Put A Ring On It
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The royal wedding. It’s tomorrow. And, yes, I will probably tune in for a bit. I’m not entirely immune to all the hype and hoopla. I don’t exactly understand why the world seems so utterly obsessed with Will and Kate’s nuptials though. Are we hard-wired or socially conditioned to be intrigued by regal sparkle? Are we interested because this is the playing out of a real life fairy tale?
I’m not so sure.
Truth be told, it amazes me that so many people are counting down and collecting souvenirs like Will/Kate toilet seats and Will/Kate standard-sized fridges. I even saw that there are royal wedding-themed condoms on the market. They are called “Crown Jewels.”
No comment.
So. I fall into the category of people who is neither obsessed nor disinterested in this historical happening. I will watch a bit, lap up some of the luscious imagery, and then get on with my life. That’s the plan at least.
One thing that I am a bit more interested in is a debate that has sprung up around this union. Per the media, Prince William does not plan to wear a wedding ring.
Is it acceptable if a man chooses not to wear a wedding ring? I’m not sure what I think about this. Dad, a loving and loyal husband and father, never wore a ring. I never quite asked him why. Husband does wear a ring and I love that he does. I like seeing that strip of platinum on his hand. It reminds me of our big day six-plus years ago, the commitment we have made – and continue to make – to each other.
I haven’t told many people this, but Husband did lose his ring once. I was quite pregnant with Baby, and more than a bit hormonal, and my man lost his wedding ring while body-surfing with friends in the ocean and, well, I was not happy. Truth be told, I ripped into him and told him that losing the ring was indeed an ominous sign, symbolic of storms ahead. He said sorry. Over and over. We went shopping in downtown Charleston. He found a replacement ring. I got over it.
Recently, Sister N also lost her wedding band. She, too, lost it to the ocean waters while snorkeling. The fact that she was able to promptly hire a metal-detector-man to scour the seas and shore where she lost her diamond ring leads me to believe this happens a fair bit. I wonder how many rings there are hiding in the waters of our world?
And so. On the eve of the royal wedding, I am thinking about rings. What really do they mean? Do they really matter? Is it problematic if a man (or a woman) refuses to wear a ring or is it just a matter of personality and preference?
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Will you watch the wedding tomorrow? Why do think so many people are obsessed with this event? What do you make of the fact that William does not plan to wear a wedding ring? How important do you think it is that married people wear rings? Why or why not?
Re rings – I insisted that Husband wear one. He was ambivalent but happy to do so if I wanted him to! I know a couple where she didn’t want to change her name, and he said that was fine, but he wouldn’t wear a ring. She changed her name sharpish!
I am terrified about losing either of my rings, and that Husband will lose his (he is constantly playing with it) – but as they are the one external symbol of something that is so fundamental to one’s life, I think rings are really important.
On the other hand, William spends a lot of time working in a very physical environment and I can imagine the press fallout if he lost it on an RAF rescue flight and was subsequently photographed without it.
I love all the royal splendour and wedding stuff although I haven’t bought any souvenirs… (in London it is impossible to avoid them!) but I find it so lovely that almost everyone has reacted so positively – they are a happy couple in love, why not be positive about it.
My father didn’t wear and ring and neither does my husband. Strangely, I didn’t give this any thought in either case. Maybe for a brief moment when planning our wedding I thought about it but my husband didn’t want anything on his hands/not a jewelry guy (seems reasonable). I love my wedding ring as it is a lovely reminder but it doesn’t make me feel married, I don’t need it to feel married. My husband thought wedding rings were insane and joked when we were about to get engaged that he would get me a wooden reggae ring. After all, he said, if I loved him it wouldn’t matter. I told him I didn’t love him that much (kidding).
For William, there is not one person in the world who does not know that after Friday, he will be a married man. A ring is not a necessary sign for him. For most men in this country, though, going without a ring tends to indicate to most women that you are available. I also like the matching aspect – most wedding rings either match or at least complement each other, and I think that’s beautiful symbolism.
As for William and Kate – well, for me, I would much rather focus on news that is hopeful and beautiful, rather than the gloom and despair that is usually so prevalent in the news. They are such a gracious couple, and it is delight to see something so good happening for them.
(Of course, it’s also possible that I am transferring a bit of my childhood fascination with Lady Di onto her son. Just sayin’.)
I must admit, I am excited about the royal wedding. I do plan on getting up at the crack of dawn to see everything live. But dont worry, I am not collecting souvenirs of Will and Kate! I just want to see the wedding. I think we are interested because it is a real life fairy tale come true! And my inner princess is dying to see what Kate’s gown will look like!
I personally do not think it is that big of a deal that Will does not want to wear a ring. Some men just do not want to wear jewelry. Everyone knows he is married anyway, or at least you would have to be living under a rock not to know. However, if my husband didnt want to wear his band, he better have a really good reason. So, I am a bit torn on this issue.
My father doesn’t wear a wedding ring and I never gave it any thought. My husband misplaced his ring for a week while on our honeymoon but I later found it in his jacket pocket. I was afraid of losing my diamond band so I bought a plain band as a back-up and had both blessed by the priest at our wedding. Now I wear the plain band on my right hand with my great-aunt’s engagement ring.
As for the royal wedding, the only thing I’m interested in is Kate’s dress.
PS – So glad you’re back in the blogosphere!
I’m one of those people like you who isn’t really obsessed with the Royal Wedding. Sure I will want to see what Kate’s dress looks like but to sit down and watch the whole thing I think Not!
As for Rings. Well my Dad for a long time didn’t wear his because he had gained too much weight for it to fit. He now wears it again. I dated a guy who said he didn’t wear a ring when he was married. I have to say it sort of bothered me. I don’t know if I am silly to feel this way but I want him to look down and remember he is married. That may have been a trust issue.
Regarding your question of why people care about this wedding, I explored that very topic in a post yesterday. Click on over if you’re interested in my theory.
As for rings, my dad has never taken his off. Neither has my husband. And neither has his father. Actually, when we got married he placed even more emphasis on the rings than I did. I wanted a wedding band set with stones to match my engagement ring. But I knew that I would sometimes need to take such a ring off as I wouldn’t wear it while doing housework, working out, working in the yard, etc. It was very important to him, though, that we had rings that were never removed. Ever. So I wear two wedding bands. A solid metal band, engraved on the inside and with no adornment which never comes off, and an eternity band set with stones which comes off every night and at other times as needed.
I don’t believe that the presence of our rings makes our marriage better or stronger. I don’t believe that without them either of us would forget that we’re married. But I do like seeing them there. And I like knowing that we’ve each made a committment to always have them on.
I’m a bit of a freak in that I don’t have tv (well, a tv but no cable or dish service) so I am obviously not going to watch any wedding hoopla. I just don’t find it interesting.
My husband wasn’t sure at first if he would wear a ring, due to working around farm & construction equipment (it’s very possible to get it caught in machinery and lose a finger). It’s why my dad, a mechanic, didn’t wear one. But hubby does, and it’s important to me. He’s never lost it, but I actually broke the entire stone & setting out of my engagement ring. I found & kept it, but hubby actually lost it on the way to the jewelry store!! I was a bit irked, but in truth he always wanted to be able to afford a bigger stone, that was what we planned on doing, so it wasn’t the huge deal it could have been. Truthfully, he wanted to replace the entire set with something “nicer”, but I was totally against it- I’m very attached to the set he picked out and surprised me with!
First of all, I’d like to say… I am with you. I am neither interest nor disinterested in the royal wedding. I am happy for Will and Kate and I hope to catch a glimpse of her dress
The ring part…. my Dad never wore his wedding ring (he’s a P.E. teacher and it just wasn’t practical for his profession) and I never thought anything of it. He’s been married to my Mom for over 35 years and it didn’t seem to make a difference.
My husband decided to also not wear a wedding ring after he lost his (it does seem to be pretty common to lose rings
)…. and I am not too perked about it.
I love wearing mine, but it doesn’t bother me that he doesn’t want to wear his.
My father-in-law used to make fun of me for wearing a ring. So, I always wore one, just to disappoint him.
I once lost my ring snorkeling. 45 minutes of scouring the ocean floor later, I found it. I braved great dangers staying out there: great white. Not the shark, the skin tone I was instructed to keep by reapplying sun screen every 15 minutes. Not wearing a ring snorkeling should have been a family lesson learned.
In an astounding lack of coincidence, my wife lost her ring “to the ocean waters while snorkeling” just like your sister N. Upon our return, I immediately began wearing mine after years of keeping it safe in a drawer, figuring one per family was a good number.
My wife bought a replacement ring. My drawer is happily married again.
So, since I am now ringless, perhaps I should start making fun of my brother-in-law for wearing his ring.
What a timely question for me, Aidan, as devoted partner and I went to try on rings for him just last week. He said he didn’t know if he would like the feel of wearing a ring, having never done so before – a sentiment, I might add, I had myself over the years. I was petrified that once I got an engagement ring, it would bother me to have some darned thing on my finer all the time (and it kinda does, but mostly because the thing is still too big and the setting wobbles around the circumference of my finger – I’ll go put resizing on the to-do list).
So I had to think about my feelings if devoted partner didn’t wear his ring, didn’t wear his ring all the time, etc. My initial, and totally emotional response was, “but that ring is our symbol of love and eternity and you liking me an awful lot and if you didn’t wear it, clearly that would mean you liked me less.” My second response was to remember that my father never wore a ring, and I don’t think it had anything to do with not liking my mom. Yes, I’d like it if he wore the ring because I think it’s nice and I’ll have warm fuzzies, etc. etc. But if he doesn’t, or if he doesn’t wear it all the time, I have to admit, despite the googly eyes, it won’t bother me all that much. Yes, I will mercilessly tease him when I see him without it, about his multitude of mistresses.
As I complain on and on about the things I dislike about wedding planning and wedding expectations, I realize that much like the wedding day, which is just the dressing on the important part, the wedding vows, so too is the ring the pretty part of the important covenant we make to one another. That fealty doesn’t disappear when the bauble is absent. It’s the public face of the private fidelity. So I don’t think I’ll mind too much if sometimes the public doesn’t get to see it.
I think to wear a ring or not is just a personal preference, and it doesn’t bother me that I wear a commitment band and my partner does not. He doesn’t like to wear jewelry, and I respect his preference. It doesn’t make me feel that he is any less committed to me or that he uses his unencumbered finger to solicit attention from other women. (I mean, honestly, even men who wear wedding bands can take them off when they are away from their spouses if they had those motives.) The reality is the trust and devotion I have for him is within my heart, not in any band of jewels. And while I think my ring is beautiful and wear it almost every day, it means a lot to me because of the way he chose it and presented it to me, not because any level of love or commitment was lacking before I started wearing it.
Although I can understand and appreciate the sentimental value attached to the rings for other couples, we get the warm and fuzzies from less tangible reflections. I think it’s more important that a couple come to a mutual acceptance of what the ring does or doesn’t mean to each other rather than to worry too much about how the outside world interprets their decision.
As for me I will be watching the wedding, why, maybe it’s because I’m a Londoner? Seriously though I will watch, not because I am obsessed with Royalty, but just because it makes me feel a part of the land that I was born in. Don’t get me wrong I love, love, love NYC that’s why I am here. However, it part of me and I can not escape it even if I tried, and I wish them all the best, considering the history.
As for the ring, I think it’s a matter of personal choice, although I do think it looks cool to see men wearing their wedding rings, it all depends on the couple and how they feel towards it. Committment comes from within and is shown in so many different ways. My father never worn his ring, and my mum kept it in her jewelry box and she wasn’t fuss at all, and to him she was his Queen!
Funny how in my family, it was my *mother* who never wore a wedding ring. She just wasn’t into jewelry, though my Dad wore one. In fact I’m not even sure if she actually had one, though I assume they exchanged ones during their wedding. But the whole concept of an engagement diamond or wedding band for a woman was foreign to me until I got older!
)
Our claim to fame is that my husband has two wedding bands. Why would that be? Because the golden one we picked out together (and I had practically a novel inscribed in) turned out to be so tight that I couldn’t get it on his finger during the ceremony!! Funny moment, that. We pried it over one knuckle and then his finger turned blue. So a few days later, during our honeymoon in Mexico, he bought a simple silver band that he’s mostly worn ever since. Ironically, that one’s so loose that it often flings off– he lost it in the snow once.
(Clearly, my husband has issues with water retention… or something.
So funny you should mention this, Aidan — I just had a conversation about the ring-wearing issue with both my sister and my boyfriend!
My parents have been married for 31 years and, from the very beginning, my dad has never worn a wedding ring. He didn’t even have a ring for the ceremony. Notorious for his ability to lose anything and everything (including his high school class ring), his rationale is just that he’d misplace it. Plus, Dad is totally not the jewelry type.
As for my boyfriend, his dad has never worn a wedding ring, either; he works as a machinist and can’t have anything adorning his hands. Instead of rings, both his mom and dad had their left ring fingers tattooed with rings to symbolize their union — which I think is sweet!
I asked the BF if, given our parents’ mutual not-wearing of rings, he’d ever wear a wedding ring… and he told me that he probably wouldn’t; he’s just “not the type.” I admit this makes me sad because, like so many, I’d love to see that symbol of our union on his finger — especially since I would certainly have (and wear) a ring. But it’s ultimately his decision and, when the time comes, I won’t press him on the issue.
Oh, and I’ll totally be up early to watch the wedding tomorrow! It’s just escapist fun. Plus, I’m fresh from a trip to London and stocked up on souvenirs for friends and family (and yes, I saw those condoms for myself! Eek). It’s a milestone — and one of those stories I’ll share for years to come. I’m not freaking out about it, but I’m sure I’ll enjoy seeing the nuptials.
My husband doesn’t have a wedding ring. This doesn’t seem weird to me because in our culture we usually give a groom a new watch. Neither my dad nor my FIL wear a ring either.
Frankly, I hardly ever wear my wedding or engagement ring either…I just have zero interest in jewelry, must to my MIL’s dismay!
I stopped wearing my ring a year into things. I have big hands and it took some doing to find one that fit. When the time came to purchase one I got stuck choosing between one that was a little too big and one that was too small.
I chose too small because I was afraid that I would lose the other one. Over time I got tired of too small and just stopped wearing it.
Never was an issue.
I caught the wedding fever. But I have to admit that it wasn’t really a vested interest in Kate and William. I don’t really know much about them. I just loved watching how lovely everything was. I loved seeing a fairy tale play out in front of me. She is gorgeous. And he is obviously crazy about her. I just loved watching that unfold. And I loved that even though they are royalty and the whole world was watching their wedding, there were these simple subtleties going on throughout the whole thing that just showed that this ceremony wasn’t a show for the world, it was about them and their love for one another.
As far as the ring debate is concerned…I know plenty of men who do wear rings and plenty who don’t. My father wears his. My boyfriend’s father refuses to wear a ring. Personally, I pray that when I get married my husband chooses to wear a ring. I just love the idea of having that little reminder of the commitment that we have made to each other. But then again, I can see that maybe by the time I do find the someone, I won’t need the reminder, I’ll be living it everyday.