My tiniest creature is two months today. Two months. I can't believe it. And yet I can. What's strange is that I can't tell whether the last two months have felt long or short. I guess it depends on the moment. Sometimes, it's hard for me to remember that late night at the beginning of March when I went to the hospital, crippled with exquisite pain. Sometimes, it feels like mere hours ago, the moments and minutes crystal clear and hovering.
She's absolutely beautiful though, my girl. And getting big. She used to be a tiny, froggy thing, but now she's sturdy and stretched out. Her feet now fill the little footie parts of her cotton clothes. In the beginning she was sleepy and serene, but now she's awake and alert and a bit fiesty, her blue eyes big and brilliant. She looks at me now, really looks at me, and I see a twinkle, a glimmer of recognition or maybe even love. She tilts her head, ever so slightly, and then she does it.
Her smile is pure magic. It's asymmetrical, gummy and goofy, and perfect. Even when I'm having a hard time, even when I'm struggling, that smile saves me. Truth be told, there have been some really rough patches where I've sincerely doubted my ability to do this, to be a good mother to three girls I love madly, but that smile helps every time. Honestly? It makes everything okay.
I realized something the other day. I realized that nearly two months had passed and we have almost no pictures of me and the tiniest baby. There have been a few times when Husband has tried to snap away, but I have told him not to because I was a mess - unshowered, exhausted, improperly clothed. But the other day, I asked him to take a few pictures of the baby and me. It was late morning. I was wiped out, a disheveled disaster, but quietly elated, too.
He took a few pictures. Most were terrible, but a couple were okay. Like the one above. I'm not the coiffed creature I hope I will be once again, but still. I like how peaceful she looks. I also like how happy I look, that slight smile detectable even from the side, the sunshine bullying in.
I also like the picture below. I do this a million times a day, kissing her soft forehead, her little nose tickling my chin. And each time I pull away, I whisper something trite and true: I love you, little girl.
Because I do.
Happy two months, my girl. You are already so so loved. Keep on smiling and I will keep on surviving :)
Is two months long or short? Do you agree that there is something almost medicinal about the smile of a child? Are you good about letting people take pictures of you?