I’m sick. Nothing major. Just a nasty cold. But my brain is not functioning properly so today I will not do what I should do, which is to wish Mom a heartfelt happy birthday. (Happy birthday, Mom! Stay tuned for a letter.) Instead, I will complain and make absurd connections. Ready?

My head is heavy. My eyes are watery. My nose is runny. My throat hurts. My ears are itchy. Wah.

And I do not blame the change in seasons or the suppressed immune system that comes with pregnancy. I do not even blame my kids – who are both snotty messes with triumphant coughs. No, I blame the government.*

The government, you say? Yes, the government. Hear me out.

As some of you know, my best friend in the world just had a baby. And I am desperate to hop a plane and meet her. But there is a problem. Both of my government-issued IDs expired in recent months. Fine. So, like a good girl, I wait in line at the DMV Express. I bring a book! I have a good attitude! I wait an hour and at the very last moment, a lady asks for my social security card. My what? I have a number. I know my number. But I do not have a card. (I do, but can’t find it.) No dice.

Wah.

So I call the Social Security Office. They tell me that they will issue a replacement card only if I present current (i.e. non-expired) government IDs and wait ten-plus days. They do not seem to care that my friend had a baby. Not nice. Not nice at all. So I brainstorm. I go a different route. I mosey on down to Midtown to a cute little office for rushed passport services, so that I can renew my passport for my impromptu trip to Mexico this weekend. I take a terrible photo (think: greasy hair, red eyes, five months pregnant puff glow) that I will be thrilled to use for the next ten years. I pay money. I am told I will have my new passport on Thursday.

Bingo.

Home again. I feel both taken and victorious. I realize something. I am sick. Not just a tiny bit sick, but sick sick. I climb into bed and sleep for two hours. I wake up at 6pm to let Nanny go and to wait for Husband to arrive home. I help one kid dress as a dinosaur and help the other put the back flap on Mr. Potato Head thirty-six times. Husband comes home. I tell him I’m not sure I can stomach dinner. I take my temp. I have a mini-fever.

So. Turns out I’m a bit too sick to visit a newborn baby. I might even be too sick to jet off to Mexico. Good thing I bought a refundable ticket.

Wah.

My advice to you: Take your Vitamin C. Oh, and do not simultaneously let all of your identifications expire and lose your social security card. Particularly when there is a new baby you must see now.

* I do not really blame the government. I love the government. In most to all situations the government is blameless.

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Have you been sick yet this season? Have you ever found yourself in an identification conundrum? Any idea what cold medicines I can safely take while preggers? (This last question is serious. Google is confusing me and I am too lazy to call my OB.) Wish me luck in my efforts to get to Chicago sometime before Baby B’s first birthday! Oh, and wish Mom a very happy birthday!