My Girls
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- 11
Easter Sunday evening. The sky cracked open. Rain tumbled down. Under my breath, I cursed the weather. Husband yanked the canopy over our tiny creature’s car seat. But they? My big girls? They squealed and frolicked and danced. They twirled and threw their hands up as their faces and hair and bodies grew soaked. “Rain!” they chanted, in unison, between infectious giggles.
And I hung back watching them. As they skipped together and celebrated the storm. I couldn’t help but smile.
We had one extra umbrella and I offered it to them to share. I popped it open and handed it over. And they didn’t fight over it, or poke themselves with the spokes like I feared. They each held it with one hand. And, together, they walked.
And I followed. Amazed. Proud. There they were. My big girls huddled together, trouping through sidewalks and time and life, weathering the storm.
In those moments, those transitional moments of another Easter Sunday, I watched them, my girls, and was flooded with thoughts.
They are my big girls but they are also little people. Little people who won’t be little for long.
They are sisters and they will always have each other. In rain or shine, in youth or age.
They might not remember this rain-soaked night or this stage of their lives, but I will remember for them. For all three of them. When they are older, when rain no longer delights them, we will sit around the kitchen island, the four of us girls, and I will tell them about this tiny slice of their childhood. A night when it rained hard and they got drenched and were so happy.
They will look at me, my big girls, pinning me with matching blue eyes and sweet smiles and say, “Mom, What’s the big deal? It rained and we shared an umbrella?!”
And I will say to them, “It wasn’t really a big deal but also it was.”
And I will look at my littlest girl and say, “You were only eleven pounds. Can you believe you were once that tiny?”
And because she has learned from her big sisters, she will say, “Mom, yes, once upon a time I was a newborn. What’s the big deal?”
I will try to explain to them that sometimes, often, the biggest deals, the most piercing realizations and most potent emotions and most exquisite life, are really the littlest deals, the tiny moments. Still, they will not quite understand. And then I will say it, something terribly cliched that embarrasses them, “One day you might. You will just be going about your day, an average day, and then you will glimpse the creatures you love, and everything else will melt away. You will feel something profound, something that borders on spiritual. You might not even have the words to describe it. And so, you will take a picture. And so, you will do anything you can to remember this.”
And the three of them, my girls, wanting their mother’s cryptic monologue to end, will smile. They will look at me and say it, even though they don’t really need to, even though I know. Before they scatter to do their homework and text their friends and live their lives, they will say words that never get old.
“We love you too, Mom.”
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Have you ever experienced moments like this where you are just living your life and going about existence and you are slammed with a profound image or realization? Do you remember a time when you celebrated being caught in the rain?












So. It is 1:15pm and no one has commented on this post. Why? I’m not sure. I’m choosing to blame it on the royal wedding. Maybe all of you are glued to your televisions and lost in the fairy tale? Could be.
I am reminded in this moment of my own true insecurity. I wrote this post, this ode to my girls, and I was very proud of it. I meant the words I wrote and I love those pics of my girls. And yet. The fact that there have been no comments has led me in the last several hours to question whether there is something off or offensive or just plain boring about my musings today. Who knows.
So. Another reminder that I am human. That my feelings are not iron. That my confidence is not pure. That my insecurities are here, always here, under my skin, in my words, in my doubts.
At least I have one comment now, right?
Happy Friday, all!
For the record, I loved this post and your musings! These are precious, precious moments. Glad you are treasuring them, as I am too with my little guys (even if they do drive me crazy at times!) xoxo
Drive me crazy? Nah, never. (Ha.) Thank you, Sarah, for chiming in here. I was so excited to see a comment pop in. (You’d think I was a brand new blogger, but no, comments matter and matter always – stay tuned for another post on this very topic.) Anyway, I’m very excited to read your new book! I have read great things about it and cannot wait to dive in. For all of you who don’t know, Sarah, my fellow new mom of three just released her first novel THE VIOLETS OF MARCH – http://www.amazon.com/Violets-March-Novel-Sarah-Jio/dp/0452297036/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1304117197&sr=8-1 – click over and check it out
Nothing to feel insecure about love. I think sometimes everyone just gets caught up in their own world. It’s a big world out there. I was surely caught up in mine. I love the photos of your girls in the rain. xx
PS. Now you have 2.
Thanks, Jenny. Indeed it is a big world, a very big world, and I respect that people have crazy lives, tangled lives, and it is often hard, if not impossible, to read or comment. So, that said, thank you for leaving your words here. I appreciate it. A lot
First of all, do you know that when I first started visiting your blog (before I met you at BlogHer), I gasped when I saw how many comments you received at each posting. Not because I didn’t think you should have them (I did–you are an amazingly talented writer). I gasped in pure, unadulterated, chartreuse envy.
Now for the rainy remembrance….yes. Before we moved to the east coast, we lived in the south. We had a huge front porch. The kids and I loved watching storms come in, and visit, from that porch. One day, during a very heavy rain, hubby and I sat on the steps and the very our very tiny children romped in the rain. Our dog stayed near us because it was dry. The air hung heavily–I can still conjure the scent of the rain drops and the aura of the wet-laden trees and plants. The kids ran through the rain as if each drop was a piece of candy. Soaked, thrilled, joyful. Will never forget it.
xoxo
If you haven’t already, you MUST write a blog post about your rainy remembrance. So beautiful. Really. And I thank you for commenting here today. Truth be told, I think all of us, maybe particularly bloggers, have a need to be heard and affirmed and so it means a great deal that you came over and commented. Not once but twice!
For the record, was such a treat to meet you at BlogHer! Wish I weren’t ten weeks pregnant and feeling yuck. We are overdue for our wine date
Oh, and the part I forgot to include above: more of my incredibly true confession:
when I first started reading here, I got between 1 and 3 comments on my blog posts. Often times ZERO. But when I came here to read, I checked the box, “Notify me of other replies to this post” because I was so excited about reading your stuff, I hoped you might reply to one of my comments.
Then, every 10 minutes my email would ping. And each email notification would read, “Ivy League Insecurities has another comment…”. I again was thrilled for you, but also, again, GREEN WITH ENVY because I could taste how much I wanted a following like yours. I wanted those comments! So badly.
Holy insecurity. Was this too much to share? Hopefully not–just another brief blip into the crazy mechanics of my mind.
So there.
Now you have at least 4 comments.
xoxo
Absolutely love this post!!! I too try to enjoy those moments with my three…
Thank you for sharing your thoughts….
Thanks so much, Hope! Three is a magical (and manic!) number, no?
Aidan, I loved your ode to your girls. This is beautiful.
Thanks, Belinda. I appreciate you giving me what I need today (words)
Can’t wait to properly catch up over at your exquisite blog.
First I want to express that you have absolutely no reason to be insecure. Even with my meager following I’ve noticed that Fridays can be a very light day for readers. Next I want to say that I just wrote an ode to my sister. It captures all those little moments in our lives together, rain and shine, that have made our lives profoundly better just by having her in it. It is sweet to observe the blossoming of their relationship and realize the greatest gift you can give your children, the gift of a friend for life.
I read it but sometimes your writing is so profound and lovely…I kind of feel like commenting on it is crude. Because nothing I could say could match what you wrote.
I’m guilty of the royal wedding watching…because I watched it, I was sleeping in.
I love when my parents, grandparents or aunts/uncles tell me of memories that are seemingly small and insignificant to me, but are profound to them.
I had wanted to respond, but didn’t (obviously). And the reason – I had no words that could describe a moment as well as you have done today. Your words were woven with such love and beauty that it made me think – now that’s a moment.
Aidan, I love your ode to your girls. I love when you share these thoughts with us-beautiful!
Oh Aidan, I think it is exceptional that you are so authentic about your insecurities. It takes a person who is comfortable in her skin to reveal that. Although, I think the lack of comments has more to do with the ebb and flow of the blogosphere, not so much your words.
Love the sentiment, the vintage pics, and those girls of yours are adorable.
aidan-
this is one of my favorite posts of yours of all time. it is beautifully wrought, raw and reverent.
when maxine and i have to run through the rain i whisper in her ear “let’s run through the rain drops” just like my mom did when i was growing up. i love the synchronicity and the inevitable reminder of continuity, that it rains literally and metaphorically time and time again, and imagining that someday maxine will hold her own baby and whisper “it’s time to run through the rain drops” in her own time, invoking me and my mother in that moment.
keep the posts coming, aidan. i’m listening.
I bought my three-year-old rainboots, raincoat, and a polka-dot umbrella recently (smart move, given all the rain we’ve had this spring!). The first day she got to wear them and play in the rain, the delight on her face took my breath away. Such a simple way to bring joy!
Does the profound ever invade my everyday life? Oh, just about every day.
I can remember being in love with the rain. Sometimes, I still admire it when I’m safely warm and bundled up in my house. I loved reading this post. It made me realize that I don’t stop enough in the middle of my day to really appreciate how profoundly blessed I am to have all the wonderful things and people I have in my life. I’m always working toward something better that I forget that life is already pretty good. I guess that my life is just in such a state of flux right now that it is hard for me to really grasp on to anything profound. It’s a little scary.