Too Many Treats?
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Last week, Middle Girl contracted Pink Eye. When I told her we had to go to the doctor to get checked out, she was not happy. Unlike her big sis who happens to adore visiting the pediatrician, Middle Girl is decidedly not a fan. That said, she was a brave babe and we went. Our visit was quick and smooth (Thanks, Dr. G!) and we left with those magic little medicinal drops.
On the way home, I praised Middle Girl for being a good girl at the doctor. I promised that her itchy eye would feel better soon. And when she asked for a treat, I said what I usually say: Sure.
We stopped at a store and my girl pointed to a massive chocolate chip muffin in the glass case. I ordered said muffin, paid for it, and then handed it over once we were back on the street. {See the cuteness that is Evidence A above.} Even though it was 4pm and coming up on dinnertime, I let her indulge. Indulging meant having a few bites of the muffin top and then handing it back to me.
I do this a lot. And by this I mean giving my girls treats, often edible, for good reasons and for no reason at all. Sometimes, we have fruit snacks on the way to school. Sometimes there is a lollipop at breakfast. Sometimes there is Pirate’s Booty right before bed. Sometimes, okay always, I ask my girls if they want a candy when they are hurt and if they stop crying to say yes I know they are okay. And then I pony up that promised piece of candy.
It’s worth mentioning a few things before my usual barrage of closing questions: My kids are healthy. They are physically thriving and active, in the appropriate range for their ages on those growth charts the doctors go by. They are decent about eating a range of healthy food too – some fruits, some veggies, various breeds of protein, sometimes not even fried. Yes, they like their fries and hot dogs and pizza – they are kids after all – but they strike me (and my lovely pediatrician, mind you) as quite normal.
All of those disclaimers aside though, I wonder how my parenting in the nutrition department is affecting them. My hope is that by allowing them to eat anything – within loose limits – they will react as Middle Girl did with the muffin and just not think it a big deal. My hope is that because they are exposed to a host of food items, they are not going to become obsessed with taboo items and raid their friends’ food pantries given the opportunity. My hope is that by being relatively liberal and laissez-faire in regard to these things, they will not develop “food issues” or “food anxieties,” early on or maybe ever. My hope is that by not saying no over and over to certain things at certain times, by not forcing them to eat a certain amount at any meal, I am ensuring that eating does not become a stressful or fraught affair.
The truth though: I don’t know. I have no freaking clue. I have no idea whether I am promoting a healthy attitude toward eating in my home. I don’t know, but I do worry. I love the fact that I have girls, I do, but one of my biggest concerns is that these girls of mine are healthy and confident and not tormented by those things that torment so many of us women, things like food and body and beauty.
It’s worth mentioning also before I publish and let the conversation commence that this is about more than food and health and nutrition. This is also about rewards, treats. How many are too many? If we are constantly rewarding our little creatures, do the rewards lose their effectiveness? If we are constantly rewarding our little creatures even with just little and yummy things, are we running the risk that we are creating spoiled little citizens?
Oh boy girl. Help please. (And be kind; diplomacy is appreciated in this neck of the bloggity woods.)
Are you more strict or mellow when it comes to nutrition in your home? How many treats are too many treats? If you are a mother to girls, are you particularly concerned about not creating food issues in your home? Would you do things differently if your child was deemed “too big” or “too small” by medical standards?
I guess I fall somewhere in the middle. I am militant about making sure that my son develops a broad range of tastes. (I can’t abide by picky eaters, which is actually a fault of mine…) So I introduce new foods all the time. Last week he had bok choy and parsnips and chickpeas all for the first time (not all at the same time, though). And because of this I have a three-year-old who eats salad, salmon, and broccoli just as easily as pizza and mac and cheese. (Well, almost as easily.) There have been many battles over some of these new foods and it is hard work to develop the palate of a toddler, but it has been well worth it.
As for treats, he gets them fairly often, but they are very small – two Skittles, or one Milk Dud, or one spoonful of ice cream. He has no idea that these are nominal in size and is just as excited by three Skittles as he would be by an entire cupcake. And if his behavior during a meal (or any other time, for that matter) hasn’t been worthy of a treat we are quick to tell him that he didn’t earn a treat because he nagged/threw a fit/didn’t listen/etc.
It’s hard stuff and these are worthy questions. I hope to one day have a girl, but for the meantime – at least in this department – I am quite relieved to have boys! Thanks for the thoughtful post.
In reading back over my comment, I fear that it makes me sound more hard-nosed than I actually am. While the above is true on a day-in, day-out basis, there are certainly occasions when we indulge in bigger treats. Cake on birthdays. Sips of Mommy’s or Daddy’s Coke when we’re out at a restaurant. And a few times a year we’ll go out for ice cream and he gets to eat an entire scoop of electric blue, cotton candy flavored ice cream covered in sprinkles. It’s just that we try to keep this variety of treats to a minimum.
This haunts me, too!
Especially because my husband grew up in a house where there was always dessert, after every meal – lunch and dinner and if breakfast was late enough, too, well then after breakfast, too. So if I’m not around, he’s offering up fruit snacks and lollipops and ice cream. I immediately fast-forward to all sorts of dreadful long-term health outcomes when I see the wrappers pile up.
Am I just imposing my own hang-ups about healthy eating on my kids? (If I’m being honest, what I really want for breakfast is a doughnut and a super-sweet chai latte. But I will have a piece of fruit, low-fat yogurt, and coffee – black. It takes willpower, and I want my kids to choose the good food without hesitation.) Like Gale, I’m actually a picky eater – and so I’m always saying things like “yes, you need to try a red pepper …”
But my kids aren’t especially picky eaters, and my 7 y.o. exercises amazing restraint when it comes to sweets and treats. He’s turned DOWN a walk to the top-your-own frozen yogurt place because he wasn’t hungry.
So yeah … I kind of think the kids are okay most of the time. The moms, on the other hand, well – we’re just determined to fret.
I have raised both my children, ages 17 (girl) and 13 (boy) that there are few boundaries with food. As a result, my children have no need to sneak candy or gulp soda. I feel because I did not make it a big deal, they have not made it a big deal. I can have candy sitting on the counter for weeks, and they’ll ignore it. Their friends on the other hand, will stash it away or eat as much as they can. As they grow older their food preferences have changed and they are willing to try more.
As far as treats, not so much with my daughter, but with my son, I gave him treats as more of an incentive in sports. If he didn’t cry when he struck out at baseball then he got something. I did this for a short while and as he got older I had to have more discussions about not everything in life gets rewarded. You play a sport because you love it; or want to be with friends. If you want to be a better pitcher/hitter then you have to work on it, not because I reward you. It took a while, but I think my discussions and his maturing have helped.
I feel fortunate that I am not overly concerned with the way my kids eat these days. The way I see it all I can do is teach them what I and hubby believe (and continue to learn I might add) would be best and hope that over all we are setting a healthy foundation. My kids know we try to avoid high fructose corn syrup but will likely eat Lucky Charms for dinner in college just like I did. For now however my 7 and 8 year olds pack their own lunches and snacks and know that I will only ask them to rethink choices if there isn’t a good balance of protiens, veggie &/or fruit. And you know what? They do a great job! They aren’t deprived of goodies, there are always chocolaty or sugary treats available when they get home or after swim practice, etc. My goal is to teach them to be able to make these healthy decisions and learn to listen to their bodies. But I struggle where you do .. in the rewards. I also worry – what will the outcome be? Am I teaching them that treats (foods) are rewards? That they can feel comforted with food? Then I come back around to the fact that I can only provide the foundation. All I can do is continue to guide them with the options and let learn about balanced foods and how it makes their bodies feel… they’ll get it. And if we share a feel good cookie along the way, how lucky are we?