Wander (Edited to Include an Apology)
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We must let them wander. We must let ourselves wander, too.
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Are you good about letting your kids wander? Are you good about letting yourself wander?
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MY APOLOGY (4:22pm)
Mom just called. “Has anyone talked to you about your post today?” she asked. “No. Why?” Mom: “Because I think given the terrible tragedy with that boy in Brooklyn, it comes across as insensitive.” A pit formed in my stomach. Of course. What in the world prompted me to write or publish this post today? As I talked to her, and thought about this, I felt a bit sick to my stomach. Tears were waiting to spring. I told Mom that my post was really about existential wandering, about discovery. My post was about allowing our kids – and ourselves – to stumble into who it is we are, allowing evolution to be organic, non-linear. My post was about identity and experience and life. I told her these things because they were true; I thought not once about the little boy in Brooklyn when penning this post. Maybe I should have.
“Should I pull it down?” I asked Mom about this post. I appreciate Mom’s advice and I needed it in this moment. “I don’t know,” she said. “Should I write a comment? A follow-up post?” I asked. “I don’t know,” she said. Even though I was newly upset, and quite, I thanked Mom and said goodbye. And then I came here. Back to my computer. Back to this post. I decided to leave it up and add these words, to explain myself. And it is with this explanation, clumsy no doubt, that I apologize, imperfectly but sincerely, if I have offended any of you. That was never my intention. I plan to be much more careful about what I post, and when, going forward.
Aidan,
You owe no apology. I’m in CA and hadn’t heard of this sad story yet. But even if I had, your post is not insensitive. Please do not berate yourself over this.
And yes, wandering…the physical exploration as well as the internal soul searching…is critical to finding my truest self.
hugs,
tj
I hadn’t had a chance to come read your blog until just now. I also am embarrassed to say I did not know about this tragedy in Brooklyn- I haven’t had a chance to watch the news or look at it online the past few days. Not living in NY or anywhere nearby our news is not covering it like I am sure yours is so you actually made me aware of a terrible tragedy and a family I should be keeping in my prayers. You also have to remember we all make mistakes in our jobs. It’s just a lesson learned, but no harm done. It took a lot of courage for you to write your follow up post and not take your original one down…and I am impressed. I’d say that’s a big trait in a writer, you have to take risks and believe in what you say to be a good one. I was kind of nervous to write this comment but your courage above gave me the courage to do it.
I think that anyone who reads your blog would know that you did not write this entry to offend us. Based on your blog, I suspect that you are deeply saddened and scared by what happened that to the little boy in Brooklyn.
As someone who has also written posts and then taken them down due to fear of offense, I know just how you feel. Regular ILI readers will certainly have known that your question was metaphorical and not literal. We also know that you would never be callous, especially in the wake of a tragedy.
I’ve been sick to my stomach about this story, but wouldn’t have thought your post was meant to offend anyone.
The thought of letting my kids wander anywhere scares me. Now even more so. I rarely allow much existential wandering, though, so at least I’m consistent.
Okay, I hadn’t heard this story yet, but jeez. NO. Don’t take it down. The timing was bad, but that’s not anything you could have foreseen. And letting children wander, and discover, and get lost in what’s in front of them…Well. That’s what summer is about. You couldn’t know.
Aidan, I read your post earlier and returned now to comment (this is something I often do), I understood what you meant.
Living in NYC the tragic events that occurred in Brooklyn have dominated the news, and as a mother I can not even begin to image the pain the family are now feeling and living. I personally do not feel an apology is necessary. Do not chastise yourself, having followed your blog for a over a period of months now, I know you were very genuine in your post and I am positive everyone feels the same.
Looking forward to Mondays’ post.
I think that it is especially in times like these that it is important to stress that, most of the damn time, it is important to let your children have some freedom. Cases like this are horrid and sad and scary as hell. But they are not the norm. I think it’s important for all of us to remember that. Not that you would take advantage of the poor boy by posting right when he went missing. No one would think that.
Your mom is a wonderful teacher and as all of your readers could very well infer “your intentions were pure.”
I know that your intentions were pure even before I read your note of apology. After reading your blog for a while, it becomes clear that you are not mean spirited or vindictive in any way. Your blog doesn’t exist to create controversy or to offend in any way. I love your blog because to me, it is like a thinking exercise — an exploration. And I love that. Keep writing. Keep exploring. And while it is always important to be careful what we write, don’t let it create a fear that prevents you from finding the right words for the moment.