Sitting Still
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“Most of the evils of life come from man’s being unable to sit still in a room.”
Blaise Pascal
I have a beautiful office in our new home. It’s big. With a trio of windows look out at the brownstone tops across the streets. There is a vast wall of cheery yellow wallpaper with bright blue birds. I am lucky to have this space. I know this.
But still. I choose – day in, day out – to write at Starbucks. Even though it is hard to find a table, let alone one with an outlet, there. Even though I am pregnant and I pee eighty times an hour and public bathrooms aren’t my favorite. Even though there’s a whole lot of noise – beans a-grinding, people-a-gabbing, kids-a-crying. Even though.
What is this all about? I’m not sure. I tell myself that I need the chaos, the real-time churn of material, to get my writerly juices flowing. I tell myself that I need the noise, the staccato of strangers, the symphony of the city, to settle in. I tell myself that I have always been this way, that in school I always studied better amid the coffee house hubbub than I did in the quiet of a library.
I tell myself many things.
But I wonder if it’s more than this. Why is it so hard for me to sit still in a room – alone? What am I afraid of? The quiet? The solitude? The truth that might come if I let it?
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Are you able to sit still in a room? Or are you inclined to run around and seek chaos? Do you need distractions to focus?
I absolutely need some background noise to do my best work. I don’t get out to the coffee shops as much as I’d like, but this past Saturday afternoon, I met up with a girlfriend at a lovely coffee shop in St. Paul. We both brought our work and enjoyed chatting between flurries of typing. Truly, this is one of my favorite things to do!
I have known people to set up “writing dates” where they meet at a coffee shop to plug away, but then stop and chat here and there. I love the idea of this, but I worry I would end up chatting the whole time. Maybe writing really does need to be a solitary endeavor? The background music does make it all less serious and sterile though…
Awww don’t go into the “fear” explanation. Wanting to be around people, enjoying the “staccato” and the “symphony” can very well stand on their own, with no need to come out of any fear. I need quiet, silence to write or create anything, as if only outer peace could bring inner peace, but it has nothing to do with fearing that somehow the exterior would interfere or even steal whatever should come out of me.
Yes, there’s some kind of psychological explanation from how we grew up, sharing spaces, siblings or no siblings, but I honestly don’t feel fear plays any part in my own creative process.
We’re either social creators or loners, and in the end it doesn’t necessarily have to come be explained by fear. You always sound too much in tune with yourself, your feelings, to be in fear of whatever you may find of yourself in solitude
Thanks, Chris. I think much of this has to do with “tricking” myself into writing. When I am at a coffee shop, sipping away, observing life around me between pages, I feel less like I am doing “work.” Does that make sense? When I am alone in my office, I feel like I am studying and it all gets to solemn for me. I will have to continue to think about this though…
The idea of work being people around you makes perfect sense
Ahhh … this could be the dimension on which we are most different. I covet the silence and alone-ness of my office, and just wish it was larger and more peaceful. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with choosing to be out there in the world, in every sense of the word. It’s just a preference. I’m sure your material is enriched for it. xox
does calmness, perhaps, unfairly get associated with stillness and quiet?
before i met my partner, i avoided silence at all costs. being home alone always entailed music playing or the tv on in the background. i think this was partly because i come from a family of five, so there were ways in which generating my own sound was a way to generate my own silence (ie. playing music in my room was a way to tune-out my brothers music in their rooms, etc.). i think, too, though that it was partly because i found stillness and quiet intensely unsettling. i don’t know if stillness and quiet are linked for everyone–and i know they certainly don’t have to be linked for me anymore–but i think they were for years in my life. noise and motion were a way to keep filling the pot so i never had to look at what was festering at the bottom, a way to avoid settling in.
my partner practices zen meditation. he is quiet and still often and, even at his most jubilant or crazed, is a much quieter and stiller person than i am. initially this threatened me, made the ground under my feet feel shaky. i knew he was onto something with his respect and deliberate creating of space for quiet and stillness, knew it was available for me, too, if only i could open myself to it. i have sat with him in meditation and i have found it incredibly difficult. i have never been able to do it for longer than ten minutes and it has nearly brought me to tears at times. still, though, joining him and learning from him in general has helped me to be able to slow down, to hone in or tune out, to follow my breath and to listen. none of it comes easily, but it has definitely added calm to my life that i, personally, was missing before.
Huh, this got me thinking. Do I ever have complete silence when I am alone at home? No. I don’t. The TV is either on or music, or my dog is barking. I guess I dont like silence either and didnt even realize it!! Ha! I guess I just like background noise!
I dont think there is anything wrong with needing “noise” around you. It doenst have to do with being scared of your thoughts or being alone. I think that some people just work better with noise around them!
It is good to know that many of us crave a little noise, a little buzzing around us. Maybe this really has nothing to do with psychology or fear and ultimately comes down to preference. I don’t know. I’ve got to think there is something bigger underlying our preferences here though…
You must be one of those people who get their energy from the buzzing environment around them.
My husband and two boys all prefer to do their work in the middle of chaos. For me, after working in an open floor plan setting at the office, I prefer the quiet solitude when I can get it. That’s when my batteries recharge.
I rarely leave the house because– quite simply– it’s easier to stay home than to venture out. If I stay home I can stay in my sweats and not shower. Not pretty to my family but oh so comfy. However, I know I crave the interaction with people because I hardly ever write without music on or the drone of the tv in the other room. I can’t write in total silence. I need to know the rest of humanity is at least out there, waiting.
I have found that it varies for me. When I was young, I loved the stillness and quietness. In my teens and early twenties, I craved stimulation – if I was alone doing homework, I had to have music playing (although unlike my sister, I have never ever been able to concentrate on work when the television is on!). Now, I’m finding that I love the quiet again. Of course, these days I rarely find it, with two littles around! I guess it’s a good thing for you, that you prefer a chaotic atmosphere for writing, with another wee one on the way!
I walk the tightrope in between introversion and extroversion, so I need both. Sometimes I wish it were clear one way or the other rather than a seemingly random mix.
There is no way you could be so intimately in touch with the feelings you both allude to and share toward your husband, daughters, family of origin, friends and myriad of other topics if you were afraid. I infer no fear from your thoughtful and thought provoking communication, only truth and depth. Do what works for you and be glad. Blessings.
I am exactly the opposite. Sitting in a room with noise surrounding me makes me feel like I am suffocating. I need quiet, I need space, I need alone. It is one of the chief reasons I don’t hang out in places like coffee shops, and the main reason I stay at home so much. Home is safe, home is quiet. It may sound odd, but I actually have the sense that the sounds take up the air around me. That somehow, the noise in a room is tangible and is sucking up the air, like chat bubbles getting bigger and bigger until there is no air left to breathe.
I loved Chris’ comments above. I think when it comes to our nature or work habits, we all have some innate tendency. I love being alone for work, to relax (heck I am alone much of the time at work). I feel I need some time alone each day for a run or some writing or to “sit still.” I love socializing but would give it up if I had to choose togetherness or solitude. I am sure you do some things in your pretty office, if not maybe convert it into a gym or closet (with pretty wallpaper).
It’s interesting because I am not sure whether my aversion is truly to being alone or to being immersed in silence. I just realized something that is relevant to this discussion. Husband and I both sleep with sound machines on our bedsides and every night we fall asleep to the sound of rain. We do this because it helps drown out the sound of traffic on our street, but maybe this is all connected. What does it mean if we cannot even fall or stay asleep in silence? Hmmm…
A coffee house is the worst enemy of my concentration. I can’t tune anything out. In college I studied in the library or my dorm room. No music, no television. Total silence. Even today I can’t write a blog post with other media in the same room.
It’s hard to find places of silence. Our world is so filled with ambient noise that in requires some intention and effort to find or create a venue that is quiet. Now that I think about it, I’m glad that my concentration requires silence because it forces me to find it. And I think I benefit from having times and places in my life that are devoid of outside stimulus. To me your office sounds like a veritable haven. I might never come out!
As for that office… I wouldn’t give it up or transform into something more “useful.” I think it is important that we have spaces in our lives that are our own – places that we can go to be alone, subject only to our own preferences. As kids many of us have our own rooms. But as adults almost all the spaces in our lives are shared. Having a space like your office – even if it isn’t where you do your best work – is a blessing and a luxury. And I suspect if it were gone you would miss it a great deal.
PS – I agree with Chris. You are far too self-aware to use the din of a coffee shop to hide from anything.
As always, thanks for your thoughts, Gale. I do not plan on converting my office. I hope sincerely that it is a space that I grow into and use more and more often. It might be that I ultimately need a mix of silent and social writing and that is fine and indeed a step in the right direction.
I work in an office where I can’t have any background noise and it drives me nuts! So when I go to my second job which is a clothing store I love the chaos of people talking to me and the music playing. But when we close for the night I want the manager to turn the music off. Odd I know!
Usually when I am at my home I am on the computer or reading a book but I will have the TV on or the radio. No wonder I can’t remember what happened in a book I am reading two months after I read it.
I am totally ok with being alone. I’m an only child so I am used to being alone but maybe that is why I crave the sound and the chaos. I want to feel involved. But then again that could be the way I grew up. Technology at our finger tips.
I feel at home in New York and San Fran more then I feel at home in the place I grew up (20,000 people). Growing up it was too quiet I wanted noise and stimulation. I wanted something more than running around on the bayou could bring. But then again I look at my friends apartments that live in big cities and I think man how do you do it. How do you live with such little space? Or my friend who lives in this great apt but lives across the street from a concrete plant. They start running at 4am. How does she do it every morning hearing those beeps, yells and rumbles? It would drive me insane. So is there a happy medium?
Oooh. Now you have me wondering whether I have such a fondness for noise and chaos because I grew up in such a big and boisterous family. In my house, there was always a good deal of action and activity and I got used to this and perhaps look to recreate it in my current life. Very interesting…
You’re most definitely not alone! I do my best writing on my lunch breaks at work, where I sit in my office where approximately five billion people pass in the hallway each hour. I’ve become adept at tuning it all out, but it feels good to be surrounded by others. On the weekends in a quiet(ish) house, I rarely get any writing done.
I enjoy the chaos and the solitude. It depends on how I feel on a given day. When I am alone I don’t get interrupted which is a good thing
Working in public (ala Starbucks) forces me to focus — no wasting time, no taking unnecessary breaks, etc.
It depends on what I am working on. Sometimes I need the noise to help color in the picture I am painting.
I’m a full time writer, too. I often go to Starbucks just to be around people. It’s nice to have people to smile at and to get out of the house. But I like the quiet of home, too. And the downside of a coffee shop is that sometimes the Internet connection is slower and it will be difficult to have a phone conversation. So may “Starbucks days” are limited.
A lot of people find it hard to work at home because of the distractions… laundry or housework or other little tasks calling at them. For me, it’s the vastness of the Web that distracts me, whether I’m at home or in a coffee shop!
I’m always afraid of falling asleep. The bed or the couch is always just a little to close when I’m working at home!
Me? The quiet of my calm, yellow office soothes and comforts. At times, I hunger for the noise (and food) in a restaurant…oddly, usually McDonalds or Qdoba for writing (and eating). But usually, it’s the stone silence I seek for writing.
And you? I think we all write best where we write best. But I adore your pondering question…what truth might come if you let it? Maybe your truth comes in the staccato rhythms of strangers in Starbucks. Or….
xoxo
When I got pregnant and my office was to become the nursery, my husband spent a YEAR building me an office in our basement. It is lovely. It is perfect.
I have sat in it approximately 12 times.
I much prefer the couch in front of the TV.
I always want alone time without the kids. I have so much that can get done with them gone. But when Glenn does take them for the day I am productive for a few hours and then it’s too quiet. That’s what I get for having 8 siblings, I just like the noise.
Interesting! I too prefer the chaos, it lets me zone out and settle in. I find that I am much more focused and diligent about writing at Starbucks. At home, there is too much to pull me away.
Part of it for me is that I feel isolated and like I am “missing out” alone in my house. I like to connect, to people-watch and to be inspired.
But I do always have some “noise” on when I am at home. Quiet houses depress me. Which is strange. Hmmm, now I’m pondering what that says about me.
I recently gave up TV – and the quiet is very hard. And it appears that TV is the only thing that kept me still, kept me quiet. I am learning to get used to it but right now I don’t like it.
Aidan, if you don’t mind answering, do you go to the Starbucks on 76th/Columbus? That one has relatively good light but is one of the more noisy ones, though not the noisiest one. The one on 81st/Columbus is definitely preferable and the tiny one on 73d/Columbus is also okay. The one on 75th/Broadway has bad light. The one on 67th/Columbus is disgusting all around.
I much prefer to work alone, particularly because I find voices very distracting. Why I chose a job where I have to work with and for people, and where I regularly meet and interview clients, is beyond me. The longer I stay, the more I crave the peace of solitude.
But I cannot work in silence. I always have music, often the radio for occasional voice interruption, playing; I can’t work in front of the TV.
It doesn’t surprise me that you, as a writer, choose to work in a public space – I would be tempted to draw inspiration from those around me in your position. How aware are you of the other people at Starbucks, or is it just noise?
I can handle background noise – TV and Ipod. I can handle no noise. I cannot handle a lot of people talking. I’m too much of a people-watcher and get too distracted at Starbucks and Caribou. I need to be alone! I also don’t like if people are watching me…or constantly running into people I know (that makes it sound like I’m really popular – just part of living in MN)!