In Defense of the Bachelor
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After two more sullen and serious truth-laden posts, I am in the mood for something light. You too? Good deal.
Confession: I watch The Bachelor. Go ahead and pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about, that you are above trashy television, but I know better. We all need a little junk from time to time. It’s only human. I won’t tell.
Anyway, for those of you who actually might be above it all, The Bachelor is a television program that has been on for many years despite its dismal matchmaking success rate. On this show, one man, the Bachelor, is matched with twenty-five woman and is expected to pick one. And to propose to that one. Yes, marriage. Alas, a silly show with a serious goal at its center. Fine.
This season? The man is named Brad. A handsome gent. But there is a bit of an issue. He’s done this before. He is a Bachelor of latter day. And when he did this years ago, he narrowed it down to two women and then, drumroll please, he chose neither. He did not propose to either. Can you imagine? That someone might not fall in love in a matter of months under the heat of rolling cameras?
And so. The guy was butchered in the press, condemned as the utter commitment-phobe, a raging jerk for leaving two pretty brunettes standing there, on some Californian mountainside. Sob.
Am I the only one who thinks more highly of this man because he did not just do what he was supposed to and pick a woman? Am I the only one who thinks that maybe he just didn’t love either one, that he was committed but to himself, to his own hopes and desires. Am I the only one?
Anyway, he’s back for round two. And some of the women are giving him a hard time for his history. He is quick to talk about all the therapy he’s gotten over the past two years, that his walls are down this time, that he is a changed man. He is quick to say that this time he is ready. To find her. To commit to her. To the elusive her.
Am I the only one who hopes that he doesn’t just propose to avoid the ridicule he’s tasted before? Am I the only one who even marginally cares? Am I the only one watching this televised train wreck?
(Told you this would be light.)
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Are you watching this season of the Bachelor? Thoughts on Brad? Do you think there is something fundamentally wrong about proposing because it is good television fodder, because it is expected, contracted to even? Is this program just one of the many contemporary debacles that is cheapening the institution of marriage? Any bets on who might win? (I have my money on Emily.)
Everyone struggles and...
Not living in the US, I can’t see this show (probably for the best, or I would be throwing things at the TV…) – but my question is: why has he come back? was the media wringing-out not enough last time?
I do watch from time to time. I didn’t watch the last time Brad was featured but heard it wasn’t do much that he didn’t choose to propose but that he was sort of an a$$ and led the ladies on etc. While you’re right he’s open about his therapy and intentions, this theraperized bachelor is a little much.
I watch the Bachelor,and I agree with you. I don’t think that he should propose if he is not in love. I think it’s fun to watch it. Sometimes trashy television is just what the doctor orders
P.S Emily is very sweet
I agree with you 100%!! I feel like he thinks there’s something wrong with him, though, so this time he is going to propose because he feels like he has to.
So glad to read this — I didn’t understand why anyone would be mad with him. It’s so much better to be honest instead of acting like he could commit. I did watch the first week and haven’t seen it since. I’ll have to catch up — hopefully it’s online. I’ll (obviously) still watch, but I liked the show better years ago when it started. I know they have to create drama to make the show interesting, but it seems like the producers keep picking weirder and weirder women and men.
Amen! As someone who was divorced at age 29, I can say with certainty that the ONLY reason to propose to someone is that you can’t imagine living your life with him or her AND you’re 100% ready to commit! I catch snippets of “The Bachelor” here and there, but I never know exactly what’s going on or who’s who, which would make it more fun!
You are not the only one who watches! I promise! I tune in every Monday night! I feel exactly the same way you do about Brad. I have no idea why people are giving him a hard time. I think what he did was right! If he wasn’t in love with either woman, then what was he supposed to do, propose? Then after several months of being engaged, break up? That would have been worse!
Fun post!
Aidan,
I have watched every single season of The Bachelor since its inception. Every. Single. One. And even though there have been maybe one or two success stories (and it’s always when the women do the choosing, interesting, huh?) I still have this romantic hope at the end of every season. When the bachelor gets down on his knee and proposes, my heart does a little jump and I honestly feel a romantic and hopeful pull. And then I eagerly wait for the “After the Final Rose” to watch for tell tale signs that this “proposal” isn’t going to last.
I am going to admit something right now that I have never admitted in public…I think it’s the effect of all your truth and honesty posts.
Yes, my money is on Emily. Her story breaks my heart. And what is up with Michelle? Does she drive you as crazy as she drives me? And apparently she gets a black eye in the next episode? Weird.
Ah. One of the (sur)reality shows I have carefully avoided, having seen two episodes in the past few years.
One more example of relationship theater of the absurd, errant expectations of appropriate behavior for men (especially) and women, and another indicator of just how confused we all are – when it comes to love, marriage, and gender.
Would that he would have the courage to do it again.
I have only watched the show occasionally while zapping through the channels, but I agree with you… I am actually looking up to this guy for NOT proposing to a woman after only a few months on public television, just because he was supposed to.
Good for him.
I hope he makes the same wise decision this time around, in case he doesn’t find “the one”.
While I don’t watch the Bachelor (the Kardashian sisters are my guilty pleasure… go ahead… judge away), I have seen countless commercials of where one woman slaps him across the face “for every woman in America.” Not cool, but I’m sure it made for some good bad TV.
On another note, I don’t see anything wrong with him not picking a girl this time, even if he’s gotten a lot of therapy, etc, etc… How is he truly supposed to find “the one” on a show like this after only knowing all of these women for a few months? Crazy.
I felt the same way when I saw that slap on a commercial! And I agree that there would be nothing wrong with him if he didn’t propose this time either.
I have watched the show before but haven’t seen an episode this season. From the male perspective I’ll say that I can see how it might be fun to have a bunch of women chasing you.
And when you look at some of the dates they go on it is easy to say that it would be great fun. At the end of the day I wouldn’t want to do it.
I wouldn’t want to have my dating life recorded, edited and shown on television. The last thing I need to do is to explain why I screwed around with all those girls. I don’t see any upside to having videotape of my kissing other women.
Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter whether you marry someone from the show or not. There will be footage of you canoodling with multiple people and I can’t imagine that won’t lead to some uncomfortable situations in the future.
Totally agree, lady. I’m off and on the wagon with this show (currently on) and I’ve had these same thoughts. When they go on and on about his therapy, when he apologizes over and over for being so HORRIBLE, I’m all “WHY? Because you didn’t want to pretend?” I respected what he did when he did it and could never figure out why people trashed him the way they did. He screwed up in that he didn’t let on that he was that unsure until the last moment…I get that…but who hasn’t done THAT in a relationship? Trying trying trying…and then, FINALLY telling the truth of your gut. *raises hand*
anyway…
It’s hilarious I’m even ranting about such a thing…
I totally watch The Bachelor, every season, and would never normally admit it. I started watching it when I lived in LA and my boyfriend at the time was a story producer on the show (the Trista season!). We had a viewing party every week at our house and everyone would come for dinner while we watched the show. My boyfriend would tell all of us what REALLY happened each week. it was too fun and I got addicted to the show. (Last season with Ali & Roberto was the best!)
Anyway, I agree — I’m glad that Brad didn’t pick someone he didn’t feel good about. Truthfully though I really think he’s lacking substance (more than the usual contestants). I like some of the women this season but kind of think they might be too good for him! He seems really empty.
Okay, wow, enough said about this show!
When I started this I was thinking, “Oh no, she is going to rip him a new one for walking away from the two {just like everyone else}!” So glad to be surprised you liked him better for the decision as well. I always appreciate someone who is willing to make a gutsy decision because it is the right one for them.
I watch my share of trashy television, but have never seen The Bachelor. No desire on my part. But, he sure is easy on the eyes, huh?
OK. I’ve seen the show. But not very many times. I have to laugh so hard at those super pregnant pauses. But did I turn it off? No. So, Can I just ask, why, if he “messed up” so badly did they invite him back. Sorry for sounding naive. It’s just my nature.
I heart The Bachelor and this is why I read your blog..because you are SO real and not too intellectual for me to the point that you dislike some high class tv like The bachelor! Here’s a fun blog that will make you laugh until you cry after each episode: http://www.ihategreenbeans.com
I also like Emily and would love to see her win but not sure she will, possibly the next Bachelorette?
I’m not watching this season, but I definitely agree with you, that it’s admirable that he didn’t propose when he wasn’t really in love. To most people, that would be a really logical and appropriate progression.
I’m watching and I am SO with you on not getting why they got all in a tizzy about not picking someone. Really?!? Would it be BETTER if he married Deanna and she didn’t wind up happy with the twin brother of a Bachelorette guy? (so weird, by the way) Would it be BETTER if he wound up with Jenny the cheerleader? And dumped her two weeks later like Andy the Navy Seal? I don’t get it.
But I watch every. single. minute.
Oh, yes, I love me some Bachelor, too. And thank god there is also a bachelorette, so I have fewer misgivings about compromising my feminist identity. I didn’t watch Brad’s first season, but I mostly agree with you. I think it was good that he didn’t cave to pressure and propose without the intention of following through. But I do wonder if he could have been more honest along the way, so that it wasn’t quite so surprising and devastating in the end. Then again, you never know what really happened, due to the massive editing that takes place. In any case, Mondays nights are now much more interesting in my household, thanks to the ridiculous drama that my husband and I get to witness onscreen.
Oh Aidan, I’m so with you. I’ve been watching “The Bachelor” religiously with my mom and sister since season two? Or three? (And I love it!) It’s pure escapism and gives my sister and I plenty to snark about — all while my dear, sweet mother tries to shush us long enough to hear what any of those crazies are trying to say.
Well. They’re not all crazy. Remember Stephanie from Jason’s season? The darling, “older” (um, she was what? 35, maybe? But not 22, like most of those scamps) mother who lost her husband in a plane crash? Why didn’t she become “The Bachelorette,” I beg you?
Oh my. I’m veering off course.
Definitely don’t understand all the flack surrounding Brad and his non-choosing of the two ladies years ago. How dare he not enter into a sham of an engagement expressly for the purpose of giving the public a teary, disingenuous proposal on national television? He should have just asked one of those strangers to marry him and dumped them weeks later. You know, like everyone else.
i do watch the bachelor, some seasons more than others. i love it, i hate it, i don’t understand why ANYONE would subject themselves to being on camera, competing like that, but it’s a fun little sociological study.
yeah, i don’t really get all the flak, either–although i did wonder why he didn’t just pick one women to, you know, DATE, after making a big deal out of letting people go, how hard it is to choose, etc. to completely reject everyone after all those “connections” seemed a bit silly. but so is the whole show:)
there are still too many women for me to be able to differentiate them. at all. i like it better when the field narrows.
i watch the bachelor. it’s one of my most favorite guilty pleasures. i didn’t happen to catch brad’s first season, but obviously, i knew what happened and it drives me crazy that he took so much heat for his decision. he should have been made a hero, not a villain. he chose to go with his gut and not what the producers told him.
i came across realitysteve.com during the jason/molly/melissa fiasco and so i already know who brad picks at the end. i won’t reveal it in case people don’t want to know, but his site has been a lot of fun for me. yes, i am a hopeless romantic, but this show manufactures romance instead of nurturing it. now i can watch the show with the cynical eye it needs and hope that MY life will play out in the romantic way i want.