How to Find Love
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After yesterday, I’m craving something fluffy and frivolous. Something decidedly not profound. You with me?
Fabulous.
Romantic love. Some of us have it. Some of us seek it. Presumably all of us care about it.
What I am wondering today is whether there are more and less legitimate ways of finding love? Is it better to meet your husband or wife in college than it is to meet your husband or wife online? Is it better to meet someone at church than it is in a bar?
Where is all of this coming from, you might ask. And I’ll admit it because I have before: I’m watching this season of The Bachelorette. ‘Tis true. Like many of you, I’ve been watching a petite girl named Ashley sift through a bevy of suitors in the name of finding her husband. I watch because it is utter brainless silliness and sometimes this is just what I need. I do not watch because I actually think she will find her husband. But I guess you never know?
Truth be told, I think there are infinite good ways to meet people whom we might come to love. As we wade deeper into the technological sea, I think things are shifting and more and more people are going to be connecting in ways we wouldn’t have predicted. I think this is wonderful.
But I remain a skeptic about the television angle. I’m not sure why?
(P.S. One of my best friends dated J.P. in high school. How fun is that?)
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How did you find love? How do hope to find love? Do you know anyone who has found love in an unorthodox way? Do you think there are more or less legitimate ways of meeting people? Thoughts on television-facilitated romance? Is this fluffy enough for ya?
I think if you meet someone you truly connect with it doesn’t really matter where or how you meet them. I don’t believe meeting someone at church is inherently more legitimate than meeting someone online or in a bar. I met my husband while doing a show at our community theater.
I’m also skeptical about TV romance. It seems like in such an artificial construct, with cameras in your face, a limited amount of time, and people that you didn’t choose yourself, it would be hard to form a real connection. It could happen, but I think the odds are stacked against it.
I guess maybe the key is choice – if you’re just out in the world, you go into a bar, whatever, you’re free to talk to as many or as few people as you want. You might meet someone really interesting that you talk to all night, or you might have several pleasant interactions, but not anything really special. And that’s okay. You can come back the next night, or not, or try something else. But if you’re the Bachelorette, you’re presented with these particular (what 10?) men, and you have to choose one of them by the end of the season. While having your every move scrutinized by a camera.
Of course, I’ve never actually watched any of these shows (romance novels are my fluffy activity of choice), so I could be completely off base about how they work.
I am definitely skeptical about television romance. From the randoms that they pick, and the rapid time frame that these people have to get to “know each other.” It makes me feel as if all of it is just thrown together for good ratings.
With that being said, I’m currently doing online dating. I find it hard to meet people in bars, or even out and about. At 29, i feel like if i don’t find someone soon, i will be alone forever. I’ve had brief success online, and i’m hoping that it works again, this time for the long haul. *FINGERS CROSSED*
I think if it produces a lasting relationship, all ways are good, it’s just what you feel comfortable with. Some may make better stories to tell to your mother than others, though.
I met hubby through a pretty standard route-coworker of my friend’s husband. Nice wholesome story. But we did have our first kiss after a night of shooting pool and having a few beers, but it was my now-hubby’s pool table, not an “actual” bar. But pretty close. And I think the more wired we get as a society, the more online dating is a respectable route, not just for weirdos anymore.
I don’t watch TV, but I think it’s a real long shot for any of these reality love shows to work out- not only are you selecting your “true love” from a very limited pool, you’re also selecting on the feelings inspired by these huge all-expenses-paid adventure dates. When the cameras shut off and there isn’t any hired help picking up his dirty socks or planning a romantic evening out, you have to fall back on what truly connects two people. And it seems like these shows just aren’t formatted to create that.
I’m with you Aidan on the frivolous, the Bachelorette (watch even though Ashley is hard even for a bachelorette-addict like me to take) and finding love (in a bar 17 years ago!). I think it can happen anywhere. As for JP- I hear he dumped Ashley, I think you need to write a little more about your “PS” tomorrow. Ivy League Frivolity.
I am also skeptical about TV romance, do they act as they would in any other setting or is it staged for the cameras?
I don’ t believe there is a preference of where to meet people, church, bar, club! We have to be the judge of that.
I have tried online dating and to be honest it wasn’t for me. Maybe one day I’ll meet my true love, but who knows? Until then I just keep enjoying what life has to offer.
I haven’t really watched the Bachelorette since Trisha & Ryan got together. It does not seem like the setting to meet your soul mate. In the real world you can’t just pick up and go to Europe on a whim. And in the real world there is just not enough time to be constantly courted. She seems nice, so I hope she finds what she’s looking for!
Online dating has become a lot more prevalent than it used to be. My now husband and I attended a sorority sister’s wedding our junior year, and she met her husband on facebook. They were members of the same group and he decided to message her! They’ve been married 4 years and have 2 kids now. I got to know my husband taking Chemistry at a Junior College. Whatever works!
AH! Exactly the question I asked myself and wrote about in The Laptop Dancer Diaries: A Mostly True Story About Finding Love Again. (http://www.thelaptopdancerdiaries.com) In 2008, I did a year long “experiment” in finding love and wrote about it! I learned so much about love and about myself. And, of course, one of the things I learned is that finding love starts with loving yourself, complete with all those wonderful flaws that we’re often so afraid to reveal.
I am a little ashamed to admit this, but our two year old calls The Bachelorette the “pretty lady show,” and she’ll explain that it’s about a (you guessed it) pretty lady who “gives flowers to man.”
Yes, I am skeptical about how genuine the show is, but there’s something really fascinating about it. My husband is just as into it as I am!
It doesn’t matter where you find it, what matters is what you do with it
Blogging. Love can be found through blogging.
I believe that love can be found almost anywhere if you are truly looking for it. I always hoped to find love in school, and I’m lucky that I did. But if I didn’t, I like to think that I would have been open to finding love anywhere. Although, I agree with you — I am a bit skeptical about the ability to truly find love on TV. And it isn’t because I think that people aren’t capable of finding love on a reality TV show — I just think there are too many obstacles in the way. People always think too much about what the perfect match is supposed to be like, when in reality love just happens sometimes. It doesn’t look a certain way.