Not Rich Enough
- 02
- 25
- 11
“No man is rich enough to buy back his past.”
Oscar Wilde
We live in a material world. A world where wealth is sought and celebrated. A world where things are bought and brandished. A world where heads and homes grow cluttered with stuff. A world where we whisper in unison one ominous word: More.
But there are things we can’t buy. Things other than houses and handbags, gadgets and glories, opportunities and oysters. One thing we can’t buy: The past.
The past.
What happened to us. Where we’ve been. Pages flipped. A story lived.
It’s out of our hands, but it’s in our heads. Who we once were, the decisions we once made, the people we’ve known and loved and hurt and lost, the mistakes we made, those we should have made, the years we’ve had.
The past is its own pile of riches, a complicated treasure we can sift through and learn from. Gems glistening and ephemeral, slipping through our fingers like sand. Here. Always here. Hovering and humming. But also gone.
There are things we can’t buy back. Priceless things. Like our pasts.
Like the innocence of little girls who make porcelain piggy and hippo banks. Little girls who know many words, so many, but not words like rich and past and enough.
They drop coins in. Clink. Clink. Smile. Collecting pennies. Collecting wisdom. Collecting life.
Collecting pasts.
_____________________________________________
How often do you think of your past? Do you ever wish you could go back and do things differently? Do you think our culture is overly obsessed with material wealth, with financial richness? What would you pay to regain a pinch of childhood innocence?
What a thought provoking series of questions today! I sometimes wish that I could go back and “undo” the past. I had my son when I was 17- and I definitely was not old enough to be a mother then. But I look at life now- I’m happily married with three boys, and things are good, and wonder if things in my past were different, would I be as happy as I am now? How would things be different?? I think that all of the things that I have learned have made me into the woman that I am today, and I don’t think that I would be willing to lose that knowledge.
I was at my son’s piano recital last night and my friend’s mother looked at her grandchild and my son (at 6 years old) and said “they are still little”. I said something to the effect of “this is the last year of that.” We agreed it was sad. Sad and inevitable. I don’t long for too many things I cannot have (ok a few more vacations would be nice). I do revisit memories and realize that those times have slipped away. Cherish those piggy bank moments and then take a fun field trip to Coinstar.
Way to get me thinking this morning! I think about my past too much. The mistakes I have made, probably more than what is healthy. There are a lot of things that I wish I could go back and change. But I can’t. I just hope the lessons I have learned make me a better person. I do think our culture is obsessed with “more more more”. Life is too short and too precious to worry about material possessions.
my past feels like my present almost always – while things evolve, we are the sum of our choices made, events lived, people loved – it is all a part of our now… the material can confuse these things… will i tell you that i miss my kids being small? absolutely – but i cherish the relationships we have now… i honestly wouldn’t go back in time… the path has been balanced nicely with struggle and joy – it always is, one just has to have their eyes and hearts open…
I push myself to do things right the first time so I don’t have regrets for the past in the future (that was a confusing sentence.) That said, I am sure there are a few things here and there I would do differently.
We are trying to be less material but it is hard with kids. It always feels like they need/want more stuff. Some day, I hope to do a major purge and get down to the bare minimum (and then sail around the world.) There are things (from the past with memories) it would be hard to get rid of. My mom has a major problem with stuff. She is a “collector” and I do hope my sister and I can help her get rid of half of her stuff or more, but again she has memories with everything…
The past is rich with memories that are painful and memories that are wonderful. I would not take any mistakes or any pain back because it makes me who I am today.
My past is what has made me who I am. If I change that, I change me, and as much as I sometimes wish I were different, I wouldn’t want to give up anything, the good or the bad, that has gone into the shaping of my life.
It’s a wonderful quote. And an interesting question. Something I’ve thought about recently, and written about some – do-overs and changes.
Those of us who are introspective often revisit the past. We learn from it. What we mustn’t do is dwell in it. That’s the fine line that is hard to walk.
What I went through recently was painful but to go back to the past to change things would mean I never would have learned from this experience. It’s the learning from my past – mistakes or otherwise – that makes me stronger and better today. Even if I had all the money in the world, I think I’ll stay put where I am.
I don’t often wish I could do things differently, because I am very happy where I am. But I play the “what if” game all the time. What if I’d gone to a different college? What if I’d picked a different career? What if I’d grown up in a different part of the country? Those questions haunt me. Sometimes I wonder where to draw the line between harmless mental exercise and menacing distraction…
I think about it all the time. And I think in some sense we’re constantly reliving our pasts, even when we’re reinventing ourselves. The fact is, the need to reinvent comes from still feeling like a part of your old self remains. As for changing the past, I believe anyone happy in their current life doesn’t want to alter what made them who and where they are.
We’re writing a script right now where one character says to another, “Most people never leave high school whether they admit it or not.” I think that’s true to an extent. The emotions you feel at that age run so deep, it’s like they’re tattooed on your emotional brain for life. Anyone who says they don’t think about the past… is lying.
And by the way, this coming generation has a whole new way the past will chase them down. As Sorkin said, “The Internet is written in ink.”
“Anyone who says they don’t think about the past… is lying.”
I could not agree more. I think all of us (whether we admit it or not) plumb our past for clues, for lessons, for bits of who we were and are. And the Sorkin quote? It freaks me out. Every now and then, I stop to think that this blog is really quite permanent and it rattles me. It more than rattles me.
If we coud buy back our past would we really do things differently? Sometimes I wonder, my past is what has made me who I am today, good or bad. The lessons I have learnt and the life I live today is because of my past.
The part of my past I sometimes wish I could really buy back is one more day with my father, whom I miss so much, but I wouldn’t want to feel again the pain of losing him. Although that has never gone away, I am just able to deal with it better now.
So I am not sure, but it’s an interesting thought!
I hear you. I think about this often, namely having Dad back even for a short time. So we could talk. And talk. And I could say all the things that have occurred to me and ask all the questions I never asked because I thought I’d have more time. But then. The notion of losing him all over again is haunting, deeply so, and I’m not sure I could ever choose that… The past is something I don’t think I would revisit even if I could.
<3
Oh how I agonize over this. A part of me believes that the past can be left behind, crumpled up and thrown away. But then, when that tumbleweed piece of trash blows back in, I’m reminded that the past guides, teaches, fine-tunes. I also wonder how to live presently while appreciating the past.
I like to think of my past like the sand at the seashore, slowly softening the edges of my stone. I am (hopefully) smoothed by my past. Easier for someone to hold in their hand and caress.
Recapturing childhood has been on my mind lately as I watch how fast my son is growing up. I can’t regain all that I’ve lost (i.e. enthusiasm for everything, innocence, fearlessness, etc.) but witnessing these things in him serves as a reminder that all we really have is the present.
I write about the past and the future. I look back at it sometimes to see what I did wrong and figure out how to avoid it. But I try not to get too caught up in it. It makes me think of this quote:
“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
As for money, well I work hard to teach my children not to focus on it. It doesn’t bring happiness, makes some things easier sometimes, but it is not the endall be all.
Timely post for me. Been thinking about the past a lot. Been thinking about pivotal points and what mine have been.
I don’t know if I want to necessarily undo the past, but I definitely miss the fun-ness of childhood. I think that’s why I’m become drawn to working with kids`
I so wish I could go back with the knowledge I have now. I don’t know why I waste my time thinking about it as I know it will never happen. I was way too sheltered and should have learned (been told) more about life (boys) so I wasn’t so ill prepared for how manipulative people can be. I am a completely different person today and only hope my kids will benefit from all that I have learned.
As for my childhood. It was ideal. I loved and enjoyed every minute. I was very lucky.
Mostly, I wish I had been easier on myself. I would have enjoyed my life a lot more. Now, my children help me with that more than they will ever know.
This is something I actually think about quite a lot. I know that it isn’t necessarily healthy for me, but I am obsessed with the past. I know that it has formed me but there are still some things that I wish I could change. And I would love nothing more than to have childhood innocence back. But I know that wanting to go back and change the past won’t make it happen. And you have inspired me to find happiness in real experiences rather than just material things. I love my gadgets but I know that they can’t bring me as much happiness as a wonderful conversation with someone I love.
I do think about the past, but in the last few years I’ve been learning to embrace the moment I am in now. I realized that the decisions I make today will shape how rich my past can become. Part of that is to be present, right here and now.