeking. Maybe we deal by devoting to our days, by carving meaning in our moments. Maybe we deal by collecting and cherishing the wise words of others who suffer and struggle alongside us, and with us, in this thing called life. Maybe, in the bright sunshine of summer days, we deal by squinting to see the teachers who hover close. The Sylvias. The Danis. Maybe, just maybe, we deal by simply continuing to ask in our own imperfect ways.
Thank you, Dani, for last night and even more so for slicing through the tangled knot that is my mind.
___________________________________
- Do you agree that everyone is struggling and that, on some level, life is difficult for everybody?
- Have you ever encountered someone who said something that sliced through your mind and captured the essence of what you’ve been feeling?
- Would you be game to mingle barefoot and sit on the floor during a talk?
- This is life. So how to deal with it?
Just the thought of an opportunity to sit with Dani brings tears to my eyes. Devotion, oh how I loved Devotion. I’m still ruminating over this book. It’s beauty, her beauty, and the words that have affected me so much.
You are right Aidan. Our lives are right here, in front of us. So why do we have so much trouble just living them? If only, I knew!
Good luck with the move. I hope it’s smooth and without too much trouble.
Well, for some of us, we deal with it by blogging about it! The few times when we think we have an answer, but mostly just about the questions.
And you do it so well! Great post, wish I could make it to one of these Happier Hours. Maybe someday!
Aidan,
It was such a pleasure (and an honor!) to be there last night, and to witness the words from Dani and you and the general ease and warmth in the room. I too find that Dani’s sentences slice through the clutter and the chaos that obfuscates the really important stuff, and tug me back to what matters. Thank you for reminding me of that here, and for including me last night.
xo
Life is difficult for all on some level. It’s what to do with this difficulty and how to think about it that paves each person’s path. I am trying desperately to live in the present, to not live life solely focusing on what hardships may come.
Good luck on your move.
I really like how she said “life is difficult for everybody.” This has been especially hitting home right now. My Grandpa emailed me last week while he was up with my Grandmother in the middle of the night (3am) who has Alzheimer’s. She was demanding he take her home, didn’t know he was her husband all while he sat in the same room as her. In that entire email he summed it all up with one sentence “Everyone has a cross to bear.” Reading this post reminded me of that….goes back to what everyone says, live one day at a time.
Good luck with moving!! I am about to start packing and doing it myself too. Hope it goes well and you remember some moments to share with us!
Gosh, you need to come host one of these in New Orleans! You should do a Happier Hour tour. I want to drape myself on a yoga mat for a chat.
I think the term “life” is too all-encompassing to be easy on anyone. Some aspect, no matter how minute, will be a Mount Everest for somebody, even if the rest of life is going smoothly.
Aidan, I was just thinking…I really love the idea of the Happier Hour, and I so wish I could be part of these. Since I can’t since you live in New York, and I live in Wyoming…I’m wondering if I could somehow start doing my own Happier Hour here! But, I wouldn’t really know what we would do or discuss here, since we live in a such a very small town and don’t have people like Dani (or any of the other authors you’ve had) here to speak. Any ideas to keep it from just being a b****fest about our husbands or anything else that’s bugging us at the moment? How could we make our Happier Hour actually make us happier?
I was having a conversation with an elderly man this morning over this same topic. He said we all have stuff going on, that everyone is participating in a private battle of some kind or another, big or small. He reminds himself that he is “one among many”. Be nice to one another because they just might be having a rough time as well. How do I deal with life? I try and remain humble, compassionate and keep a positive attitude. Some days are harder than others but I simply do the best I can on any given day.
I was also thinking like Whitney… I might want to have a Happier Hour as well here in California. Wouldn’t it be neat if Happier Hours started sprouting up across the country!
I’m halfway through Devotion right now! I would have loved to have been there. And with you and Lindsay there, too? *sigh* One day.
“Maybe we deal by collecting and cherishing the wise words of others who suffer and struggle alongside us, and with us, in this thing called life.”
Absolutely. Perfect. Yes.
(And may I say, parenthetically, that I’m totally jealous that you, Dani and Lindsey were in the same room!)
I so wish I could have made the trip down this month. Summer seems to have me held hostage upstate.
Life is here. How to deal? Sometimes I think we spend too much time worrying about how to deal and not just being, seeing, doing. It is life and is meant to be lived.
Do you agree that everyone is struggling and that, on some level, life is difficult for everybody? Yes I most definately agree.
Have you ever encountered someone who said something that sliced through your mind and captured the essence of what you’ve been feeling? Yes, plenty of times.
Would you be game to mingle barefoot and sit on the floor during a talk? Oh yes! That sounds like kindergarten all over again, only this time as adults.
This is life. So how to deal with it? By just letting it be, it is what it is, this is life. We can’t change what already happened, but we could change the future.
Do we ever really figure out how to deal with life? I think not. We might progress from one stage to another, but it is never a perfect transition. We are never perfect. that would be so boring and we would never learn.
It sounds like Happier Hour was really a great success. And if such an event took place where I live, I would definitely be excited to go, take off my shoes, sit down and the floor and talk and think.
I got your package today. That’s a lot of books. Fortunately, there are infinite places. I’m going to read it almost immediately, and I don’t worry that I’ll dislike it. I read more or less for the delight of phrases, and based on how you write here, I think I’ll find it full of fineness. And I will distribute that.
As for the post, you can amass all the creature comforts and antidepressants in the world, but living is not easy. There’s always going to be an unfulfilled desire. And if there isn’t, there’s going to be someone close to you who has one, probably several. How to deal with it? I don’t know. Does anyone know? Do the best you can.
Thank you for having Happier Hour. It is a blessing to meet with such smart and beautiful women in a peaceful and delicious environment. I can relate to Honoring the struggle, Being in the moment, Transforming the experience of struggle. I am feeling my way through a struggle now and the happier I am through the struggle, the better.
Sat Nam.