Are You a Phone Person?
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Yesterday afternoon, my phone rang. Caller ID indicated that it was a good friend of mine who lives in the South and just welcomed her third child a couple of weeks ago. I almost let the call go to voicemail as I do so often with incoming calls. Though busy bonding with Toddler during Baby’s nap time, I picked up.
I am so glad I did.
My friend and I ended up talking for a long time. Almost an hour, I think. She told me all about her delivery and her family and her new life as a mom of three kids. She told me about the big storm that just mangled the back of her home. I told her about our new place, about how we are getting more and more settled here, about how the kids and cats are in heaven. We joked about that long ago time when we were big firm lawyers and about the present day when we often spend long minutes wrestling with the sundry parts of sippy cups. (Where do all those missing parts go?)
When I hung up the phone, I felt a swell of something. Of happiness. Of friendship. Of connection.
I do not get this feeling when I hit send on an email. I do not get this feeling when I update my Facebook status. Or float a tweet into the ether.
Yesterday, I professed my love for Facebook and my respect for the unprecedented phenomena of modern social media. My opinions have not changed overnight; I continue to believe there is an immense, if inscrutable, power inherent in the technological tools (blogging, FB, Twitter, etc) that so many of us have come to embrace.
But.
I realized something yesterday in the quiet moments after my call with my friend. I realized that as we dive further into this world of buttons and screens and soundbites, we really are missing out. On faces and voices and moving lips and rumbling laughter. On the stories that come in bits and pieces, without grace perhaps, over the phone line or in person. Stories that cannot (and perhaps should not) be edited for their content and grammar. We are missing out on the organic interpersonal stuff that used to me the norm.
This is not all about social media. I have never really been much of a phone person. I remember my school days and being amazed that my friends logged so many hours chit-chatting on the phone. Perhaps this is a hereditary thing? Dad was never big on the phone and the master of the two minute call that ended with his endearing and sing-song, Morn morn.
Maybe this is just me?
(I don’t think so.)
I worry that the advent and experience of social media, the ubiquity of text messaging and email exchanges, is allowing me – and so many of us – to hide behind the screen and the words we weave. I worry that, by following the trends of the day, we are compromising our relationships, and with them, ourselves.
I don’t know. I don’t pretend to know.
But I do know that I am going to make more of an effort to pick up the phone and call the people that matter. I am going to make more of an effort to engage in and indulge in real conversations, the clumsy and exquisite kind that cannot be duplicated online or in print. I am going to make more of an effort to flip this screen shut and get out there into the world and see people. And talk to them. Old school style.
(And then I will of course come here and blog about it.)
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- Are you a phone person? Have you always been?
- Has your use of the phone changed with the emergence of email and social media?
- Do you think social media is changing patterns of human connection in a problematic way?
- Do you find yourself writing an email or sending a text instead of picking up the phone because it is “easier”?
- Do you ever worry that if things continue the way they’re going our kids will grow up not knowing how to make eye contact or conduct real conversations?
- Do you think there is a way to embrace the technologies of the day while also retaining traditional communication skills?
- Are you too baffled by the mysteries of sippy cups?
I’m not a phone person. I’d rather speak face to face. I love to write long, funny letters on cream colored stationary or inside of an interesting card. But who has time to write? And does the recipient have time to read? So, I shoot off a few e-mail and update the Facebook status because this is the fastest way to keep in touch.
I do indulge in one regularly scheduled phone call to my childhood best friend. Same bat time. Same bat channel since second grade.
I wonder if disliking the phone is a creative thing? The only other people besides myself who dislike phone conversations are writers, photographers, artists of some sort. I know for me, I like to be able to see the other person’s face when we’re talking. In some ways, the phone seems colder than even Twitter or Facebook, though I can’t explain why!
I do call family on a regular basis, but I think it’s different with them, because I know their voices so well I can pretty much “see” their faces as they talk.
Face-to-face, if possible, is always the best, though!
(Oh, and sippy cups irritate me immensely. I don’t lose parts, but we don’t have a dishwasher, and I can NEVER get all those tiny pieces thoroughly clean washing them by hand. Can’t wait til my girls are big enough for real cups!)
I have never thought about the idea that avoiding/disliking the phone might be a creative thing. Interesting… I also think the theory that we can actually “see” certain people as we communicate by phone is very compelling. When you know someone so well, I do think his/her voice can conjure the whole of them.
I hate the phone. I’ve been mercilessly mocked and called out for one of my classic moves, which is returning a voicemail with an email. Alas. I don’t know quite why I dislike it so, but I do. Maybe because my mother is and always was throughout my whole childhood on the phone? Maybe because I can read faster than most people can talk, making email more efficient? I don’t know!
Is it a creative thing? Talking on the phone to my family abroad fills me great joy, but everyone else I will send a text or email.
As for the sippy cup (trainer cup – UK English, some things still come hard for me to change). I see the mystery still continues.
This strikes such a nerve with me. I am constantly wrestling with my views on social media. So immediate, so convenient, so broad, and so… impersonal!
My fear with electronic and social media is not merely that it mitigates the time we spend in “real” interaction. My fear is that our abilities to relate in poignant and personal ways will atrophy over time. We will grow to feel awkward and uncomfortable in long and intimate exchanges and eventually retreat exclusively to tweets and FB status updates to communicate with our friends.
I’m glad you took your friend’s call. And I’m glad you are too.
I too worry about the atrophy of certain skills/instincts/abilities we don’t use for a while. If, say, social and digital media fade in the next decade, will we all transition back to more organic means of interaction or would we struggle with this? I don’t pretend to know.
I totally agree with you.
I am not a phone person at all and I am the master of email correspondence, but I do make it a point to talk on the phone with the important people REGULARLY.
I am glad you picked up when your friend called. You could have missed out on this very eye-opening conversation by letting it go to voice mail.
I don’t like the phone. I always feel as though it is wasted time, even when it is not. As though I could be off doing something else, something urgent, something more important that talking. And then, the times I answer the phone, I almost always am glad I did later. That affirmation, that reassurance of a voice, that connection… is one of the most beautiful, most important things in the world.
Isn’t it interesting that there are things in life that we must, on some level, force ourselves to do and then when we do those very things we feel so much better? Perhaps the lesson is that a certain amount of behavioral/social discipline is necessary in life and that desire should not always be the ultimate guide?
I am not a phone person, never have been. However, I agree with your sentiment and there are folks that I talk with – my sister primarily and my mother when she was alive.
The one issue for me with the phone is that I can’t seem to find the time, that quiet space to really enjoy a conversation. Between time differences and three kids, and now you can talk and drive, it seems that social media and email are my only outlets these days.
What a fun post! And I love the phone. Always have. Always will. I only wish we still had some with brightly colored spiral cords. They’re the best!
BLW – If you’re feeling retro you might check these out. They used to have red, but it looks like you’re limited to basic colors these days.
I am a creative person and I love the phone. Or at least I used to really enjoy it. Now I am so busy that I am very selective in who gets a piece of my time.
But I am also very good about staying in touch. It is too easy to rely upon text for communication and that is not always good.
People are hesitant to open up about really personal matters. If I can hear their voice I can sense whether they are holding back- email makes it much harder.
Not all of my friends are in crisis, but a bunch are getting divorced now so I feel more of an obligation to try and talk to them. I don’t know, maybe it is a male thing but the boys rarely say anything via email.
I didn’t answer a phone until I was 12. Even then I hated talking on the phone, even to family, and would get off as soon as possible. I was thrilled with the invention of email, and ecstatic with the invention of the smartphone. When other moms ask how to get in touch with me to set up playdates, I point them toward my email address.
While talking on the phone is boring, I think it’s a lack of social cues and a whole different set of etiquette that baffle me. When you’re talking a friend face to face you can see when the other person is about to say something. You can tell when they’re bored and looking elsewhere for entertainment. You can tell when they’re ready to stop the conversation.
I’m also usually worried that the person I’m calling is busy. I’m going to be interrupting something important. They’re putting their life on hold answer my questions and chit-chat. More so now with cell phones…you can reach someone anywhere, even in the restroom. Awkward.
You raise an important point here. I think we worry about intrusion – into the moments of others and into our own. There never is a good time to pick up the phone or to answer it, is there? Life has a way of filling up and there just aren’t those blank spaces to stuff with chit-chat. I think we get paralyzed when we over-think these things. Deep down, I think we all want to feel wanted and needed and would hope that people would interrupt our lives to talk to us.
I know I slip into near-reclusiveness if I’m on FB or Twitter too long (which is why I’ve mostly quit FB and don’t tweet very often).
Face to face is best and I think it’s worth the effort of scheduling, calendaring, coordinating and all the work it involves. Phone is a nice runner up. I relate better when I can hear the inflection in someone’s voice. Smiles transmit on phone calls. On e-mail, not so much.
First, thank you for ameliorating the sense of guilt I had over letting calls go to voicemail. Phew, glad I’m not some social misfit who cannot talk “live”. It’s funny, my work phone I pick up and people react with surprise (or maybe they’re upset to not get my vm). I also do phone sessions with clients over the country and local clients who cannot make it in person. What’s funny is that I can be more honest, even bold on the phone. There is some degree of honesty that, for me, can surpass face to face conversations. I love that you were pleased after your conversation. I am puzzled why we avoid something that is really kind of nice. So you’ve inspired me, when I return from my trip I may try to be a phone person, especially now that I’m being bullied online. Final question, what does morn morn mean?
I despise the phone. Always have. It could be because we had a party-line with the nosiest neighbor on the block (a party-line, can you imagine what the kids now would think of that!) I second the sentiment of many that there are so many facial and body-language cues that are missed while speaking on the phone. I find that talking over someone or interrupting continually is very common on phones (especially cell phones) and I find it extremely irritating and I just want to slam the thing down! We no longer have a landline so people think they can get a hold of me anytime, anywhere and I don’t necessarily feel that way. A phone call is intrusive to me. Now, texting or emailing…I’m on it!
In order of preference: face-to-face, email/FB, text, video chat, pen & paper letters, type-written letters, Morse code, telegraph, land line, cell phone.
I do the same thing. I let most of my calls go to voice mail, simply because sometimes I know the conversation is going to take a while. Even though I feel fantastic after talking, I sometimes just don’t put in the effort to pick up the phone. Which is sad. So sad. I’ve just never been a phone person.
Aidan, I am definitely a phone person. I remember when my kids were little, sometimes it was my only salvation! Sometimes you need a little adult conversation to offset your time with the kids and to compare notes on the big issues in your life – i.e. will my toddler ever use the potty?? I think as a society we are losing social skills due to communication via electronics. That being said, I text, e-mail and do f.b. but make it a point to stay in touch with friends in person or by phone. I love your blog and love to hear what your family is up to!
Oh I utterly detest talking on the phone. Detest it I say. I can type and chat all the doo dah day on the computer and text on the iphone, etc.. but don’t make me chat live on the phone with my voice. I’ll go to dinner and talk til the restaurant closes across the table, or do lunch in a loud diner and holler back and forth about the silliest of nonsense.. but do not make me talk on the phone. Blegh.
I am not a phone person either. I can’t stand it. I don’t like that you can’t see someone’s face, the sometimes silences.
Maybe I don’t like that someone expects me to drop what I’m doing for a phone call… (wow… that sounds super bitchy!) Especially with kids, it’s so hard to talk on the phone, where an email or a text you can get to in your own time.
I love talking on the phone. My childhood best friend lives overseas but every week we talk for an hour or longer and this way we are connected and we know the important things going on.
I love the phone, although since having kids it’s gotten harder and harder to connect that way. I think I struggle with social media because I crave the face to face, or even just the voice to voice. I love social media for the way it lets me connect and keep up with those I already know face to face, but I have a harder time getting to know people (blogging, twitter ‘friends’) through social media alone. And the times I have met some of these people in person, I felt a little awkward. Which is funny, because I am rarely awkward in person-to-person interactions.
Interesting post, Aidan.