Oh is this true. I am both good and busy, in fact so good and so busy. All kind of boring, but worth exploring because I think this is interesting but also because this explains my spotty presence here of late. It's not that I don't want to be here. I do. I would love to be here every single day as I was when I began blogging years ago. The reality though is that my life has grown bigger and deeper and more consuming and I am happy about all of this, but this means it is proving impossible to do all of the things I love at the level I would like to do them. You should see my bedside table. It is stacked to the sky with books I'm dying to read. If only there were a few more hours in the day...
I am working so hard on my novel and it's a beast, you guys. A beautiful beast, but a beast. One that wants me every moment of every day. Yesterday, I realized that I have 250 Microsoft Word Documents devoted to this book. Not pages, documents. Talk about messy. And also amazing. What a privilege to be so absorbed in a world I have created. I do not take this for granted.
I am running around a lot with the girls and for their school things. 'Tis the time of year for Parent-Teacher Conferences, parent cocktail parties (which, for some reason, I always volunteer to host), and each of my girls has a robust after-school/weekend schedule of classes/birthday parties/play dates. Ergo: busy. But these little ladies? They are becoming such gorgeously unique little people. They require that I keep myself caffeinated, but I will take it. What a treat to be their mom.
Also. I have been devoting time and energy to figuring out some Me Things. One such thing? Drinking. After tons of thought and self-searching, I have come up with a rule that seems to be working beautifully for now. I am allowing myself a glass or two of wine on Saturday nights when I am out on the town with Husband. That's all. No more than two cocktails. No more than once a week. Sundays are my Days Off, too, when I sleep in and don't write, so the timing seems perfect. I'm excited about this and could write endlessly about this decision (and topic) if you'd like to hear more. (Feel free to email me!)
Oh, and an aside: Last Saturday, Husband and I saw a movie called About Time with the ever-adorable Rachel McAdams. It was a sweet, solid movie and it affected me. Themes of mortality and motherhood had me bawling by the film's end and I am not a crier in general or particularly at the movies. But this one got me. Part of it? The movie's message:
It is up to us to live each day fully because we cannot go back. We must open our eyes and notice things.
I have come to these truths again and again on my own. Particularly recently. That these are the days of raising young kids and trying to do the mad juggling act, that these days are full of tiny gems that could get buried if I don't notice them and dust them off. And so that's what I'm taking the time to do today and what I will take the time to do on future days.
Because these gems, these moments, this snips of time? They are everything, aren't they? They are our lives. And if we aren't careful, if we are too immersed in our good busyness, we will miss them.
After a lunch with Mom, I take a picture of the aftermath. The coffee mugs and crumpled paper napkins. It hits me how happy I am she is here, in this city, in this life. I miss Dad, but I still have a wonderful mother. I will not take this for granted. The little ones dance their way to school. They bicker sometimes, but are mostly madly in love with each other. It is a sugary treat to behold, their sisterly bond.I missed my subway stop and ended up in Times Square. I tell myself that it is because I am a thinker, that my head is often in the clouds, that I have more than a bit of Dad in me.Husband took this one. This building has come to mean a great deal to me, and to my characters. Middle Girl sees me this way. Which makes me smile.
Are you good? Busy? Good busy?
Are you good at opening your eyes to your moments, your days?