The last few days here have been soggy. Literally. Figuratively. Existentially.
The rain has been ruthless, the win wild, the skies somber. And I have followed suit, staying in sweatpants, eschewing the shower, feeling quite lazy. Though pregnant, I have indulged in a little extra caffeine here and there to try to perk up. But it hasn't helped. I have felt constant motivation to do one thing and one thing only.
The timing for this stint of sogginess isn't good. We are traveling to California this weekend and there are errands to run. I am coming up on a big self/agent-imposed deadline for my next book. These days are days I need. To do things. To accomplish tasks. To produce. To progress.
But alas. It hasn't happened. I sat there yesterday afternoon, still unshowered for no good reason, on the couch. My kids buzzed about me, reminders of the energy I didn't have. The kind lady on the television said there was a tornado watch. An excuse to stay put, home, snuggled up.
I wish I could enjoy these pauses. Allow myself them. These times out of time, these unplanned breaks, these detours.
But instead. A pit of worry grows. Anxiety shuffles. My mind dances with the things I can't bring myself to do. Lists beckon. Pages stay blank. Criticism creeps up.
In these moments, I look outside. At the damp and gritty gray. At the mangled umbrellas strewn on city streets. At the shallow puddles that wait for feet and frolic. And I wonder. Does the weather really affect us, burrowing into our superhero cells, making us sleepy, making us sluggish, making us stop? Or is this but another lovely excuse we have and hold for being imperfect and utterly human, for needing to slow down sometimes?
I don't know. I don't pretend to know. But I'm ready for the sun's return.
- Does the weather affect you?
- Do you have days when you have a hard time functioning, where everything seems to be in slow motion?
- Do you think existential sogginess is a reality independent of local weather?
- Are you hard on yourself when you are not on top of your game?