What Are We Ignoring?
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“Nothing determines who we will become so much as those things we choose to ignore.”
Sandor McNab
I am not sure who Sandor McNab is, but I plan to find out before publishing this post. Why? Because these words just gave me chills. I kid not. I have been thinking a lot about identity, about who I once was, and who I will be, and who I am becoming at this very instant. Those of you who come here everyday will know that I am struggling sweetly to juggle my many sides. And I am. Struggling. Thinking. Questioning. Dreaming. Doubting. Writing. Wandering. Wishing. All of it.
My brain is busy.
But now. Now I’m thinking about this in another way, coming at these questions from a different angle. It’s not just about what I’m doing, but what I’m not doing. It’s not just about what I’m focusing on but about what I’m ignoring. Wow. True. Scary.
Scary because I think I’m ignoring important things. I think we all are. I think there are things we’d rather not do or face or figure out. I think we all have baggage, tightly zipped, stacked high, that we’d rather not unpack because it will create a mess. But what is the cost of this, of this temporary or permanent putting off?
I don’t know. I really don’t. But I am thinking about this, and seriously, because I think this matters. Who we become matters, doesn’t it? So maybe, just maybe, we need to be careful about what we choose to ignore, about those bags we neglect to unpack.
Okay, this is kind of intriguing. It turns out I’m not the only one who doesn’t know who Sandor McNab is. Click here. Many say that Sandor McNab is the creation of a man named Sam Keen. Well, whoever he is, whether he exists or as a discrete individual or the alter ego of another, I like his words.
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Do you agree that our identity is informed by those things we choose to ignore? Are there any quotes that give you chills? How often do you ponder questions of identity and evolution? Any clue about this mysterious Sandor McNab fellow?
Okay, here I am the first to comment on my own musings. Alas. Anyway, Husband and I went out for Thai food last night and as we shared some delicious drunken noodles (yum) we talked about this quote. Husband also thought the words were interesting and thought-provoking, but he thought I was ignoring (how appropriate) the more positive implications of this quotation, namely that there are presumably things we ignore (that we should ignore) that help us become who we are. For instance, things that happened to us long ago (heartbreaks, losses, judgments etc)… By ignoring these events and the pain they caused, maybe we are moving forward, positively carving out self… Or, think about advice. What if we receive advice that we should not pursue our passions (for reasons of prudence, etc) and we ignore this advice. Often, this is a good thing, right?
Anyway, thought this was an interesting and important footnote to the conversation and wanted to include it here. As always, leave it to my sunny man to see the bright side of the equation
PS – How delish is Thai food? And what does it mean that I am craving very spicy dishes these days?
Aidan, I just read your tweet. So I am going to be really honest, I read your post really early this morning and it made me look into myself deeply.
I have to agree with Husband, because I do feel that I ignore things that I feel would not serve me well and hopefully will not shape me, such as the heartache felt from children’s father, and so called friends in Secondary school who’s acts taught me a valuable lesson of how not to act.
So with good reason I ignore what I consider bad or hurtful things, but each has is a lesson.
This week your words have been so thought provoking, I feel like I am just being introduced to you, in a good way!
Yes, I believe we are determined by what we ignore. Think about it. Each day, we rise and go about our lives and ignore the one reality that matters: That one day, we are ALL going to die.
If we spent out time dwelling on our mortality, we would be paralyzed with fear and thus unable to enjoy life. I often think we essentially brainwash ourselves every day into forgetting that our lives are fleeting and very temporary.
Okay. I just re-read that and it sounded depressing as hell. That’s what I get for trying to channel my old college philosophy prof.
Hmm. Interesting. I am not sure I agree 100% with the quote- I don’t think I am more determined by what I ignore rather than the choices that I make, but I find the quote thought-provoking. So I guess it depends on how you define “ignore”- like your husband, or in the literal sense (purposefully avoiding something). So I ignore things that have hard edges in my brain- those things that cause friction when I think about them. Things that I feel like I “should” be doing- feeding my son only organic, all hand-made food. Recycling every single thing (I recycle, but not every single thing I could). Exercise every day. It seems to be things that are better for me in the long-term, but easy to put off or ignore till another day. But there are the things I ignore that are productive- I ignore the fact of how unlikely it is that I will be a published author. I ignore that obnoxious critic in my brain that tells me I’m not good at things I love. I ignore the dishes sometimes in order to play with my son. For the former, I sometimes wonder if I will always be this way, or if something big will happen to shake up my world and force me to make a change for the better.
Another way to think about this is choices you make because you are ignoring your intuition, which does correlate to choices you make. For example, I convinced myself that being a banking/finance/real estate lawyer was the “grown up” thing to do, completely ignoring what I know about myself, that I need to be in a more creative environment. I enjoyed it for a few years, but in the back of my mind was always waiting for the “real me” to show up and be bored to tears. Which is exactly what happened after about 4 years. Of all of the above, ignoring your intuition I think is the most dangerous and affects who we become.
Sorry for the rambling. I’m sick and stuck in bed!
I read your post thinking the same thing as Husband. I am a total ruminator (not to be confused with a ruminant, as spell check suggests), but I often find that my days proceed with more ease when I can ignore some of the yuckier things in my past and just get on with it.
And, yes, Thai food is super yum. A close second to Indian food in my rubric of international cuisine.
xo
The latest issue of Real Simple suggests making an “ignore list” of things that are not worth doing. Says jot down what you’re willing to disregard. Kind of like that idea.