The Beauty of Breaks
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The girls. Christmas morning. Before the epic snow. Pajama-clad and bundled. On the way to Moo-Moo’s to open stockings and presents.
A recent night. Husband I climbed into bed. And I said something. “I’m so glad our kids go to bed early. Because then we have a few hours off and we can miss them again.”
It had been a particularly taxing day with the girls. We had been stranded at home thanks to two feet of snow. And so. On that night, I was more than grateful for those post-bedtime hours when Husband and I were to able unwind and be alone together. But I realized then as I said those words, and I realize now as I write these ones, that this is really about something far bigger than babes and bedtimes.
This is about the beauty of breaks. About the treasure that is time away.
As many of you know, I forced myself to take two weeks off from this place during the holidays. I say forced because it was not something I truly wanted to do, but something I knew I needed. My body and brain and brood needed Me – me without the technological trimmings and trappings. I needed Me without the technological trimmings and trappings.
And so, like a good girl, I stayed away. And I enjoyed my time immensely. Time spent with little girls and a handsome plaid-clad man and greater family. Time spent playing games and reading stories and shaping snow. Time spent away. But toward the end of my time, as my allotted break began to wind down, I felt something. A tug. A longing. An urge.
To come back. To be here. To weave words.
And I realized something. Something not very revolutionary, but something undeniably good in my books.
I missed this place. This.
Have you ever stopped to notice how good it feels to love something enough that you miss it profoundly when it’s gone? Have you ever stopped to notice how good it feels to miss something so much that in missing it you realize just how much you love it?
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Do you believe in the beauty of breaks? Do you agree that passion can only be sustained with the occasional pause? Do your kids go to bed early enough that you miss them come morning?
Everyone struggles and...
I am glad you took a break (for you). I think there are all different breaks: from work, from the city or from routine. For me, it’s better to do a bit of work or else I am filled with stress when I return. I envy a complete break.
I wonder if there is such thing as a “complete break.” Though I was not officially blogging, I was writing posts and chapters in my head and otherwise planning my life. I think I am unable to turn it off. There are times when I resent this, when I wish I could just empty out my mind and enjoy some peace. But more often than not I celebrate the continued thought and creation that ensues even when I try to pause…
Breaks are good. Our souls need them. Glad you were able to take some time off to be with your family.
I am on an extended break from the corporate world. I quit in August because it was affecting my health. This is the only break I have taken and not missed. I do not miss being a corporate robot. So my break looks like it might be permanent from the corporate jungle. I am finding that I have so many other interests and dreams and goals that I have for myself. This was the best “break” I could have ever given myself. Because it has given me so much, like my health back and the clarity that I needed to realize the corporate world is not for me.
You highlight an important function of breaks, Alicia. If we step away from something and do not miss it, that is a sign. An important sign. When I walked away from law, I did not miss it. I had pangs here and there for that high-wattage world, but they were few and fleeting. I knew as time passed that I had made the right call for me. And health and clarity? Gold.
I think that the break between putting the kids to bed and going to bed yourself is so important. When my husband is working the afternoon shift I spend time with myself, reading, or taking a long bath, and when he’s home I enjoy the extra time that I get with him, my best friend in so many ways. I love my children, but I appreciate them even more when they go to bed on time and I see them in the morning.
Good to know I am not alone in craving and needing those kid-free hours in the evening. I often feel like we moms (and some dads too?) feel like we are supposed to want to spend every possible moment with our kids. And of course I want to maximize quality time with my girls, of course, but I think it is critical (for self, for sanity, for a marriage) to have some time apart from the kids. Why is it so hard to admit this?
I love this – I just got back from a much needed break to one of our favorite places in the world (Sun Valley, Idaho.) Lots of down time – reading books by the fire, the sound of the kids puttering around on the hard wood floors, making cookies and snuggling their flannel and fleece bodies against us, their red cheeks and stringy hair after hours in the snow, how they slept for hours from sheer fun and exhaustion, how I was able to forget about my laptop and technology and just BE. Just relax. Just read for PLEASURE and not because I had a deadline. The view from the top of the ski mountain, the thrill of skiing down the slope, of being alive, outdoors, in the place where Hemingway lived and breathed. The feeling of bundling up with the babes, the hubs, with cozy socks and giggles, and finally hours of much need, peaceful sleep and the smell of coffee and breakfast being made.
Now, back and refreshed from that break, I realize I do love my job and I missed it, and I need it and want it and can’t wait for what’s in store in 2011.
Reading for pleasure was indeed one of the highlights of my time away. I barely watched television and every chance I could (usually in those post-kiddo-bedtime hours), I curled up with a book. Pure magic. And another reminder of why I love to write. To creates stories for others to so savor.
Breaks are essential. But the guilt from taking a break? How to avoid that is my conundrum.
It amazes me how much guilt creeps into so many of the decisions we make (or do not make) in our lives. Sometimes, I wonder if this is a female thing. I know that I feel guilty about a thousand times per day and it is not fun. Are we women (or mothers, or perfectionists, etc) built for guilt, wired to feel angst over the paths we pave and do not pave?
Breaks are wonderful and can sometimes be instructive. As you and Alicia discussed, if you don’t miss doing something when you take a break, then it’s best to stay away. I broke from commercial real estate six years ago and haven’t missed it since.
When the children were little I valued that quiet time in the evening. Now as they’re older I still get my quiet time because they’re often doing homework or busy with friends. A few times when my oldest came home after I’ve gone to bed I’ll go and wake him up in the morning because I miss him. It may sound sill but I’ve always gotten a smile.
Yes, how important it is to step away and just see. See how we feel without that thing in our life. If there is a paucity of emotion and longing then it is indeed a sign that maybe a change is in order. There is great power, and instruction, in pausing.
Though those of us Type As have gleaned that working more, working longer, working harder than anyone else equals success, I have found that if I force a break from writing (and I do mean “force” as it feels like I’m locking a little piece of my unwilling self in jail), my creativity builds in the time off. When I begin writing again it feels like I’m turning on the water from a faucet, rather than wringing it from a nearly dry sponge.
The work is stronger after the break, but the anxiety of taking one nearly stops it from happening. And I’m like you, I never totally turn my brain off, or stop writing (or stop talking about the writing with my husband and writing partner, which is probably something else we could use a break from once in a while to focus on US), but simply refraining from typing on a project for a week can be enough to approach it with fresh ideas and a better perspective.
I completely understand the notion of locking a little piece of self in jail… I relate completely. And I also agree that time away – even if forced – spurs creativity, that faucet of formation. But I too feel the anxiety. I feel it when I am stopping and when I am going, this tension within to produce and produce quality and quantity. Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to remove the anxiety, the struggle, from the equation. And it would make more a more peaceful experience, but I think something would be missing. I think the anxiety, the wrestling with self and words, lends something to the ultimate art. I do.
I also took a break – I needed it and my internet was down so I had to do it whether I wanted to or not! And I missed blogging, but I missed reading everyone’s lovely thoughts. I’ve realized that I “speak” with my virtual friends more than my actual friends. It’s easier, more convenient.
I have realized that too, that there is such extensive and fluid conversation here in this odd world – about real things, hard things – and that this conversation often doesn’t take place in the physical world. It’s interesting and another reason why blogging means a lot to me. I do not think I would be as happy, as satisfied, as curious, without these conversations.
For me I find that breaks are a necessity. As I go about daily life, I feel myself starting to fall apart because I get so involved in things. I lose my focus and as a result starting losing who I am. A break brings me back to the center. Back to me.
Isn’t it at once amazing and alarming how quickly we can lose ourselves – in people and projects, in things? I agree that this is why it is so imperative to step back, to re-think, to re-center, to remember who we are essentially without our creatures and our commitments.
I agree that breaks are essential. A few years ago I started going on a week long women’s retreat. It was the first time I’d been away from my son for more than 2 nights in his life (he was about 8 the first time.) I knew I would miss him (and my husband) but honestly, I couldn’t get out the door fast enough. I was a little worried that I would have such a good time that I’d never want to come home. Well, of course I had a great time, and it was wonderful to be free of the responsibilities of home for a few days, but by the end of the week, I was so ready to see them both. These days, my husband actually encourages me to go because we both know how great it is to miss each other.
These retreats sound wonderful and it makes perfect sense to me that you cherish them and also that they make you miss your family when you’re on them. I think everyone should carve some time and space for themselves even in the throes of this manic modern world. Logistically, financially, and psychically, I know this is often easier said than done, but I think it’s important to hold as an ideal.
I believe this absolutely. Although my Type A nature doesn’t always deal well with pushing pause, I’ve learned, especially in the last year or two, the beauty and importance of taking breaks. Whoever said “everything in moderation” was really onto something.
That being said, I’m glad you’re back. I missed your writing.
It’s interesting because I am at once suspicious of moderation and it’s biggest fan. A not-so-tiny part of me believes that moderate people do not truly succeed in life, but it is those times when I cut myself some slack and find a little bit of balance that I feel happiest and most fulfilled. Ah, the contradictions in life.
Absence can make the heart grow fonder, although not always. I think that it is important to install “mental” breaks for our own sanity.
Those will vary from person to person, but I see them as being whatever allows us to recharge our batteries and return fresh.
The recharging of existential batteries. I love that. I love what it conjures about limits. With time, everything diminishes and depletes and we must do what we can to fill up – ourselves, our dreams, our stories.
It so important to take breaks-I am glad you enjoyed yours. Happy you are back:)
Thanks, Ayala! I am very happy to be back.
First off, the silver puffer jackets are adorable.
Secondly, amen to breaks. Like you (inspired by you?) I also took off about two weeks around the holidays. In a way it was rejuvenating. But my life also felt a bit empty without blogging driving me to stretch my mind every day.
My life is more full as a wife, but I still need time away from my husband. My life is more full as a mother, but I still need time away from my son. My life is more full as a blogger, but I still need time away from my blog. I know you hate the premise of balance, but I still contend that it is key in so many situations.
Finally, a mention of the adorable silver parkas
In all seriousness, if I inspired in any tiny way your time off this season, than I am delighted. We all need time off and away – even from the things we adore most. And, yes, balance. I have a love-hate relationship with the word/concept. I respect what it represents, but I so often feel that balance is an enigma, yet another ideal we strive for and cannot readily reach.
How often does that teeter-totter of life actually really truly BALANCE??? But breaks are still a great idea to keep life from tipping too far one way or the other.
Agreed. I think there is, as with most things, a continuum of balance. We can be more or less balanced even if we can never reach that true, perfect, Platonic form of Balance. So breaks are essential to keep us on the right side of the spectrum. (And to maintain sanity!)
Amen! Recently my daughter has been in a mommy phase. Like Stage 5 Clinger. And my husband has been working a lot, so it’s just been made worse by the fact that we were spending every waking hour together because her daycare was closed. Add to that the fact that my work was not closed, and it made for a tough week mentally. I was constantly exhausted and then it was time to put her in daycare again and I thought there would be drama. But she went right to her provider and as I was talking to her about her holidays, my daughter just kept waving bye-bye. And I kind of snickered on the way home, and then I thought about it: maybe she needed a break from me, too.
Aroudn 4:00 I was so antsy, I finally went and picked her up from daycare, an hour early. Because I missed her. It was a small break, but a breather I needed, and then instantly didn’t need anymore.
Isn’t it crazy how you can be so exasperated and overwhelmed by it all one moment and long for a few moments of peace and then when you have that peace, you long for the chaos and cuddles once more. I love your example. Perfect.
Ahh, breaks. I love them. I have learned first hand that distance can truly make the heart grow fonder. My boyfriend and I spent two whole years separated by distance (not the metaphorical time). He went to school in Arizona and I stayed in California. And I missed him. He came home frequently to visit but every time he left, I missed him. But when I saw him again, everything fit. And now that he has transferred schools and moved back home, we still fit, possibly even better than before the distance. But yes, I agree with you – sometimes you need to step away for a bit – to miss something – to take a break and realize just how important that something or someone is to you.
Oh, the beauty of breaks! My kids go to bed early, about 7:30 or so. I can’t imagine not having that time in the evenings, for myself and for my husband. I recently talked with some parents whose kids go to bed at 9:30. I think I would go nuts without that time off. Being a parent is a full-time job as is, so we have to build in breaks as we would in any other job. Absence makes the heart grow fonder!
Dana – I just wanted to pipe up here with the bedtime comment. I have a teenager and 12-year-old who stay up til 9:30 or 10, sometimes even later. It is so difficult to have any downtime (I work full-time as well). I don’t think it’s any coincidence that I’ve been struck with the inability to fall asleep – mostly because I have no time to unwind before I need to hit the sack. Nuts is right!
I love when my daughter goes to sleep earlier than usual. It gives husband and I some time to catch our breath and get our bearings. I like to stow away in my office and read or write. I am glad the break was a good pause for you. Missed your writing and glad you are back posting regularly.