The Gift of Ruin
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This weekend, I saw Eat, Pray, Love with Mom, Sister C, and Sister T. Admittedly, I had read only the first fifteen pages of Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir from which the film is adapted (Toddler was a wee one then and I didn’t have an abundance of free time), but still I was excited to see it. The movie was good, the scenery was exquisite, and Julia Roberts didn’t disappoint.
At one point in the film, Roberts (who plays Gilbert on her three-stop journey of self-discovery) visits an abandoned ruin in the middle of Rome. I can’t remember the surrounding details exactly, but she says something like:
“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”
These words struck me. They struck me so powerfully that I whipped out my phone in the middle of the packed theater and jotted them down. So I could come back to them. And here I am. Coming back to them.
Gilbert’s story of self-ruin and subsequent self-transformation is stunning, but it is also extreme. After divorcing her husband she leaves all that she knows to travel and find herself. She devotes a year of her life to eating and praying and loving, all ways of exploring her own personal ruins and rebuilding her life. I can appreciate this tale, but I cannot relate to it wholly.
What I can relate to though is the more subtle idea of crumbling and creation. The notion that things must fall apart in order to come together again. The concept that chaos is where order is born. There is something immensely encouraging about these ideas.
There are times when I feel the earth shaking beneath my feet. There are moments when I detect decay – of control, of happiness, of identity. There are points in my writing when I feel like my story is shredding itself to nothing.
These times are tough. They test me.
I am realizing now, in this very moment, that these times are tiny moments of existential and creative ruin, of fertile unraveling. Maybe cracks must form for wholeness to manifest? Maybe uncertainty must reign for understanding to alight? Maybe questions must creep – through our lives and minds and stories – for answers to come?
This realization – that a good, full life entails moments of meaningful destruction and disorder, of poetic ruin and rubble – is worth more, far more, than the price of admission.
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- Have you read Gilbert’s book or seen the movie? Thoughts?
- Do you buy the idea that ruin can be a gift?
- Have periods of transformation in your life been preceded by moments of ruin?
- Have you ever gone to a movie for fun and walked away with a shift in outlook?
I agree wholly with the notion that ruin is a fertile place and where the next incarnation of structure begins. I also relate to the feeling of things shaking around, of instability and anxiety that you describe sometimes feeling. I haven’t seen the movie yet but adored the book.
xox
so bizarre, I saw the movie last night, and that is the one line that stuck with me. literally, I woke up this morning thinking about it and the image of those roman ruins. (ummmm, can we just talk about the sheer beauty of those three places? if nothing else, eat pray love gave me major wanderlust). I do think that ruin/chaos/crumbling can be a gift, but I don’t think it’s a prerequisite for transformation. I sometimes think that there’s this idea that transformation & change is impossible without a major existential crisis, that you need a dramatic event or major justification to shake up your life, when in fact, sometimes, all you need is a slight unraveling, a few piercing questions, a gentle push to move forward, to transform your life.
I read the book and LOVED it. Admittedly, I don’t think the movie lived up to the book; memoir is hard to translate to film, and I think they took too many liberties with the script. BUT, I digress. Interestingly, that line stuck out for me, too (and I don’t think it’s a line from the book). I wholeheartedly agree: sometimes things have to fall apart before they can be built again. And sometimes that falling apart is a wholly internal process.
I’m really not good at internal reflection or having profound ponderings, but I do think I will see that movie now! It sounds like a good one to see with my mother and grandmother.
This piece reminded me of one I posted last Easter on earthquakes. I wrote:
“Sometimes there has to be destruction of existing structures before there can be reconstruction. Cracks in the foundation cannot always be repaired. Giant fissures separate and divide. But from the ashes and rubble come beauty and resurrection.”
While I agree with Laura that ruin is not always a prerequisite for transformation, I think there are times when repair is not a possibility. A bandaid doesn’t always do the trick. It seems that sometimes a complete dismantling (internal or external) has to occur so that something new and better can emerge.
I like these words of yours: “I am realizing now, in this very moment, that these times are tiny moments of existential and creative ruin, of fertile unraveling. Maybe cracks must form for wholeness to manifest?”
I think you’re right.
p.s. Liked the beginning of the book, but thought it weakened as she went along.
Thanks for this Aidan. I’ve thought about this a lot, though I’ve normally thought of it as my “rock bottoms.” How low can I go? Knowing that I can’t resist or fight and I have to admit them; I can’t sugarcoat and pretend they’re not there. Then things start lifting off and before you know it, no ruins at all.
This idea really resonates with me. I am writing a memoir somewhat similar to Gilbert’s, but more of an everywoman’s tale–moving him to live in my parents’ basement rather than traveling the world. Self-discovery can happen anywhere, usually when we’re put in situations in which we have to decide what REALLY matters.
Aidan: I am a firm believer that you must know ruin before you can realize purpose. When life hands out the status quo it is definitely comfortable, but I question how much we learn from this state. I am not saying that we must continually have conflict, but we should have a state of peeling back the layers to understand where we come from and where we are going.
I read the book in 2008 on a trip to San Fransisco to celebrate my 40th birthday. I am so looking forward to seeing this played out in a movie. I hope I can finds someone to go with me! I like this concept of ruins and self-ruination. I think that we all go through this in our own way. As an artist I struggle with the fallow season, as I call it where my creativity is at an impasse. Wish that I could go on a journey of self-discovery around the world! That would kick start my creativity and my self-healing like nothing else! But since I can’t I think I will settle for a bottle of wine with a friend who is coming to visit soon and some good chocolate.
Enjoy the day, Aidan!
Erin
If you don’t know adversity you have no way to measure happiness. If you don’t know sorrow than you cannot gauge joy.
So though I want my children to nothing but sweetness, I think that to be complete and whole they will have to taste the sour side of life.
And I completely believe that the test of a person is how they respond to adversity.
I completely agree. I loved the quote & thought so much that I just got it tattooed yesterday.
Coming back to this post a couple of days later because I saw the movie last night. The words quoted in your post didn’t particularly resonate with me on Monday. But as I sensed them coming and then heard them spoken in the film last night they took on new meaning for me. Now I see the truth in them.
It is so forgiving that ruin can lead to transformation. Buildings are reimagined. So are people. Even though this line came from the Italy section of the film, it seems to me that Richard (from the India section) is actually the perfect embodiment of this philosphy.
Anyway, thanks for your thoughts on this.
That quote about ruins is the exact moment that hit a chord with me, as well!
“…and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” -Marilyn Monroe
I pulled out my phone as well for this quote. Great minds think alike.
I just saw the movie tonight and did the SAME EXACT THING!! got my phone out and wrote down this exact quote, because it is so so true.
I have the book but I only read the first few pages as well. It didn’t grab me but I do want to finish it at some point.
The saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” is along the same line of the movie quote. The cracks we all experience keep us humble, grateful, as well as resourceful. We want to make sure those cracks never occur again so we build our walls and foundation stronger. Whether it is death of a loved one, a life-changing accident, or something like alcoholism.
I think it is something we all have to go through and it is part of our purpose here. Our struggles enlighten us and propel us further along our path.
Thanks for making stop and think this morning!
wow- the ‘ruins’ bit hit me too!
So true, I was struck by the same emotional and mental resonance… “Ruin is the road to transformation!” It is like God telling me(and others too I believe)that I, God, knows my purpose of ruining you.
Ruin elevates you to be a hero/heroin in your own history book. So, be thankful…
I also like the quote from the movie near the end – “sometimes losing balance for love is finding a balanced life.”
I actually watched this movie due to the description of a divorcee traveling and rebuilding her life. I relate much too well as I did the same thing. The quote moved me deeply too and from my experience, I wholeheartedly agree. I never thought I’d say that divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me, but it was.
I watched the movie for the first time today. I wasn’t sure what it was exactly about didn’t know about the book. But I have seen previews and thought it would be interesting but didn’t realize how much it would relate to my own life. 2 years ago I left my husband at the age of 26 and it has taken me 2 years to even remotely feel like I love myself. Many of the things she said are exactly what I have been saying to myself. I threw a huge wedding that I only had because I wanted to be married thinking that’s how life is suppose to go. But here in the last couple months after the many heartbreaks I’ve went though and watching myself cry and deprive my daughter of a loving happy mother I’ve finally begun my journey and even though it don’t include italy or bali it includes me spending every waking moment making myself happy as well as my daughter. There were 2 things said in this movie which really truly hit home first the ruin and second the statement of I don’t need to love you to prove I love myself. The ruins are true you must go through tough times to learn how to live and make yourself grow. The statement of I don’t need to say I love you to prove I love myself…well that I’m still working on. Every day I’m doing something to improve my life and the way I feel about myself and just 3 days ago I made a huge career change to help myself and its opening my eyes and many doors and I met someone so I believe that when you start to love yourself is when you can truly start to love and open up to others so this movie hit home and I only wish myself the best as well as anyone else who has went through there own ruins and built them self back up.
i am from portugal and i watched the movie for the first time today. i am speechless! “Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.” definitely.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJTJ39lo-ho