Back to Work
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No, I’m not returning to the law firm after five-plus years. But I am going back to work.
To serious writing, that is.
Many of you know that I have been struggling with how best to balance my mothering and writing lives. I’ve been pretty open about my confusions and conflicts. And the reality is that the past five years have really been about family. For the most part, I finished writing my first novel Life After Yes, by the time Big Girl entered the world. And I’ve managed to maintain this blog, yes, and that’s writing, important writing of a particular breed, but I have not prioritized my fiction.
Until now. You will notice that I call Life After Yes “my first novel.” Some would say this is presumptuous because it presupposes that there will be others. You know what? There will be. Go ahead, call me confident. I don’t mind.
There are so many ideas and stories alive in my head as I tap these keys. There are complex characters whom I know intimately like good friends and I’m ready to bring them to life. I owe it to them. I owe it to me.
I had this wonderful lunch with my agent last week. Over sushi, we talked about many things. We talked about little girls (she has two girls the age of my big girls) and big dreams. We talked about my latest story, the story I’ve been developing with her for over a year, the story I can’t wait to write. Diplomatically, she sent a simple message over sashimi, the exact message a good agent would send:
Just write it.
And that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to write the freaking book. And it won’t just happen. I know this. Finding one hour pockets of time between drop-offs and pickups and afterschool activities and birthday parties will not be enough. Instead? Instead I am blocking off two whole days a week to devote to my next book. I will also write during said tiny pockets on other days, but these Writing Days will be bona fide work days. I will sit at my big desk in my wonderful study and write. And when I get stuck, I will edit and read and research. I will do anything that will contribute to the integrity of my story.
This might be a terrible idea. I’m willing to admit that. This dip into discipline might last just one day or one week. We’ll see.
Or. This might be just what I need. Time and space to sit and let them come – the words, the questions, the characters. My second book.
This will not be easy for me. I know that. It will not be easy because I have a hard time spending stretches away from my girls. It will not be easy because I have not spent a day at a desk for years. It will not be easy because writing is not easy. It never is. It’s glorious and gray and gritty, but it’s not easy.
A mother of a child in Big Girl’s class asked for a play date this Thursday. At first, my response was: Sure! That sounds great! But then I wrote to her in an email: I’m starting to work on Tuesdays and Thursdays so those days won’t work. This was strangely difficult for me to do. I’m not sure why. But it was also empowering. Because writing? It is my thing. My passion. My work.
So today is my first day back at work. I’m at my big desk, terrified and thrilled, facing the blank screen and writing a story. One I care so much about. One I think you will love.
It’s about time.
{Wish me luck. Pretty please.}
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Why do you think it is so hard for me to see my writing as work and dignify it as such? Are you optimistic about my two-day-plan? Do you think I am setting myself up for disappointment by imposing such a rigorous structure on my writing schedule? How do you fit in your own writing or other passions into your very busy lives?
You are going to rock that novel. I cannot wait to read it so stick to your writing schedule, please!! Good luck!!
It goes without saying that this is GREAT news!
JUST WRITE IT!
There really is something hard about calling our writing our job, isn’t there? I wonder if it is because of the creative process, that we are trained to think of creating and work as two very separate entities, or if it is that writing is so intensely satisfying on a personal level that it almost feels selfish to call it “work” … whatever it is, I am thrilled for you that you are taking this step. I hope it works out brilliantly for you, and that your new book comes together joyously and well.
Bravo! And good job for being rigorous enough to pick two days and stick with them. If you move one day for a playdate, it will soon be easy enough to skip for other reasons. Stay strong, I think the structure is necessary, at least in this beginning stage.
I know when I left my last job to put all my effort into the farm, it felt so strange…like it wasn’t really work, because I did enjoy it so much more than what I was doing. And I could set my own hours, and was accountable only to me (and hubby, sort of). I’ve found I do lots of wonderful things for the farm and us, but I don’t always take enough time to do things just for me. I always say that they will be “winter projects”, that I’ll have time over the cold winter months when I don’t have much to do outside and the farm stand is closed for the winter. Still, I haven’t picked up a paintbrush in years, and last time it was only because it was what my brother was getting for his wedding present. I may need to take a page out of your book, and give myself the time (and permission) do do things that are creative and important to me very soon!
Great idea! When I am working on a big writing project, I need wide stretches of time. Like you said, the hour here or there just doesn’t cut it. Good luck with your new routine!
Sending love and luck on this next stage. I believe you’ll find it more enjoyable and empowering than you might think.
This is such a wonderful post for so many reasons!
I work from home too so I know that juggling kids and working is a very hard battle on occasion but you have a great plan of attack to start yourself on the right path! Giving myself dedicated days to work was SO important and you’ll be amazed at how much work you’ll get done now that you have set aside time to really Work.
Plus, now you are seeing yourself as a true writer and embracing that part of your life fully by making a commitment to write and that is just awesome!! So many writers don’t push themselves or don’t give themselves enough credit for being creative and making it work as a “real career”. You are heads and tails above so many other writers out there now simply because you have decided to make it work! : )
I am wishing you awesome energy as you work on your new adventure! : )
Sometimes you have to just put pen to paper and start writing. Build some momentum and you’ll figure out how to make it all work for you.
Way to go. What a privilege! You’ll do great and your family will too! Looking forward to reading it.
Good Luck! Perhaps you’ll be surprised at how much you enjoy the structured work day again (or maybe not, but here’s hoping!).
Go Aidan! You know I’ll be first in line to pick up your second book (and yes, I know there will definitely be a second!). It’s hard for me to block out chunks of time for “personal” writing, too — i.e., writing not for my newspaper job or blog. Lots of ideas are simmering right now, but I’m too undisciplined to commit to working on a book . . . though I desperately want to get back to fiction. Or a memoir.
It’s just hard.
You just totally inspired me. I try to do too much in those odd times and really need to block out days here and there or regularly.
I wish you all the luck in the world, although I don’t think you need it. You writing to me is always thought provoking and meaningful!
Congrats on your dedication, I need to take a leaf of your book and maybe I’ll get to a first book.
Good for you, Aidan! I think you know that I am all about making (and sometimes scrapping) grand plans so I fully support this move. I can’t wait to hear how the writing goes and to read the story you’ll write.
I can really relate to this decision. I too need the confines of some structure to keep my productivity levels up. I’m happy that you’ve taken this step and I hope it turns out to be a really successful approach. Congrats on making a hard decision!