Is Struggle More Interesting Than Success?
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“Need and struggle are what excite and inspire us.”
William James
I’ve been thinking a lot lately. About so many things. Big things and small things. Questions mostly.
And one question that popped into my head yesterday was this: Is struggle more interesting than success?
And I think the answer is yes. For me, at least. Sometimes, I read books and blogs about perfect people and perfect moments. Look how gorgeous my baby is! I just lost forty pounds! My husband is soooo romantic! And these are good things, of course, happy things, but they also feel, well, a bit fantastical, a bit unreal. And I don’t doubt that these words are true (unless they are embedded in a work of fiction, of course) but I find myself wanting more, craving complexity.
Does that make sense?
Conversely there are times when I happen upon a blog or a book where there is a lively struggle. I am having a hard time with things. I know I should feel happy, but I don’t. I love my children but they make me frustrated. Existence feels stormy right now. And when I read these things, these kind of things, I feel something stir inside. I feel a tug, a connection, dots connecting. I feel as if reality, in all its tangles, is being honored and revered. I feel intrigued.
And so. It occurred to me why I struggle (yes, that word) with how to approach this blog. Now I will be the first to admit that many of my posts are of the former breed, happy odes to my beautiful kids and snapshots of my good life. I love these musings and they are indeed real. But it is my posts about stumbling and struggling and wondering and wandering that grip me most as I write them. It is these posts that I feel most strongly about because I know they will resonate with someone in a quiet corner of this big earth, someone who feels something similar, currents of that universal challenge that is being a human being in this world.
And so. I do my best to balance. To honor the successes along with the struggles because really my life feels like a tapestry with sturdy threads of both. But sometimes I wonder if I should spend more time pondering the struggles stitched through my days – and yours – not because that’s all I face, not at all, but because that’s simply more interesting. More rich. More real.
What do you think? Are you more intrigued by stories of success or stories of struggle? Or do the best stories contain fibers of both – success in the midst of struggle, struggle that comes with success? What do you think?
I think they are both real, honestly, and the way you portray them here – the good and the bad, the tough and the gorgeous … well, that feels authentic to me, as well as similar to my own experience. Overall though I think struggle is more interesting to me, since it’s such familiar terrain. Without some rays of the success, though, sometimes stories of struggle can eventually get me down. I, at least, want to see both – some glimmers of the startling joy that I know animates my own life’s plentiful struggle. Maybe I am saying, long-windedly and inarticulately, that I like to read what is most akin to my own personal life’s balance of struggle and success. Maybe that’s true for all? I don’t know. How’s this for the worst comment ever!!?? xox
To piggy-back a bit off of Lindsey’s comment, I think there is a need for both. When we’re being honest we are able to admit that the stories of success always include an undercurrent of struggle. Rarely does success come without hard work, sacrifice, and likely a bit of frustration. In my mind the best stories do not fall singularly into either category, but are a blend of each.
I have to agree ‘that best stories contains fibers of both’.
If a person has a successful parent, aunt, uncle, sibling in the field which they get they gain a foothold in and have their own success then I feel glad for them, but when someone gains success from a place of struggle, then I relate more. It allows me to dream more and believe that I too can achieve whatever the odds.
Aidan, thank you for the post. It is often times much easier to write of the perfect moments,than to dig down and make the un-discussable, discussable. I experience the struggle every time I sit and write, my most recent posting has taken me over 3 years of struggling to write & commit to this medium. I do sometimes despise the fact that my growth only comes through the struggle.
Always, Bumby
I think highlighting the struggle is very important. For some reason, writing and reading about it helps me realize I am not alone in some of my feelings. But I agree with Lindsey and Gale, there needs to be an emphasis on moments of pure joy too. I’ve always believed in the pendulum of emotions. You have to experience all of it. It heightens appreciation.
A post where I don’t feel like I can add anything thanks to the ladies above, but I need both in order to feel really connected. The stories of joy and success do begin to feel rather fantastical when piled one on top of another, and if there is never any sense of struggle, then, sure, I can’t believe that perfect life. But stories of struggle stacked similarly with no glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel don’t encourage me, and don’t leave me wanting (or even able) to respond.
I cannot relate to constant struggle. I readily admit that there are times (and they can even be frequent) that my daughter and/or husband will frustrate me to tears, times when I just want to drop dead for a little while because of work or family or the scale or some other stupid thing. But these aren’t constant. I have plenty of minuscule moments of perfection scattered throughout each day—a second where my daughter wants to run up and hug me or makes me laugh (even while doing something that’s going to frustrate me later), where my husband is totally thoughtful (though I doubt I’ll ever get “so romantic” out of him), where something I cook turns out perfectly. There’s got to be something in there that makes living worth it.
Likewise, I want to find something in the blogs or books I read that makes it worth my time. And constant struggle (unless it’s Really Funny) is not going to be it. But if I have to pick one, I think I’d actually prefer success (hey, maybe I can add something!). It may be less “realistic,” but I’d rather go away feeling good. I don’t want to spend too much time on something that doesn’t uplift me in some way.
I like the way you do it, with the ideas and the light and the dark interspersed, so that we can get a full picture, without too much of any one thing at a time to overwhelm. We have plenty of opportunities to think deeply about both the good and the bad. (And I really like that you even give us the chance to ponder the frivolous on occasion.) Balance is a good thing.
I too find more connection and a visceral pull to those blogs and articles that reveal struggle–the common thread among us. Of course, it’s also rewarding when someone comes through a particular struggle having picked up a bit of wisdom, a dose of happiness, a moment of grace.
I agree with the lovely and lyrical ladies who beat me here: while I also tend to be more stirred by writing and reading about struggle, sometimes it’s nice to read the light stuff too. As a writer, I like to mix it up, to play with dark and light, and my favorite blogs are those that reflect life accurately, taking time to consider the problems and promise of our experiences.
There is one blogger who I occasionally read who only writes about the good stuff. She doesn’t pretend that her life is all good stuff, she just openly chooses not to write about it, because she wants her blog to be a haven of sorts, a restful place for people to go and escape from the daily grind. Then there’s another who almost always writes about the struggles, the hard stuff, because she says that she doesn’t want to sugar-coat the truth and obscure reality. Both make good points, and certainly both have the right to do what they want with their blog, but the truth of the matter is, I rarely visit either of those blogs anymore. Like the others here have already said, I much prefer to read both, the ups and downs, the dark and the light. Because that is life, and for me, to read only one or the other just leaves me feeling unbalanced and unsettled.
This is so timely because as my own blog approaches the one year mark, I am struggling with what to do with it. I typically write about the struggles because writing about it helps me. But sometimes, I worry about being a drag.
I agree with the other comments. Your high points and low points both seem authentic and deeply helpful as I navigate my own.
I like both. I like struggle because it reveals character and insight- but sometimes we need the light hearted stuff so that we can smile.
I enjoy the way you incorporate both and it’s one of the reasons I keep coming back…I enjoy reading about both because we need both. If I am reading something that is too happy and perfect all the time then it makes me start to begin to question my own life and what’s wrong with me. But we all have happy moments that should be celebrated and tough moments which should be acknowledged- we would all realize we aren’t so alone out there in going through the tough parts of life if everyone chose to not be afraid to share them I think.