Broken Hearts
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“The heart is the only broken instrument that works.”
T. E. Kalem
I think I broke a heart once. I can’t be sure. I never asked.
But in my own heart, my today heart, pulsing and pacing, running and racing, I know. I know I hurt someone.
I think I had my heart broken once. I can’t be sure. I never asked.
But in my own heart, my today heart, pulsing and pacing, running and racing, I know. I know someone hurt me.
The hegemony of pain. The ubiquity of cracks. The mystery of history.
Music – bittersweet and beautiful – rises from broken instruments. The symphony of humanity.
We have all broken. We have all been broken.
This is my song.
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Have you broken a heart or had your heart broken? Do you think that heartache and pain are part and parcel of existence? Has someone who has not experienced breaking truly lived?
Everyone struggles and...
Oh, yes. Of course I’ve been both the broken and the breaker. And if I think about all of my closest friends, they’ve all served both roles at some point, too. Does one NEED to experience that anguish to have really lived? God, I hope not, but I think it’s safe to assume that even if one doesn’t experience romantic heartbreak, meeting a great disappointment is inevitable.
Yes, my heart has been broken and I have broken a few.
I remember the first time mine was really broken. I was told by a very wise professor that it was OK. That in order to experience true love and joy you have to have experienced the bottom.
I’m still not sure I want to believe that, but reframing experiences towards the positive always works for me.
Yes to both. And surprisingly, the times that hurt the most involved a friendship or a family member. I think that it does make us stronger (experiencing both ends). I learned how I want to be treated by others and how my words and actions affect people I care about. But it never feels fun!
At one point I thought heartbreak was something that happened in your teens and 20′s, boy was I wrong. Though I wouldn’t wish grief and sadness on anyone, I would choose it over being fully unbroken without cracks and dings.
I too have been on both sides of this equation. And I think both experiences are vital. There is a particular pain associated with each (breaking and being broken), and having felt that pain influences the way we interact with people for the rest of our lives. I really believe that our humanity evolves with certain amounts of pain. And I wouldn’t trade that pain for anything. I believe that we need it.
It’s pretty much impossible to make it to adulthood (mid-adulthood?) without having experienced a broken heart, or left a few behind.
I like to think they are only bruised. From those experiences, we learn so much. And the heart is eternally expansive.
If you haven’t had your heart broken, you haven’t loved. Compassion may be harder to come by, as well as humility. But I’ve also met too many men, not only those who I’ve been interested in, who never truly recuperate from heart break and shut down. I’ve even had a male relative tell me he had his heart broken as a young guy and hasn’t loved for real since, and he’s married.
So I wonder if it’s harder for men? Does a woman look for a heartbroken man and hope he can love again? Or try to find someone less experienced in the ways of love?
I think it is harder for men, I really do. But I don’t know what it means to be a woman so maybe I am wrong.
All I know is that the best relationships I have ever been in fit this quote:
“I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion -
I have shudder’d at it.
I shudder no more.
I could be martyr’d for my religion
Love is my religion
And I could die for that.
I could die for you.”
~ by John Keats ~
I always thought being the heart-breaker was the worse side of the equation, the guilt… but then when mine was broken I knew I was wrong. It is terrible either way. That said, it is quite a lesson in empathy. My mom said it was good for me to have my heart broken; I’d be able to understand better when my kids went through it some day. Maybe, but it is horribly painful even so. Kisses to you.
I’ve definitely been on both sides of the equation. And oh, both sting, in different and similar ways. I think we learn about ourselves and our capacity–to hurt and to withstand pain–when we are in relationships. So I guess we should be grateful for the heartache when it happens, but that’s easier said than done.
Oh gosh Aidan. Oh this is just beautiful. Wow.
Yes, I have broken. Both myself and others. It is the highs and lows that create the framework for our existence. Pain, heartbreak and redemption pad the skeleton, giving it depth. Providing a launch pad to experience searing joy.
xoxo
What a beautiful thought for a topic. While I’m lucky in that I haven’t had my heart broken and as far as I know haven’t done any breaking, I would think that there are other influences which can have a similar formative experience – especially how our families behave towards us.
I would also say that grief must surely come in on this level too?
Living with the ups and downs of everyday life does that little bit of heart-breaking/repairing every day, doesn’t it?
I feel the way Gale does. I have been on both sides of that equation.
::sigh::
oh my… this is thought provoking.
Such lovely words. I agree that this is is part of the human condition…. and it can happen in different ways (ie not always with romantic relationships). We can have our hearts broken when someone passes away…
Yes, both…it is unfortunate, but I think it is important in the process of growing. In having my heart broken I’ve had to learn how to try and avoid similar situations, or how to cope better when the same thing inevitably happens again. When it’s me doing the hurting, well, it was an opportunity for me to reflect on why I did what I did and how I could find better ways to treat people and communicate my more negative feelings.