Thirty-Five Today
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Dear Husband,
Today you are thirty-five. Not young. Not old. Right in the middle.
And I know you. You will go about your day at the office, doing your thing, smiling your smile, not saying anything. Your friends and colleagues will not know. That today is your day. That many Decembers ago you were born into your good family and your good life. It is not your style to call attention to yourself. It never has been. This is one of the many things I love about you.
And so. Here I am. Filling that gap, that gulf, that calculated quiet, with words. Telling the world, telling you, that you are everything to me. I know that sounds trite, and painfully so, but it is true. And it is a truth that too often gets lost in the existential shuffle, between the holidays and the every-days, between the kids and the cats and the careers, between the renovations and the pregnancies and the cosmic swirl of chaos in which we are fortunate enough to be exquisitely immersed.
As you know, I took the picture above yesterday morning. You were rushing out the door with our red-panted and eager big girl, off to school. As you fiddled with Toddler’s hat and gloves, I told you to pause. And you did. And I snapped away. And here we have it. Evidence of a small moment. A busy morning. Daddy taking his girl to school. The twinkly lights from our small tree reflected in the door. Those stripes. I love you in that sweater, those cozy gray and black lines, prudent and strong, that robust pattern that keeps going, no end in sight. I love this picture already. That you let me take it. I will always look back upon it and say: That was his last day of thirty-four. Toddler was on her last weeks of three. Baby was dancing in the kitchen and I was there, barefoot on wood floors, six months of new life snug inside me, trying – and failing – to stop time.
I used to be scared of getting older. Part of me still is. The thirties are a place that once seemed impossibly removed. But here we are, dancing in this decade of our lives. And as we settle in our new home and wait for our third little girl to join us, I am no longer so shaken. We are where we should be. Muddling through the middle, the middle of this good life we have created, hand-in-hand, together.
Thirty-five. Not young. Not old. A good age. One that becomes you. One that makes me realize my bounty, our bounty: This is it. Our life. Our love. Our years.
And so. Today is the perfect day. To stop. To say it. I love you. Every ounce of you. Every stripe of you. Every year of you.
Happy birthday to my favorite thirty-five year old. My birthday boy. My forever man.
Love,
Aidan
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Do you tell people when it is your birthday? Do you ever snap pictures in an effort to freeze time? Does thirty-five strike you as young or old or somewhere in between? (Per Toddler, it is “a REALLY big number”!) Take a moment and wish my man a happy day!










Happy Birthday! 35 is still young
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Thanks, Jess! I think so too
Wow. I am wiping away tears. Beautifully written. Happy Birthday to your Husband!
Thanks, Alicia. It was a good one. The girls and I made a pretty mean Duncan Hines cake that was enjoyed by all
What a beautiful love letter,Aidan. Happy Birthday to your forever man! I am sure that he will love this gift
Thank you, Ayala. Best part of my day? When Husband read my post at work and emailed me to say how much he loved it (and me)
Happy birthday, Husband. Wishing you a full and happy day with all your girls in this week of multiple milestones.
Alas, it is a big week. Saturday is our sixth wedding anniversary, so I am pondering a post about that one, too. Isn’t it interesting how certain periods of the year are just stuffed with milestones and meaning?
Birthdays are always special days. Have a wonderful day with your girls!
Thanks, Erica!
Love this post. It so captures this crazy time in life. Sitting at Starbucks, waiting to go to my own preschooler’s Winter Show (at Montessori there are no Christmas pageants!) I couldn’t help but smile and then wipe away tears reading this. I am a month away from my second baby and there are so many times I just want to put this time in a bottle. There is something so magic about having a young family at Christmas. It is good to see someone who takees the time to apprciate the joy in these small moments and doesn’t focus on the exhaustion of raising a young family. I wrote once before about losing my mom. I wonder if having lost someone before their time makes us appreciate these small moments in a way that others can’t? If I think about trying to find a positive in her loss, I believe my new appreciation for these everydays is it. Happy Birthday to your husband and hope you have a wonderful day!
Thanks for this lovely comment, Maureen. I adore the visual of you sitting in Starbucks, belly in tow, anticipating seeing your child’s winter show. The image reminds me of me
There is something so magical about this time of year – the glittering lights, the big trees, the punches of red and green and gold. I do think that in some profound way losing someone too early does make us appreciate the smaller, more mundane moments more. I think there was a time when I took these moments for granted – the tall piles of toys, the yogurt-splattered floors, the mayhem on the way out the door in the morning, but after losing Dad, I think I am better able to see through the frustrations and into the beauty of regular life, and the days we cannot assume will stretch endlessly before us.
I hope you feel well in this next month before your second little one arrives!
Happy Birthday to him! I totally hear you. I was scared to turn 30 and now 35 doesn’t sound so old or terrible. While chaotic, life is good and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now and it sounds like you feel the same!
Yes, I feel exactly that way. That this is the life I belong in and that I am lucky to have. Age? Not really relevant. Well, that’s an overstatement, but it’s certainly not the most important thing!
Happy birthday to your hubbie. When you’re where you want to be age doesn’t matter. Sounds like you are (and he is too).
Thanks, Lauren. (Oh, and when it comes to faux words, I think we can spell them however we want to.)
or is it hubby?
” Really big number ” :0)
Moments in time, a snap, a smile, a tear.
Wishing you a Very Happy Birthday.
Always, Bumby
“A snap, a smile, a tear.” I love that. Thanks, Bumby!
I think that we often arbitrarily pick a number as being “old.” Thirty-five used to be one for me and I can’t tell you why. I just know that it sounded ancient and now it sounds young.
Perspective is a funny thing. Last night at my basketball game one of the younger guys asked me for some advice. He has been married less than a year, is about to turn 30 and is nervous about the future.
When we sat down to talk I realize that I sound really old to him. Heading towards 42, 15 years of marriage, starting to think about middle school and a Bar Mitzvah etc.
But what I really remembered was that age truly is a state of mind and the key thing is to live life now. Don’t spend time watching/waiting because the most important moments happen now. They appear out of no where and just happen, unannounced and unexpected.
Your husband should cherish that letter, it is one of those moments.
Indeed it is all about perspective. I remember a day (and vividly) when I thought 25 was ancient. And here I am plenty of years past that and feeling quite youthful. I wonder if this relativity ever fades? Will we be 70 thinking we are pretty young one day? I sure hope so.
Thanks for the kinds words, Jack.
Happy Birthday Husband! My hubby turned 35 yesterday. It was a day of celebration. He is also one that will never speak of his birthday and lives an understated life. I wanted to do something special so I put together an impromptu surprise birthday celebration of our closest friends. Hubby was grateful for our friends, the handmade birthday card from our daughter, and hundreds of wishes from texts, phone calls, and of course FB.
Fun that our husbands are pretty much exactly the same way! Cheers to the 35-year-old we know and love!
This is so beautiful! It makes me believe that maybe I can build a life that I love, that maybe one day I will find my own forever man. Thanks for sharing your words & your thoughts & your magic. You really are gifted.
Thank you so much, Laura. You should absolutely believe in the big things. The life you love. The man you stand by. All of it. Thank you for your support and loyalty and lovely sentiments. Yours truly, Little Fire
Happy birthday to your hubby!
Thirty-five sounds great!
Thank you, San!!
Lovely post and tribute to your husband, who sounds like a wonderful man. I hope he has a day filled with all of his favorite things!
I’m sort of a nut about birthdays — and tell everyone when it’s my big day in July! My mom bought me a “birthday girl” button when I was a kid, and I still break it out every summer. Oddly enough, though, I get embarrassed when folks sing the “Happy Birthday” song… especially in restaurants! Love the attention, hate the singing. Some things just don’t make sense!
Love that you have a birthday girl button! Perfect accessory in that it tells people, but you don’t need to! I too get so embarrassed when people other than immediate family sing “Happy Birthday,” especially in restaurants. As for attention? I’m all for it, but I just have a hard time calling attention to myself. That’s why a clever little button might just be perfect… Hmmmmm
Happy birthday to him! As a 35 year old, I would like to state that you captured it perfectly… not old, not young. And like you, I love that picture… I love the haziness of it, almost like it is a scene from your dream. Beautiful!
Alas, the middle place. Not a bad place at all, huh? Thanks re: the picture. I love it too. Taken with a nifty iPhone app (Hipstamatic) which alternates between vintage film feels. I love it and use it all the time. And I agree fully that the pic looks like it could have come from a dream. On some level, it has
Happy Birthday to your hubby! What a great picture
Thanks, Jonita!
Happy Birthday Husband. Since I just finished celebrating my own 40th and am planning a surprise 40th birthday party for my husband, 35 seems impossibly young to me. I am at once envious of your hubby’s 5 year deficit and at peace with it. So many amazing things have happened for me and my family in the past 5 years, I have no need to go back. Truth is neither 35 or even 40 strike me as old anymore, as you and other posters have pointed out, it is all about context and perspective!
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So great to be back here reading your wonderful words again. The past few months have been crazy, in a good way. Thanks for still being here.
Hope to catch up soon
D
Crazy in a good way is always good
I can’t wait to hear more about your past months. And happy belated 40th!! You have an enviable perspective on all of this, one that is so clearly rooted in your own (understandable) satisfaction with where you are in life. Go glad you are back reading. (For those who don’t know, D was my first ever non-family-non-real-life-friend loyal blog reader!) xoxo
a very happy birthday to him… from us.
love to you and yours. hope it is a fantastic celebration.
Thanks, Nic! Hope you and your boys – little and big – are doing well.
A very happy birthday to your husband!
And what a beautiful, beautiful post for him! Well done!
Thanks so much, Shawna!
ADR, you are at your best in posts like this. Your words shimmer. Enjoy this magical time of year! I love December.
Thank you for your sweet words, Alisa. A high compliment indeed.
A really beautiful tribute to a man you clearly love more and more each day.
I used to define “old” by my grandparents’ ages: now 86 to 89 years old! So 35 is definitely not old… but probably grown-up
a good comfy number.
A good, comfy number indeed
I like that. Thank you for your kind words. They mean a great deal, Yvann.
Lovely tribute. Since I’m right around your husband’s age, I’d say 35 is incredibly young
I don’t publicize my birthdays anymore, but I don’t fear them. In my head, I’ve remained steady at 24.
All best~
Yes, in that case, 35 is incredibly young
I love the idea that we remain a certain age in our heads… The funny thing is that I’m not sure what my mental age is. There are days when I feel seventeen and those when I feel seventy…
Happy holidays, Amanda!