Got Milk?
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It’s a typical morning. I’m awake, in pajamas, sipping coffee, soaking up a new day. Husband is scrambling eggs. The girls are hiding tiny dinosaurs in the creases of our couch. I’m at my computer.
While checking email, a message pops up from a good friend.
I have a question, she says.
Shoot.
Is it okay for me to put breastmilk in my coffee? she types.
I smile. Tap keys. Write something. Ha. You are so funny!
I’m serious, she says. We’re out of milk and I won’t drink my coffee black. It’s either breastmilk or peppermint ice cream.
Oh, I write, feeling squirmy. I guess it would probably be okay?
It does have all those nutrients, she rationalizes in the little box on my screen.
A while later, I get another message from my friend. It was delicious! she proclaims. You should try it some time!
The truth: I will not try it. Ever. I’m a skim and Truvia creature. But at this little morning exchange, I chuckle and think. It is but a tiny shard of conversation, but makes me realize how different we really are, my friend and me. When I was nursing my girls, I would often test the temperature of the milk on my inner wrist, but then swiftly wipe it away. And Purell. When my babies spit up all over me, I would recoil subtly, and like a trooper mom, just clean it up. I was intent on my little ones getting those magical motherly nutrients, but me? No thank you.
Because I tend to over-think things, this got me thinking about something: Why are some of us squeamish and some of us not? I most definitely fall in the former category – If a waiter puts a whole fish on my plate and I see those beady little black eyes? I hide my own eyes. If someone on television is sampling some sort of insect, I feel nauseous. If there is a lot of blood and guts and gore, I literally or metaphorically run.
Unflappable, I’m not. Brave? Hardly.
Another thing. (Because for me there’s always another thing.) What does how we take our coffee (or tea) say about us? Is someone who drinks her coffee black a different existential creature than someone who drinks her coffee light and sweet? I think so. Is someone who doesn’t drink coffee at all a different existential creature than someone who sips it (through a straw) throughout the day? Oui oui. Is someone who drinks her coffee with breastmilk a different existential creature than someone who giggles and gags at the very thought? Indeed… Ah, the foundations of an exceedingly important human theory on coffee and personality…
I imagine a scene. I walk into my local Starbucks. I wait in line. At the register, I lock eyes with the barista in the green cap. He asks his usual question. What will I be having today. I ponder this, furrow my brow. “A tall half-caf Breastmilk Latte please.” His eyes grow wide. His smile comes, lips quivering with confusion. He doesn’t know what to say.
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Would you ever sample a breastmilk latte? Are you squeamish or no? Do you think squeamishness is a matter of nature or nurture, essence or experience? How do you take your coffee (or tea)? Do you think how we take our coffee is connected in some inscrutable way to who we are as people?
I’d try it! But then, I’m the mother who tasted her breastmilk after her kids were born, just to see what it was like.
I put cream and sugar in my coffee. But I can drink it black. It just depends on my mood (and how strong I’ve made it). And I’ve never managed to take my tea without at least a little bit of sweetener. I guess I’m more of a middle-of-the-road gal in my tastes, and in life!
I’m with you. Fish should come looking like a steak and breast milk is not to be consumed by anyone other than babies.
Fish that looks like steak? Exactly. Can you believe we will be actually dealing with breast milk consumption in a matter of WEEKS??
I cannot drink coffee black; I’m a skim milk and splenda girl. And yes I think how one takes one’s coffee is a telling detail … xox
Couldn’t agree more that how we take our coffee is a window into how we go at life. As for me, I’m a splenda and half/half girl. I like everything sweet! :0 Hope you are staying warm Aidan!
Coffee as window into soul. Love it. And am very intrigued by this splenda/half-and-half combo… I wonder if those of us who like our coffee sweet are more able to see or embrace sweetness in existence?
I think I’m somewhere in the middle. Whole fish? No problem. Droplet of breast milk on my hands after nursing or pumping? Not the biggest deal. Breastmilk in my coffee? Never.
As for the larger question of squeamishness, I suspect it’s entirely based on experience. I’ve never met a kid who was raised on a working farm who was squeamish. And most of the people I know who are squeamish were raised in urban/suburban environments. Not a huge sample size, but that’s my perspective.
Don’t worry about being squeamish, though. It certainly doesn’t hurt anything…
Not squeemish but I am a coffee nut though. What does it say that I make coffee with ice cold filtered water (now I add dash of sea salt to coffee grinds to take away bitterness) I use milk from grass fed cows (non ultra pasteurized) and dash of agave. I know what it says and I’m ok with it. As for the breast milk, even weirder was pre-kids when our friend’s husband told us he uses the pumped milk in his cereal when they run out.
Damn, I was ok with (but not a likely participant) the friend who needed a ‘squirt’ with her coffee. Nut the above comment from Lauren put me over the edge. I’m at a loss for the adult word that means ‘blech!’.
I’ve never thought about my morning drink as a window into who I am but I’m willing to hear it. I’m a drink tea from a tea bag guy, with a little milk and a spoonful of honey. I must have three or four a day. Sometimes I get out the tea ball and drink loose green tea. When I’m at work, I’ll drink coffee with just a little milk.
Funny! I definitely tasted my breastmilk with our first child. It’s amazing to me how sweet it is. I was surprised by my husband even tasting it when deciding if it it was too hot for our baby upon reheat. I thought I would be more grossed out by it, but I figure we drink cow milk and that actually seems a little more weird to me than drinking our own milk…we are just used to it.
You would have loved our work team lunches when we were living in Shanghai. Our co-workers fought over who got to suck the eyes out of the fish once the rest of the carcass has been picked clean to the bones. I will never lose the visual image in my mind of a cute, 80-lb. Chinese girl picking up a rather large fish head and sucking the eyes out. I have a hard time using the word delicacy in that scenario.
I often drink a black decaf Americano and for some reason I feel like it is a badge of honor when I don’t put in milk. I know, dumb right? But then other times I indulge and add some skim milk.
Cream and sugar all the way for me. I definitely fall into the squeamish camp. My husband likes to tease me about sampling breast milk because he knows he will get an immediate reaction – lots of gagging. Anyone viewed the scene in Borat where he offers breast milk cheese to a congressman? OK, back to gagging. I feel like people who take their coffee black are much more serious in nature than me;)
I know a few people who have used it in their coffee. As for me, I never did try it.
Sometimes I take my coffee black and sometimes I use Mocha Mix.
when my kid was born i definitely tasted my breast milk. like alecia, i was surprised at how sweet it was. i wouldn’t drink it, though, and not just because pumping’s a pain…
i just add a little milk to my coffee, to cut any bitterness but mostly so i can drink it quicker. over a leisurely breakfast out, though, i like a cube of brown sugar in there, too. i’ve never given it much thought, but there’s clearly a concept of “treating” myself sometimes and being utilitarian about my caffeine others. maybe i should be treating myself everyday? agh. something to think about…
I get grossed out very, very easily. I couldn’t breasfeed but I know that I would never taste it.
I will be officially grossed out for the rest of the day just thinking about this!
So I’m guessing that you haven’t tried the cheese at that restaurant that uses breast milk? Or perhaps that was a fad that was SO last year.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/manhattan/nurse_made_JQlMRBr5ZgO6iD07AX83MJ
I never tried breast milk. The idea makes me feel just the tiniest uncomfortable. But I’m a squeamish person. I’ve been trying to read the novel, “Cutting for Stone”, and there are so many surgery scenes, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to get through it. I just pushed it aside (again) for the new Aimee Bender novel, and then a newish Milan Kundera, though I’m still mad at him for signing that letter supporting Polanski. (I know, what does that have to do with breast milk? Probably nothing.)
I don’t drink coffee often, but when I do, I like it with milk and sugar. I prefer a latte. It’s best when it tastes like coffee ice cream. Actually, I probably eat coffee ice cream more often than I drink coffee.
Tea I like black. I’ve never been able to stomach it sweet. Maybe that’s why I don’t like tea much. 
Breast milk cheese! Ugh! Must read that article. Thanks for the link! And I love how you took this blog post and ended up talking about Polanski
Seriously. Am a big fan of word wanderings… And I trust you even though you don’t drink coffee. And, yes, I’ve done the Diet Coke thing in the morning. Not bad at all!
Oh, I’m so squeamish. In fact, I felt squeamish just reading the first few paragraphs of your post! I try to judge not, but I’d have a really tough time stomaching the idea of a breastmilk latte… pun intended. Just… ick.
I agree that there’s this sense of someone being “serious” when they bark out an order for “coffee — black.” at a restaurant or coffeeshop. Personally, I drink my milk with a little coffee… and sugar! The lighter, the better. I’ve gotten so bad that I actually carry sugar packets and Coffeemate single-serve packets of creamer with me in case of “emergencies.” No black coffee for me.
I like my coffee with a splash of real cream, no sugar. I love iced tea with a good dose of fresh lemon and no sweetener (unless I’m sick, then I want hot tea with a ton of honey!) I’ve never though of it having anything to do with personality before, but I do like the concept! something to ponder over, say, a cup of coffee?
I’m a country girl, and not squeamish. I won’t gross out the queasy with tales from the farm. Although the idea of my body actually producing breastmilk is kinda strange, if it happened I’m sure I would taste it. My hubby would be the one trying to make cheese out of it in our kitchen, that is if there was any left over from his cereal! I’m sure producing food here (including meats) gives a different perspective…when you really know where your food comes from, natural stuff like breastmilk doesn’t seem so gross. The stuff I try to avoid now is the additive stuff, like artificial sweeteners, which may help explain my coffee preferences…
I’m definitely squeamish – I would have gone with the peppermint ice cream, myself. I can drink coffee black if I make it myself (I apparently make very weak coffee), but it still has to have sugar in it.
Now that I think about it, peppermint ice cream in coffee actually sounds tasty. And I have gone the black coffee with sugar route. Not bad. Oh, and me? I make insanely strong coffee? Now what does that say about my personality?
Hi Aidan,
I always enjoy your posts when I get around to reading them. I have a funny breast milk anecdote for you.
When my daughter was a few months old (first child not much food in the house as we do not cook), my husband prepared himself a bowl of cereal only to realize that we were out of milk (not coffee drinkers either.)
He decided to put some of the breast milk that was filling up our refrigerator in his cereal figuring it was milk….He proceded to gag immediately upon his first bite of cereal. He said it was one of the more disgusting things he had tasted. It has become a funny story that we occasionally tell our less sqeamish friends.
Personally, I would never try breast milk; it always got this saponified look to it in the refrigerator.
Take care and I hope you are feeling well.
Jane
Love this story! And love when you are able to pop by and comment. Has recently occurred to me that, given your line of work, you might have some really great blog topics
I am feeling good. So so hard to believe I will see you in a matter of weeks with a tiny little thing 
I’m not a squeamish person. Never have been. I’d totally try it. But I get really grossed out about the thought of someone’s hubby using it in their cereal, at least in part because it’s symbolic perhaps of a larger issue in which the husband is infantilized by the wife, but hey, if they’re both into that…
This conversation is related to your sex post, I think. I’d bet the same people that blush when discussing sex are grossed out about trying breast milk. And ultimately, isn’t the answer to both conversations that it’s okay to do whatever an adult chooses to do, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone involved?
If that’s how your friend now likes her coffee, cool. But if she serves it to YOU like that without consent… totally uncool.
You have me smiling now because I’m imagining a scenario where someone slips breast milk into another person’s coffee without due consent. Think one of us can write this into a scene?
Very interesting connection you make between being able to talk about sex openly and being willing to try breast milk. You might be on to something…
Not even sure where to begin on this one! I am an Equal in her coffee kinda gal. Used to be skim milk and Equal, but after some medical tests a few year ago that required me to have no dairy for 3 weeks, I *needed* coffee and started drinking it with just Equal. Haven’t looked back.
An interesting thought, putting breastmilk in your coffee. I have to admit, the thought kind of grosses me out. Although, to be honest, I cannot exactly pinpoint why. I am not a squeamish person, a country girl who has butchered her own meat and and assisted in veterinary surgery. Breastmilk should not creep me out, but the thought of consuming my own milk (or someone elses) is unsettling to me.
Great topic Aidan! I agree with Gale about kids raised in a rural/farm environment not being squeamish about where their food comes from in general. In fact, I think if we decide to eat meat and we feed our children meat, they and we should know where it comes from, i.e. which animal, etc. so that we can grateful to that creature. Same goes w/ veggies, milk, cheese, etc. At every meal, we hold hands and say thank you–to the animal that gave its life (if we are having meat), to the sun and soil that provided other food, to the hands that prepared the meal.
I wasn’t raised on a farm, but I think of human breast milk as another source of mammal nourishment. If you drink cow’s milk, it came from a cow’s teat. Or goat milk. But is the squeamish factor eliminated because you don’t see it come from the animal’s teat? As a society, we are far removed from the source of our food.
I’m going to take it a step further and play devil’s advocate here. If the breast milk is good enough for your baby/child, why isn’t it ok for you (not just you Aidan, but meaning “you” in general!) ? At one point in our life, if we were lucky, we thrived from this milk from our mothers.
Does it make some women squeamish because it is a bodily fluid and if a woman isn’t comfortable in their own skin, with her body, does that effect how she feels about tasting it? And what about bits of fluid taken when a woman performs oral “pleasure” for her husband or partner. If a woman is squeamish about tasting her own breast milk, is she also squeamish about this act and the fluids involved?
OK, just some thought-provoking here! As for my coffee, I like mine cowboy style–dark, some grounds at the bottom, with a bit of raw sugar for sweetness. Basically, the coffee that puts hair on your chest!
Wow. You raise so many good questions and thoughts here, TJ. I don’t know really what is so offensive about the ingestion of breast milk to so many of us. Is it because it is a bodily fluid, a human bodily fluid, or is there more to it? And why is it okay to feed it to our children up to a point, but not okay for us? (I know many people who would taste all the little jars of baby food before giving it to their little ones based on this very principle.) I don’t pretend to know. But thank you for contributing so thoughtfully to this bizarre and amazing conversation.
And I LOVE the idea of coffee cowboy style
My hunch is all this squeamishness is somehow connected with sexuality. We don’t like swallowing that mama thing because the distance helps us stay turned on.
Tell me where I’m wrong people.
That’s a good point too Rebecca.
freud would have a field day. i spent a lot of time thinking about the desexualization of the pregnant body when i was pregnant (and had time to think…) and considering how this dichotomy pans out in motherhood longer term, particularly around breastfeeding. some of what i was thinking about can be heard by clicking the link at the end of this post: http://deardearmaxine.com/2010/12/03/on-the-brink/
this is a really interesting point you raise, rebecca…
Rebecca – Methinks you are hitting the proverbial nail on the head. And here I thought I was writing a silly little anecdotal post about a breast milk latte… Thanks for contributing so boldly and astutely to this wild and wonderful conversation!
I am amazed at all the philosophical musings you managed to get out of coffee and breastmilk! That’s quite a talent.
As for me, I am not particularly grossed out by the breastmilk in the coffee, though I don’t really think it would do the trick. Also, and maybe it’s just me, but I LOVED seeing it pile up in my fridge and I would NEVER waste precious breastmilk in my coffee. I hated pumping.
I don’t trust people that don’t drink coffee. It just makes me suspicious. I’m always asking, “but what do you DO when you first get up in the morning?” It’s a ritual thing for me. I drink it with milk and real sugar.
I don’t drink coffee because it gives me horrid stomach aches.
Like, two cups a week will have me doubled over in pain. So I go the southern route, and drink diet coke in the morning. I know. Gross. But I like it. 
Probably don’t trust me now…
Alisa – I am quickly realizing that you can find the seeds for philosophical (or ridiculous) musings anywhere. Just look. I’m with you. I love watching pumped milk accumulate in the fridge. With Baby, I had an entire freezer full and learned that she had a bad milk allergy and had to toss all of it. Was traumatizing. (I know I could have donated it, but that didn’t sit well with me. Alas, another post topic.) I am also a wee bit wary of people who don’t drink coffee as I am so attached to it, but I try very hard to be open-minded!
“half-caf breastmilk latte”–I love it! I am kind of squeamish about breastmilk, too. Which is quite ridiculous. But I am squeamish about most things. I had to get blood drawn last week and I had to really struggle to keep it together. My daughter was there watching, and she was fascinated. Therein are the roots of a potential phobia, I reminded myself. So I sucked it up and pretended that I was much stronger and braver than I am. Needles are the worst. But only the beginning of my squeamishness.
Something strikes me here. That when we grow up and become parents, there are moments when we really have to hold it together and pretend so as not to alarm our kids. For me, this connects to flying. I don’t love it, it scares me, but I do it. And in those moments when I am petrified, I just smile because I know my little girls are watching me. Really, there is something interesting here about feigning strength in order to “send the right message.” Would it sometimes be better, I wonder, if we were honest with ourselves and our little ones and said “this is hard for mom”? Hmmm….
I love coffee. I make cappuccino with an extra shot of espresso and I love espresso dark and mean
I have to say, breastmilk is delicious. It tastes like sweet milk (a lot like the milk that is left in the bowl after easting sugary cereal). I only tasted it to make sure it was okay for my little one, especially if it had been frozen, but still just had to say
.
And yes I agree, how we drink our coffee says something about us. I’m pretty flexible and will drink it a number of ways but I prefer it with cream and the pink stuff.
Jess – you crack me up. I love that you are not just saying you would sample it, but that it is delicious! Does not surprise me at all that you are flexible about how you take your coffee because you are a very flexible/reasonable person. Am consistently amazed though that you like Sweet N Low!
I’m not really squeamish unless it’s in reference to eyeballs and kneecaps. So the fish eye thing is definitely out of the question for me.
I’m a tea drinker personally and like mine a just a touch sweet. No milk and no breastmilk. Thank you very much.
Ahhh, this reminds me of the Friends episode ! It is fascinating the range of squeamishness goes (and slightly unfair if you ask me)… I wonder if its innate or learned?
And yes! I believe how we take our coffee/tea is a reflection of our personality. It helps describe our particular-ness in a subtle way…I’m sure any barista with friendly regulars would vouch this idea!
I am not squeamish. I ate beetles when I was teaching in Cambodia and ate mealy worms when I stayed in a hut with an incredible family in Zambia.
In retrospect, back home in NYC it sounds gross. But in certain places and different experiences it was okay.
Breast milk in coffee? (I say ugh) But I *do* think how we order our coffee says something about us — I switched Starbucks recently (from the one on Broadway to the one on Columbus). My favorite barista constantly ‘joked’ with me that I order iced coffee in the middle of winter.
I like it. I don’t like milk in my coffee. Oddly, I can eat beetles but mixing milk with anything non-dairy makes me queasy. The idea of ice cream floats (mixing dairy and soda) makes me want to barf.
So so fascinating. I think you are right to highlight the importance of context. Maybe if I were in some exotic locale I would be much more open about trying new things? Ensconced in my life with kids and potties and play dates, maybe I am becoming a more “square” person? Hate the idea of that, but could be. Very intriguing that you will eat beetles but the idea of mixing dairy and non-dairy unsettles you…
You are so funny! I literally laughed out loud at the Starbucks scene you described so well.
I wouldn’t use the word “squeamish” to describe how I’d feel about adding breast milk to my coffee. But I would think it’s a bit weird and certainly not something I’d go around talking about. I’d do it, not because I have any desire for breastmilk (it looks ultra skim and not at all tasty) but just because I’m too lazy to go to the store. Kind of on the same par as when it’s late at night and I’m in bed, and I pick my nose and put the booger on a piece of scrap-paper that’s on my nightstand rather than getting up and finding a tissue. (I really must learn to put tissues on my nightstand.) But this is the beauty of being single. No one (except all these people on the Internet) has to know…
This is hilarious!
I wonder if there’s some sort of coffee preference astrology guide…I like my coffee brewed strong with creamer and splenda. My husband likes his black and luke warm. Blech.
But what does it all mean?!
PS, I’m a nurse so squeamish can’t happen. I buck up in the moment and squirm later.
I didn’t even want to breastfeed. I would have gone with the ice cream. We don’t drink coffee, but I’ve done ice cream in hot cocoa before. . . . Yummy!
You gals aren’t going to believe this, but a fancy London shop is now selling… breast milk ice cream:
http://www.foxnews.com/leisure/2011/02/24/london-shop-serving-breast-milk-ice-cream/#
Okay, now even I am grossed out.