Sometimes, when we are walking down our block, on our way home, I hang back. I hang back so that I can see. So that I can see the things in my life that are at once most simple and most profound: The man I love. The two little girls I love. Holding hands.
And in these moments, these crystalline moments, I am overcome with pride and love and awe. In these moments, I say, That is my family. And then, sometimes, I whip out my phone to snap a picture. To have evidence of the images I see. To prove to myself that this is all real. I do this because time is a wily beast and the images won't always be the same. We won't always live on that block. That man won't always wear a diaper bag slung over his strong back. Those little girls won't always be up for holding hands.
And sometimes the photos are clear as day. The lines sharp. But sometimes the pictures are blurry.
But I don't delete them. No. Secretly, these pictures are some of my favorites. Because life and love and parenthood? These things are blurry sometimes. Often, actually.
And after I hang back and glimpse my loves, after I memorialize these moments with the click of a modern machine, I run to catch up. I grab a tiny hand. And when I do, when all four of us are together, tethered to one another, I feel most strong and most secure.
Because existence is cruel and chameleon and things change, but I will always be his wife. And their mother.
Because I will always have my loves.
Happy Mother's Day.
- Do you ever force yourself to hang back or step away so you can actually see the images of your life?
- Do you feel most strong and secure when with family?
- How do you plan on spending Mother's Day? (I will be flying solo with the girls while Husband attends his sister's business school graduation. Congrats, J!)
- Do you agree that there is a symbolic power inherent in blurry photos?