Many of you know I'm not a big fan of the exclamation point. And yet. I tossed one in up there, in today's post title, to convey certain things after my month long break from this place. Confidence! Clarity! Enthusiasm! Energy!
Well. It would be nice to feel these things and only these things. Instead? Instead I am also feeling a few others. Insecurity. Confusion. Apathy. Exhaustion.
The plan, exquisitely plotted, was to pause and ponder the cosmos and cuddle my creatures and then to make a regal return. To proclaim how much I have missed this place, this prose. To blaze forward on this blogging trail. To thank you, my lovely readers, for allowing me the respite that has only made my cyber-appetites more robust.
Reality. I am back. Because I said I would be. And also because I truly want to be. And yet. The past month has opened my eyes. To a world without screens and schedules. To the sweet sunshine of domestic days. To the questions that linger if we stop long enough to let them. To the complexities, the cracks, the treasures that wait to be examined, enjoyed.
The point is that I have changed. Subtly. Surely. Evolution is underway. It always is, it always will be, but in the past month I have indulged in feeling its rhythms - unpatterned and promising. In the past month I have listened. To the heartbeat - wild, whispered, wondered - of progress.
And so. This jumping back in is more complicated, and really more wonderful, than I imagined. I am happy to be back because I missed thinking and writing and memorializing my moments. And I missed all of you - your quiet eyes and wise words, your willingness to walk with me. All I can ask is that you respect that there is conflict and confusion here, beautiful and brewing. Conflict that will translate, I hope, I trust, I know, into creativity and questions. Conflict that will compel change.
Because change is good.
So, class, your rambling Professor of Insecurities is back for another semester of soul-searching and psyche-plumbing. And she, this creature, has so many stories to tell.
And so she will.
Hi, all! Feel free to welcome me back to the bloggy wilderness in the comment box. To be perfectly frank, I am craving a hearty confidence boost on this my first day back. How was August for you? Do you feel the seeds of change in your own life? How cute is my bitty blogger above? In this picture, she is penning a precocious post about the endearing neuroses of her ever-silly mother. By the way, she is six months today! Happy half birthday, my girl :)