Like many of you I have followed along intently on Aidan's discussions of marriage this month. Marriage can be very private territory, and I think we often wonder about what happens inside the marriages of others. As many have expressed here - both in guest posts and in comments - marriage is not always easy. Some marriages manage to clear the hurdles of hardship, and others do not. And as we watch the marriages around us speed ahead or collapse on the track we are often left only to imagine what positioned them for victory or defeat.
I am all for candor. And I think the frank recognition that marriage is hard, is work, and is not for the faint of heart are vital to an honest discussion of the institution. So I appreciate the transparency that everyone has provided here this month. But in the midst all those confessions I fear that another key component of marriage has been obfuscated: Marriage can be a lot of fun!
My husband and I recently celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary. Obviously in ten years we have endured many of the grisly realities of marriage. But I'm here to say that the sweeping majority of the time, we really enjoy each other and our life together. We know what will make the other person smile contentedly, or breathe a sigh of relief, or laugh hysterically. And we enjoy doing those things for each other. We have inside jokes that date back 15 years. We enjoy doing many of the same things, and doing those things together enhances the enjoyment of them for both of us.
Similarly, we know how to navigate each other's sensitivities. Pet peeves. Old wounds. Idiosyncrasies. We each know what counts as "below the belt" with the other, and we take care not to exploit that knowledge. Fifteen years of togetherness and ten years of marriage create incredible intimacy, and through that intimacy we have built incredible trust in each other. We have offered ourselves up into the care of the other - something no one does lightly.
Posts on the Here Year & Marriage: