Way Ahead of Me
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Yesterday morning, Toddler had a friend’s ballet birthday party. Now Toddler, my girl who swoons over Stegosauruses, has had zero exposure to dance, but we stole her little sister’s white tutu and cobbled together an impressive party getup and were on our way. Outside, we stopped to look at our dead and discarded Christmas tree. Daddy had just brought it to the street. I saw it there, sacked out on the sidewalk next to the piles of waiting trash, and I said something I perhaps shouldn’t have.
I said, “Babe, Say goodbye to our tree.”
I said this because I was sad. Sad that another holiday season has passed. Sad that time travels so fast. Sad that our tree, once robust and standing, full of lights and life, was there, dead on the street, its limbs butchered, its needles scattered. But my sweet girl took one look and waved and pulled me along. To the next thing.
At the party, she left my side and found her groove among the other little girls. She sat in that circle, as a real ballerina talked and taught, eyes wide, eager to learn. And when it was her turn, she stood in her spot and turned around like the pretty big ballerina told her to. My tiny novice even managed to nail first position, putting her heels together, opening her feet like a book. And I sat back, on a comfy couch, watching. I had been anxious on her behalf, worried that she would be self-conscious in that sea of pink doing something new. And I smiled as I saw her smile and sway.
At lunchtime, she ate plate after plate of popcorn. I told her to eat one piece at a time because I worried she would choke. And she humored me, slowing down. And then she devoured the pink frosting off a cupcake. And then we left and hopped in a taxi to meet Daddy and Baby at yet another birthday party across town. In the cab, she started to feel a little carsick, so I did what I could to distract her.
In her ear, I whispered something: “You are my popcorn ballerina and I love you.”
And she laughed. Oh, did she laugh. She laughed as if she had never heard something so hilarious. And maybe she hasn’t. And then I asked her something, as my fingers fiddled with the white gauze of that tiny skirt: “Would you ever want to take a ballet class?”
“Yes!” she proclaimed.
After two parties and too much sugar, we headed home. I let her walk ahead of me. Because I was tired and a bit breathless and because I wanted to see her. From a small distance. And there she was. My big girl. My popcorn ballerina. Clutching a birthday balloon. And I had a brief moment to think. About the day. About the melting snow and shifting season and sleeping tree. About ends and beginnings and how they arrive together, quietly and compellingly, twisted and tied in ways we would never imagine. On one day, one little day in a wide winter, we said goodbye to a tree and hello to ballet.
And then she began to run. And the distance increased. I picked up my pace a bit, holding my belly, smiling, watching the exquisite twirly blur up ahead. A sage stranger passed me and said something that I will not forget.
“She’s way ahead of you, Momma.” And I didn’t say it back, I didn’t say it aloud, but I thought it.
Yes. Yes, she is.
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Do you believe that there are beginnings and ends hidden in each and every day? Do you have a hard time with the end of things? Do you find the tossing of the tree depressing or liberating? Are you ever amazed at your kids’ lack of fear and anxiety about trying new things?












There are many reasons I love your blog, but posts like this top the list. Your ability to find the profound in the mundane is a real gift and I appreciate it a great deal.
I’m glad you had such a lovely afternoon with Toddler, who will grow up to surprise you in many ways. Ballet is certainly just the first of these surprises. Happy Monday. xoxo
The connection between beginnings and endings is so profound, and I wrote about it today, too: http://wp.me/p14JYT-7F. Maybe there is something about being a parent that makes the endings more tolerable, or the beginnings more bittersweet. This is such a great post, Aidan, and very much resonates with me.
On a side note, I love seeing pictures of your girls in the city. Since leaving Philly and moving to Santa Fe (a more suburban place), I have wondered what it would have been like had we stayed in an urban environment. The contrast of the sweet, pristine tutu and the grimy, weathered streets is fantastic. And her life sounds remarkably similar to my daughter’s, despite living in such different environs.
Yes, they are way ahead of us … and yes, I agree with you (as you know, I think) about the endings and beginnings that exist in every single day. Love your pictures and your spunky, happy girl. xox
I do have a hard time with (good) endings, like vacation or holidays spent with family. I even have a hard time with beginnings, they make me a little anxious before they start because of the unknown. I love that children are able to move between the two seamlessly. I love that they don’t think about a beginning or an ending. Like your little one did when she pulled you along after you said goodbye from the tree. Children can teach us so much, which is good because I still have a lot to learn.
PS-really liked seeing the pics of your little girl! She is precious!
My brave girl stepped onto the ice to skate this weekend, and my heart nearly burst with pride as she shed her native caution to try something so new. It is so amazing to see these tiny creatures stepping out, bursting out of their shells!
I hope your girl just loves ballet, and anything else new that she might try during this season of her life!
(And I love getting rid of the Christmas tree – it usually is part of a massive house-cleaning and re-organizing junket at our house, and everything is fresh and clean afterward – a brand-new start to a brand-new year!)
Such a poignant post. And I know you will have so many more of these moments – bittersweet – because we process the endings that our children do not see in the vibrancy of so many beginnings. And that’s exactly as it should be.
Lovely.
I love the pictures of your sweet girl! I think as parents we are happy that our children are ahead!!! Sounds like you had a wonderful day of endings and beginnings filled with gratitude.:)
This was a beautiful post. You so eloquently described motherhood– how they run ahead of you in so many ways. My oldest is 18 and that fact never fails to amaze me with each new stage we’ve reached.
Reminds me of some song lyrics that I’ve kept, which inspired a story I wrote.
“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end”
Ok ok, so it’s from that cheesy one hit wonder “Closing Time”…”I know who I want to take me home…” but still. Profound for a forgotten song. Now I have that song stuck in my head.
Lovely post, as usual. Mine is still reaching up and pulling my hand to go with him everywhere, but I know soon he’ll be far ahead of me.
Doesn’t toddler know mommy isn’t cut out for running down the icy city streets right now? I loved this post. I love your nerves as she tried something new and understand your sadness at leaving the tree. I love most of all that toddler seems not to have internalized either of these emotions.
I have been pounding the hell out of a quote by Mark Twain:
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” Mark Twain
Part of it is because I am in a state of transition that leaves me feeling a bit off balance, but mostly because my kids need to hear it. They need to remember that endings lead to new beginnings and that there is a big canvas to paint.
Or maybe I just write that for me because part of the joy in childhood is believing in magic. Life hasn’t taught them that they can’t really fly.
There is a lot of joy in your pix, watching your girl run down the street is just awesome.
Two Thumbs up!!!
I loved this. And I loved how you tied the end and the beginning together – just beautiful. Getting rid of a Christmas tree is so bittersweet for me. I love getting the house cleaned and reorganized, but something about the tree lying there at the curb really is sad. What was once so beautiful in our homes has become so pitiful out on the street. Great post, I really enjoyed it!
I used to be very good about transitions, but, since becoming a mom, I seem to get teary-eyed over every little ending. Your post had me in tears with its poignancy and resonance: with the big beginning that is on both of our near horizons, I’m finding it hard not to simultaneously mourn the ending that necessarily comes with it.
“Our children are not our children. They are the sons and the daughters of Life, long for itself. They come through you, but they are not from you. And though they are with you, they belong not to you.”
I love listening to Sweet Honey and the Rock sing this song. Your post today had these lyrics ringing in my ears. Your daughter is Life longing for itself.
And we, the mommies, get to watch.
Transitions happen to me almost every day. Yes. And I find them poignant. Some days I laugh. Some I tear.
I always deepen. Yippy.
When my son arrived 2 weeks early we joked that his motto was “read or not, here I come!” And in the 11 years since then, plenty of things have come at me whether I was “ready or not”!
I have only recently stopped getting sad over endings because I’ve started to realize how quickly time passes… if it’s the end of a holiday, how quickly that holiday will come around again! (Kind of scary, too!)
I love that kids think Christmas will NEVER come again…. that the first day of school is always exciting (up to a certain age)… oh, to have that innocence again!
I had a moment like this over the weekend. My boys were “way ahead of me” on the ski slopes (and I’m no slouch!). I was both sad and happy. I pouted a little and my friend said, “well, isn’t that what’s supposed to happen and what you want?” Yes it is, but still sad nonetheless.
Wow, you have a talent of putting words together so nicely, really. But yeah, time is going by unbelievably fast and we have to deal with so many ends and new beginnings. But well, without those, our lives could get quite boring.
I love that my daughter is sometimes way ahead of me. She fears no new experience. I admire it so and wish I could approach every situation with fresh eyes and little expectation. Lovely post Aidan and adorable pic of your girl.
Holy Aidan! This post gave me chills. I am often caught off guard by my children, by how open and willing they are. How they just embrace life. I wish I could bottle it for them, so that they have it always. If only there was a way.
That first picture is amazing…the tree, the tutu, the blonde ponytail…Love!