What Happened to my Hobbies?
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Once upon a time, I did many things. I went to school and worked hard, yes, but I also played sports. Three of them. Soccer. Basketball. Softball. In high school, I was the captain of all three teams and nothing made me happier than slipping into my Dalton uniform, playing an afternoon game, and coming home bruised and grass-stained and smiling. I also played the trumpet. In the orchestra and in various jazz groups.
I also collected things. Cabbage Patch Kids and baseball cards and Absolut Vodka ads. (Anyone else on this third one? This seems bizarre now.)
I set up lemonade stands in front of my house. I made jewelry out of tiny toys with friends. I played jacks and jump-roped.
I did things.
Now. Now I am doing things too. I am raising two wonderful, energy-zapping little girls. I am writing words here and elsewhere. I am ingesting embarrassing amounts of terrible television. (Yum. Yuck. Yum.) I am making to-do lists and running errands and checking Facebook and floating tweets and bemoaning the fact that I no longer have hobbies.
What happened? When I was a kid, I did so many things and indulged in such a variety of activities. Now that I am a big girl and have kids, not so much.
Is this just what happens? Am I in a stage of life where my most important purpose is raising and rearing creatures and finding them happiness and hobbies? Will there come a time when our kiddos are a bit older and Husband and I reunite with our hobbies or find new ones? I don’t know. But I hope so.
Who knows… Maybe ten years from now, I will be captain of a Central Park soccer league, have a gig playing trumpet at a famous jazz bar downtown, and sell organic free-squeezed lemonade at the local street fair. But will this be as cute as it once was, or will it have midlife crisis written all over it?
Am I the only one who has lost her hobbies along the way? Or am I viewing things through the wrong lens? Perhaps the fact that I no longer do the things I once did and enjoyed is not in itself problematic. Maybe, just maybe, I should realize that I have embraced new hobbies. (Dancing with little girls before bath, picking outlandish wallpapers, having conversations with Husband, writing blog posts, etc.)
Are my words today just further evidence of my allergy to adulthood, my unwillingness to embrace the stage of life in which I sit squarely? It’s entirely possible.
(Childhood was awesome, huh?)
_____________________________
- Did you do many things as a child? What were those things?
- Have you been able to maintain a healthy dose of hobbies?
- Do you think this loss of hobbies is about adulthood or parenthood or both?
- Is it up to us to maintain the “play” alongside the “work”?
- Did you collect anything as a child?
- Are you having a hard time embracing adulthood too?
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Great topic. Who knew you were such a jock? It’s funny because I was just joking with a friend that my husband who golfs,plays on a softball team, plays tennis and loves bike riding has too many hobbies. The truth is we both are really active. Does book club count as a hobby? Cooking? If so, then I have them and need them. I think, whatever your definition of fun, it’s important to have it and a release/escape too.
I know for me, my hobbies just grew and developed along with my age. When I was a kid, I used to love to create little things for my dollhouses (even more than I ever played with my dollhouses!); now I enjoy photography, making quilts, etc. Still creating, just a different aspect.
Hobbies of some kind are good, are healthy, I think. It’s important not to get so wrapped up in being Mommy and Daddy that we forget we have identities outside our children – because then when they grow up and leave home, who will we be? So hobbies are nice if they help us hold on to some sense of self.
Thank you for reminding me about what this is really about: retaining a sense of self amidst overwhelming other. I think that when we are immersed in raising young kids, it is very easy to be swallowed up by the cares and concerns of child-rearing. Here’s the thing: There are many things I love to do these days, but so many of them involve my kids and making them happy. So, these hobbies are in many ways derivative in nature. There is nothing wrong with this, but I do like the idea of nurturing interests that are exclusively about us as people and not necessarily as parents…
I was recently commenting to my husband that I’m so happy that i’ve found the time to “get my hobbies back.” Because for me the hobbies I used to have really defined me and I missed that me so much. Piano, competitive sports, marketing (yes I collected Absolut ads too!). Hobbies are the definition of “me time”. So as long as you’re enjoying some Me time, I think you’re in a good place.
I’m so with you. I’m finding myself rather boring these days. I need to get back to my guitar playing and songwriting and maybe take an art or pottery class. It’s getting seriously out of control. SOMEONE HELP ME!
My hobbies have always gone in and out of my life on a rotating basis–sometimes I’ll go for months with my knitting or crocheting never farther than an arm’s reach; then I’ll get bored and move on to jewelry making, toting my toolbox everywhere; then sewing, then writing, then puzzles, then back to knitting, etc. (my daughter’s closet is presently full of hobbies that are on moratorium at the moment). My current obsession is doing hair. Two that I never seem to retire completely are reading and music, but both of those are also work related, so it’s a good thing I love them so much. But I have been known to complain that I can’t stick to one hobby for more than a couple of months at a time.
I think this is just a season for something different, and mostly, we make our hobbies fit with our lifestyle. Instead of spending hours away from home playing soccer or filling your entire house with scrapbooking supplies, you blog—something you can do on your own time that doesn’t make a huge mess of your house. Later you’ll have more time and can see about adding other hobbies—maybe when your girls are in school you’ll be able to join that soccer league.
And I’ve been feeling a lot of nostalgia lately myself, though mostly for college than childhood. I don’t feel that much older—surely not as much time has passed as the calendar says!
I do think a lot of this is about nostalgia for a time when it made perfect sense to do so many things, to make stuff, to be creative. I am realizing that it is important (to me at least) to retain this sense of curiosity and discovery and creativity into adulthood. Now I must figure out how!
I think now, with the internet, it’s easy for people of any age to not have any hobbies, or really “do things” beyond the things they have to do. Internet, blogs, tv… it gives you the feeling that you are doing something, and it entertains you the way a hobby does, but is it really just as good? I’m not sure.
You are not the only one who has lost hobbies, believe me. I used to do so many things, have so many interests. Of course, that was before I was an adult, with responsibilities and bills to pay. Before I had a wonderful husband that I share my time with. I still have hobbies and things I enjoy now, the time to enjoy them is just so much more limited.
I think we should look at it this way… How much more precious are the moments we take for ourselves now? Now that we have less time to indulge in our own interests, those moments are sparkling gems mixed in with the rainfall.
“Sparkling gems mixed in with the rainfall.” Indeed. Beautiful.
I think our hobbies definitely change as we (hopefully) grow and mature as people. But at the same time, we can still have the same interests…I gave up showing horses when I got too old for 4-H, now when I’m with them it’s the real work of the farm, no longer a hobby. (Aiden, didn’t you write not all that long ago about growing up to do what you loved as a child??) But I also love to learn something new every year or two- making balloon animals, oil painting, sewing, cooking. Now that I’m no longer working away from home I have been thinking I need to devote some time to doing those again, especially the painting, but like everyone else I get tied up in daily activities and online distractions.
At the same time, I’ve always wanted to be able to play guitar, so I finally bought a cheapie off of eBay this month. I’m anxiously awaiting “Guitar for Dummies” to arrive via Amazon…
aidan!
i’m proud to say that i still have a lot of hobbies. now, granted, most (if not all) were impacted by the wee threesome’s reign of planet earth (which began on 9/29/07). but i still managed to keep up with them.
i actually consider writing a hobby, but i’ve been doing so much of it lately, and have many commitments therein (e.g. speaking at m3 summit conference in atlanta) such that i’m beginning to think of it as less a hobby and more a compliment to my “real” job.
yet, still, i do have other hobbies. my favorite one is hiking and camping. (c’mon, city girl, gimme a break) in fact, i’m taking lovie and pookie camping this weekend. i also enjoy backpacking. each and every year i carve out enough time to knock off between 50 and 100 miles of the appalachian trail.
i also like to fish, but i don’t get to go as often as i’d like.
oh. and watching football. is that a hobby? b/c it’s about to get serious up in here. SEC, y’all. SEC. (do you think i’m a redneck?) (don’t you think i use a lot of parenthetical asides when writing?) (it’s a touch annoying, no?)
A terrific topic indeed! This is one that I’ve spent quite a bit of time mulling over myself.
I too had hobbies when I was younger that I truly loved (singing and horseback riding, specifically) that are not a part of my adult life. However, I now cook, write, and volunteer at a hospital, which are each rewarding and fulfilling in their own way. And, like you, I have a young family that needs my attention. I would love to take some of my old hobbies back up, but I have to remember that my life isn’t only about me anymore. The more time I spend doing things that benefit only me, the more time the rest of my family is left to fend for itself. I have a limited amount of time to dedicate to hobbies, and so I have to choose wisely how I spend it.
That said, I think it is important to maintain some hobbies throughout the parenting years. This is not only to keep a sense of identity outside of parenthood (as Louise wisely commented), but also because of the example it sets for our children. How else are they to learn what it means to be an active, engaged, and interesting adult if we, as parents, only look as far as the playground for our own fulfillment?
I play pool competitively. It was a hobby I picked up pre-children some 18 years ago and after my first kid was born, I refused to give it up. It gets me one night out a week (with my best friends) whether I need it or not.
And, by the way, I think it’s super important to do at least one thing a week for yourself and one with you and your hubby. Even with all the joy of raising children, you can’t argue that it isn’t a ton of work. You need to make time for yourself and your personal relations (husband and friends). You just have to.
My hobbies haven’t changed, but the amount of time that I have to devote to them has. I am a firm believer in maintaining time for things that help us retain our sense of self.
There is nothing more important than family and parenting, but we all need time away from it. Those moments us help to recharge our batteries and make us better parents/spouses.
On a side note, I hear those Appalachian trails are kind of like riding a bicycle down a hill. Not much to ‘em.
I’m with you. I did things when I was little (also made jewelry… give me a glue gun, earring studs, and some glittery things and I’m all over it
) and now.. it’s me and my computer and books.
Which is ok, I think.
I need to put at least some yoga back into the mix though. That might help to balance all this mothering stuff and whatnot!
Sometimes I find myself missing my childhood hobbies. I was such a ball of energy as a little girl. I loved being outside, getting dirty and playing whatever sport I could. But then when I got older, other things became more important. In high school, I had a one hour commute so most extracurricular activities were off limits for me. And now that I’m in college, I spend most of my time studying or researching with very little time to myself. I consider writing and reading to be my prevalent hobbies. Occasionally I still dabble in more creative endeavors: I scrapbook when I can. Recently, I even took up rock climbing with the boyfriend. But it is so difficult to find the time-or the energy as life continues to get busier and busier. I frequently find myself longing for the simplicity of childhood.
I often wonder about this same topic, but then I think that I’m spending my time now on things I truly want to be doing, whereas many of my hobbies were part of discovering what I wanted to do. Still, I really would like to set up space in my apartment to just be an art space — a studio if you will — to just make art, like I used to.
And I collected Absolut Vodka ads too! They were so cool! Also the celebrity Got Milk ads, which were oh-so-cool when they first started. (I seriously hope that sometime in the next few decades, art historians will recognize the importance of advertisements, and see them as true art as well. Sometimes bad art, but art nonetheless. : )