I've been feeling guilty about something. Last Friday night, I attended a Preschool fundraiser. Husband was sick, so I went alone. I was proud of myself for doing this. I don't really have social anxiety, but I like when he's with me for these things. Anyway, at the last minute, I decided I should go solo. And I did.
It was a fun night. I talked to many fellow parents and teachers. I think I ended up talking to more people than I would have had Husband been with me. It was fun to be dressed up, and out for the evening. But here's the thing: I drank white wine. More than I've had on any other night since my Year Without Wine ended.
I had a few glasses. I never felt drunk or out of control, but I felt it more than I have in a long time (read: over a year). It didn't take me much to get there. I realized that I'd had a bit too much when I popped by the pharmacy on the way home to pick up orange juice for the next morning. Under the bright lights of Duane Reade, I felt a bit tipsy. Too tipsy for my liking.
I didn't wake up with a hangover. My day was totally fine. But I found myself thinking about this, being bothered by it. Clearly, I am still thinking about it because I am writing these words. The night stands out for me because on all the other nights since January 16, I have stayed away from alcohol entirely or had just a very little bit of it. This night was an outlier.
Anyway, I am realizing something about myself. I need to set limits. I crave limits. More than that, I actually like limits. In an odd sense, they actually make me feel more free. It's like the six-year-old who protests her bedtime but actually really needs that bedtime and appreciates the enforcement of that early bedtime even though, yes, it is so boring. (Do any of your kiddos complain about the abiding dullness of going to bed?)
Anyway. Just thinking aloud. But thinking aloud is good. And so is forgiveness. So that will be second on my little list.
- Set limits.
- Forgive myself.
As always, happy to have this cozy corner to come to and work through things. I just read this post back and even I was like, Oooh, she had a couple glasses of wine and felt a little tipsy. So what? But it hasn't felt so so-whatty to me. I guess I just wanted to write through this, to seek some eyes and ears in this ongoing question. Who knows.
Anyway, the rambling must come to an end. Have a good night and come back tomorrow morning to hear about the crazy 21-day cleanse Husband and I started today. Talk about limits!