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Welcome to my little corner of the ether. This is where you will find information about my books and musings on life and love in New York City. To stay in the loop about all things ADR...


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Facebook. Twitter. Pinterest. Instagram, too.

Social media. So many of us are immersed, enthralled, obsessed.

But what does this thing, this odd ether, this ineffable urge to not only live our moments, but process them and proclaim them, do to us? I'm curious about this question. And, frankly, haunted by it.

You see, I'm one of the Smitten Kittens. (See Evidence A above. On a date with my guy downtown, clutching the beloved iPhone.) I love social media. Or I think I love it. Do I even know? Do I even know who I am and what life is like without it? More worrisome questions. Ones I will consider.

But this month of my Here Year is about Marriage and so this is what I want to know:

What is social media doing to our marriages?

What if one partner is active in social media and one is not? What if there's constant checking and sharing at the dinner table, if buttons and screens replace eyes and words? What if one party shares too much and the other disapproves? What if social media leads to some kind of fame, false or otherwise, and heads get big and eyes start to wander? What if a husband or a wife falls in love with the idealized version of the marriage (the beautiful gifts and cards and celebrations) and neglects what is real, tricky, gorgeously bright, crumbling perhaps. What if it all becomes advertising. Happy Mother's Day to the best mom in the world. Happy Father's Day to the best dad. What if social media takes something quiet and private like marriage and makes it a show, a cinematic look-at-us. What if social media adds pressure and invites comparison, comparison that arises only because so many of us are so emphatic about sharing, over-sharing maybe?

Oh there are so many questions, right? And the hard part, and interesting part, is that so many of us are in it, swimming in these uncertain and exciting waters, fingers flying on small buttons, actualizing slippery selves, unaware of the consequences of what we do. But what are we doing? Isn't that the question? What is all of this stuff and how is it affecting us and the relationships we treasure most?

Maybe it's doing nothing. Maybe it's no biggie. Maybe social media is just a fun flourish to modern day life. Maybe it's actually strengthening our relationships somehow because we are more focused on what we have, on what we are grateful for, on the love we feel. So so eager to hear what you guys think. This is important, right?

What effect do you think social media has, if any, on our marriages? Does it enhance presence in our relationships by encouraging us to focus on the texture of moments we might otherwise miss or does it take us away from the very people we love and encourage us to fashion and flaunt artificial versions of ourselves and our marriages?

here year3

The Here Year.

The Here Year Month #3: Marriage.

The Here Year, June: Marriage (A Design So Vast)

On Marriage & Age.

"We Are a Work-in-Progress." (A guest post)

"She's got my back, and I've got hers." (A guest post)

What My Therapist Said About Marriage.

4.003 Days of Laughter (& Counting) (A guest post)

The Marriage & Sex Question.

The Best Thing I've Done For My Marriage?

"All of a sudden, everything was different." (A guest post)

Why Do Married People Cheat?

11 Insights from Jane Green

Without a Net (A guest post)

The Marriage-Children Paradox

33 Ways to Make Our Marriages Happier (Part 1 of 3)

The Habits of the Happily Married (A Design So Vast)

33 Ways to Make Our Marriages Happier (Part 2 of 3)

"Do You Think We'll Make It Another Year?" (A guest post)

33 Ways to Make Our Marriages Happier (Part 3 of 3)

Big Night Out (A guest post)

That’s All

Big Night Out