Get a Room. Your Kids Are Watching.
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No, the title of this post is not misleading. Not one bit.
We had a great weekend with the girls. Saturday was a big trip to the Central Park Zoo. The girls were particularly fond of the penguins and the polar bear. They also quite enjoyed feeding the toothy black llama at the petting zoo. Yesterday, we took them to Sheep’s Meadow in Central Park for a picnic. Fun, easy-breezy family time. The girls kicked the soccer ball around and generally expended oodles of energy. Husband and I took turns chasing them and lounging on the picnic blanket. As the morning wore on, people settled around us and the meadow got quite busy. There was one family right near us with two kids. My guess is that the tykes were about five and two, respectively. They had two girls too!
So what? Not much newsworthy about a family of four with two daughters in this or any neck of the woods, right? Right. Except. I could not stop staring at this family. And I wish I were able to look away because I was actually quite bothered. Enough buildup. Why was this family so upsetting to view? Because the parents – thirtysomethings, I imagine – were fully making out. Horizontal. Legs wrapped around each other. Sloppy kisses. Hands cupping cheeks. (Both kinds.)
(Turns out Husband caught a shot of the couple when snapping our girls. See Exhibit A above. Out of respect and consistency, I made sure that no faces were clear, but I think you get the picture. Or a glimpse at least.)
And? The kids were not oblivious to their parents 11am romp. The older daughter, poor child, yelled, “Ewwww! Gross! Stop doing that!” and then when her lovey-dovey mother and father ignored her pleas, she went over and sat squarely on her mother’s hip. Still? The parents were not deterred. The younger girl? It seems she didn’t yet have the words to reprimand, so instead she screamed and screamed and screamed some more. And then her big sister chased her. They hit each other and fought and generally made a lot of noise.
And so. I sat there, one eye on my own brood and the other staring (okay, glaring) at this unbelievable scene. I honestly could not believe my eyes and I felt bad for those little girls. If this is what transpires in Central Park sunshine, what perchance happens at home?
Now, please know that I am all for couples feeling and displaying affection. I have never been supremely bothered by PDA as long as it is not excessive or gross. I have been known to give Husband a quick kiss or hug or hold his hand or rub his back in front of my babies. Even more so, I am happy when I see married couples who have young kids and are still patently fond of each other. I know first-hand how exhausting and taxing it can be to be immersed in the world of young parenthood and I applaud parents who keep that spark alive.
Just not in front of their tiny ones.
Here’s the other thing. I try my very hardest not to judge other parents. I believe, and deeply, that we are all doing our best, that we are following instinct and intuition and that, generally speaking, there is not one single right parental path in any situation. Except. Except maybe this situation. Those parents? They should have behaved a bit differently. Gotten a room so to speak.
Seriously.
{In tangential, but less snarky news, I get a tremendous kick out of seeing my little girls play soccer together.}
_____________________________
- Have you ever witnessed anything quite like this? How did you react?
- Are you affectionate with your partner in front of your little ones?
- Do you agree that parents should censor their “interpersonal” behavior when in front of their young children?
- Am I missing something here? Is there perhaps something positive about young children witnessing such a thing?
- If these two didn’t have little kids in their immediate radius would this behavior been A-okay?
Everyone struggles and...
While I think it’s a good thing for children to witness tender moments between their parents, I think there’s certainly a line. And that couple in the park? Went above and beyond that line… yikes…
(your girls are adorable!)
Totally inappropriate! It’s great that they’re in love, and showing *some* PDA is great! But making out with your partner, leaving the kids to fend for themselves when you should be spending quality FAMILY time? Not cool. Not cool at all. I would have been glaring at them, too!
While we were on vacation this summer, we stayed at a family-friendly hotel and went down to the pool. There was my family of four, a dad with two boys, and two other moms each with one child. The pool wasn’t all that big, so we were all fairly close together. Then, a young-ish couple comes in, gets in the hot tub first (attached to the pool), and starts making out. Groping, tongues, the works. That was gross enough. But then they got IN the pool, surrounded by children, and continued their make-out session. I stared at them a lot (out of astonishment). I mean, they HAD a hotel room, they should have used it! Okay, enough ranting. Just wanted to say that I agree with you and I think they definitely crossed a line.
Where do kids learn how to be affectionate, if not from their parents? I think it’s important for kids to learn how to be affectionate as adults from their parents. To see them kiss goodbye when someone leaves for work. To see them snuggled on the couch watching a movie. To see them hold hands walking down the street.
But yes, there is a line, and it can be crossed. We have to teach our kids how to be affectionate, but also how to be appropriate. Sounds like your park-going compatriots left that line far behind them.
As usual, Gale sums up just what I was thinking, but much more eloquently than I could have.
Sometimes there are days when I spend so much time hugging my 1- and 3- year olds that I forget to shower my favorite 34-year old with affection. And I totally agree that we parents need to model affection for our kids. But that display seems out of scale to me, especially given their daughter’s reaction.
I agree totally with Gale. I think it is important for children to see their parents love each other, not just hear the words spoken from time to time. I snuggle with my husband on the couch or give him a great big hug and kiss when one of us walks in from work in front of our son, and I think that is healthy. But, making out with your spouse in the middle of a park while your kids complain is beyond inappropriate. Not only do their kids not want to see it, but no one around them does either. There have to be boundaries, and this couple apparently doesn’t realize that.
Life is about balance and compromise. Sometimes it is hard to figure out where those lines are- or at least it is for some people.
I find this sort of amusing. Were it Paris, I wouldn’t think twice about it – horizontally or vertically. And I agree that it is far better for children (of any age) to witness affection between their parents than its absence.
Perhaps the line is crossed in that the children were uncomfortable and clearly expressed that (loudly, apparently). If they hadn’t been there, it wouldn’t have concerned me the least.
Hey. You get it when you can.
Kidding. You should have set your blanket close by and started breathing heavily. Moaning from time to time.
Jokes again. That is a bit far.
I guess I am in the minority as I could – even now – see myself in this position. Fortunately, my kids are older. Unfortunately, I do not have a significant other at the moment.
If the children think this display is gross, I can see where it is inappropriate. If the kids were playing nearby and did not express any indication of dislike, I would not think there was a problem with it.
The fact that their kids were getting ignored (I’m assuming not just their cries of disgust were ignored—how can you pay attention to your kids when you’re that wrapped up in each other?) says that this was much.
The fact that you were grossed out says that this was much. I think there’s a certain level that shouldn’t be carried on in public, regardless of *your* children’s presence. There were other kids at the park that day too. If you’re going to get that heavy, let’s at least keep it vertical, folks! Or if you have to lay down, can it please be hands-free?
I agree and disagree with you.
Making out in the park is a bit over the top. I think that the couple could have waited until they were home to tongue wrestle.
However, affection is important for children to witness. (Just like arguments, because it is important for children to see a disagreement and witness how their parents resolve their differences. Wow. Huge digression.) Because kids will see the goods and bads in a relationship, it is important for them to see affection even when they know the family might be going through a hard time. To witness that their parents still love each other no matter how hard it gets.
As for how much is too much, I think that parents should be conscious about their child’s maturity level. For example, I feel no shame when I make out with my husband in front of my kids. However, when my kids are a wee bit older, that will change. I guess that sums up how I feel about parenting: Things change as children develop. Tune parenting accordingly.
For some reason, as I read your post, I kept thinking…perhaps these weren’t the girls parents…Did you hear them say Mom and Dad? I love my husband and we’re pretty affectionate but we don’t roll around on the picnic blanket with our kids. Maybe Dad and girlfriend, Mom and boyfriend or babysitter? Just trying to make sense of it all.